Probably the only thing we’ll remember from this week’s American Idol was how shocked we all were when Katharine McPhee landed in the bottom two. Aside from that, this latest round of singing was anything but sparkling. I can barely even remember what happened Tuesday night, and that was only 30 hours ago. Nearly all of this week’s performances were mediocre at best and duds at worst. Kind of a shock considering how great everyone was on ’50s night. This week’s theme was the 21st century, which basically meant the contestants could choose anything from the past six years. I honestly expected everyone to shine with music that would connect more viscerally with the audience, but alas, either everyone rested on their laurels or songs from the past six years really sucked (probably a little of both) because it was all just a massive case of the blahs. Thankfully, the show was reduced down to sixty minutes, which meant our pain was short-lived, not to mention a bit rushed. But hey, at least we got to watch Paula awkwardly hit on Ace. That was pretty cool.

First up this week is Lisa Tucker. She bravely takes on Kelly Clarkson’s torch song, “Because of You.” Unfortunately, there’s a big difference between the two versions, namely that Kelly’s is in tune and Lisa’s is not. This poor girl hits flat note after flat note. I’d like to chalk it up to nerves — or perhaps anxiety over the first stages of a mustache growing in — but honestly, the sad truth is that Lisa has somehow veered off the American Idol course, forever destined to play amusement parks and cruise ships. Randy tells her that he doesn’t like the song, Paula says she has a wonderful career ahead of her (read: “Yeah, I didn’t like it either”), and Simon bashes her as well. Bad way to start the show.
“Wait, wait. America, take note. I am petting a girl.”
Kellie Pickler sings a song called “Suds in a Bucket,” which pretty much sums up this entire performance (and perhaps her life). It’s the typical honkey-tonk country song that’s cute and amusing but totally forgettable. I find myself focusing less on the singing and more on why Kellie looks like she’s only twelve this week. Once again, the judges attack the poor song choice, but Kelly replies with her typical country girl innocence by saying “I’m sorry!” over and over again. She then adds, “I ate a peanut this week! Never had one of those before! It was crunchy!”
Oh look! It’s Deborah Gibson and Kristy Swanson from Skating with Celebrities!

The producers almost give them their own title…

But even Fox doesn’t care about these two. Title DENIED!

Ace is up next, and the song he chooses to butcher this week is “Drops of Jupiter” by Train. It sounds all weird an truncated, thanks to the three seconds the singers now have to perform. Plus, Ace seems like he’s straining his vocal chords with every note. It doesn’t help that the song is one of the most generic contributions to music in this young century. The entire experience is bland and stupid, especially when Ace pulls back his shirt a touch and reveals a scar on his chest. The song eventually ends with Ace’s arm outstretched to the audience. It’s supposed to be dramatic, but instead, all we can do is stare at his hand which trembles like tissue paper in the wind.
Randy once again complains about song choice, but Paula has other things on her mind. She wants to see Ace’s scar, and so he reveals it again, causing hoots from the audience. “One day, you’ll have to explain to me how you got that one,” Paula says, surely causing Corey Clark to rise from his seat and yell “I told you! I told you!” Simon and Randy chuckle and say “PAULA,” but she insists that it was just a harmless comment. Whatever. Get this woman a bucket of cold water and a tranquilizer. As for you Ace, see you on Primetime Live!

Taylor Hicks sings a subdued song that I actually think is pretty good. He refrains from any spastic jerking and tilting and focuses solely on the music. Unfortunately, it looks like the makeup people went a bit hog-wild on him as his blush and mascara near tranny levels. Randy again is not satisfied with the song choice, but gives the performance a mild “aiight.” Paula also isn’t a total fan of the song, but surprisingly, Simon says he quite liked it, actually. However, he says that Taylor’s outfit it too Clay Aiken for him. This causes Paula to balk in her slurry/hazy sort of way, but I sort of agree with Simon. I don’t think Taylor looks like Clay, but he is stuck in run-of-the-mill popstar garb. The kind of junk Constantine would wear and would think makes him hardcore.
Mandisa explodes onto the stage with a gospel/rock anthem that I enjoy, but then again, Mandisa could sing the phonebook and I’d be praising her. She seems to hit all her notes well, and I expect the judges to finally get out of their funk, but no, the dreaded curse of the song choice raises its ugly head once again. Simon goes so far as to say she was “indulgent.” And if there’s anything we can be certain of, the words “Mandisa” and “indulge” often go hand in hand (along with the words “pudding,” “Bavarian Cream Pie,” and “buffet.”)

In a subtle yet effective way, Ryan and Chris squash last week’s controversy by straight out talking about how Chris loves the band Live and how he used their cover last week. Too little too late? Eh, I don’t really care. What I do care about is how Chris will survive after he announces that he’ll be singing a song by Creed. Really, Chris? You really want to go there? He sure does. And then some. Chris rocks loud and proud on the stage, and while the energy is there, it’s not one of his better performances. Simon slaps him with the “indulgent” label and says that he can’t keep doing the same schtick week after week. Kind of funny considering that last week Simon praised him for refusing to compromise.

Wearing what seems to be a long lost item from Ellen Degeneres’s wardrobe, Katharine McPhee takes the stage and warbles boringly through an already boring Christina Aguilera song. Randy says it’s the best of the night so far, but in general, the judges are far from blown away. Looks like the McPheever ain’t catching on this week.
Bucky wears a cowboy hat, which is cool. Well, sort of dumb. Dumb and cool. Point is, he’s just typical Bucky — doing his country thing and smiling the whole way. He’s certainly better than previous weeks, but I can’t even remember the name of his song. Randy and Paula like the performance, but Simon says it was only OK at best. If I really thought Bucky had a chance at going far in this competition, I might pay more attention to his songs. But he’ll be out in the next two or three weeks, so why even bother?

Every show, Paris finds new and interesting ways to be annoying, and this week, she fulfills her quota by taking the stage like Beyoncé’s pudgy little sister. Unfortunately for Paris, if Beyoncé is a Great Dane, then Paris is just a Toy Poodle. She bounces and hops across the stage, pausing occasionally to whip her hair extensions to and fro. It’s a far cry from the sexy act a real diva can pull off, but on this night of blunders, Paris offers up one of the few bright spots of the hour. Still, I’d like to see her trip and fall off the stage. Just once.
