Queen For A Day

American Idol

By B-Side | Wednesday, April 12, 2006 | 12:40 am | 68 Comments

Tonight’s American Idol was very special for me. Why, you ask? Because Camryn Manheim was in attendance? No, but that was a lovely perk. It was because I got to enjoy this rockin’ episode high above the mountains and valleys and rivers of America. Yes, I watched Idol on JetBlue, which meant I was not only viewing the show from high in the sky, but I was also partaking in a tasty chocolate chip cookie simultaneously. In fact, it was my second one (moments later, I learned that there was a cookie shortage on the plane. Certain passengers had to settle for biscotti. Suckers). The cookie was nice, but I nearly lost my appetite during certain portions of the show. I’m not going to name names, ACE YOUNG, but not everyone could harness the tricky harmonies of Queen, ACE YOUNG. At times, it was so bad that I kind of hoped the pilot would interrupt the broadcast with inane ramblings about weather or coasting altitudes, but sadly, that only happened during a critical juncture in Alton Brown’s Good Eats, thus leaving me confused as to the proper techniques for stuffing a lobster. Damn you, pilot! But I digress. To paraphrase Freddy Mercury, now that Mandisa’s gone, Idol needs to find me a singer to love.Tonight’s show began with an insta-cameo, courtesy of Fantasia Barino, she of the “I’m gonna win Idol and then disappear forever” school. We then found hostess with the mostess, Ryan Seacrest, whose wardrobe took “The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit” to new levels. Seriously — I think he was wearing a gray bodice. Anyway, since tonight’s theme was the music of Queen (and we all know that Ryan loves Queen music), Monsieur Seacrest then took us on a whirlwind tour of the band’s career. Amusingly (or perhaps disturbingly) enough, the show kinda, sorta glossed over Freddy Mercury’s death, simply saying that it shocked everyone. Yes, very shocking. Almost as shocking as if Maude from Iowa had to hear the words “gay man” and “AIDS” on TV! Anyway, we then caught a glimpse of the surviving band members now in their old and decrepit state, with Ryan referring to them as “seasoned veterans.” Yes, emphasis on SEASONED.

Ryan then mentioned that the director of American Idol was the very same man who directed that seminal music video for “Bohemian Rhapsody.” That would have been awesome if we had cared, but we didn’t; so let’s move on. Actually, we couldn’t move on because not only did Ryan give the director a shout-out, but we then had to sit through an awkward and overlong bit where Ryan pretended like he actually was the director calling out the camera shots. This resulted in lots of finger-snapping (a standard for Seacrest, I’m sure) and then quiet, uncomfortable silences. Brilliant.

I am going to start calling Bucky’s mustache the “Dirty Jethro”

First up was Bucky, who was all gosh-gee-willy about Queen. He really liked the guys and said he could imagine them coming into a bar and having a great time. Yes, provided the bar had an Early Bird special and served shots of Metamucil and Prunce Juice. Nevertheless, we then saw Bucky practicing with the band, and hey! There was Mandisa watching him. Oh, she would have been awesome this week. If only… if only…

Anyway, Bucky then performed an old Queen song for us, and I gotta admit that I actually liked it. I mean, I didn’t think it was great or anything, but to paraphrase Randy Jackson, it was aiiight. Randy and Paula agreed — they both liked it quite a bit, and Simon, well, he was only feeling so-so about it all. “Overall, I would classify that as mediocre,” he said. Well, duh. It’s Bucky. Why even put him through to the semi-finals if you want more than mediocre from him?

Next up was Ace, a.k.a. the biggest abomination of the night. Ace was Terrible with a capital T. Freddy Mercury probably turned over in his grave — as did every other musician who’s died over the last two thousand years — as Ace butchered the stadium anthem, “We Will Rock You.” Of course, we knew this would be a horrid performance because a) it was Ace, and b) even the band didn’t seem to like him very much. Unfortunately, some noise on the plane prevented me from hearing what exactly went down between Ace and the band, but from what I could gather, he wanted to do a new twist on the song — probably something lame and whiteboy R&Bish — but the dinosaurs of rock shook their heads and said no. They might be old, but at least they’re not willing to whore out their music to some wannabe popstar.

