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Tonight, dreams do come true, but not for bat boys.
Hack singing isn’t enough to entertain you? How bout some hack comedy?!? The American Idol Judges’ Table is going to be put on display in the Smithsonian, and this coincides with Ben Stiller’s movie, Night at the Museum part 2, which coincidentally takes place in the Smithsonian. I took my niece to see the first one, and all she could say was “this is scary” and, when Stiller graced the screen, “he scary”. LOL. Agreed, niece. Agreed. Nice to know American Idol is going down in history, officially. I imagine it will be in the room with the petrified donkey dung from Egypt, 88 BC.
And we’re worried about the bombs in Palestine.
Four of the actors from the movie open the show, and the only one who gets any funniness in there is the dude from SNL, who quotes Paula. “You look fabulous.” “You’re wonderful.” “Where am I?” HAH. The rest of them tank. It’s to be expected though. They’re standing next to Ben. How is it that he always has a movie coming out during American Idol? And how many times will the producers let him come out and bomb? Why have I spent two paragraphs on this? This isn’t Inside the Hacktor’s Studio. This. Is American Idol!
Blake is in the audience, and I have my fingers crossed for one of his wiggy wiggy spit into the mic performances. After that opening I could use a good laugh. He’s sitting behind (I think) Kevin Bacon, which must be awkward cuz Bacon lost like eighteen billion dollars in the Bernie Madoff scandal. He looks appropriately dour.
Now we’re equals! We can borrow each other’s plastic jackets! Pinky link!
Tink thanks the actors for being there and no one applauds. LOL. Then he makes a joke about Simon’s baby t’s being donated to the museum next, and no one laughs. LOL again. We’re in for a fun night. Over 88 million votes came in last night. I suspect a lot of them were from awkward chunky girls like this one.
Nice oval, you twit.
There were only one million votes separating the top 2 tonight, which presumably means the loser got his ass kicked. If Hambert’s going home, he’s doing it in style. And by style I mean WOW. Have some makeup. He’s wearing even more than usual. Hey you guys, do you remember when Delta Burke was skinny? Why does Delta Burke show up in my recaps so often? I have no answer for that. Except to say
Con—–suELA!
Let’s say hello to the Judges and welcome our guest judge, Barney!
If you listen to him backwards, he’s just saying Hitler over and over again.
Skara does her Miss El Paso on a float wave, and it’s commendable that she’s going sleeveless with a hairy skin rash on her elbow.
Paula is in a sexy maid outfit with a giant was of foil on her finger,
…and Simon is all happy and winky. Or he’s just trying not to hurt both of his eyes by looking at Tink’s bleached teeth.
Now let’s watch this week’s Ford ad. It’s kinda rude.
They never would have tried to make Carrie feel ugly.
Just kidding. Those are real dogs, not just three versions of Church Lady Gokey. Have you ever wondered what Hambert would look like without makeup? Yikes. I won’t ever complain about the Mary Kay orgy on his face ever again.
By all means, pull out your Mary Kay bag.
All three guys are dressed like they’re at an Old Navy funeral. Danny’s face is priceless in this pic.
Then we’re given an idea of what Krispy Twink is gonna look like when his wife leaves him for the tall hot guy she’s been sitting with.
Don’t eat banana and peanut butter sandwiches on the pot. Consider yourself warned.
The set is the same as it is every week, but this time it’s filled with about twenty cars you’d be an idiot to buy.
Tink tells us that last night we saw what wonderful work Carrie Underwood’s been doing in Africa. What work? She kissed a baby, danced like a cracker, and then ran from a herd of villagers in her luxury SUV. Alicia Keys is here, and Simon’s like BFD.
Who’s that?
Alicia’s not singing tonight. HEY! RIP OFF! She’s here to tell us how shitty things are in Africa. You don’t say. Guess where else things are shitty? EVERYWHERE. Sing or leave the stage, lady, this isn’t the National Geographic Channel. She’s wearing so much moisturizer she looks like she’s wrapped in Saran Wrap.