Elliot closes out the night with an R&B take on Gavin Degraw’s “I Don’t Wanna Be.” As usual, he nails the vocals, and he even provides us with more of his patented dancing/bobbing than usual. For those of you who haven’t seen Elliot’s homemade choreography, just imagine Justin Guarini’s gentle bounce minus the spread eagle stance. Elliot receives high praise from all the judges, and with that, the show closes.
THE RESULTS
The results show starts with the usual padding: Ryan Seacrest babbles to us about whatever and then we gaze into the audience to see this evening’s stellar in-house celebrities. And let me tell you something, there was plenty of star wattage this Wednesday. We had Jessica Sierra AND Justin Guarini in attendance. I don’t like making fun of Justin as much as I used to, mainly because I met him once and I was disarmed at how truly nice he was. Plus, he had a disturbingly firm handshake. One of the firmest I’d ever experienced. Oh, but who am I kidding? It’s Justin Guarini! Of course I have to make fun of him! LOOK AT JUSTIN!! HA! JERK!!! Phew, that felt good to get out.
We then watch a fairly idiotic video that’s supposed to give us a sneak peak into the hectic life of the Idol contestants, but it’s really just an elaborate way for Fox to promote its new movie, Ice Age 2: The Meltdown. We watch as the singers all head into a private viewing of the movie, and of course, this results in us having to then sit through a stupid clip from the movie. The singers then all emerge from the screening and provide their own testimonials, à la a million different commercials we’ve seen over the years.
“Manny was cool!” Paris says in her most annoying voice yet. Sometimes I wish a wooly mammoth would come along and stomp on her.
We then cut to commercial, and when we return, it’s time for another ridiculous Ford/Idol commercial. Unlike that ridiculous camping-themed bit from a few weeks ago, this music video has the kids running all over Paramount Studio’s city set, cheering up spectators in the process. Again, still wishing for that wooly mammoth to come trampling in.
This week’s musical performance finally takes us out of the adult contemporary world of Barry Manilow and Stevie Wonder. Rump shaker extraordinaire Shakira graces the stage along with Wyclef. They have a long but energetic performance whose high point seems to be when Wyclef puts his foot on Paula’s chair and raps to her face. Unfortunately, he has no flagrant chest scars, and Paula therefore remains uninterested.
This is all well and good, but I prefer Wyclef’s seminal work, “The Rubble Man.”
Finally, Ryan begins narrowing down the field to the bottom three. He tells us that the bottom row of singers (Mandisa, Chris, Kellie, Taylor, and Paris) are all safe. We then cut to commercial, and for those of us lucky to live in Los Angeles, we get to see Simon’s hoarse-voiced girlfriend come on screen and tease us with rumors that Ryan Seacrest has been canoodling with a Desperate Housewife. Yeah, yeah, Teri Hatcher. Way to blow the lid off that one, AFTER EVERYONE ELSE.
Somebody get this woman a lozenge.
Anyway, Lisa and Ace wind up in the bottom three, which is no real surprise. Then it’s down to Bucky vs. Katharine for that last spot. No contest here. Bucky’s obviously bottom three. But no! It’s Katharine! When Ryan announces her name, a chorus of “BOOO!!”s rain down on the stage. Might this be the upset of the season?
Bottom three. Four, if you count Ace’s burgeoning pit stain.
Surely this Katharine McPhee thing is just a scare tactic, but no — it gets worse! Ryan lets Ace take a seat, which means that Katharine is actually bottom two. Wow. I can’t imagine that Lisa Tucker could garner more votes than Katharine, but anything is possible. The saddest part of this all is that Lisa just has to stand there and smile, knowing that everyone doesn’t even care that she’s in the bottom again.
Of course, no one can deny the McPheever, and she’s soon let off the hook. McPhew! Lisa finally goes home, and after watching the “Bad Day” montage again, she sings an encore performance of “Because of You.” Thankfully, she’s no longer being judged because this version is even more atonal than Tuesday night’s. And so ends the Idol life of Lisa Tucker, a once shining star that has faded away week after week. Were you happy to see her go? Was it her time? Or did she have more to offer? Who did you want to leave this week?
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85 Comments
B-Side thanks for getting this one in so early. By far worst week of AI ever. Everyone sucked, in my opinion, except for Katherine. He perfonrmance was at least decent. I was so disappointed when Chris sang “Want It”. Number one Creed, WTF!!! Why would you ever pick something from them granted I used to be a fan, but that sh*t stays in the closet. Number two of all freakin Creed, songs why that one??? At least he finally shut up all those Chris haters for giving credit to Live, now he’s gotta make it up to us for singing Creed. Scott Stapp die in Alcoholic Hell. Despite the bad performance from my boy I sent 20 votes his way. My friend from Canada who can’t vote, Wizzard, ten were for you buddy.
I just realized it’s a little passed 5:30 so my spelling went to hell on that post. It was “What If” but it sounded more like “Want It” and Katharine’s performance was decent.
I think everyone in this episode sucked. Why, of WHY can Paris not pick good songs? She shoots herself in the foot – week after week. It’s going to bite her in the ass sometime very soon.
And get rid of Ace. What a douchebag.
The right person went home, though.
I’m surprised that Paula’s complete and utter idiot-moment wasn’t in the recap when Seacrest-OUT asked her:
“Paula, do you have any advice for our contentants as the competition wears on?”
Paula – “Yes, keep phoning in and voting for your favourites.”
Even Simon looked over with a “WTF, bitch just totally answered a question that the voices in her head gave her.”
Very tricky AI, with your Katharine Zeta McPhee or Bucky Buckerton tomfoolery. Even Bucky was shocked, right? Katharine really bored me to death. Or should I use the apparent word everyone just learned and now uses incessantly, “underwhelmed”? I’ve never heard a Christina Aguilera song, but I don’t feel like I’m missing anything. Good call on the raiding of Ellen Degeneres’s closet B-Side. Ha-ha!
Ace is annoying. I don’t get that creepy molester vibe from him like some folks do. It’s more of a “I just put my peeper in a hot chick for the first time and it feels kinda good, but I’m really scared, and I’m shaking like a leaf and oops! Are you on the pill?” which, I guess is kinda creepy.
