This is…not The Hunger Games.
Tonight on Idol we lose another contestant. After the showing the kids gave yesterday, it will be not so nice to see one of them go. I mean, I’m not going to suddenly quit drinking wine in protest or anything crazy but it will be interesting to see if the judges end up using their save tonight.
Speaking of the judges here they come and OH DEAR ROB! What in the what is JLo wearing tonight? It’s a blue and brown feathery but not feathery mini skirt ensemble. Eek. I give up. If this is what she is going to wear instead of the jumpsuits then she can just wear jumpsuits. Laws help us all.
SO full of the why?
Also tonight we are treated to the information that Aerosmith will be going on tour again. Starting this summer they are going to tour the world. AI gives us a lovely little montage of Aerosmith in a concert and may I say…when in the fuck did they get so old??? Like they are OLD old. Jeebus. It’s a good thing I like dirty, sleazy rockers or I might be turned off by that.
They do that dumb Ford commercial again. I would like to see the sales stats related directly to that. If they have an increase in sales because of these commercials I will eat my underwear and never complain about them again. Scratch that. I will ONLY eat my underwear. I can’t promise to not complain because then I would explode. Not full of the fun.
Ryanne calls Elise, Phillip, and Hollie to the stage.
Elise Testone – Whole Lotta Love by Led Zepplin
Even the mic is getting a Whole lotta love. wink
Jimmy says – She did herself and Idol a huge favour last night. She had the most transporting moment. She goes to the top of the class.
I say – Top of the class? Jimmy, she should teach the class!
Letter Grade: K for Kicked Ass!
Phillip Phillips – Still Raining by Johnny Lang
Something is def being born at this moment…
Jimmy says – If his own material is 80% as good as what we are seeing, then we are witnessing a star being born.
I say – Testify!
Letter Grade: S for Strut brother strut!
Hollie Cavanaugh – Jesus Take The Wheel by Carrie Underwood
I will eat your heart
Jimmy says – Technically right, emotionally wrong.
I say – Technically wrong, emotionally nonexistent.
Letter Grade: G for Get a soul
With that Phillip and Elise are safe while Hollie is sent to the Island of Chairs for Losers.
We come back to Nicki Minaj. As always on the “guest” performances I will let my notes do my talking. WTF? Her boobs are perfectly round. It’s like Barbie goes to the beach. Oh and her backing track should not be allowed. Especially when she gets confused lip-syncing. When they turn her mic on you can hear her bad singing in relation to the auto tune. I didn’t know she is epileptic. Oh she’s dancing? Are you sure? Gak.
Somebody hasn’t been combing Barbie’s hair
Ryanne calls up Heejun, Joshua, and Colton.
Colton Dixon – Everything by Lifehouse
When ya gotta go, ya gotta go
Jimmy says – Good but not good enough. He had emotion but he lost his poise.
I say – I didn’t notice him lose his adult undergarment. Where was I?
Letter Grade: M for Middle of the road
Heejun Han – A Song for You by Donny Hathaway
What you should have done weeks ago
Jimmy says – Great to see Heejun come back but it wasn’t enough. He doesn’t sing as well as the other contestants.
I say – Fuck that. It might be too little too late but he doesn’t have that annoying never ending vibrato so he is MUCH better than some of these contestants.
Letter Grade: C for C U Later
Colton and Joshua are deemed safe and Heejun heads over to the Island of Chairs for Losers.
Our next “guest” performance is last year’s winner Scotty McCreery. Before I let my notes talk I had to Google his age. Woohoo! 18! ‘Sall good. Holy low voice. Can you imagine dirty talking on the phone with this guy. Or having him lean in close and whisper sweet nothings? Rawr. Mamma likey. And with full disclosure I must admit that I had a little “conversation avec Scotty” in my head so I forgot to listen to him sing.
Can he sing? Does it matter?
Finally Ryanne calls up the final three. Skylar, DeAndre, and Jessica.
Skylar Laine – Gunpowder and Lead by Miranda Lambert
This calls for Ativan
Jimmy says – She picked a character song. She needs a song with more melody.
I say – If by more melody you mean less shouting then yes.
Letter Grade: B for Byork says “Shhhhh”
DeAndre Brackensick – Sometimes I Cry by Eric Benet
No caption. This ugly pic just makes me laugh.
Jimmy says – Not going crazy for him, not disliking him. There is still something missing.
I say – He needs to be missing some of that vibrato.
Letter Grade: O for Only earthquakes need to shake that much.
Jessica Sanchez – Sweet Dreams (aka Beautiful Nightmare) by Beyonce
I got this shit locked because only boys vote.
Jimmy says – She got lost in that song but kept her composure. Young girls may not vote for her.
I say – Awww. You called me a young girl. Heart.
Letter Grade: A for Always keep a map handy
Jessica and DeAndre are safe and Skylar is sent to the Island of Chairs for Losers.
Ryanne calls up the bottom three and without any preamble he tells Skylar and Hollie that they are safe. Heejun will be singing for his life.
As soon as he starts singing they cut to the judges. Their faces look like he doesn’t have a chance in hell to save himself. He actually did a nice job on the song though and at the end he thanked everyone. Class act kid. Surprise, surprise the judges decide to “let you go”. As if they have just fired him.
I, for one, will miss your tomfoolery.
So whadda ya figure? Did the right person go home tonight? Should I buy a Scotty McCreery CD so that I can cut and paste an illicit conversations with him? Who are you rooting for?
Love and Poolboys,
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