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Tuesday, April 4, 2006
9:15 pm
73 Comments
Thought last week’s round of American Idol was terrible? You ain’t seen nothing yet. Last night, the show tackled country music, and let’s just say, it was a snoozefest. Nearly every single song was forgettable and bland despite the performances. To me, it was an indictment of the genre more than anything else. Sure, it’s fun to two-step to some fiddles and general honky-tonk music, but contemporary country is just whiny and boring, and as a result, we were stuck with an hour of TV that had us itching for the fast forward button. Hopefully we’ve reached the nadir of the season because I can’t imagine it getting any worse. That is unless the producers opt for the all klezmer theme that I’ve been secretly wishing for.
As the show begins, we notice some regrettable fashion missteps right off the bat. First, Ryan Seacrest tries to be manly by growing something on his face. More than stubble but less than a beard, it’s kind of like the pre-pubescent 13-year-old of facial hair — not quite a child, but far from a man. Nevertheless, I think we can all appreciate the inherent symbolism of Ryan growing a beard the same week he appears on camera smooching Teri Hatcher.
Ryan’s not the only one with a fashion transgression. Mr. Randy Jackson manages to cause a few double takes with his bright red vest. I think it may have been an attempted homage to the country genre, but honestly, it looks like he simply took an old box of Valentine’s Day candies and fashioned some crude garment out of it. Ryan later says he looks like Cupid, but I don’t agree on account of Cupid having wings, a harp, a little white toga, and NOT LOOKING ANYTHING LIKE RANDY.
For this week’s country theme, the singers are lucky enough to have The Gambler himself provide a little advice. Yes, Kenny Rogers shows up to lend a hand, and dammit if he hasn’t gone all metrosexual on us. His hair is now short and layered, and he sports a youthful ensemble which I immediately hate. Carson Kresley: we want our old Kenny Rogers back.
That’s not going to be good for business.
First up is Taylor Hicks. I’ve never been crazy about this guy, but at least he always has fun with his songs. Not the case this week. Taylor seems off key and out of it as he plods through his country ditty. If Taylor can’t bring life to the music, I fear what the rest of the evening will have in store for us.
Our thoughts exactly.
Randy gives thumbs down to the performance, saying it was boring, and Paula starts her critique by saying, “You know I love you, Taylor.” In Paula-speak, that’s her way of saying, “You were really terrible and boring tonight.” Simon calls the performance “safe, boring, lazy,” and later, the zing-addicted Ryan goes for the yuk-yuk by saying, “Safe, boring, and lazy: Simon’s love life, ladies and gentlemen.”
Anyone else getting sick of Ryan’s bitterness? Hey Ryan. You’re just the host. SHUT UP. Simon being a dick = cool. Ryan being a dick = lame.
After the commercial break, Ryan starts to introduce Mandisa, but he’s thrown off his game when he hears a woman yell, “I love you Ryan!” Turns out it was Paula, and now Ryan is completely speechless. A few seconds of silence go by until Ryan finally stutters some lame response. But he’s still so confused that exec-producer and So You Think You Can Dance judge Nigel Lythgoe then has to chime in from the audience and say “I love you Ryan!” also. Unfortunately, this just rattles our metro-ragamuffin even more. Ryan utters some silly comment about whatever, but he’s thankfully cut off by the Mandisa video which the producers mercifully play.
This is awkward.
Mandisa comes on stage, and I feel an instant pang of embarrassment for her. Someone should have told her that horizontal stripes aren’t always a curvy girl’s best friend. Even worse, Mandisa looks like she rolled herself up in a Mexican tablecloth. But sartorial decisions are the least of her worries. Her performance is solidly okay. She’s not great, but she’s not awful either. Just blah. (Keeping in mind that “blah” for Mandisa is still about ten times better than almost anyone else.)
Looks like everyone gave Mandisa a standing ovation. Everyone except RACHEL BILSON!
The judges are only lukewarm to Mandisa this week. Randy says “The last five seconds were great,” which is really the height of backhanded compliments. Paula says that Mandisa has a wonderful voice (a.k.a. she hated it), and Simon pretty much disses the entire song. He calls it horrible, and when the crowd boos, Simon says he’s just trying to be “constructive.” A few second later, when Ryan has the floor again, he questions Simon about his comments.
“If you listened, I said I quite liked her. I just wasn’t crazy about the song,” Simon says.
“And if you read the dictionary, you’d know what constructive means,” Ryan replies. Again, unnecessary zing. And quite forced too. Well, Simon shows Ryan how it’s really done.
