Are you there AI, it’s me ToneDeaf

I’m going to keep a running tab of how many times Ryan Seacrest says SUPERSTAR and if it gets into the double digits, I’m slitting may wrists.

Now to the only watchable part of American idol.

I feel like this show is a true representation of the test of wills of the American public. Who else would wake up to get in line by 5:18 am wearing their very best matching hot pink cowboy hat and top just to wait eleventeen hours to get ripped apart by Mariah Carey?

AMERICA.

Fortunately for us, nobody in line is shy about their pipes.

We’re in Oklahoma City for reasons I can’t even fathom. The only thing Oklahoma City is good for are Indian owned casinos and a musical number that was karaoked to in When Harry Met Sally.

Did you run out of cities to make fun of Idol? For show that’s been running for the past 100 years, I can see how it may be hard to find new humans to humiliate. 

There are 9000 people waiting in line for their shot at stardom. One and a half of them are actually good.

Lucky for us some crafty reporter was able to corner Nikki Minaj for a question: “Who’s the next American Idol?” Nikki’s answer, “I have no idea.” This is breaking news for Oklahoma City.

It appears that the reason AI set up camp in Oklahoma City is because that’s where they found their golden goose Carrie Underwood. Hopefully lightening will strike twice and they can find another country crooner to hang their hat on and congratulate themselves for finding for years to come.

The only thing Nikki can say about the boat house where auditions are held, you heard me, a boat house, is “[Keith] you smell good.” Nikki is a poet.

First up we have Karl Skinner who is about 10 years too old to be genuinely excited about a slim chance at winning American Idol.

He lets the judges know that he has to move around and asks for permission to move around. The pizza chef from Joplin thinks he’s James Brown and the judges just eat it up. They’re just hoping that he brought some pizza with him. Mariah wants 3 boxes, no sharing. She’s eating for 6.

The judges tell him that he could be a better Ryan Seacrest and then give him 4 yeses. Judges are really gunning for Ryan getting booted from hosting. And I couldn’t be more behind them in their plight.

Mariah’s best side.

Lets take a time out to see what the judges are up to. Oh is Mariah being a diva again? It looks like she is way to crowded at her end of the table and needs everybody to make room for her weave.