****Please welcome PopPrincess and That’sWhatSheSaid for their crack at Hollywood !
PopPrincess: So confession time….I’ve only watched like 15 minutes of American Idol this season. No clue who any of these peeps are.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: I watched about 15 mintues last night in the first Hollywood round. Should I get wine?
PopPrincess: Ohhh yes I’m going to pour a drink too…..back in 30 seconds
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Bring on the singers!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Ew I just saw that Grey’s and Private Practice is a 2 hour cross over episode tomorrow! Guess they didn’t get enough of the Daly family on Grey’s a couple weeks ago.
PopPrincess: Did they run out of doctors to bang at Seattle Grace and had to import some fresh meat? Call me when Gregory House gets there….at least Tool Academy is a bunch of slackers. They can only be douches for an hour at a time.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Alright, it’s starting….
PopPrincess: Group auditions are back.
And they are singing the most overplayed song of 2008!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: I love how they begin with a montage about people claiming they don’t know what’s in store for them. This is like the 25th season of Idol and they haven’t exactly shaken things up over the years. Ooh the contestants form their own groups. If nobody wants to work with you, you obviously suck.
PopPrincess: Its like gym class all over again.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Ew, kid in the orange glasses, headband and tie will definitely be last picked. Ouch. Some things never change.
PopPrincess: Whoa, have you seen Tatiana? That was the one audition I saw, where she pretty much just giggled like a crazy person.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Wow…I can’t imagine why she was picked last? Or not at all. Even though she’s a tall glass of crazy, I still feel bad for her that she has to beg people to join their group.
PopPrincess: She looks like a cross between Morticia Adams and a vampire. Who wouldn’t want her in their group–vampires don’t need sleep so she can practice all night.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Her make up rocks my world.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: It looks like she painted by numbers to get it on. Oh good, Duffy’s song Mercy is one of the songs they can sing this year. I haven’t heard that overplayed in weeks!
PopPrincess: Is that….I think….could it be…..yes, BIKINI GIRL!!!!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: This is what I don’t get about Bikini Girl, they are acting like they’ve never had super hot girls on there before.She’s pretty, but not hot enough to justify the drama she has created. Did you see when the new judge sang during her audition????
PopPrincess: You mean when the new judge tried desperately to prove that she still had it, but failed miserably? Yes, I caught that. I thought the judges were supposed to hate people who dressed up in stupid costumes, but come half naked, and you’re off to Hollywood!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: The new judge oddly reminded me of Mariah Carey in that scene. I felt like she was minutes away from walking out on TRL with an icecream cart. And she waved her hand around while she sang. All she needed to do was plug her ear and it would have been perfect.
PopPrincess: Tatiana’s team just asked her “Have you ever met Satan?” WOW
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Ohhh Paint by Numbers is breaking down….Who’s giggling now bitch!
PopPrincess: Is that a black Little Orphan Annie?! And paired up with the gay guy who looks like Perez Hilton!
What? This is my natural color.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: He should be excited, chubby gay guys like that always get slender, hot and trendy when they get older.
PopPrincess: Like Seacrest!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Yup, you know Seacrest is a former biscuit face.
Neon sunglasses, flannel shirt, tatted up arms….yup I’ve got all three decades covered.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: So, it’s the middle of the night on group night, some are going to sleep and some are practicing all night. They really should just start drinking. When I’m up that late singing, drinking makes me sound 100 times better.
PopPrincess: Drinking makes everything better. Ahhhh, alcohol. Excuse me while I refill my glass.
PopPrincess: Damn Tatiana is a STAH in this episode! Another breakdown!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Orphan Annie looks like she stole the Little Mermaid’s hair extensions. Wait, so Tatianna left one group and joined another because they asked her if she knew Satan?
PopPrincess: I guess devil worship is one way to get rid of a person….I prefer making fun of them behind their back, but this is also effective. I’m betting Tatiana’s new group rocks, old one blows.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: and switched back?
Yes, it’s the GROUPS that are messed up.
PopPrincess: After Tatiana leaves her second team they renames themselvesTeam Compromise? Ugh, why do they waste time on poor choreography? STOP TRYING TO DANCE, FOCUS ON SINGING. If you wanted to dance, go to Randy’s other show, ABDC.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: What’s the over under on Tatianna switching back to the group with fatty Perez 2.0?