I haven’t donated my own money, but I’ve given lots and lots of lotion.
Alicia is the head of some charity organization, and she asks us all to text a number that will charge five bucks to our cell bills. Damn, girl, It’s a recession! For five bucks I expect one of those little buggers shipped to me in a box. She’s brought a kid with her. A kid from Rwanda with a dream of making an album to help raise money for kids with HIV/AIDS. Great. Make him a rock star. Cuz that doesn’t lead to promiscuous condomless sex at all. It’s hard to understand her, but I think his name is Noah. He learned the English version of this song in one week! Wowee! My cleaning lady still doesn’t know what I’m saying, and she’s been with me for two years. Lazy heifer.
I can’t hear him sing, but it might be because he has eight backup singers. Way to show confidence in your find, Alicia! I think he’s drunk, cuz he keeps kicking his leg out and shouting “I’m fifty! Fifty years old!”
Noah’s super cute, and I can totally see Hambert in his plastic purple jacket. He doesn’t really have a strong grasp on …er…singing, but he sure is an energetic little tyke.
I don’t know what the hell this song is. All I can hear is “I am a mountain/I am a bean pole”. He jumps up and down a lot, then he raps, and then he does a Church Lady impression!
He goes to the judges’ table and shakes their hands, but then he rips wind.
Sorry! My bad! Don’t hold it against Africa!
What a cutie. I hope I never have to hear that again. I hope that Simon gets his other child star of the moment and holds a kid talent battle.
Sorry Alicia. I just texted money to Iran.
The final three are waiting backstage, and Church Lady is called out first.
Hot chicks always cover half their faces with Panama Jack hats. Go for her!
As he comes out, a silent clip of him plays on the screen. It’s not very flattering. He looks like a pudgy vampire with huge nostrils.
Tink interviews him. Church is feeling unsure. He went home to the cheese state, which is the most fitting state for him to be born in since there’s currently no state with the nickname pasty lesbians with glued on facial hair. He saw Gay Best Just Friends, Jamar, there. Tink asks the audience if they remember Gay Best Just, and they kinda clap. He was the one with TALENT and multiple piercings that got booted cuz no one close to him had died that month. LAME. Church Lady tells us what it was like seeing Gay Best Just again, and in typical Church Lady fashion, he takes waaaay too long to tell the story. Because “we hugged and caught up” is so fucking deep an answer.
We hugged.
Then we faced each other.
Then we climbed on top of each other.
Then he won the wrestling match and I got violated.
Then we pretended nothing happened and promised to hang out soon.
Now we are treated to Church’s trip home. His fans look just like him.
This is how you know Church is an a hole. This poor girl in plaid pants, a glitter top and a pink boa is the only one who chases his SUV limo and he won’t stop. But he does take the time to laugh at her. LOL. He’s an a hole, but at least he’s funny.
There are lots of under 10′s in his crowd. A camera man asks a little girl why she likes Church and she answers “cuz he’s cute, he has good glasses, and he lives in Milwaukee.” She even has glasses on her poster. Hilarious. Some people identify with Ham’s gayness, or Twink’s youth and plain yogurtness, or Gokey’s…glasses.
Reeeeach.
He knows he’s supposed to cry during his parade, but he can’t. Instead, he pokes his eyes with his thumbs to get some tears formed while showing his latest pair of Sally Jesse Raphael glasses.
He says the hardest thing about this is thinking of where he was ten months ago and how far he’s come. What ever could he mean by that? Back to the show. Tink mentions the song Paula chose for him and he looks up like “don’t make a bitchy face don’t make a bitchy face.”
Tink mentions his spastic dancing and he giggles, which annoys Simon.