Could someone, yes chronic I’m talking to you, put up a Paris/Aughra from the Dark Crystal separated at birth pic? My last link broke and the resemblance is uncanny. A must see.
Love the Taylor. Prefer his wierd suits to that Nehru leather jacket business. Love the Mandisa, too. She should stay out of jeans on TV. She looks delightful in a pretty skirt and is one of the more beautiful people I’ve seen. Why mess with that?
This week really cemented the fact that I hate new music. I sold my soul for rock and roll as an eight year old and there’s just no converting. And no Chris, I’m not talking about pathetic ass Creed. Why doesn’t he rock out to something that really rocks? Give us what Constantpreen and No Bice always wanted to, but couldn’t deliver.
Oh my God. Seacrest and Skeletor Hatcher? Awkwardly kissing at the beach? She in a long tweed coat and incongruous backwards trucker hat? WORST VISUAL EVER!!!
What a suckfest! I stopped watching after the first two songs but curiosity made me TiVo it so I could speed through the interminable blather and the bad songs. I don’t think there was a winner here and, yes, Mandisa has to stay out of skin-tight stuff. The girl has more bumps, rolls and bulges than the Grand Tetons. She should at least wear something that disguise them somewhat. No, I don’t believe fat is where it’s at, so don’t rag on me. Thank God for her pipes, else she would have been gone when Simon remarked about her size during the auditions. I’m sure someone came down on him about that.
Chris…well, he sucked. All that outreaching with his arm didn’t help this week, and his michrophone stand shtick is wearing off, just as it did with Bo Bice. His monumental gaffe last week, followed by the judges’ ignorance about the Live song hurt him, because the judges must feel stung by it. It was a sort of plagiarism, don’t you think? He stood there taking credit for “his” version of a famous dead guy’s song and then lamely tried to own up during the following show, which I’m sure was the result of some red-faced discussions at Fox.
Paris is a f___ing smurf. She annoys the shit out of me, and all that fawning by Randy bringing up her genes every week totally puts me off. The little shit has waaaay too much of a sense of entitlement and now acts like it’s all over but the final show where she’ll be crowned. Loved the comment about being a little girl trying to be Beyonce’, though. Bless Simon. Tells it like it is. Paula just constantly repeats, repeats, repeats he mantra “be true to yourself” and continues to give her fake encouragement to those that face the guillotine. That Vicodin, Oxycontin, Darvon-guzzling woman has got to get fired after this year!
I differ on Kellie Pickler. I’ve read she’s not quite the little Eliza Doolittle she pretends to be, but I think she could be another LeeAnn Rimes, IF she sticks to her genre in C & W. So the song was just “cute”. So what? It works with her projected personality and makes her sound better. Heaven help us if she tries any Brittney Spears or Gwen Stefani stuff.
I say boot Ace before we create another Constantine. His stare at the end of each song is just creepy. Works for Paula but not for me. I imagine she needed help being peeled off her seat Tuesday night. What a tool.
Okay…can anyone clear this up b/c I missed it…I heard on the radio that Paula was pointing and yelling at someone during Elliott’s performance (man, I love that Alf!), and Simon pretty much had to sit her down…cameras immediately cut away from it. Did anyone catch that or know what it’s about??
Great recap, by the way…I sooo agree with the assessment of Paris…I just wish her singing voice wasn’t so good because she’s so damn annoying.
That “Passion!!” joke never gets old, heh.
eeew. AI took a bad turn this week. absolute amateur night. it was worse than karaoke at the bar next to the la quinta out by the airport. every minute was cringe-worthy.
to lisa tucker’s credit, she looked like she had already accepted that she was going and just wanted it to be over.
mcphee was far from the worst, but she sure wasn’t anything special, and if there’s one thing these kids should have learned by now, it’s that taking on the songs of histrionic melisma queens like christina aguilera and mariah carey is a recipe for failure.
speaking of histrionics, what was up with that silly little brat paris? i actually was impressed with her ability to hold a tune while throwing that weave around like she was trying to catch flies with it, but pudgy little butter-face girls should not offer themselves up for comparison to beyonce knowles, by the far the hottest and most talented contemporary r & b singer of the moment. stealing beyonce’s signature booty-shake move made her performance look like a cross between a middle-school talent show and a drag-queen extravaga.
bucky? please. ace? are you kidding me? that guy puts the ‘douche’ in douchebag. get off my tv screen, you huge, smelly cheeseball! mandisa . . . i love mandisa, but she really needs to stick to big flowing dresses and leave the stretchy jeans in the drawer. i personally dug taylor’s song choice, but ray lamontaigne is sort of folky–not good for the pop universe of AI. elliot took a risk by singing bo bice’s signature karaoke cover (is that an oxymoron?), but it was o.k.; i just think he’s too goofy to go all the way. pickler? i wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers (‘i trah’d the-yus new-fangled thingy called saltines yes-tur-dayuh!’), but her singing would be second-rate at the podunk high school variety show.
which leaves chris, who pretty much shat whatever rocker cred he had left (not much, after going on AI) down the pipe by covering creed, the single most absurdly awful, lame, cheesy, gag-worthy band of the last decade. this guy is like a post-1990 aerosmith record–same song, different lyrics. bo-ring.
meh, as long as Elliott’s safe, i don’t care what happens to the rest of them.
and even though Lisa is beyond boring, Katherine just bugs me more, so i was sort of hoping she would go.
maybe next week.
When they were doing the Ice Age scene Mandisa liked the wooly mammoth character, because props for the big girls and then Elliot said that he liked the sloth character– I thought for sure someone would have said something about that!
No Dice! No Dice is way funnier.
Did anybody else think Ace was channeling Ruth Buzzi with that hairstyle of his Tuesday night? It was reminiscent of the wig she wore as the old lady on Laugh-In. Check it out: https:/…/images/ RuthBuzzi.jpg
Usually I forgive his vocals in favor of just staring at him, but he totally creeped me out on Tuesday. Snap! You’re in the bottom three.
And while we’re at it, can we just fire all the stylists? Ace’s hair, Bucky’s flowing blonde tresses of 2 weeks ago, Kelli’s Dollie Parton get-up from 2 weeks ago, absolutely everything that Katharine wears, and Taylor’s makeup and wardrobe. At least he was smart enough not to let them color his hair.