Prior to the big performance, Ryan talked to the increasingly shaggy Ace about the song and said it was “Kind of out of your comfort zone.” To be fair, any sort of “musicality” is out of Ace’s comfort zone, but that’s neither here nor there. Anyway, at long last, the band started up, Ace opened his mouth, and we heard probably one of the very worst renditions of “We Will Rock You” of all time. I mean it was awful. AWFUL. SUPER AWFUL. Guffaws-in-the-emergency-exit-aisle-awful. The guy next to me and I looked at each other as if to say “WHAT THE HELL??” There was so much suck, I’m surprised oxygen masks didn’t fall from the overhead compartments.

Here’s the problem. Or problems. Ace doesn’t have a commanding voice. It’s thin and weak and vulnerable — perfect for his normal style of music. Hearing him trying to be powerful and strong was ridiculous at best. Plus, his silly attempts at Bo Bice-esque mic-stand antics were totally forced and lame. Everything from top to bottom was wrong. Just about the only one who seemed to enjoy this performance was Ace’s brother who clapped all too vigorously. The judges, thankfully, were not as kind. Randy started things off by saying it was “only a five or a six.” Ouch. Paula then rambled — as usual — but people experienced with Paula-To-English dictionaries could tell that overall, she wasn’t happy. “You know what time it is right now in the competition, and you took a risk,” she said. Translation: “Yeah, that kind of sucked big time. But I love the scar!”

Simon finally put it out there: “It was a complete, utter mess.” Thank you. As the crowd began to boo, Simon said that Randy was being nice to Ace, to which Randy replied, “He’s right. I was trying to be kind.” Awesome. Finally, Simon concluded, “I really, really hated that. Sorry.” Don’t apologize. We’re right there with you on that one…

So how did Ace think he did? “I think I rocked,” he said, clearly confusing the word “rocked” for “sucked.”

Surely nothing could get worse than Ace’s performance, but then came along news that Kellie Pickler was next with BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY. Oh god. Stock up on your canned goods and bottled water because this is gonna be a DISASTER.

“They said that I was brave,” Kellie said, regarding the Queen guys. Something tells me she still doesn’t get the fine art of the euphemism. Well, Ms. Pickler took the stage dressed in all black, her hair happily white-trashed out. She kind of looked like a tamer version of Lita Ford. Anyway, Kellie sang the song, and I have to admit, it wasn’t as terrible as I thought it would be. It wasn’t great, but it was surprisingly okay (kind of). She probably benefited from following Ace’s awful performance.

Golide Hawn LOVES the hair.

Randy commented, “It’s a fly jacket… and I think you worked it out!” Well, as long as the jacket is fly, then that’s all that matters! Paula liked it too, and Simon said that on paper, it should have been a hideous performance, but instead, it was quite good. But wait — Kellie had a question: “What? On paper?” she asked in a state of total confusion. Kellie then said, “He has the weirdest terminology.” Yes, those common phrases and idioms are devilish in their complexity! By the way — who else was surprised that she knew the word “terminology”? Finally, Kellie simply confessed, “It’s his accent. I don’t understand what he says.” Wait ’till she hears him say “salmon.” He doesn’t even pronounce the “l”. Insane!

Chris Daughtry was up next, and I thought for sure this would be his homerun of the season, buuut… he picked possibly the most uninspired, unmelodious song from the entire Queen catalogue. Pretty much the only lyrics were “Keep on trying!” and “Ohhhh Yeah!!!” If you thought the Creed song was bad, it was nothing compared to this. On the upside, Chris fans got to hear him do his patented “uuuuuuhhhhhooooooohhhh” noise — you know, the one that says, “I’m gonna take a shit right now!” Of course, Chris at his worst is still better than almost anyone else in the competition, and now that Mandisa’s gone, my formerly split allegiances are now totally in the Chris camp. And I wasn’t the only one. The mistress of all things large and in charge, Camryn Manheim, was in the audience and cheering Chris on as if he were bringing her a giant cream pie. Randy really enjoyed the performance, and so did Paula, who asked, “That last note? That was a high C?” C’mon, Paula. Don’t try to act like you know music. After some more general PaulaBabble, Simon said that he hated the song and that it was overly-indulgent, yet again. Hopefully next week — if he’s around — Chris will stop trying to turn everything into a damn Fuel song and just pick something else.

Yay jelly donuts in the green room!

Next up was Katharine McPhee, who was going to sing one rowdy song, but then switched to a slow ballad off the Highlander soundtrack. Personally, I would have opted for something from Timecop or Best of the Best 2, but I suppose Highlander works. Anyway, she belted out the song and sounded pretty good; although, the judges accused her of being “pitchy” at times. Paula told Katharine, “I love when I see an artist make a choice to change their mind.” Oh wonderful. Now, why is that again? That makes no sense, PAULA.