He is sent to wait on the couch while Krispy is brought out. He went back to Arkansas and got free cheese dip for life at his favorite restaurant. Well, then it was all worth it. His crowd is even younger than Gokey’s. It looks like RompaRoom outside the news studio. This is when I have to pause and reflect. I am a thirty something year old man making fun of a show with what appears to be a four year old demographic. Fuck it. My next show will be iCarly. That bitch has it coming.
Krispy’s kind of a dope. He messes up a radio contest he’s helping with, and he has to be held so he doesn’t fall of the stage.
Who are you, Paula?
He doesn’t cry either! What gives with this heartless cast? He shows off his bald spot in front of his house, where his family waits for him. Damn, Arkansas! Horny much?
If it weren’t for towns like this, white people would be extinct by now.
His dad makes a butch joke about not wanting to kiss Krispy, but then he breaks down crying. AWWW!! This stresses Krispy out and he loses more hair right on the spot.
He performs for his college and sounds like crap, and then his wife gets to sit on the back of a car with him for his parade. He gets a ton of people to cheer for him, even some of Hambert’s base.
If there are any minorities anywhere in Milwaukee or Arkansas, we haven’t seen them tonight.
He sings the same song here, and does much better at showing off sideways face. His dad is interviewed and starts crying again.
Man up, Krispy Dad!
Krispy Wife is really sick of being with the rents.
We’re moving out of their house after this, right?
When we get back to the show, Krispy Dad is crying at the clips of him crying. Good Lord.
Tink repeats all of Krispy’s critiques from last night, and Randy seems surprised when he hears that he said the Kanye song was better than the original.
If you say so.
Krispy goes to the couch with Church, and now it’s time for Jordin Spanx!!! WOWEEEE!! I don’t think Jordin ever made it through one song on key in her entire season, so why start now? She cowrote this song with the dude from One Republic, and she looks great until she starts the robot dance. Wow, white girl. Don’t do that. The song asks “Why is love always like a battlefield?”, because apparently Pat Benetar never got an answer. Rip off! This also sounds a lot like “Umbrella”. I have to take a moment away from Jordin’s awkward stage presence, Rhianna imitation, and robot dancing to feel proud. For the first. Time. Ever. She’s wearing Spanx. A tear rolls down my cheeks. It’s not often that as a recapper you get to feel like you’ve actually made a difference.
There. Isn’t that better?
Spanx gives fierce woman faces to the camera, and she’s off with her chorus lip sync track. Come on now. Lip Syncing is one thing, but when you’re the winner of the singing contest you’re performing on? Towards the end it’s all her, and you can tell because she misses her runs. OY. How did this happen? In what’s becoming tradition, the camera man trips over a cord or something, and for a second I fear Spanx’ bad dancing has angered God enough to make the earth quake. Spanx looks better than she ever has. She’s lost five pounds or something, and now she won’t stop gyrating her pelvis at us. I still can’t listen to her without scrunching up my face. We get a shot of the fan signs, and the only one Church has in the crowd is the old chick with the straw hat. hahahah
Sign?
Hambert is called to the stage, and the audience won’t stop screaming. Tink says that a streaker came on stage during one of his hometown performances. HA of course she did. You will never, ever find that at a Krispy or Church show. He goes on a morning news show and the fag hag starved weather chick makes him show her how to put on makeup.
Pencil on some giant eyebrows, lather on ten pounds of base and borrow a wig from an old show horse like Liza. Done!
I probably shouldn’t admit this out loud, but I have these boots.
The difference between Ham’s crowd and the other two is pretty incredible.
Move it old lady. You’re blocking the Adam Bite My Apple poster.
He makes a stop at the children’s theater he did shows at as a kid and one kid asks him who does his hair. HAHAHAHAH. He doesn’t answer, which is even funnier. Then he goes to a football field, where he is loved by single people and couples alike.
Then some chick flashes him. The show needs to start changing these segments up. They all go home, stop by AT&T and get days named after them. It’s boring. Hey, there’s that Bite My Apple sign! Either the producers made the signs and are just reusing them, or someone’s getting their first stalker.