The only thing worse than sitting through Tuesday evening’s performance would have been sitting through another of Chicken Little’s songs on top of it. At least we were spared that.
Can somebody please, PLEEEASE, comment on how gawd-awful of a show “Unan1mus” was. I have to admit to watching it because of the “train-wreck” factor. But, it made “who wants to marry a millionaire” appear to be a good idea.
That “Passion!” joke gets me every time…!!!
LQ, I have no idea who you’re talking about, but I’ll have a looksee.
I’m actually not a huge AI diehard. Mostly because of Paula. I know there’s a comic relief factor there and she provides some frisson with Simon, but she literally is the most idiotic person on the planet. Sorry to hear her contract was renewed.
Ace is dire. Even if he were good, that hair is the WORST. They’ve spruced up Taylor’s hair quite nicely, why haven’t they gotten to work on this turd.
Mandisa can belt with the best of them, but she always seems to have problems with the more low-key parts. McPhee I have just always found fundamentally boring. Paris continues to be annoying.
Actually I really liked Taylor. Much better without the “woooo”s.
http://www.justjared.com/gossip/2006/03/taylor_hicks_prom_pictures.php
Check out this link to see a picture of Kellie in her ho-tastic prom dress and Taylor in his prom picture.
Ace needs to go. He reminds me too much of Constantine and that ain’t good!! Paris too. She is so freaking annoying.
I normally like Katharine, but this week, I think her song was pretty bad, and she couldn’t sing it right. But still, I don’t think she was bottom 3.
I was happy Taylor didn’t do his normal lunatic routine, and he sounded pretty good.
I didn’t like Mandisa at all…it sounded like a bunch of screaming, and some of the notes didn’t really sound right.
Didn’t like Chris too much.
And Ace! When he sang “scar” and touched his scar, or “hair” and ran his fingers through his hair, I couldn’t stop laughing. He’s trying so hard, and he’s just such crap!
Here ya go LQ
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v441/palladio22/paris5.jpg
Hm, don’t think I’m going to hell for that but it can’t be good. Actually I do see the resemblance but don’t think these are quite the best pics.
Holy buckets on the Trailer Prom! I was kinda feeling bad about all the Kellie hate. What a trashy ho. It’s the prom, bitch, not try out night at the Electric Blue.
switz, about Unanimous, I agree. Perhaps an interesting concept gone horribly awry. Could they have picked out 9 less compelling people? Could they have named it “Almost Unanimous” since contestants can’t vote for themselves and therefore you can NEVER have a unanimous vote? Ever! Could someone please chop off that puffy goombah’s balls and then say “Ha! Testicular cancer! It’s wicked funny.” ? It was annoying that everyone (seemingly) readily agreed that the “has been a patient in a mental ward” secret was the worst. Being arrested with live ammo- big deal, who hasn’t? But… the person who makes 100K and has declared bankruptcy? For shame! For shame on you, homophobic walking stereotype of an annoying black woman minister.
So yeah, switz. It sucked. And I watched it. Every single minute.
Oh thank you chronic. Lovely job.
BORING WEEK. Every single performance was forgettable.
Nice prom dress Kellie! It’s obvious that daddy was in jail, cause there’s no WAY IN HELL any self respecting father would allow his daughter to go to a “formal” affair dressed like I Dream of Jeanie meets the Red Light District.
I’m not a bit surprised that Katharine was in the bottom three. I like her a lot, but she doesn’t come across as someone with a large enough fan base to keep her in the competition.
I want to know who is keeping Elliot in this thing? I understand why Ace is still around even though he can’t sing and is a huge poseur. He’s got the “I’m the cute guy” preteen votes.
And can someone please help me out here. When Ryan calls out the bottom three, aren’t they in no particular order? And when he send someone back to the safe zone, why does everyone automatically assume it is because that person got the third lowest number of votes? Couldn’t that person have gotten the second lowest number of votes but was sent back to safety because the other two people being in the bottom two creates more drama?
One last thing, I am a huge Chris fan. But he sounded bad Tuesday night. Having said that, do the judges not pay any attention to what they say from week to week? They praised Chris for not compromising and knowing exactly who he is and what he sings best and to keep doing it. Don’t change a thing. Then he comes out with the same rock edge again and gets blasted. I never understood the purpose of theme night anyway. Let the people sing what they sing best and stick with it.
Was that Rachel Stevens showed in a close up in the audience while Ace was singing? I think she was the one in the white jacket. She was formerly in S Club 7 (aired on the former Fox Family Channel right before “The Great Pretenders” which Fergie and her former band hosted) and is signed to Simon Fuller’s record label. She is big in the UK but unknkown here – odd that they would show a close up of her.
One more thing, was Elliot wearing the Hoodie of Infiltration?
I didn’t think Lisa’s performance was any worse than anyone else’s this week, so yes I am sad to see her go, but for some reason the judges turned on her the minute she made the final 12, and she couldn’t seem to figure out what the hell they wanted from her. Too bad. She was a nice kid. She had a terrific attitude considering how she got nothing but dumped on week after week.
Can anyone tell me what happens to these singers once they’re cut? Do they have a contract with AI? If they just go home, what’s the big deal about making it to the final 12?
I’m glad everyone else was as grossed out as I was by Chris’s Creed and Ace’s scar. Yuck.
Paula has been signed on for another 3 years. http://television.aol.com/news/article?id=20060329172609990001&cid=461
Lisa may be “forever destined to play amusement parks and cruise ships,” but runner-up Bo Bice apparently has met the same fate. At least Taylor toned down the herky-jerky. And next week’s country theme: gee, I wonder if Bucky and Kellie will skate past again …
LOL at all the comments. I am still all hot and bothered by Shakira’s performance last night. I dont know whether I should be mortified that she was gyrating during a family show, or I should go run and find my vibrator (nightstand, arms reach of bed)…Taylor was by far the most mature and hip of the bunch this week. Dear Paris: Go away honey, you’re voice is annoying, and your hair weaves even worse. Chris, you’re a one trick pony. I dare you to sing an Elton John Song next week. Ace? forget it…Mandisa? You have to lose that giant panda you’ve smuggled in your ass if you even think you have a shot at this…..Elliot..you’re great, but dude, you need to lose the amish orthodox jew look…Randy? You’ve lost your hearing..Paula..you are a complete waste of space…
Not kicking off that season’s Apprentice finale with a live performance of “The Rubble Man” was one of the all-time great Missed Opportunities of TV History.