“Ryan, with respect,” he says, “I’m not the one trying to look like someone out of Desperate Housewives.” OH NO HE DI’INT!!! OH NO HE DI’INT!!! The crowd goes wild, and as I wonder if this is some reference to the whole Teri Hatcher thing, Simon then adds, “Lose the beard.” Oh, it works on so many levels!
“I’m fey.”
With the crowd roaring, Ryan is again at a loss for words. He’s clearly lost this round, but he’s not gonna give up. He spews out some lame, tangled comment about Simon’s baby blue sweater, but no one’s listening and no one cares. It’s over Ryan. The zing of the night belongs to Cowell.
Hey, how did Igor get on this show?
Back to the singing, Elliot performs a Garth Brooks song quite nicely. At least, that’s what I think. Randy likes it, Paula likes it, but Simon thinks it’s sort of bland. Again, the country effect. Elliot then reveals that he was nervous. Elliot? NERVOUS?? Stop pulling my leg!
Paris has always been incredibly annoying to me, but her undeniable talent for knocking songs out of the park has always saved her. Well, tonight, she’s annoying AND off-key, which means she has no redeeming qualities this week. This is definitely her worst performance. It’s a boring rendition of an already boring song (“How Do I Live” by LeAnne Rhymes or Trista Yearwood, whichever you prefer). Randy and Paula both pan the performance, and in a shocking development, the crowd actually boos Paula. But even weirder is Simon who actually praises the performance. I tend to think he just wanted to earn a few cheers over Paula’s boos because there’s no way that anyone could truly enjoy’s Paris’s singing this evening.
If there’s one thing we can depend on, it’s Ace Young and his nasally generic performances. I can hardly even remember the delicate love song he whines through tonight. Randy has a mixed reaction, literally, when he says, “It was nice. It was really boring for me.” Make up your mind, dawg! Paula, of course, is still coasting off the contact high she received last week from seeing Ace’s scar. She tells him that he’s great and has a knack for choosing proper songs. Well, if Ace’s goal is sound like a tire slowly deflating, then yes, he does choose the right songs. Paula also loves his little falsetto and says, “That’s your signa– signatu– signatURE.” Whatever, Slurry McDruggerson.
Before she even opens her mouth to sing, Kellie addresses the mild controversy swirling around her. Is she really as dumb as she seems? Or is it just an act. No, she really is that dumb. Kellie defends her idiocy, proudly saying that she had never heard of calamari and that she thought she should pronounce salmon like “sal-mon” because there’s an “l” in the word. Kellie, I’m going to break this to you lightly: just because a word has a letter doesn’t mean you have to pronounce it. I’d really hate to see her tackle “Colonel” or “Worcester” or any word feature “gh”.
Anyway, being that it’s country night, Kellie of course excels. I think she’s pretty good, but she seems a little dead in the eyes and stiff in her performance. Whatever. The judges give her high marks, and that’s all that really matters, right?
Next, Ryan takes us through the audience and brings us to the aisle of black Oscar hosts past. Yes, Whoopi Goldberg and Chris Rock are sitting in the crowd, probably wishing they hadn’t come on stupid country music night. Chris Daughtry then takes the stage and sings a slight but surprisingly effective ballad that all but erases any bitter after taste from that putrid Creed song last week. Even though Chris’s choice tonight isn’t crazy or showy, he manages to connect emotionally and bring this little tune to life. Randy and Paula both enjoy the performance. Simon says that he enjoyed seeing another side to Chris but that the song choice was hideous. In the midst of this, Paula drops her head down on the table. She claims it’s out of frustration, but I’m pretty sure it’s just the first signs of painkiller withdrawal.
Aaaand she’s down.
With Paula’s antics hogging the spotlight, I nearly miss this pseudo-Christina Ricci making eyes with some person — perhaps Seacrest — off camera.
“You see these eyes?”
“They’re on you, Ryan.”
“Tee hee! I’m clever!”
Katharine McPhee gets on stage next and sings a song about bringing out the Elvis in her. It’s a very up and down song, and I think it works in its own way. Again, not the best, but certainly better than most of the dreck we’ve heard tonight. Simon doesn’t know what to say about the song. He calls it “peculiar” and then stammers a bit before Katharine tells him it’s okay. He can just confess to hating country music — which he does. Simon immediately becomes public enemy number one for every trailer home across the nation.
Last is Bucky Covington who I assumed would rock the house with a rousing country anthem. Instead, he goes the softer route by singing “Best I Ever Had,” which is actually one of the few songs I know this hour. I think it’s odd that when the show finally focuses on country, Bucky chooses a cover of a late ’90s rock ballad by Vertical Horizon (although, apparently the song’s been countrified in the past year by a guy named Gary Allan). Anyway, I’m just babbling now. Bucky does a decent job with the song. His staging – well, that’s another story. After walking around the stage for most of the song, Bucky then engages in one of the most labored “sit-downs” ever on the show. He pauses at the staircase and then slowly lowers his butt to the top step, almost as if to say, “Okay, ladies and gents. I, Bucky Covington, am sittin’ down.”