PopPrincess: She’s going to switch like a confused pre-teen who hasn’t realized he’s gay.
PopPrincess: Orphan Annie has a serious chip on her shoulder….
ThatsWhatSheSaid: And that chip has a mane of the scariest looking red hair i’ve ever seen
PopPrincess: She’s really bitter about that whole “my parents abandoned me as a small child” thing….keeps fighting with her group. But their name is Team Compromise!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: They should settle this with a dance off, they’ve all practiced their choreography enough.
PopPrincess: That did settle everything in the 80s. How can you be mad at someone who can do The Worm?
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Shocker, Bikini Girl’s group is named Team Diva.
PopPrincess: I’m sure that name won’t piss the new judge off at all, seeing how she reacts so well to girls like that.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: So the rest of the team is up all night practicing, and Bikini Girl is MIA which means she has found a PA to bang and is now in his room.
Simon? Are you in here?
PopPrincess: Oh Perez 2.0 is having a meltdown….a gay guy being a diva, way to break stereotype AI.
PopPrincess: Team Compromise is becoming Team Hot Mess.
PopPrincess: Seacrest voices over that this is “Hell Week.” I agree, since hearing some of my favorite songs get butchered is hell for me too. Dreids on Team Diva is complaining that she looks like a big pile of crap. Maybe don’t wear a shirt from the seventies and get the dreids out of your nasty hair.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: I do agree that this is hell though. I mean, they have to get up at 7AM at a hotel and have no responsibilites there except to maintain personal hygeine and learn a song. It might as well be a concentration camp.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: So the search for Bikini Girl is still on. Her group says they don’t know what she is doing, but you know they want to say they don’t know WHO she is doing.
PopPrincess: Oh Bikini Girl is probably doing the walk of shame! Wait, they find her in her hotel room, in her bed. Did they not think to look there first?
PopPrincess: Bikini Girl says she’s too sick to get out of bed. Seriously, this is you big break and you can’t get your ass up? To her credit, gang bangs are exhausting.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Bikini get out of bed!! Homeless girl got out her favorite poncho for you!
PopPrincess: She killed a bum just to steal the yarn from his sweater to make that thing.
I did not wear my best poncho for this.
PopPrincess: Who is this cranky pants with the keyboard?
ThatsWhatSheSaid: OMG the guy from Mrs. Doubtfire found work!!
Harvey Fierstein, is that you?
PopPrincess: Oh Tatiana….yet another freak out.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: What are they wearing now? I swear to god, you could watch this show and not know if it was from 2009 or 1989, these clothes are so ridiculous.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Someone broke into half of the girls’ clothes with scissors and went to town. Is this scissor look back in style? Because I don’t want to cut up all of my jeans and t-shirts just to realize that this is a tween only trend…again.
PopPrincess: I blame Forever 21.
PopPrincess: Bikini Girl made it out of bed! She looks like SHIT. Must have hit the tequila HARD last night.
PopPrincess: What kind of excuse is I’m really tired? She wasn’t too tired that she couldn’t lug her giant makeup case.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: I like how homeless put her name tag in her hair. It can hang out with the birds that have nested in there.
“Is there something in my hair?”
ThatsWhatSheSaid: And now group auditions start!
PopPrincess: We get a very cranky intro from Simon. Forget the words and you’re out.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: That’s like when somebody tells you you can’t go to the bathroom. I instantly have to go then.
PopPrincess: He’s extra cranky today. Dude, who put sand in his vagina?
PopPrincess: And BTW, nice pink shirt Seacrest. You look totally straight in it.
PopPrincess: Our first group is Team White Chocolate. With a name like that, I have my doubts. But, she starts out rapping and I already love them.
PopPrincess: I’m getting a JT vibe from that one dude.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: And the other one is very Enrique-ish.
PopPrincess: Holy lord, EVEN SIMON IS SMILING. The earth must be spinning off its axis.
PopPrincess: And now she’s rapping about forgetting the words! Loves it.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Totally rocked! Hate to be the suckers to follow them.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: New judge’s rack looks bad ass.
PopPrincess: Shocker, all of them make it through.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Ah, we’re now treated to a nice montage of people singing “Get Ready.”
PopPrincess: Ha ha, one guy messed up the words and said “Do-Do.” That’s funny because it sounds like poop.
PopPrincess: And now we meet Team Action Squad!