This was the most boring episode of AI that I can ever remember. There have been no better songs recorded in the last 6 years than the ones picked by the contestants? Jeez. When I like Paris’s performance the best, you KNOW something is wrong. And all I could do when I watched her sing was worry about her keeping her “hair” out of her mouth while she sang!
Urgh, bring back Mr.BarryManilow if the shows are gonna be like this… these contestants all sucked this week!
As much as I don’t like Paris, I thought her performance was the best. Even with her fake hair in the lipstick whipin’ going on. She looked a whole lot better that way than in the turned ball cap and shirt. Cuz she looks like an 10 year old boy there.
The worst I’d give to Elliot. Oh my man Elliot, wha’s up with the bouncy bouncy thing? I was too distracted by all of that to focus on his vocals.
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa… knew you were going home. First of all, you went 1st, sang a Kelly Clarkson song badly, and then proceeded to do the fish lips (Opera girl)thing when the judges had their comments. We’ll see you on Broadway someday, I am sure, and you’ll be great!
Kellie’s makeup looked a little better tonight. Last week she looked like she was 40. (And I am saying that because 40 is the new 50)
Yeah, the hand “trembling like tissue paper in the wind” (too funny B-Side!)just was way too much! Just when I thought Ace couldn’t get any cheezier…
LOL at the Ellen D. outfit comment. When Katherine went on stage I was wondering why she’d pick out something so fugly. Maybe that was how America voted and why she made bottom 3? Nah, didn’t like her performance either. Christina sang it perfectly and hers, well, it wasn’t.
Bring back last week!
I hate ace, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I am being awfully mean in my comments today, oh well.
I do believe Shakira and those saucy hips of hers were pulling an Ashlee Simpson lip sync episode, but I couldn’t be sure.
I wouldnt mind going beer for beer with Taylor.
Now wait a gull durn minute…
Are you telling me that NO ONE noticed the following?
1) That Ryan dissed the HELL out of Lisa multiple times by repeatedly asserting that KATHERINE was in the bottom two and Randy, how you feel about KATHERINE in the bottom two and Paula, aren’t you sad about KATHERINE in the bottom two and Simon don’t you agree that in a post 9/11 world KATHERINE should never be in the bottom two?
and
2)KATHERINE’S response to her being in the bottom two: We’ll it’s a new place for me, but I’ll manage.
UGH. I liked her for a bit, but between the obvious FOX pandering and the obvious fashion aneurysm, she’s off my list.
Quick question, when anti-gay Mandisa loses, will it be a two-part episode?
I knew you would put a Passion screencap there when I scrolled down and saw Shock!
Why didn’t you include multiple screencaps of Paris crying? They showed like 100 when Lisa got voted off.
Is Mandisa anti-gay? Or is that a guess because she sang gospel?
BTW: what does ex log cabin mean? now straight and a democrat?
hoarse-voiced? don’t you mean horse-faced?
Jack (#8) This will be a crazy question but – are you from Brooklyn, NY by any chance? You talk a lot like someone I used to know.
We need more Tim Gunn-esque mentor’s who can actually advise these people about song choice. Seriously after Tuesday, I don’t think I want any of them to win, I was actually missing Carmen Rasmussen…j/k.
We also need bizarro numbers to take votes away from everyone too, Pickler, Ace, Paris, Bucky, Taylor, I’d take votes away from each of you each week. Actually now that I’ve read more, I’d take away 19 of my votes for Chris. Creed, e tu Chris?
How do I sign up for the Soul Patrol?
hb
I missed it, what’s with Mandisa being anti-gay?
Amen to #22 – what sense does it make for the judges to tell Bucky this week, ‘You got back to country, and you’re good at that – this is what you do!’, and then tell Chris, ‘You can’t keep doing this every week!’ after praising him for being himself just a week ago?! I don’t get it.
I think pretty much everyone sucked this week. I never expected to see Katharine in the bottom three, but a wake-up call is nice now and again – especially to the female contestants who insist on singing Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Christina Aguilera….and Beyonce. Paris, don’t ever do that again. E-V-E-R. God, she annoys the shit out of me, and can’t get voted off fast enough, IMO. Right on, Tony A. (#5).
Memo to Kellie: do us, and yourself, a favor – DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SING MARTINA MCBRIDE NEXT WEEK, MMMKAY?
Country week. Shit. There goes any chance of getting rid of Bucky or Kellie – not that I want to get rid of Bucky. I’d much prefer Paris and Kellie leave before he does.
And Mandisa sounded fricking awful this week. I’ve defended her before to the charges of ‘she screams out her songs!’, but this week, I can’t. She DID scream it out, and she was off-key. Ugh.
Taylor was good and turned me onto Ray LeMontagne. That guy’s awesome.
I also thought Elliott was good. Everyone else? Not so much. I just wanted it to be over.
PS – what the hell is up with the producers of this show, anyway? Can’t they get Paula some handlers? Someone to feed her lines to her? When she made that comment about Ace’s scar, I had the same reaction Simon and Randy did: Oh, shit – SHUT UP, Paula! Do the words ‘Corey’ and ‘Clark’ mean anything to you?!?
The looks of panic on the faces of Simon and Randy were the highlights of the night, IMO. LOL!
One other thing-do they make Paula give the contestants some of her stash in order to get them to do the God-awful videos in the beginning? If I were Chris, Taylor, or Mandisa, I would RUN from AI before having to do another one! Of course, it’s kind of fun making them all jump through hoops for sadistic entertainment viewing pleasure.
First…. GREAT recap! So hilarious. Lot more entertaining than Tuesday night.
Good lord everyone stunk to high heaven. Well.. maybe stunk is the wrong word… everyone bored me to tears.
It was a bit surprising to see Katharine in the bottom 2 but not really. She really did suck Tuesday.
I can’t wait till Ace goes home. GOD I can’t wait!!!! I loathe every second he’s on my tv.
