I really didn’t want to watch last night’s stupid Primetime Live special (bombastically titled, “Fallen Idol”), but for the sake of blogging, I knew I had to. Sure enough, ABC managed to spread an already thin story across sixty long, laborious minutes, leaving us with little to ask but “So what?” For those of you out of the loop, former American Idol contestant Corey Clark has recently charged that he and Paula Abdul had sex, among other things. Nevertheless, there was so little content in this “exposé” that we often had to sit and watch this atonal reality reject sing stupid songs into a mic for what felt like minutes on end. Never mind that this guy has a flat, annoying voice reminiscent of a balloon slowly deflating; this entire scandal reeks of self-promotion, despite Corey’s insistence that he’s merely just setting the record straight for his own conscience (a conscience that apparently only springs into action when a book deal and record launch are on the horizon).
Corey Clark’s allegations seem to be somewhat damning, what with the phone bills and the various testimonies and oh yeah, those famous voicemails. But at the end of the day, it’s all just circumstantial evidence and lots of hearsay. Besides, who really cares beyond maybe those seven semi-finalists reporter John Quiñones dragged out? Yeah, I know it’s a tad bit unethical, but this is American Idol. I say let Paula shtoop whoever she wants to shtoop. The only thing I ask of her is that she clap like a normal person, not a hyperactive walrus.
For a more thoughtful analysis of the program, check out Andy Dehnart’s column at MSNBC.com.
And of course, a few choice screencaps after the jump.
Paula smiles after hugging Corey. ABC sees this as damning evidence of an illicit affair as John Quiñones states “Paula looks delighted.” WELL THAT PROVES IT!
John Quiñones shows his sharp investigative skills by not only pointing out that Randy performed with singer Steve Perry, but that he also wore “those ultra skintight leather pants.” Someone should report this to Queer Eye for the Exposé Guy. Well done, Mr. Quiñones. WELL DONE!
John Quiñones teases us with a story of how Corey slipped Paula a message live on camera. Oooh! Now this should be interesting. Actually, turns out the message was that when Corey sang the lyric “I owe it all to you,” during a performance, he was directing his sentiment towards Paula. Let’s just hand Quiñones the Pulitzer right now.
Corey wheezes a few notes from his new song titled “Paula-Tics.” Also featured on his album is the track “I AM A HUGE IDIOT.”
“So, Corey… Wanna make out?”