All three judges give Bucky quick, light praise that feels somewhat perfunctory. They seem like they just want to get out of there and put this awful night behind them. Amen to that. Never again, Idol. Never again.
Now that I’ve insulted all country fans out there, what do you think? Were the singers shoved out of their comfort zone by the country music? Or were they undermined by the limits of the genre? And who do you think was best/worst?
TV Social
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73 Comments
Now Miss Ryan has 2 beards, his own and Teri Hatcher, as Simon (and I ) pointed out. Simon and I are so in sync.
KH
Teri Hatcher = Beard, scary beard at that..
Snoozefest is right. I was never so bored in all my life. I can just imagine how Simon felt.
As much as I’ve hated Ace from the beginning I must admit that he sang his song rather decently last night.
It’s hard to say who sucked the most because the songs all sucked in the first place. I’d still like to see Ace or Bucky get the axe.
I didn’t catch Taylor Hicks’ performance last night. But, when I saw the snippet at the end of the show—what the hell was that? That sucked so hard! And I love Taylor, but that? That was rank, dude. I agree that the show was very boring last night and I consider myself a fan of country music. I was familiar with all of the songs that they sung last night, unlike alot of people. The ones who really stood out to me were: Chris and Bucky. My mom loves Kellie and I am soooo over her with that fake ass country bumpkin act she’s got going. C’mon Kellie, not all of us Southerners are so freaking dumb. Sheesh. Elliott did well, even though he doesn’t really have the look going for him. I’d like to see Ace go, but I’m thinking that Taylor or Katharine might be packing up tonight. I dunno, we’ll see. I’d really love to see Chris win A.I. He rocks.
I thought that Elliot was the best last night, followed by Katherine and Chris. I didn’t think that Kellie did anything “Fancy” with a song that I’ve heard a million girls sing in karaoke bars (I’ve lived in the south for the past 12 years and they LOVE that song). I thought that Paris was blah, and poor Mandisa! Bad choice of song and wardrobe. When she lifted her arm over her head, you could see her fat jiggle and it just distracted my concentration from the song in a bad way. I love her voice but…yuck!
As a fan of country music, I too was familiar with the songs that were chosen.
And for the first time, I actually enjoyed Ace’s performance. He did a good job with Keith Urban – one of my favorite songs of his.
Chris is still the man and I was VERY happy to see him bring it down about a million notches with his Keith Urban rendition, too. I was hoping he would channel a little Extreme, and he did.
Katharine did great but I don’t know that she has the fan base to keep her out of the bottom three.
The rest of them all sucked…Taylor (what was THAT about?), Paris (consistently annoying), Mandisa (completely off key), Elliot, Bucky, Kellie — yuck!
You don’t have to sing all “countrified” in order to sing a good country song.
And somebody please tell Elliot to cut back on the snuff already. Geesh! That boy’s bottom lip is protruding through the camera and into my home.
Was that really Kenny Rogers? He came straight from the plastic surgeons table didn’t he.
Kathryn McPhee is beautiful.
Good recap- thanks for the seinfeld reference, although I was positive you were going to follow with a shot of Paula with a ‘thats not good for anyone’ caption.
Can’t have it all I guess
the moment i saw that george michael/sonny crockett beard on the cheese-crest, i turned to my honeypie and said “somewhere out in los angeles, b-side is saying ‘thanks for the easy lay-up, ryan.’” our recently double-bearded host just makes it too easy. has anyone noticed that he’s dropped the whole ‘seacrest, OUT!’ thing? hmmmm . . .
thank god for paula’s continuing spiral of vicodin-induced, mushy-mouthed weirdness, because otherwise this week was a different kind of train-wreck–the kind you don’t want to watch. taylor was a disaster. mandisa . . . i hate to pick on a girl for being a little heavy, but whoever keeps telling her to wear tight jeans is playing some sort of sick joke. paris? please go away. elliot? elliot who? ace? the only thing remotely worthwhile about ace is watching seacrest try to restrain himself from squeezing the roll of socks ace tucks in his jeans for false advertising. bucky’s one redeeming quality is that he keeps paula from being the only one on the show who can’t enunciate syllables. pickler sucked as usual, but the red juggle-baskets and the slut-squat should keep her around for another week.
if this were the gong show, only chris and katherine would have been spared the hook. if johnny cash were still around, he’d have given this show the finger, san quentin style. hey gambler–ditch the metrosexual look and bring back the full beard and the silver feathered butt-cut, pronto. you don’t want to give seacrest any ideas. sorry, rednecks–contemporary country sucks ass.