I don’t usually watch American Idol (only the audition episodes) and since absolutely no other network wanted to even try to compete with AI for some ratings, I watched the damn thing. I enjoyed Mandisa’s Praise You performance and Paris & Taylor sounded good but other than them I cringed… a lot.
*SaveFerris, I couldn’t identify Deb Gibson/Kristy Swanson but I DID recognize Rachel from freaking S Club 7! So you’re not alone.
As for last night, I didn’t care about the results show but eventually tuned it at the part where Ryan was saying ‘bottom row is safe’. I had no clue I’d JUST MISSED SHAKIRA & WYCLEF PERFORM! That breaks my heart a little bit.
#13 switz;
Yes, Unan1mous is ‘gawd-awful’. Yet I couldn’t tear myself from it last week and last night. Damn you and your crazy shows, FOX!
When Ryan Seacrest talks, this picture is all I can see…
http://www.wwtdd.com/index.php?type=one&i=663
Has this been covered yet: Why is Paula wearing a wig? Is all of her hitting the crank making her lose her hair?
stacyrocks, you didn’t miss much with the Shakira and Wyclef performance, unless you like seeing Shakira shake her boobs and hips (which kept my eyes glued to the TV) but the singing was lip synced. Did anyone notice how off Wyclef was during the whole performance? The first words were his and he totally missed his cue. He was off for the rest of the song, if you can call it a song.
Rick D.
Excellent comments everyone…
Ok, to add….
After next week’s “Country Doin’ Muh Cousin” week, are we going to have “Screamin’ Sucky Rock” week so Chris will be safe?
MY G-O-D Katy….get a stylist who knows women….(read: gay not lesbian….not that there’s anything wrong with that) You are way to gorgeous hot to settle for mom’s cubscout meeting outfits…a denim jumper next week?
We saw Paris shakin her Pare-ass..with extensions…and in gangsta clothes….what’s next….she comes out next week in an Aunt Jamima outfit and sings “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Da” from The Song of the South? (although Bucky would make a good Brer Rabbit…and Taylor = Uncle Remus)
Kellie….wear the prom dress….forever….PLEASE….and don’t sing….I am still wheeling from Y’alls version of YEEWWW last week….no wait…sing, don’t talk….no wait….just stand there and jump up and down…again….again….
Ace….is low….and everyone has at least two pairs….everyone….even Bucky
Lisa…too cute to succeed…we will miss those uninteresting performances….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…oh are you still here?
Mandizzzza….bring it before Taylor starts to dance again….and I’m all out of Dramamine.
Prediction…next out:
Paris should be as she won’t be able to pull off country
Ace will be gone….when he sings his sexy version of Old McDonald in falsetto…..EEEIIIEEEIIIOOO (hand to the audience)
Stella (#16), I too was going to tell TVGasm readers to check out Taylor’s prom pix at justjared.com, he was pretty cute.
Is it just me, or is that not the first time Ace has ended a song with the old outstretched (albeit trembling) hand? Could have sworn he’s done that before.
Bucky is not my favorite singer, but I just love his goofy, there’s-not-a-single-thought-in-my-head smile.
indeed a suckfest tuesday night.
What went thru my mind as I was watching Lisa and then Pickler and then Ace, was..wow, thanks, Idol, for showing us the bottom three right away. I even rewound Ace’s performance three times because I truly thought this would be his last time I’d get to rag on this dufus, who could only fall back on lame Jacko yelps at the end of each line.. Kellie was aweful..and she had this sad worried look like “I’m next”. I really liked Taylor performance. I think he is best when he is at ease and not bouncing around the stage like an idiot. He sounded like Blood, Sweat and Tears..bad makeup job aside I thought he was the best. McPhee looked weirdly a-sexual Tuesday..definitely Ellen Degener-esque, and looked hot on Weds show.
Does anyone else think Lisa looks a lot like Aaliyah?
Why oh why did I click that link and see that pic of Ryan…my eyes, my eyes!!!
I usually really like the guy…I think he is good on the show and he doesn’t bother me.
But that picture just scarred me, scarred my soul!
Lizard queen..oh.my.god.I was totally thinking Paris looked like Augra from Dark Crystal week ago!
also..Simon’s GF looks like a trannie.
Eellsinoc (#55)- I am SO GLAD that someone else is freaked out by that picture, it honestly creeps me out, otherwise, I don’t really mind him! But yeah, nasty!
Ruth Buzzi…BWAHAHAHAHAH!
OMG Ash, #48, now that’s all I’m going to see. I need to go burn my corneas. But then I got to see Taylor’s prom pic-little hottie, who knew he had that in him??
I think Kellie looked scared because she kept flubbing the lines. I happen to like “Suds in the Bucket,” and she was obviously having trouble cuz I knew the words after hearing the song like twice & she wasn’t always singing the right ones! (“How can 18 years just up & walk away” became “How can 18 years just something walk away”)
Bucky, Bucky. You make Taylor look like a Broadway dancer. PLease sing a song next that keeps you still like taylor did this week.
gosh…Ryan is so….passionate.
I completely agree, mholc68, about The Rubble Man. Thanks, B-Side for mentioning it here and for today’s best laugh.
Actually, yes, RealityTV4Me, I too have felt that way for a long time. I think Lisa does look a lot like Aaliyah. Aaliyah mixed with that girl from Head of the Class (the one who was in Ghost Dad).
B-side good call on head of the class and Ghost Dad….best movie ever. When she slips on her roller skates and has an ‘out of body experiance’
Classic! A man after my own heart.
or experience as the case may be.
I HATE Paris…She always acts like shes twice her age plus shes such a drama queen….crying buckets anytime anyone leaves! Why won’t they kick her out? ugh!
Oh.My.God I just saw The Prom Dress. There is no way a girl who dresses like that for prom, does not know what “ballsy” means.
Trixie’s post is my favorite.
Hilarious summary B-Side. Every week I’m just so scared for Ace and how he’s gonna do. After his performance this week I just knew he’d be in the bottom 3, but luckily those looks got him through. I still like T.Hicks, but I thought Elliot was the best this week. It was def time for Lisa to go, but what amazes me is how Bucky is still in this. He’s got a good voice, but his song choices are always bad and the performance worse, but I’m sure he’ll be safe after next week’s country theme. I wonder if Chris is going to conform and do a country song… poor thing is probably so confused.