OMG I just saw boobies.
Then he goes to the Marine Corps and sings the National Anthem. Yizawn. Bring back Spanx! She was at least entertaining. Back to the show. Tink repeats all his critiques. Skara looks like she’s barely keeping her eyes open, and who can blame her?
Finally, the media’s starting to pay attention to the real issues.
Katy Perry’s next, but she’s not ready so Tink makes fun of her costumes and asks Church how nervous he is. Very. Now here she is! She starts in a Ham cape!! LOLOLLL. We are fans of who we identify with, which means we’re in for some very theatrical faux rock.
I don’t know who the hell this girl is, but she looks like Olive Oyl from the Popeye movie.
Her song sounds kinda like everything else that’s played on this show. Like you’ve heard it before but don’t care enough to figure out where. So is this who Megan Doi was trying to imitate? I at least see what she was going for, if not why. Katy sounds like she’s going over a very bumpy road. This song is three chords and doesn’t have any sustained notes, but she’s having trouble getting it out. Her staging and costumes are almost enough to make you not notice her crappy vocals, but not quite.
Nope. Still suck. Maybe ride an elephant?
Out of all the guests on this here singing show this season, how many were actual SINGERS? Stevie Wonder. He’s all I can think of. If you can name five, you will win a Diet Coke.
Simon got Paula’s makeup on his t-shirt! This plus the shoe story? How are news organizations going broke?
This blows. I can’t wait til I save up enough to go to the movies.
Finally for some results. The first one in the top 2 is….KRISPY!! YOWZA!! Good for him! Simon has a rude stunned smile on his face. OMG is it finally coming true?!? Is Church Lady OUT? No way. I won’t believe it til it happens.
Kris is happy, but probably disgusted too, cuz his parents are now making out.
OK GROSS.
Tink points out that Church has never been in the bottom three. Well he’s never been kicked off, either, but there’s a first time for everything! AND HE’S OUT!!!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Simon and Paula are happy, but the other half of the table is mortified. Especially Skara, cuz you know she wrote the finale song to work with his sappy ass growlshout. YAAAYYYYY!!!!
It seems as though Ham has replaced his twink with a new boyfriend. That guy isn’t wasting any time getting fame ass.
Meanwhile, Skara still can’t pull it together.
Dang, Skar, at least fake it!
Guess how his Later Loser montage begins?
Who’s that? He’s married?
He tries to keep a tight smile on his face, but he’s having trouble with it. During the montage, his voice over tells us that he’s a fairy tale story, cuz fairy tales are about people winning stuff even after going through hard times. But you lost. Shoulda waited before you recorded that fairy tale bs cuz now you just look dumb. He has tears in his eyes (so NOW you can cry), and his tight little arrogant Church Lady face is gone. BWAHAHAHA lata sucka! As he drones out his lame ass rendition of every mom’s favorite song, I can say one thing for him. At least he’s hot.
Kidding!
So what do you guys think? Are you as ecstatic as I am? I can’t wait to see Skara’s rewrite for Hambert. See you next week, when it all ends! Just think, one of the final two is going to be as successful as Jordin Spanx!! Crickets.
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It’s the finale I’ve always dreamed of! And by always I mean since like week 5 or something!
“Heartless” is, at this very moment, going down in history as the greatest song choice ever. Well played.
“There were only one million votes separating the top 2 tonight” and the rest of that should read “from the third-place finisher.” Don’t for one moment believe that only one million votes separated Ham from Krispy. Those producers are pretty slick intending for people to make the assumption that the one million vote differential was between the top two as opposed to actually being the difference between Krispy and Gokey. Think of it like this: Top Two:[Ham/Krispy] — [1 million votes] — Church Lady. It must be their way of creating drama, which is good because they sure couldn’t create any on stage.