Have I mentioned how much country music sucks ass? Ok good. Taylor really blew the only song that was actually any good. The rest is just so ridiculous. Bringing out the Elvis in me? What the Hades was that all about? Nice to see Chris stop screaming, and I’d like to rub his head between my… oh, pardon me. Incidentally I’ve had a crush on Kenny Rogers since I was a little girl. That’s over now. Ace didn’t suck as bad as he usually does. Mandisa, for the love of God, bring back the flowy tunics and skirts. That shirt and jeans would’ve looked like shit on a skinny broad! I love how Southern people and country music fans are always up in arms about “We’re not all stupid idiots like Kellie Pickler” “We’re not all rednecked assholes like Lake the dentist” (from TAR 9). Yeah, no deuce. Kellie’s a fool and Lake’s a piece of excrement. If you want to take that as a personal attack or a universal slander of all things Southern than maybe you’re just a dumb redneck.
What a yawn fest last night-I totally expected Bucky to rock the house too-and like you said he picks a country cover of a rock ballad? WTF? I’m glad you mentioned Kellie’s dead eyes-I’ve been thinking the same thing for the last few weeks. I think a producer must have told her to work on that cuz did you see the spastic eyebrow lifts she was doing? it was like she couldn’t figure out how to make it look like there’s life behind those eyes so she figured if she kept lifting those brows we’d all be fooled. Then again it might be hard for her to do 2 things at once. And what’s up with her squatting pose, like she’s gotta fluff? Oh, so pathetic when someone is desperately trying to look sexy & confident & it fails miserably.
The best I think we’re Eliot & Chris. I like country music but hate Keith Urban, but i actually liked Chris’s version. When I found out Ace was singing that crying song I had to brace myself-can he get any more lounge-singer-esque?? They need to make him sing an up-tempo song, if he’s around next week.
BTW-Kenny Rogers scared me.
That Rogers, he makes a pretty mean bird. As for Idol Productions, we’ll stick with the Manilow.
Did anyone else catch it when Ryan said “someone at the judges table has a flask over there.” It was right after the sweater comment he made and whatever comment Simon made about it. Then the look on Simon’s and Paula’s face. Simon was like I can’t believe he said that and Paula’s was like is he talking about me?
Overall this was a lackluster night and definites even worse than last week. Usually you get at least one performance that wows the judges and crowd, but nothing even close the last two weeks.
I’m no country fan, but if it’s country night you have to judge the contestants on what they have to work with. Every year Simon does the same thing. With some contestants he was fair about saying the performance was good even though he hated the song, and others I think he unfairly slammed for a decent performance because he hated the song.
Taylor was atrocious, and even though he has a lot of fans I think even the most ardent Taylor lovers would be hard pressed to motivate themselves to pick up the phone for him last night. Of all the contestants, he is definitely the worst when taken out of his comfort zone of bluesy/soul rock.
McPheever did a very nice job last night, and hurray for her not wearing an outfit that looked like maternity clothes, especially since she actually does have a nice figure. I don’t think she’ll have any problems this week. I actually voted for her multiple times since I think she got screwed last week, and she was by far the hardest one to log a vote in for – the line was constantly busy. I think she has a lot of fans who were very motivated to vote for her after last week’s near disaster.
Taylor and Mandisa could find themselves in jeopardy for the first time tonight. Ace isn’t my cup of tea, but he did a pretty good job and certainly gave his fans what they want. At least he toned back on the smoldering stare and outstretched shaky hand thing. Elliot, Paris and Pickler were solid enough to be safe. Chris is smart enough to know he overplayed his hand last week and brilliantly dialed it way back for a nice restrained performance that connected with the audience and judges. Bottom three: Taylor, Mandisa and Ace.
Oh, and Tanya Tucker’s 15-year-old daughter sang that Elvis song at one of her mom’s concerts on an episode of Tuckerville. (Marathon of season 1 was on this past Sunday, & I was hungover with nothing else better to do.) She may have done a better job than McPheever. But now I can’t get that damn song out of my head.
Rank the remaining contestants based on overall performances only. I don’t care if they sucked this week or had a bad week last week. I mean, straight out, overall rankings.
#1 – Chris
#2 – Mandisa
#3 – Katharine
#4 – Taylor
And a five-way tie for suckiest?