I cannot, cannot, CANNOT believe the AI folks re-upped Paula for another three years. The only thing I can hope is that there’s some sort of out clause for Paula’s inevitable trip to rehab. But I will admit she seemed slightly more lucid than last week. At least her eyes were open all the way and her wig was on straight. But her come-on to Ace about his scar still shows that she’s taking a nip or two before air time.
I know I’m the 60th something post to say this but I still want to add that I thought everyon’s performances this week were terrible. As Simon said, any of them could have been in the bottom three. Even my eye candy Ace was terrible, down from his usual adequate rating. I was kind of shocked that Mandisa wasn’t better with the Mary Mary song. I thought for sure she would knock a R&B/gospel song out of the park, but within a few notes, I could tell that she too wasn’t having a good night. And the cameraman did not do Mandisa any favors by shooting her from the rear. I think they’ve focused so much on her face and shoulders for the last few weeks that I forgot how huge she really is. It’s probably for Randy to sit down with her and have a heart-to-heart about weight loss.
Next week’s country theme is probably going to be a train wreck of epic proportions. I can’t wait!
B – good job, except for your characterization of Simon’s (non)-praise of McDiva on Tuesday. He was actually quite pleased with it and remarked she was “almost” as good as Xtina. It was a sincere compliment.
The headline is when he recanted on Wednesday! He always says that his persepctive often changes upon viewing the tape. This was radical, and I think worthy of mention.
Sparky – it is a HUGE deal to make top 10. Anyone who does makes the tour. I am not aware of a particular benefit for top 12.
My undertanding is that each of the 10 last year got $20K per tour show. Do the math – an easy quarter-million each.
I’ve never read of the compensation during AI. But it’s got to be several thousand per week.
Being that next week is country week – do you think Chris will sing Social Distortion’s cover of the original Johnny Cash song ‘I Walk the Line’? It seems to be his thing. He somewhat fell into my grace this week though by not covering someone else’s cover. I still don’t like him.
Paris is annoying. She and her new Rapunzel weave need to go far far away. Kellie needs to go back to singing karaoke in the highway bars of Hick Town, USA. I absolutely loathe her. Bucky scares me. Actually I just can’t get over the fact that he has a twin brother named Rocky and I really think those their real names. I think that’s what really scares me. I think Elliot did okay this week. Did you see how the trainers/handlers/stylists whatever they are have told him to hold the mic up in front of his mouth when he sings to hide that f****d grill from America? Mandisa SHOULD NOT be wearing jeans. OMG! That was the first thing E.C. and I talked the next day at water cooler. I do not have McPheever. Ace needs to die. I used to think he was attractive, but those feelings are long gone. It pains me to look at him. If I see the ‘smoldering’ look again at the end of his performance, I am going to hang myself.
And last of all, Taylor. For some odd reason I really like him. I was joking with a friend about going to the AI tour when it comes to a city near me, holding a big glittery sign that says SLEEP WITH ME TAYLOR!! That’s all I really want. I would love to hop into bed with him because with all the twitching and the WHOA’s I’d feel like I was the best f*** in the galaxy.
Please – TVgasm people – can you recap this summer’s Rockstar show. It was a major kick butt show last year – overall the performers put these AI wannabes to shame. Plus, who doesn’t want to see/read/type about that wonderful reality TV star Tommy Lee (I say that sarcastically – but I will still watch the show). Please. Por favor..
From the Advocate:
Is an American Idol finalist a proponent of the “ex-gay” movement?
That’s what some viewers are asking following Mandisa’s performance and on-camera comments during Tuesday’s live show. For the episode’s “Songs of the 21st Century” theme, Mandisa chose the Mary Mary gospel belter “Wanna Praise You,” preceding the song with the following introduction: “This song goes out to everybody that wants to be free. Your addiction, lifestyle, or situation may be big, but God is bigger!” In the taped segment beforehand, Mandisa said the song “means a lot to me because it’s a testimony that there’s nothing too hard for God.”
On the American Idol Web site, the 29-year-old Mandisa, a native of Antioch, Tenn., lists author and lecturer Beth Moore as her personal American idol. Mandisa writes on the site that Moore “inspires me to live more like Jesus, and I want to do the same.”
Moore is the author of such books as Breaking Free: Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life, which contains the following passage: “A young Christian girl has a harsh abusive father. She grows up with a fear and distaste for men. Satan supplies a slightly older woman who seems tender and caring. The comforting relationship turns into a physical relationship, so the young woman assumes she must be homosexual. In her heart she knows what she is doing is wrong, but she feels helpless without her new comforter. Soon she starts socializing with other women who are practicing homosexuality, because they will support her new habit with the lies she needs to continue. She avoids the Bible and chooses books that advocate homosexuality. She drops all relationships except those that support the fraudulent attachment with lies…. Scary, isn’t it?”
According to Moore’s Web site, she founded the Living Proof Ministries in 1994 with the purpose of teaching women how to love and live on God’s Word. Part of Living Proof Ministries’ mission statement includes the statement “We believe that ‘Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners’ and can fully redeem and powerfully use even those who consider they have been the worst.” (1 Timothy 1:15). She also provides links to “ex-gay” groups including Exodus International and Exodus Youth.
Good for Mandisa and her standing by her convictions. Everyone is free to believe what they want, how they want. Topic? She sings her butt off. Well, not off…but she brings it.
Paris did really well. She is just a kid. A silly girl. Just like Kellie. Well, after seeing Kellie’s prom dress, not JUST like Kellie. Lisa was mature and poised, but Paris is just a kid from the south doing her thing. She really sang a song that’s not really “singable” quite well!
I hardly, if ever, watch the Tuesday shows cuz I have better things to do with my time, like smoke pot and play with a kitten. I watch the results show, and usually just the parts where they recap the previous night’s performances and give out the results. So anyfart, when they showed the clip of Chris singing a Creed song, it actually frightened me. I’ll admit it, when I was like 15, (21 now) I loved Creed, but he chose the worst most godawful fucking song. I am not kidding, it totally scared me, it was so loud and terrible.
I might consider watching the show this coming Tuesday because an all country night, whew, bound to be some good watchin’. Will Paris pull it off? Will Kellie ask what another common word means? Will Chris sing a rock cover of a country song??????