PopPrincess: Their choreography reminds me of my first grade dance recital.
PopPrincess: They keep shouting their group name. If this was a contest on who could say Action Squad the most, they would totally win.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: These kids might have spent a little too much time coming up with a team cheer and not enough time practicing.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: The next team starts singing “Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow” This song always reminds me of Bill Clinton. I just wanna see that big lug whip out his saxophone and wail.
PopPrincess: Holy facial tics!
PopPrincess: Team Action forget the words NOOOOOOOOOO. i bet she remembers their team name though
ThatsWhatSheSaid: This performance is so boring, with or without the words. Wish they’d start singing “do-do” again.
PopPrincess: Who is doing these girls’ makeup? A blind clown?
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Tatiana, I’m guessing.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Paula looks especially sparkly tonight. Her shirt looks like something from Lucille 2′s closet.
PopPrincess: Oh stop you’re crying. Go plant a tree hippie!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: i wish they’d do one more TEAM ACTION. Just for old times sake.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Ryan Pinkston sucked and forgot his words in his audition and is complaining that he feels manipulated and insulted? By an Evil Paul? He saw an evil side of of Paula?
Thanks Fox, this needs no caption.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: That’s not evil, it’s the booze.
PopPrincess: and pills
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Her eyes aren’t all read because she’s evil, their bloodshot.
PopPrincess: And all the chemicals from her cheap-ass jewelry line. Have you seen that shit on HSN?
ThatsWhatSheSaid: If you had to wear Paula’s jewelry for the rest of your life or live with the new judge for a month, which would you choose?
PopPrincess: Oh, tough. Jewelry? At least people would know I don’t take myself too seriously.
PopPrincess: I really can’t stand the new girl. Now it’s mid-afternoon outside the Kodak Theatre. And Dreids still has dumb hair with a name tag in it.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Finally, Simon being the voice of reason: “They all suck.”
PopPrincess: Nice montage of Simon being a douche.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: LOL. Paula called Simon an asshole, love it. I wish he’d look at her and say “Oh Shut up, You Drunk” in his british English Accent. That would make me pee in my pants.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Especially if someone had just told me I wasn’t allowed to pee….
PopPrincess: This next group is going all acapella…could be dangerous.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Love them. I LOVE the dudes in this group.
PopPrincess: Really? Danny the nerd?
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Yes and Jamar
PopPrincess: How much wine have you drank?
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Love them, plus I LOVE this song. STRAIGHT to the top 12 for me.
PopPrincess: Love the song, not feeling the group.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Nope, heart them. Nerdy is the one whose wife just died and Jamar is his BF.
PopPrincess: Awww, great. Way to make me feel bad!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Simon does his front row, back row thing and…keeps them all!
PopPrincess: Tricky, tricky, Simon.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: All of a sudden I want a Ford Focus..weird and a coke.
PopPrincess: Rainbow Coalition was their name…sounds like the Jolie-Pitt clan.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: The Rainbow Coalition? How did Fatty not get in that group?
PopPrincess: Jeremy the country lug on the oil rig is on! Love this guy!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: I like this group if I close my eyes.
PopPrincess: That’s what she said! I mean, agree.
PopPrincess: Ouchie. Don’t like this guy. He sounded like a cat stuck in the dryer.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Some kind of wonderful is some kind of a big hit in group round. Everyone is singing it.
PopPrincess: Team Diva is up! Holy crap, is that a bad spray tan or orange leggings on Bikini Girl?
How am I supposed to win an orange stripper and an orange homeless person?
ThatsWhatSheSaid: What do you think? Good or bad??
ThatsWhatSheSaid: I think bad…
PopPrincess: If there is justice in the universe.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Fingers crossed! Ha, new judge is like awesome bikini girl is on team diva.
PopPrincess: HA! Dreids already forgot the words! Let the train wreck ensue!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Is homeless girl prego?
PopPrincess: She’s totally doing an Ashley Simpson jig.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: You’re right she did! She totally did the jig while forgetting the words.
PopPrincess: I guess her drummer pressed the wrong button.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: No, she has acid reflux. So the Great Bikini Girl Mystery has been solved….she’s telling the judges she f-ed up because she was tired from being in heels since 5 in the morning. And she has scoliosis. Does scoliosis also turn your legs the color of radioactive carrots?