Great stuff there, Flipit. Almost as entertaining as seeing the smug wiped right off ol’ CL’s face. Not much can top that.
BRILLIANT! Couldn’t be happier with the final and your snarkiness is the perfect finale to a really good AI week. Thanks for the giggles!
Hey, I thought Oregon was the pasty-lesbian-with-glued-on-hair state?
Anyway, I’m going to miss Church Lady and that weird snake hand he gets when he sings.
I’m a little worried though. Now that now that CL is gone (sing it with me people: “ding dong the douche is Dead, the dickish old douche is dead”), your recaps might lose their ferocity…oh well, perhaps Hambert will wear his ruby shoes next week.
I actually shrieked with joy when Hokey was voted off, I was so excited.
Would have liked to have seen Allison in his place (as in, in the top 3) but at least her elimination last week meant that we only had to hear the crucifixion of “Dream On” once.
And during Jordin’s performance, the first thing that came to my mind was “Hey, wait a second, didn’t Pat Benetar have a song about this already?” Ripoff indeed.
I am looking forward to the finale. Great recap Flip!
Flipit–
YOU are my Idol for these ferociously funny re-craps! You spin straw into trash TV gold like Rumpledforeskin.
Fave part of this ep– the return of The New Mrs Church Lady, JAMAR… OMFG could you believe Gokes almost stole Hambert’s Ambiguously Gay Thunder with that tearful reunion?! Danny actually said “And then we just held each other” in response to Tink’s queery.
Church and Jamar are so a couple.
Joking about Hambert running wild on a Marine base just isn’t worth it. Adam could have had three Marine penises inside him on live TV and it wouldn’t be gayer than Gokey.
But I’m happy the finale will now feature plenty of Krispy eye kandy. When he makes that sex-face of his during every performance, to paraphrase the legendary Belinda Carlisle, I get weak.
Krispy Twink– SIGH. I bet his butthole tastes like cinnamon.
Love,
LLB
Oh, and Gasmii– Please enjoy my HARPER’S ISLAND recaps on this very site while we await Destiny on the 19th. Muchas gracias!
Flipit, c’mon, your cleaning lady speaks English, she just acts like she doesn’t understand you. Como esta? Me no speeky eengleesh. Haha, try short changing her next check and see what happens! “You cheap ass cheeto eatin’ lazy mutherfluffer gimme the rest of my pay check!” Hahaha. Anywho love the recap, had me laughing. Soo glad Gokey’s gone but Dream On will never be the same, oh well that songs like 90 years old anyway right?
FLIPIT – please recap one icarly episode for me!!! LOL. i’m waiting…
so glad gokey’s gone. will be interesting to see where his “career” takes him.
growing tired of the hambert’s shouting, so here’s to kris!
dax
My cousin works for ABC radio and participated in a phone press conference with Gokey the other day, and she wrote this about it on her facebook page in response to comment by one of her friends about what a great guy Gokey was and that he should have won:
“I dunno about that. He says stuff like this: ‘I really want to start a movement with my music, it sounds so big, so cocky, but to start a revolution and change people’s hearts…My whole testimony is overcoming the impossible in my life and now I want to take that message that if I can do it, you can do it.’”
Ugggh. I think he may have really been holding back on the evangelical stuff to try not to alienate viewers, but now that the gag has been removed, prepare yourselves for new heights of messiah complex . . .
LOL, Flip! I’m trying not to giggle madly at your recap at work, but failing miserably. WARNING: Do not drink Dr Pepper and read a Flip recap. Innocent computer screens get sprayed.
Love that Kevin Bacon was in the audience and Blake was sitting near him. Does that make him 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon? Sorry, delirious that CL is gone!
Danny was a douche. His hometown visit made me want to put on “Happy Days” reruns to wipe the bad taste out of my mouth.