#5 – Kellie
#6 – Ace
#7 – Paris
#8 – Elliot
#9 – Bucky
Wow. First, great headline for the recap. Second, Kellie can sing country, big shock. Third, Taylor Taylor Taylor, pick better songs (John Denver? really??).
Haha, great recap. So much better than the actual show.
Ugh, another terrible week. Last week was so uninspiring that I was tempted to not watch yesterday. Perhaps I’ll be skipping next week’s show. Too boring!
I think Faith Hill recorded ‘bringing out the elvis in me’ on her last CD.
KH
There’s an hour of my life I will never get back. This recap makes up for some of the pain.
Mandisa to her stylist(s) – Your Fired!
hb
There are some great country songs that mix in blues and rock for something really interesting. Those songs were not them.
Barry Manilow, of all people, got great performances out of everyone. Kenny Rogers and Stevie Wonder, not so much.
Kellie Pickler is a dumb sack of shit. The *only* reason Simon is rubbing his hands together with glee at the prospect of her winning AI is because he knows she doesn’t possess the capacity to actually read the contract she’ll be forced to sign with a big “X” in a red Crayola. She’s dumber than a box of hair, and so gullible he’ll have her singing in every shopping mall across America while being paid in McNuggets. BTW, can someone teach her some proper dance moves? I’m sick of looking at her diarreah-chicken-bob-and-squat, as she reaches out to the camera and squints like she’s trying to squeeze out a loaf on stage.
Fortunately I missed this episode…I went to see John Edward…defiantely sounds as if it was more entertaining…
YES! What was with the eyebrows Kellie??!!?? It seemed so plastic and forced.
I’d like to rip my ear drums out everytime that chick opens her mouth…being a complete idiot does not make you cute, naive or vunerable. It makes you annoying and a terrible representative for the youth of America. Put down the microphone, grab a book and expand your mind little girl. One day you’ll be 50 and your ditzy demeanor won’t be endearing when it’s backed up by wrinkles and liver spots.
To be proud of being that stupid is just…well… STUPID.
Anyhow, another terrible night. I am beginning to question why I watch this. Frankly, I could do without the antics of the host and the judges. It’s not about how nasty they can be to eachother or about how outrageous they are. This show is about singing (thanks Simon). What happened to that??
Slurry McDruggerson. HAHA. I’ll be laughing about that one all day. Who knows what Paula would be like without the pills and Jesus juice. With all the rumblings about Paula’s erratic behavior, you’d think that someone would have done something to prevent her from acting like a total ASS every time she is on camera.
You’re such a gentleman B-Side by calling Mandisa a “curvy girl”. The poor thing looked HUGE in that outfit… I think she’s going to be horrified watching it back.
I spent most of the hour trying to believe that actually was Kenny Rogers up there… that “Gambler” money bought one heck of a face lift.
It’s so downright painful watching Ryan attempt to cut up on Simon, and very badly at that. It’s even more painful watching Paula try to spit out some sort of coherent commentary–and fail everytime. Why can’t someone tell the judges to stop saying the SAME THINGS over and over again. I’m sure Paula’s already told at least one other contestant they could sing the phone book and she’d be entertained. Then again, that’s probably all it takes to entertain someone who is that high.
I LOVE KENNY ROGERS
I voted for katherine 5 (yes 5) times last night. In my defense tho, i was watching the latest and most boring episode of the Real World ever so holding the phone to my ear while pressing redial didnt seem so bad to me.
Pattijo: i caught that comment, but couldnt figure out who he meant. Paula’s face was priceless!
Ace needs to go tonite and much to my dismay I sortoff enjoyed Buckys performance last night.
I agree with BigMax (#20). Barry Manilow has brought out the best of the singers so far, encouraged and guided them to making a song their own. The singers last night made the show sound like every single karaoke bar I’ve ever been to. The songs were basically exact copies of the original version, except for maybe the last few bars where they did a different run or something. I think perhaps that’s what Randy meant when he said he only really liked the last four bars of Mandisa’s song. Only at the end did she break free of the scripted melody and go on her own.
Someone should mention to these singers that breath control is really important – ESPECIALLY when holding a low, soft, long phrase. I lost track of how many times someone slid off the note halfway through a word. Ace was the most noticeable, but I kinda remember everyone having at least a couple of moments like that. It’s impressive when a powerhouse singer belts it out loud and does the vocal tumbling routine of runs up and down the scale, but I personally find it much more impressive when someone can solidly hold that one last lingering note of the phrase and remain true of voice.
Is it my imagination or is there something different about Elliot lately? It seems like his teeth are looking better . Could it be that it’s the facial hair that’s masking the teeth more or have they gotten him some cosmetic dental work?
Kenny Rogers was botoxed out of his mind! It was unreal. And he was completely unnecessary as a mentor.
