American Idol 2012 Top 5 Recap

This is…another same day recap of American Idol!

So this is how my day went so far – I got a black eye from vacuuming my walls, my never ride underwear rode so deep that I’m pretty sure I tasted my own asshole today, and my cat barfed in front of the fridge so that I got puke foot when I attempted to get wine AND THEN none of the places I get my recap pics from had anything ready for tonight’s episode (more about that later on in the recap).  To say that I was in a foul mood before this episode started would be an understatement. But I watched anyway.
By the end of tonight’s episode I was actually in a good mood.  Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the singing but either way this was one of the better shows this season.

The judges enter and DEAR SWEET BABY JEEBUS! They co-ordinate. And they look good. This means only one of two things. That the Zombie Apocalypse is near or that their stylist is tired of hearing me bitch.  I choose the latter but I am still stocking up on bullets and bottled water as a just in case.

If the Zombie Apocalypse is this cute then I. Am. In.

Ryanne comes out – OK he walks on stage – and lets us know that tonight will have two themes. The 60′s and Brit Pop. Hmm. I like both of those things so this could bode well.  Then we are told that tonight’s mentor is Little Steven AKA Steven Van Zandt from Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band. Or as us TV watchers know him – Silvio Dante on The Sopranos. He’s actually quite the funny dude and I loved how he played up Jimmy.

SO I have found that there is a slight problem with doing my recaps so quickly. Sometimes the places where I get my episode pics are not as fast as I am. Rather than be patient and wait I am going to type each song into Google and get my pictures for this episode from there. They may or may not have anything to do with the actual singer/song and I cannot be held responsible for any lack of relevance. Fun for all I say!

On to the show.  First up?

Hollie Cavanaugh

River Deep Mountain High by Ike and Tina Turner

I like Star Wars.

You know what I have decided I like about Hollie? No major vibrato issues.  Yes, she has one but she doesn’t overplay it.  This was a good song for her.  She looked like she was having fun and she hit all the right notes.
Letter Grade – Y for Yay!

Steven – This is the first time I have heard you step out. (And that is a good thing)
Jennifer – Different type of Hollie tonight. (The one we would prefer stays)
Randy – You gotta do it like nobody’s watching. (Except all 50 billion of us judgmental bitches)

Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis

Well if Spongebob is sad then it MUST be sad.

Finally Hollie sings a torch song the way it should be sung. She used real emotion and didn’t try to oversing with vocal gymnastics. It was wonderful, actually.
Letter Grade – F for Finally.

Steven – The way you delivered it was the way it should be delivered. (Send a note to Jessica)
Jennifer – It had a beautiful intimate quality. (It did.)
Randy – You are two for two tonight. (I give up. I agree with Randy again)

Phillip Phillips

The Letter by The Box Tops

U is a letter. Also it holds drinks. U for the win.

Erg. He’s starting to make all of his songs sound the same. Which is fine for the Barney watching set but it makes me BORED. Keep some of the original song in it Boy-O you are starting to go over the cliff. But at least he always looks like he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else and I do enjoy watching him.
Letter Grade – D for Do the song RIGHT

Randy – Made it your own. You vibed it. (Vibing it is dumb. This is American Idol not Jazz Band)
Jennifer – The song lacked melody. So compelling to watch. (I’ll go with that)
Steven – I miss the melody but you get away with it. (wanna bet?)

Time of the Season by The Zombies

It made Dawson cry. Not good.

It was better than the last but something was missing.  Really off key on the higher notes.  I guess maybe I miss the Phillip Phillipsing of this song. Hmmm. Not great.
Letter Grade – W for Where’s your head at?

Randy – You really can sing the melody. (Now perform it)
Jennifer – The verses really suit your style. (But not the rest of the song)
Steven – The most important thing is you sang it well. (Meaning everything else blew donkeys)

Skylar Laine

Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater Revival

According to Google this is Fortunate Son. Nice to meet you.

CCR is my drinkin’ band.  I drink, they band.  Skylar has ginormous shoes to fill.  Egads. Now that she has stopped shouting she has started growling. Growling does not equate emoting. Also she seems pulled back. CCR should be FULL of energy and fun. Where be the fire girl? OK overall I guess.
Letter Grade – N for No more CCR for you.

Jennifer – You attack every single song. (The songs aren’t trying to hurt you, they don’t need to be attacked)
Steven – I love when you boot scoot and give all you got. (When did that happen? Acid flashback?)
Randy – You are born to be onstage. (Well now I am going to have to start playing the “I agree with Randy drinking game” DRINK)

You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me by Dusty Springfield

SpringFIELD not Springsteen Google!