Krispy’s hometown visit was a lot more interesting: OMG, the Sweet Potatoes Queens showed up. The green-wigged women in the audience. They’ve written a zillion books on how to be a Southern woman aging gracefully with spice. The Southern ladies’ version of the Red Hat Society, only with bigger hair and tiaras. They rock.
Adam’s hometown visit. Dang, he sings like a nice guy, a bit mystified with the whole fame thing but totally jazzed on it. Best part: “A woman bared her breasts to me and I got so excited.” Sure you did, Adam.
Challenge to win a free Diet Coke if I name a guest who actually sings: Make it a Fat Dr Pepper and I will say Randy Travis. You know, the absolutely appalled country music star who is still probably hiding out on his ranch after Adam’s rendition of “Ring of Fire,” muttering about dark nail polish on boys who sing higher than girls and wear more makeup than his wife (Southern women cake it on y’all.)
Oh such happiness! My roommate thought I was murdering kittens given the screech of delight I let out when Gokey was goned.
They just had to drag the wife up again, didn’t they? One last reminder of his loss and pain — and now he has more loss and pain. Idol gives back!
Skara’s response: Oh my God, what happened? Was priceless. Classic. I’m holding it in my memory.
Okay – I’m going to play the daddy (no, not that way) for a minute… I love you, but… I have to say that you (and even more so, many of your commenters) seem to have made Danny the outlet for some deep emotional rage that has nothing to do with his singing. You sound a lot like racists, bullies or Red Sox fans. A mob is a mob.
And I’m disappointed that you didn’t point out how they had to carefully place the camera during Adam’s visit, so the twenty or so people looked like a crowd. Had nothing to do with his popularity – just that his hometown was jaded San Diego rather than somewhere in the midwest.
Spanx did look great (my great compassion prevents me from commenting on her song, her singing or her showmanship.)
I loved the interaction right before Katy Perry came on stage. Ryan asked Adam and Danny how they were feeling about the results and Danny said “I just want to get it over with” and Adam with excitement said “I want to see Katy Perry!”
Hey Fire@Will, cool it on the Red Sox Fans bashing. We are a proud people.
fire@will: Not getting the racist charge, daddy dear.
I’m a proud Southern (worse, a Texan) and I don’t mind admitting that some members of my state (and the South) have their quirks and charms. I thought Flip’s recap was hysterical. Besides, as the lovely Dame Edna once said, “If you can’t see the humour in yourself, you could be missing the joke of the century.” 
For the record, yes, there has been blatant favoritism showered on both Danny and Adam this season. No one has tried to cover it up, but that sort of thing is endemic in Reality TV; some people just make for better TV. (And Kris is boring when he not singing, poor cutie, but luckily his singing won out.)
My dislike for Gokey comes from the way they jammed him and his dead wife down our throat at the expense of better singers. I also don’t like his voice; not my thing. That has nothing to do with him being Christian (so am I and a lot of America), white (I am half-white, half-Cherokee, who cares), or being from Milwaukee (Texan, y’all, worst state in the Union for jokes). Please don’t tar and feather everyone with the same brush. Some people don’t like Gokey because they don’t like his voice and he comes off as an arrogant toe rag.
I have to confess something: “We hugged. Then we faced each other. Then we climbed on top of each other. Then he won the wrestling match and I got violated. Then we pretended nothing happened and promised to hang out soon.” This TOTALLY happened to me. I still see the guy cruising for fresh ass at Starbucks near my house. Oh, and I met him at CHURCH.
Flipit, I admire your strength, I dunno how I would have survived this season without you, much love to you as always…
love, J-Mo
Great recap, but I can’t believe you didn’t mention the whole Danny parting the sea of Fords with big giant Moses arms in the commercial. I almost rolled off the couch laughing and came pretty close to shooting Parrot Bay outta my nose.