I like all kinds of music, but anything called country these days seems cross pollinated a million times into wallpaper. Shania Twain? please..There is a huge catalogue of music out there with songs that “tell a story” with a lot more power and poignacy. What happened to country tunes atleast starting from the 1970′s. Songs sung and/or written by Merle Haggard, Olivia Newton John, Waylon Jennings, Charlie Pride, Loretta Lynn, Tanya Tucker, Dolly Parton. How about Emmylou Harris?? Or even KD Lang?
Taylor did nothing with his song..what a shame. Mandisa? I am really worried about the diabetes. sorry. cause that’s all i could think about. your song was utterly forgettable. elliot? pretty good but..you keep rushing thru the songs. i think he’s got the Ultimate Fighting crowd behind him. Ace did pretty good because he was somewhat “himself” which was icky..I think the mic is a substitution for something else in that pic, B-Side..Still want to see him go..just so I don’t have to see his family anymore..who all seem to have the same canned “come hither” stalker stare.
Katherine is becoming weirdly Joker-ish and a-sexual. Just a floating head with the screechy “gospel” wail. And Pickler..you are stupid even by dumb hick standards. You’re even too stupid to be ashamed of yourself. Just shut up. Unless you grew up barefoot in the Appalachians, I have a hard time finding you authentically “country”.
It’s become a beeotch fest with Ryan taking the lead. Hilarious “housewives” comment from Simon.
Wow. Just wow.
If Simon hates country music so much, why do they continue to force these kids into singing it, knowing he’s going to slam their performance?
Katherine? Not too bad. Chris? Surprisingly good for the genre he was faced with. Bucky? You gotta be kidding me. Shouldn’t he have been a little more comfortable last night?! And what’s with his diction? Apparently, rather than learning English in school, he was taught “mush-mouth”.
Paris can’t hit low notes to save her life, and shame on Simon for praising her! Hopefully, after reviewing the performances, he’ll retract his statements from last night like he did with Katherine last week. Mandisa was also disappointing, and yes, someone fire that girl’s stylist.
As for Kellie, I truly believe she’s dumb as a stump and this is no act. But what I really want to know is why she always looks like she’s peeing in the woods when she sings?
I wonder what next week’s show will focus on? “American Idol sings the songs of Moby and Fatboy Slim”? Or should they focus on something that will hit a little closer to home for this year’s crop of talent (and I use that term loosely) – “American Idol sings your favorite one hit wonders!”. I can only hope…
What a letdown! Maybe they need to go back to having the judges pick the songs for them again.
Taylor-are u serious? have u listened to country in the past two decades? and that uninspired mess was all u could come up with? all he needed was a pitchfork and a straw hat..yeehaw!
Mandisa-when your strong point is wailing..picking a song like that makes you wonder what she was thinking almost as much as what the stylist was thinking for her. I fear she may have damaged her chances to redeem herself next week with that little ditty.
Elliot-He definately “made it his own” as Paula would say but his nervousness shows too much lately and he is too forgettable. Another prospect for upset time in the bottom 3.
Paris-Why is it i just wanna slap her even when she is just cutely waving hi to the camera? Bad bad version of this overdone song (btw..its Leann Rimes and Trisha Yearwood
) Hoping for the bottom 3 for her..heck..the bottom itself would be nice
Ace-I find myself staring at his eyebrows rather than listening to him sing. Or watching Paula have a chair orgasm. Did anyone notice how she was sitting after his performance,all while wearing a dress? Eww..Bottom 3 as well blushboy.
Does anyone really care what Ryan has to say? Everytime he tries to start something with Simon he looks more like an ass. This “look i kissed a girl..and look i can grow facial hair” thing is not fooling anyone honeybunch. Go away!
Kellie-the fact that they actually had her defend that “yes i truly am that stupid” was priceless. Not a bad version of her song but i think her “girls” got more votes than her voice did. She musta learned that one from Jessica Sierra.
Chris-Look at my big bicep in my tight shirt! He was aight..but seemed a bit disconnected. His stare is starting to scare me as much as Ace’s.
Kat-While that has never been one of my fave Faith songs..it was bluesy and her style. She coulda easily have sung a Wynonna song to pull that off. But overall i thought she looked great and was flirty and having fun. Only knock was her honest but could be perceived as Covais-ish comment to Simon.
Bucky-Wth? Was spose to be his night to shine and if he hadnt gone last we woulda long forgotten that performance of a pop song. Big letdown but i fear he still survives another day.
Tonite is the night for the first “upset” of the season i believe. Too bad when kareoke people stay longer than true talent but.
B-side..your Slurry comments were all right on!