ThatsWhatSheSaid: It’s the moment of truth for the divas…..newbie wants bikini gone so much. Newbie might be one of those girls who hate all pretty girls.
PopPrincess: Cara HATES BG
ThatsWhatSheSaid: While Team Diva was on the stage Bikini girl looked right at the camera and totally posed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF was that?
PopPrincess: Ten bucks says she’ll either have her own reality show or be in porn within the next six months.
PopPrincess: Yay! Jasmine made it!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: This is the best moment of new judge’s day, I’ve never seen them hate someone that much.
PopPrincess: Dude BG is a bee-yach. Simon kicked her out so she can bang her.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Not with those orange legs.
PopPrincess: She won’t even hug the other girls. Punch her in the face!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: The judges keep talking about bikini on her way out. They are shocked and what a massive beyotch she is.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: So homeless girl starts blubbering about how much she hated her team and how they ruined everything for her. I understand that you hated your group…but they didn’t make you forget the words to one of the most overplayed song of 2008 hippie!
PopPrincess: Would you rather bang Randy or live with the new judge for a month?
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Hmm, before I was married or now?
PopPrincess: Before. Tough decision?
ThatsWhatSheSaid: I don’t know, he’s a big dude…. big dudes like that usually have small peens.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: I’m living with newbie judge and switching out her dexatrim and diet coke with weight gainers.
PopPrincess: Its now late in the afternoon and group day is drawing to a close. Thanks for the update Seacrest. He probably just earned $5 million for saying that.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Dreams are being crushed.
PopPrincess: Thanks for letting us watch it, Fox!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Now we have to listen to the losers. I love how they say”I wish I had the chance to share my talent.”
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Its like…uh, you kinda did. We just have different definitions of what talent is.
PopPrincess: And we get a whole montage of heart break…
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Yay Perez and Tatiana’s turn!
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Saving the best for last!! Tatiana totally raided Paula’s wardrobe this morning. She looks like the chick at the company holiday party who gets hammered and starts decorating themselves in tinsel.
PopPrincess: Oh GOD.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: That blew.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: The judges are deciding and Tatiana is starts singing, “I want to get through.” I’d send her home just for that.
PopPrincess: You want to get through, I want you to shut your pie hole. They are doing that half in the front, half in the back thing again.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: WH WH WHAAAAAT? All of them through? They blew!
PopPrincess: Dang tricked them again!
PopPrincess: I really wanted to see a Tatiana freak out.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: She’s acting like she won a grammy. She is thanking every person she knows and everybody who is a part of American Idol, including the sound guys.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: The guy holding the sound stick is like, leave me outta this crazy!
“I’d like to thank God, and the academy. This is such an honor.”
PopPrincess: Honey, you’re just going to the next round, you didn’t cure AIDS or find Bin Laden. Let’s take it down a notch.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Team Compromise is our finale!
PopPrincess: What do you think, good or bad?
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Um, bad. As in horrible. Fatty isn’t wearing his trademark glasses or headband. They’re screwed.
PopPrincess: Yeah if you’re begging Jeebus, not a good sign. Whoa, those are some moves. Could he say that any gay-er?
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Not even if he added, I want a D in my B
PopPrincess: This blonde girl is totally trying to hitch on the Kelly Pickler train.
PopPrincess: Oh yay Duffy. AGAIN.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Paula was just started to get into it, and Annie just completely switched octaves on them.
PopPrincess: Annie is 28?! it has definitely been a hard knock life for her.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: I love how Perez keeps doing the toe touch.
PopPrincess: Did the Pickler wannabe really just say, “oh, nuggets”?!
PopPrincess: Simon is accusing Team Compromise of sabotage! Pickler is totally safe, bet you $100.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: So everybody makes it through except Annie and Annie is pissed! She straight up stepped away from Kellie’s touch when she tried to comfort her. Don’t act so pissed Annie, yow switched octaves on everyone.
PopPrincess: Perez made it through?
PopPrincess: Another loser montage.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: LOL, nice song choice showing the losers. California Dreaming? Isn’t this song usually reserved for war montages?
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Loser montage keeps showing losers saying If you just give me a chance? Stop saying that. You had a chance! Now we get a winner montage, and a homo montage.
ThatsWhatSheSaid: Wait, no just Seacrest.
PopPrincess: 75 people made it through. Yet we only met like 4.
PopPrincess: Screw this lets go watch Lost.