All I could hear are happy horns while reading this!!! I’m so in glee for you Flip, and the rest of us too. Poor, dear, CL–this wasn’t very special, now was it . . . . tho I personally did not feel the same kind of douche-served fullfilling satisfaction I did when Daughtry got cut early, and his jaw hit the floor. (he WAS getting douchey, right? It wasn’t just me, was it!?)
Anyway, for the record, I was and am a fan of CL’s voice, I even like his teeth, but in life, when you think you’re all that and welfare cheese too, brace yourself for the wrath of ‘gasm!!!!
Also, FTR, Krispy is also christian, so I don’t think it’s a religious thing that CL inspires such disgust in so many, esp. here . . . there’s lots o hater’s out there . . .
Anyway, good luck with his movement, and once again I ask, what was it about him that gave the show and judges such stiff nipples, do they really think he’s more marketable than any of the top 4, and if so, why!? I know there’s christian music out there, I love “Flood” by Jars of Clay, but is that going to out sell Carrie, or Kelly, or even Cook!?
Anyhoo, I think there’s 88 mil votes coz America is f ‘in sick of the pimping for no good reason. At least Glam mostly earned the praise, and when CL was good, he was good, but when he was bad, (can we say scatting on a rock song) there was no accounting for it. I even read they had to change the edit of the recap at the last second coz he didn’t do that in rehearsal . . . must have been inspired, yo!
I’m so proud of Krispy, and his daddy is so, so, so very sweet–I’d give him a big kiss! Honestly, he was fodder w no screen time when this thing started up, and yes, people find him cute, and that helps, but I really feel he earned it!!! Mad props, and now he might just take this whole thing! Eat that Simon!
So, my hopes for next week . . . . Glam doesn’t screech, and covers “Take On Me” Simon gives Tink the deep tongue kiss he’s been waiting for, Skara wrote a song that Krispy can conceivably sing and it doesn’t suck.
Their shock at the elimination was so wrong and so biased, ass shats!!! They’re lucky I was there with a pea shooter!!!
I mean wasn’t there . . . .
i am going to miss reading these comments when this season is over. he DID part the cars like the red sea of fords. that description killed me! i didn’t see that. i just tried to make his arms into a nazi sign but couldn’t so just cut the pic. lol.
sorry for getting so bilious about gokester, but i think you should blame him for turning me into that monster. i don’t want to be that way and read lots of self help books and stuff, but certain egos just do it to me. blame the victim, that’s what i say. that story about him traveling around with his “message” in his music? BWAHAHAHAH. he is going to change the world with really slow versions of “you are so beautiful” and add some scats. whatevs. thanks for reading you guys!
I think we all saw a piece of Danny’s “movement” when he crouched down and dropped it on stage during his massacre of Dream On.
Ahh-some.
Just ahh-some.
Again with all the Gokey vitriol. Other than Allison, who did he stick around longer than (arguably) “better singers?” W/E, he’s gone, and now maybe we can just not talk about him ad nausea. Fat chance. I know.
Why did Katy Perry have Adam’s name embroidered on her cheap Elvis cape? She sucks in every way. I wish she was a contestant on AI so I could throw barbs at her every week and learn the mysterious ways of Internet Commenter Hate. I could totally get into snarking about that skank.
Great recap as always. Is Skara-mouche gonna be back next year?
fire@will:
I agree with jennaboa on the reasons I hate Gokey. I find him to be arrogant, boring and not that great.
I’ll thank you not to compare me to a racist.
And also, Adam did have quite a bit gathering of people – I know two who were there and they said that there were loads of people.
Memememe: Personally, I thought Danny’s best friend was a better singer (less interesting story and face worked against him.) And Matt and possibly even Allison.
Katy Perry is a fashion train wreck. Her clothes were more interesting than her performance in the fact they were tragically fug. Like Flip, I found that even that couldn’t detract from the craptacularness of her singing. I would have loved to hear Simon critique her: “This is a *singing* competition, not a circus midway freak show.”
But, then again, elephants might have helped. Just a bit.