And she’s BACK! Skylar sang this song really well and I felt every word. I, personally, got GOOSEBUMPS (JLO!)
Letter Grade – O for OH HELL YES!

Randy – Every time you get up I believe you and you are starting to tell the stories more (DRINK)
Jennifer – You are winning over the hearts of America tonight. (Yeah she kinda is)
Steven – Just more proof that it works when you work it. (Isn’t that always how it works?)

Now we get a special treat. Or not. Joshua and Phillip are going to duet. They do some WAY awkward interview with Ryanne that makes even me uncomfortable and then they sing “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” by The Righteous Brothers. What an uncomfortable version of this song. Two voices that do not mesh at all. Just flat and way too slow. So terrible! Steven called it a perfect duet, a match made in heaven. Deaf much Steven?

You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling by The Righteous Brothers

I have no idea. This is what happens when you Google duo.

Jessica Sanchez

Proud Mary by Tina Turner

A fair representation of how I felt this afternoon and during this song

First of all this song is TOO OLD for this girl. She knows nothing of the angst/life that go with the wording of this song. There were SO many good teen girl/lovelorn songs from the 60′s that she could have sang/connected with and absolutely blown our minds. Instead she sang the notes, did a frantic floor routine with her vocal gymnastics, and turned out a performance with no feeling.
Letter Grade – A for Act your age already

Jennifer – Soul and R&B is more your lane. (No. Age appropriate is your lane)
Steven – Did it again. (And I still hate it)
Randy – Performance was barely OK. Didn’t sit with me. (DRINK)

You Are So Beautiful by Joe Cocker

And this is how I feel about that

Blech. Another bad song choice. She needs to quit singing songs that can be oversung and start singing songs that connect with her peers. Because that would mean that she actually connects emotionally with the song herself. Oversung and full of the same.
Letter Grade – I for I am starting to loathe your turn

Steven – You just showed what a beautiful singer you are. (We get it. She can sing. Now SANG.)
Jennifer – You captivated the audience. (Like a bad car accident we couldn’t look away)
Randy – If you can continue to tap into the feeling you would be off to the races. (How ’bout she starts by tapping into some feelings)

Now in between Skylar and Phillip’s second songs the girls perform a song as a trio.  (I know this is out of order but whatever. It’s my recap and I can do what I want.) They sing “Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher and Higher” by Jackie Wilson.  I will let Steven do all the talking for me.
Steven – Weird arrangement but you sang it great.
LOL Steven. But it wasn’t all that bad if Imma be truthful.

Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher and Higher

Lobsters mate for life. One of these lobsters is going to be sad until it hits my plate.

Now, I get back onto the timeline and Joshua is up next.

Joshua Ledet

Ain’t Too Proud to Beg by The Temptations

No begging required

THIS is Joshua’s genre. Leave the over the top choir crap to someone else Joshy. I could groove around the house while cleaning, although not vacuuming, to this stuff. He did really well with both the performance and the vocals. Well done Josh!
Letter Grade – G for Go back to there for every song

Steven – So on fire right now. (Yes. Yes he is)
Jennifer – A throwback from another era. (One you should stay in)
Randy – You can bring back old school. (DRINK)

To Love Somebody by The Bee Gees

First you warm the baby up, then you eat the baby

Joshua was really in his pocket tonight.  Great performance and song. Did he get a little crazy at the end? Yes. But it fit in with his emotion of the song rather than the whole song feeling out of control and overdone. Joshua needs to stick this shit out.
Letter Grade – S for Stay where in the hell you are

Steven – The fact that you could take something you’ve never heard before and sing it like that? Amazing. (DRINK – I know it’s not Randy but this game is fun)
Jennifer – One of the best singers in 50 years. (Slow down there JLo. He’s good. He has to get to great)
Randy – That could have been a hit record right there. (Legit DRINK)

So that was tonight. I am sad that some of my favorites are falling into a pit of despair but I am really encouraged by how well some of my least favorite singers are doing. Also, I am getting a little drunk from agreeing with Randy so much so they could have all sounded like a choir of donkeys and I probably would have found some redeeming quality.
Whaddaya figure? Am I too tipsy to judge right or do you feel the same way? Lemme know how you feel in the comments below.

Love and Poolboys,
PearlBlackDragon

Follow a bitch on Twitter @PearlBDragon

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