Katharine McPhee looked super hot! I loved her performance….
Taylor Hicks looks like a hot dog. Anyone agree?
ACE is a homo. I just thank god the cameramen spared us his “smoldering” look and panned out during the end of his performance.
Mandisa and Chris for president
Calm down people. Geez, reading some of the comments you would think it’s a life and death struggle. IT IS A TV SHOW!!!!!!!!! No matter who wins the AI popularity contest if they don’t have the it factor they will just dissappear anyway. Just as Ruben,Anastasia, and whoever else won the thing.
Yota, have you heard of commas?
Did anyone else notice when Bucky tried to pull off an Ace-like smoldering stare into the camera at the end of his performance? Hysterical!
I’m sorry B-Side is my soul mate. I hope that is true and not some sick groupie thing. I don’t really care if my punctuation is correct. Question is:;?!,.’” why do you?
If you are going to criticize the dedicated fanbase of the comment board, you should at least be able to communicate effectively. We may like Idol too much, but most of us have down basic grammar
B-Side…it wasn’t Simon Fuller in the audience, it was Nigel Lythgoe the other producer of AI and judge on So You Think You Can Dance…
There are no silent letters in “Worchester.” Maybe you meant “Worcester”?
Did anyone else catch when Ryan pointed out that Ace is single? I’ve seen countless articles saying he is dating some girl on a show on UPN, but Ryan like went out of this way to say something, it was weird…
GREAT RECAP of an awful show, I love the “Whatever, Slurry McDruggerson”!
missmermaid….brilliantly cynical. right on.
B-Side, great recap. Thought Fancy was the perfect song for Kellie – the lyrics really apply to her!
LQ, your provinvialism reeks of someone who is frustrated and lives in a second or third tier city without much culture.
Thanks for all the kind words. And thanks for correcting my sloppy errors. Fixed Nigel and Worcester.
So this week I actually CHOSE to watch this shit over a new Gilmore Girls (thank God it’s saved to my enjoyment later today). And this is what I get? Freaking country night!? It was boring and everything that came out of Ryan’s mouth was so annoying!! I think he was just frustrated over seeing Simon’s nips poking through that aqua sweater all hour long and not being able to walk up and give them a good lick.
And who dressed Mandisa? Halter top?? Zigzaggy lines???! Light wash JEANS?? Come the fuck on!!! Girl is thick – help her out, AI costume person!! Please restrain her puppies and that arm jiggle.
*B-Side, nothing but love for you. Your recaps are always fun.
“If you are going to criticize the dedicated fanbase of the comment board, you should at least be able to communicate effectively. We may like Idol too much, but most of us have down basic grammar”
B-Side is My Soul Mate –
The grammar police has spoken. So its okay for you to criticize because you have the proper grammar tools and skills then? Wow… Hey, anyone who wishes to post after this… be VERY careful the grammar snob is watching. LOL.. GAL.
NYC Dave (#43): Too bad we can’t all be super cool like you and live in big bad “NYC” and make fun of people on internet message boards who don’t live there. I’m Jealous!
You are an ass, by the way.
dredge, your assessment of current “country” music is right on. Suppose we know this show is all about the lowest common denominator for the maximum ammount of $$$. But that doesn’t mean we can’t complain about it.
NYC_Dave, brutha please. You know we call Hartford “The Armpit of the Northeast” for a reason. How many tiers are there? Because I’m sure it’s at the bottom. Pre-emptive rant against annoying ignorance? Yes. Provincialism? Surely you jest.
PS – And I know I’m going to regret this, but… Can someone fill me in on the Teri Hatcher beard business. If it’s not too gross.
masmith103, that would be “the grammar police HAVE spoken.” Ha ha, just breaking your balls.
LQ, “beard” is a slang term for when a faux girlfriend/wife that a closeted gay guy uses for cover to appear straight. Look it up in the dictionary, cross-referenced with “Katie Holmes”.
JasonR #51-awesome! Loved the Katie Holmes reference!
Thank you JasonR. Not as bad as I thought it might be.
And bless you StopMakingSense. Your post wasn’t up before. I’m always hoping for a TVgasm get together where we could all bring our rulers and decide once and for all who has the best grammar, is the most cultured, skinniest, hottest, makes the most money, and is the most bad ass. I also keep putting in requests for a head to head Lizardqueen and EdHill strip poker drunken showdown to be podcast exclusively on the gasm, but I can’t get anywhere with these people.
JasonR – thanks for the heads up… damn if only I could go back and fix my post before the police arrive.
And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you medaling kids.
I think it was after Mandisa performed that while the crowd was cheering you could hear Simon (his mike probably wasn’t supposed to be up) saying something like “what the hell was that?” Did anyone catch this?