Memememe – I would agree with jennaboa that Matt and Allison were better singers than Danny – and if we go back to the entire top 12, Alexis was SO much better. I think Anoop also had a better voice – just no talent for picking songs that didn’t put us to sleep.
mememememe, I love Skara-mouche!!!
the nickname, ie, there’s an article coming in the sun times (yea, I’m psychic like that) where she says she could go anytime–Simon says she’s staying. I’d rather see her be behind the scenes and help the kiddies pick better songs, even “classics”–wouldn’t it make for a better show to give them some help in that way.
Always remember, sometimes hate is the closest thing to love . . .
I was happy Katy sang live, no matter how awful it was–I’m still hella pissed that Brit is doing a whole tour and not singing one live note, not even with a track . . . tho Katy could have used a few canned vox in that mix. She seems fun to me . . .
In case there’s any doubt about the douchiness of Thank Heaven He’s GOneKEY, check out his interview on eonline.com under Watch W/ Kristin….shades of BB’s Amber anyone??
xqzmoi: “There were only one million votes separating the top 2 tonight” and the rest of that should read “from the third-place finisher.” Don’t for one moment believe that only one million votes separated Ham from Krispy.
Not only do I think they were telling the truth, but I think Twink actually could win. Think about all the CL voters that will be converting to Krispy.
I think both of them want to win, but both should be hoping they dont. Ham winning may give him less freedom in his music…idk, i can’t think of the words i want to say…anyone know what i mean?
Kris, on the other hand, should be praying he loses because, otherwise, he’d get a heck of a lot of backlash that would translate to less record sales…He’d probably be forever known as the one that stopped Adam from winning.
I’m an antitheist, antidouchist, antideadwifewhoringist, antipimpedrealitycontestantist, and antiscreamandspitinsteadofsingingist, but I’m really not sure where the racism comes in?
Is it because Gokey tries to sing and dance like sixty-year-old black woman from a Mississippi snakehandler tent revival?
Because that doesn’t make him black, you know.
Good one, Itchy
I was also wondering how racism comes into in when all 3 finalists are white guys
Amen. Amen. Amen. All my votes for Krispy and Adam paid off. I’m so happy. Now I don’t care who wins.
“Glam doesn’t screech, and covers ‘Take On Me’”
You said it, Juddfan. There is a cover version of “Take On Me” out now, by an alternative band, that is awesome. I doubt Ham will do it because that high note is scary. It could make or break him.
Does poor little Kris HAVE to sing a Skara song? That’s a handicap right there. He could sing the hell out of an alternative or emo song, IMO. All the young girls and guys would love it.
As for Gokey vitriol, I think there is plenty to dislike about this guy, so why not just leave the religion and the dead wife out of it? (I know, I know, he doesn’t.) And talking about “hating” anybody, let alone someone as innocuous as Gokey, is a bit hyperbolic IMO. The closest person I come to hating is Dick Cheney, but I don’t think I’d ever say that about him. Even Dick doesn’t kill puppies or rape children or whatever.
>> Even Dick doesn’t kill puppies or rape children or whatever. >>
Dropping bombs on them, on the other hand…
“Don’t eat banana and peanut butter sandwiches on the pot.” – Spit-take! That was freakin’ hilarious!
pixielated, glad you’re on board with the choice, and i think he could nail the high note and the next 10 above it, so it could be crazyness!
As for Mr. Cheney, are you sure? Oh yeah, he only shoots faces off while hunting . . . I’m sure none of us would get in trouble for doing that!!!
Anyway, I don’t hate Gokey, and I used to had Tommy Girl Cruise, but I guess I’m just mellowing with age . . . enjoy the finale all!!!
My mom made the funniest comment on Katy Perry’s outfit: “She’s dressed like Evil-Lynn from He-Man!” LOL!
Yay!!!! No more Church Lady!!!
Go Adam! He can totally be the next Spanx!