Tonight is elimination night and we are getting down to the wire. With last night’s uneven performances, seeing who fell into the bottom three should be interesting. Will the fans stick by their favorite or will they vote for the good performances?
The judges enter and HOLY SHIT! I like JLo’s dress. I do believe I have had a stroke. A large one. She looks classy and put together. And I am calling 911. Steven and Randy still look like they do every other night. It must be nice to be a man.
So glad you are happy that I am in medical distress
Before we get to the meat and potatoes of this episode we are going to be treated to a performance by something called The Queen Extravaganza! Let’s go to my notes:
Please be a drag show, please be a drag show, please be a drag….DAMMIT! It’s a motley crew of performers trying to be a tribute band. Queen had four members not ninety two. Dumb. And stab that piano playing guy right in the vibrato. NONE of Freddy’s charm OR charisma. Just kinda wanders around the stage. NONE of the other band members really move either. I guess it’s just that there are so many of them it would create a traffic jam! What the fuck? How is this considered the best there is? It’s so disjointed. I hope they watch this back on TV and see how bad it was. Sorry Mr. Mercury, I guess they tried.
92 of us and not enough talent to fit in Freddy Mercury’s mustache
Next we get that weird ass Ford commercial thing. Quite noticeable that Phillip isn’t in it for the second week in a row. Good call Phillip!!
What I wanna do every time one of these travesties air.
First up are Jessica and Elise. (Can you guess who is going to the Island of Chairs for Losers?)
(Insert horror film scream here)
Jimmy says – That was less Queen and more Stephen King. Clever on the second song though.
I say – More like Wes Craven.
I totally respect your opinion Randy
Jimmy says – Double down on bad choices for the night.
I say – Yeah it was full of the suck.
Slowly ripping off the band-aid, Ryanne tells Jessica she is safe and he sends Elise to the Island of Chairs for Losers. Shock right?
Our next performance of the night is some guy named Stefano. To the notes Batman!
Who? It saddens me to say he is better than The Queen Extravaganza. And this blows goats. I feel like I should be walking through a mall and this is what is going on on that weird stage they set up by a bookstore. I guess I’m happy he didn’t lip sync.
Did anyone else expect him to suddenly start singing Never Gonna Give You Up?
Next up…Hollie and Joshua (any guesses?)
Eyes closed. Emotion conveyed.
Jimmy says – Too little too late.
I say – That’s exactly what I said. Fess up Jimmy. You read TVGasm.
They gave me a bigger mic so I can’t eat it
Jimmy says – If he keeps delivering like this he will make it to the finals.
I say – If he keeps delivering like his SECOND song, he will be allowed to go to the finals.
Without any preamble Ryanne shockingly sends Hollie to the Island of Chairs for Losers and Joshua back to the couches. OK not really shocking but we need some suspense this episode.
And because American Idol has a shit ton of airtime to fill we get yet another “special guest” performance. Katy Perry. I haven’t liked her since she broke up with Russell Brand. I fucking love Russell Brand. Well I love his stand up not his acting. And off to the notes:
Autotune much? At least (again) she isn’t lip syncing and it sounds kinda like it does on the radio. According to my 11 year old. At this moment I truly abhor the music industry.
Marilyn Manson does Katy Perry
Let’s just get on with the rest of the show.
Finally Ryanne calls up Skylar and Phillip. Oooooh this one could go either way.
Hear me not roar!
Jimmy says – Very competent. The second song was a little self indulgent. She got knocked out in round two.
I say – I am still happy she didn’t yell.
So bad the other musicians want no part of it
Jimmy says – With him not feeling well, it was missing something. I will be very curious to see because what Phillip did was leave an opening for someone else to be in the finale.
I say – Soo off the mark Jimmy! Phillip has all his original fans and, now, Colton’s fans. None of them will jump ship to a girl and Joshua can’t steal them because he sings “too old” for the teeny boppers to connect with him. How are you chairman of a record company when you miss the big picture?
Ryanne sends Phillip to the couches and calls the other losers over to stand with him and Skylar.
Without taking a moment Ryanne tells Skylar that she is SAFE! Duh.
And now it’s down to Hollie and Elise. Since none of us are dumb we all know that Hollie is safe and Elise is going home!
Gotta give Elise credit though, girl went out with a bang and did a great job of her Led Zepplin song Whole Lotta Love. If she can change her attitude and a record company snags her I will, in fact, go out and buy her record.
And because we needed something fun for tonight I leave you with this…
JLo rocking out to Elise. (For real)
Love and Poolboys,
Follow a bitch on Twitter @PearlBDragon
To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter. You can post your favorite lines right back at us. If you want to play games and socialize, like our Facebook page! We’re also now on Pinterest and Tumblr! Thanks for being a part of the gasm!