Also, does it seem like the music overwhelms the voices of the performers? It is hard to hear the words over the music. Maybe they do this because the singers are really worse than they would like us to believe.
bucky sounded like the teacher on peanuts.
too bad, because that means ace will live to eyefuck the camera for at least one more week. blech.
Yes….they are worser then they would like us all to believe….(so there)
jack…”the red juggle-baskets”….nice….
Honestly, that has got to be the only thing keeping her on the show is every week Kellie is going to wear sluttier clothes….and I will watch (just to make sure)
Pheeve….good song and KD didn’t dress you….#1 this week…
(anyone else on here a little anxious over someone admitting to watching the Gilmore Girls?)
Taylor….wow….has to be a urinary infection or something….it was painful…for him and me (or is it me and him?….rats…here we go again)
Why do people sing….How do aaah leeeeve without yeewww….? How do I barf on my shoes….?
Someone tell bucky to take the chew out of his mouth while he’s singing….or was it Paris’s weave from last week? Couldn’t tell.
Mandisa….no.
No comment on Chris and Elliot….they both annoy me like an itch in the middle of your back….
Ace….Ace….Ace….you could not suck more if you sang in a vacuum.
(another good comment…rolled sock…heehee)
Curvewatcher….out
I love Mandise, but she needs to start covering up alittle bit. Its not sexy when she sings and prances around like that without being covered. She can be sexy, she just needs to wear the right shyt! however, she can still sing….so….bye bye Katharine…nice knowing ya.
ah c’mon Suzie….at least Kat’s song was in tune…not like the others….
Why can’t I quit you, Kat?
Best freakin’ headline EVER! I was squirming in the throes of a major TVgasm all afternoon at work after catching sight of it; thank the gods there was SOMETHING worthwhile out of the drek that was this show this week…Anybody remember when Kellie Clarkson knocked over the first ten rows in the auditorium the week they did swing/big band era tunes? AI needs to drop the country crap forevermore and change it up again, IMHO.
We don’t do Seacrest in our house, so we fast-forwarded through the Desp H’wives zingers. Thank heavens for tvgasm.
I generally can’t stand “we have both kinds of music, country AND western,” but I know there are some hits out there. So why were they all singing such boring toons?!
McPhee was the only stand out. Incidentally, I was surprised by the challenging range of many of the chosen songs, esp as hardly anyone could cope.
missmermaid (#21) — wow –what a perfect description of such retarded behaviour.
And yeah, Kenny looked really creepy. Ugh. Do you think this botox fad will ever fade?
And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you medaling kids.
Posted by: masmith103
Umm…that’s “meddling.”
Kisses!
Oh. my. god.
Next week is the music of QUEEN. This is going to be awful. Paris singing Queen = crime against humanity.
HOLY FUCKING BUCKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s Queen week on American Idol. I have been waiting for this my entire life!!!!!!! Well, since I started watching AI last year. I already know which songs everyone should sing. Woo Hoo!!! Did I mention I’m so freakin’ excited about this? Is someone getting voted off right now? Who cares. It’s QUEEN!
The fact right now that mandisa is going home right now before ACE, BUCKY,PARIS is making me run to the bathroom. I’m going to hurl everywhere. This is an atrocity. This is absolutely unbelievable. I am done with this show. DONE. DONE.
Paris can hit a home run with “Who wants to live forever?” Highlander anyone?
Predictable Chris will do “Stone COld Crazy”, of course. I’ll save the rest for later. Surely the ever prompt (and ever prompter) B-Side is all over this.
So Bucky “My-Middle-Name-is-Pretty-Fucking-Lucky” is still hanging around, while Mandisa is voted off? WTF? The boy is clearly out of his depth, and has a face like a smacked arse. I find mumbling hicks with jack-o-lantern teeth far more offensive than a little junk in the trunk! Jesus.
Ah yes LQ- but who will do Bohemian Rhapsody?
I guess Jesus didn’t really have Mandisa’s back after all. Big question for next week: does Ace try to hit one out of the park like Constantine last season w/ Bohemian Rhapsody, and if so, can he pull it off or will it be a total train wreck? Paris will definitely do “Fat Bottomed Girls” so she can do her Beyonce booty shake again. Kellie is totally screwed.
Miss Mermaid (#21) you are my new favorite poster and have joined the ranks of my other favorites, stacyrocks, zoobabe and lizzardqueen.
KH
I’m flattered KH, and missmermaid’s comment above (#68) was spot on too!
I love how you are all mad at me for liking grammar when that Yoda guy made fun of every single person on the comment board. Priorities people!