I feel kind of bad. The guy I’m having sex with looks like Bucky. I just realized this.
My bad!! I wondered if Chris would over Social Distortion cover of Johnny Cash’s RING OF FIRE. He covered Live’s I walk the Line last week. Sorry for the confusion!!
For anyone who cares, here’s a link to an article bashing the clothing choices of the AI crew:
Clothes Cacophony On ‘American Idol’
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/30/AR2006033002078_pf.html
that link should end with “html”
The recaps and comments are so great this week – you helped me kill an hour of a pretty boring friday at work – thanks!!:)
Tuesday night was the most painful and horrible Idol EVER. Who knew how badly 10 people could absolutely butcher the lame crap on the radio these days.
Lisa was brave with the Kelly Clarkson song but puhlease – who is she kidding – she is a good singer for a 16 year old but they could of done her a favor and just showed her the door because we all knew she was next to go.
But Katherine in the bottom two – what the f&^% is up with that? Besides the fact that everything she wears makes her breasteses look like they are ready to unleash themselves upon the world, the girl has a unique and very beautiful voice – she is the best of all the girls (IMO) which isnt saying much. Her stylists should be shot – (the comment about a denim jumper was a scream!)
Taylor was great – i didnt notice the makeup but actually liked his new ‘do. He and Elliot need dancing lessons but I could listen to either of them anytime. Someone tell Elliot NOT..TO.. DANCE..EVER!!
Bucky, bucky, bucky – you look cute in a hat and tight jeans but what kind of hillbilly moonwalk were you trying to do? I truly thought he might be having a seizure. The commentary about his ennunciation was long in coming – I keep thinking – Get the marbles out’cher mouth boy!
Ace needs to go home – for the obvious reasons like NO TALENT. I cant even look at him anymore. The scar thing put me over the edge and Paula’s little come hither tell momma about your boo boo thing was a hoot. They better up her Halidol or something. Loved the Corey Clark comments in the recap.
Paris and Mandiva are too much for me to handle. Paris saying she wanted to sing a little girl song and then doing her stripper gyration imitation complete with the Lee-press-on-hair and her momma’s bar clothes and then Mandisa singing/no screaming her gospel tune – I didnt sign up for Religious Idol and singing in the church must be her thing because she screamed it on the show and hit a couple notes that would of peeled paint off your wall. The back shot of her pumped into those jeans was so startling we had to rewind it and look again – my god, those stylists are really not doing her any favors (Should we put her in jeans again – no one will notice her incredibly large ass – they will be looking at her beautiful face- NOT).
Then there is Kelli – just make her go away. Please let her be next to go – too bad she didnt have a severe peanut allergy then perhaps her newest food of the week would have put her out of our misery…(mean – I know!)
Hey Jesuslovesyou (#1), thanks for sending in those votes for me. Damn nice of ya. I owe you one. I agree 100% on what you said about the Creed song. When he said he was doing a Creed song I thought “cool” but when I heard which song it was I thought “aw, why that one?” Really lousy song choice buthe’s still my boy so ya gotta stick by him.
I thought for sure Ace was finally going to get the heave-ho but when he was the first to go back and sit down my jaw dropped. Then I thought for the love of God don’t let it be Katharine. The only thing I don’t like about her is that she’s too stiff when she sings. She just stands there not knowing what to do with herself while she’s singing. Other than that she’s a hottie and can really sing. I hope she wins and Chris comes in second so he won’t have to be under the Idol contract.
Taylor was the only one worth a damn this week. Just standing there and singing with that heaven-sent voice . . . aaaaaaahhhhh. Ecstasy. (Not the drug, mind you.) I have to agree with #71 – I would love to have some mattress romp with Taylor.
Oh, BTW, I think everyone on Unan1mous is an actor. I think the whole show is fake. It Joe Schmo in another genre. Pay attention to what the “characters” say and how they say it, and you will see what I mean!
Hey all, long time no chat, but I’ve been reading all your rants and raves–rants in this case! I’m not a hater of any, but Friggin’ Ace has to go . . . .Mr. Lamest Lame-o (and I even liked his “Butterfly”) week. Were we to capture that blank stare, which is so NOT sultry (ugh!) and put them side by side, they would match like an Andy Warhol set of panels.
Hope Mandisa’s not Anti-gay, but she’s too religious for my taste, until the gospel, she’s kept it quiet though, unlike “Bless You” Gedeon.
McPheever, to me, looks like she’s picturing her next shopping trip while she’s singing, total disconnect, I hope she takes the bottom two to heart and shapes up.
Elliott is still my fave! Can’t believe how good the people sound after they get booted either, even little Lisa (sorry to disagree B-side) I knew her vibrato should have been perfect on that chorus. But please, can we just assign songs or something, do these kids even listen to the radio?!
Taylor was a hottie and still is, looks like he’s losing weight on the show too. and Kellie’s prom dress, well, it’s a bit low low waisted, but from what I’ve learned from my nieces, “Everybody’s doing it” she would not have stood out in the crowd–the kids these days, jeeze!
I hope Paris can stop annoying everyone, I really want to hear the week the right song finds her, I think she’s great and poised, and I’d rather have her precocious than unconscious (like Ace or McPhee)
Paris, oh Paris. Don’t shake your booty unless you have a booty worth shaking. Ugh.
Shocked by the McPheever situation. I thought I’d called the bottom 3 as usual and Bucky was almost on his feet. But she deserved it – none of her own personality in the performance, just a (bad) impersonation. Don’t think she’ll do that again.
Simon’s criticism of Chris was hugely hypocritical, but he was 100% right. Sticking to your guns is one thing, but that was just too heavy for AI. Just when I was succeeding in forgetting the existence of Scott Stapp too. Chris, you’re great, but you can be true to yourself and still show a bit of variety. And lighten up man!
juddfan, so good to hear from you. You are such a classy guy.
By the way, don’t young people go to the beach or the pool? There should be plenty of time to see each other scantily clad.
I’ve missed you too, LQ! I’m assuming you mean scantily clad in response to Kelli’s prom dress, Lord knows when I was back in HS, I was wearing turquiose and ruffles, so who would I be to judge . . .