Simon then told Katharine to thank the wardrobe and lighting guys because they had made her look amazing, to which she said, “I know. I do.” Wow. Sounds like McPhee’s caught her own McPheever. That’s some strong McModesty right there. (Then again, she could have been saying “I know. I do” in reference to her need to thank the lighting guys). Anyway, I don’t anticipate problems with McPhee and the bottom three this week; so let’s just move on.

Elliot took the stage next, and we learned that back in the day, he used to be a DJ. This, of course, excited Ryan, presently a DJ himself, and he asked Mr. Yamin to introduce his own video package. “It’s E Dub on ya box!” Elliot then said, sounding quite stupid in the process. Anyway, after his little video piece, he then sang “Somebody To Love,” which is probably my favorite Queen song. He did a pretty good job, and even though the soulful vocal style took some getting used to, Elliot proved to be one of the better performances of the night. Even Marlee Matlin enjoyed it. (She was in the audience). Not to be insensitive or anything, but why, Marlee? Why? Does she like the dancing?

Up next was Taylor who was going to sing “We Are The Champions,” but instead opted for “A Crazy Little Thing Called Love” so he could dance more. Great. Time for more spastic jerking and awkward thrusting. Well, even though watching Taylor dance is kind of like watching a trout flop around in an empty bucket, I was still highly amused when he tried to oh-so-macho move of kicking down the mic stand. You see, in order to make that move work, you’ve got to actually kick the stand. Poor Taylor missed it though, and nearly went toppling down as a result. Watching him stagger backwards on one foot was absolutely magical. Oh, how great would it have been had he fallen over? But don’t worry, America. Taylor regained his balance and then kicked again, successfully connecting with that infernal mic-stand. And yes, more laughter from the passengers of JetBlue.

Well, botched moves be damned — Taylor put on a solid show. Randy loved it, and Paula remarked, “I don’t know whether to give you a record deal or a straight jacket.” I’m pretty sure she’s used that line before on Taylor this season, but since she was probably flyin’ high on a painkiller cocktail, I’ll let it slip. Simon, meanwhile, didn’t like the performance. “I thought it was ridiculous,” he said as the music promptly cut him off. I thought Ryan might engage him in another catty dispute, but shockingly, our host was quite timid this week. Perhaps he was still stinging from that whole Desperate Housewives attack still. And for those of you wondering, the answer is yes, this week Ryan did lose the beard. At least one of them.

Last up for the evening was Paris Bennett, and for this week’s intolerable look, she went for a form-fitting, black outfit that may have been found in an old chest of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome costumes. This was not a complimentary outfit, and for a moment, I thought maybe Mandisa had taken the stage again. Anyway, Paris made her way through a forgettable version of “The Show Must Go On.” I desperately hoped that the show must go off, and I took solace in knowing this mini-diva was the last of the evening. Randy gave her decent marks for working it out, and of course, Paula liked it too. Simon, on the other hand, simply said, “I found it all a little weird.” I’d have said “annoying.”

And that was this week in Queen. What did you think of the show? Who did best? Who did worst? Who will be bottom three?

Comments (68)
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68 Comments

1

Wade

Posted April 12, 2006 at 1:07 am

First!

Thank God for Taylor — the other wannabes actually made Queen’s catalog dull, but he rocked out.
2

Jesus_loves_you

Posted April 12, 2006 at 1:26 am

I had firsties but my comment was so damn long Wade beat me. Kudos to you Wade for being a fellow insomniac

Bucky- Unispired and boring performance. Definitely bottom three
Ace-He should have made a last minute song change, ’cause that was horrible, kiss his blushed cheeks “Goodbye!”
Kellie-Not bad, not great, agreed with B-Side completely shocked she knew the word “terminology”, looked so Kelly Bundy, safe just please stop force feeding us the stupidity
Chris- Not his worst! Disagree with B-side, singing a bad Creed song badly is still worse, than singing a bad Queen song badly. Needs to be in the bottom three to snap out of the funk he’s been in, but should be safe
Katharine- Wow she’s so pretty, and look so is her mom, yeah she’s definitely a keeper, you don’t need all that makeup sweetheart, oh did she sing? Did I mention she’s really pretty? May flirt with bottom three but should be safe.
Elliot, Taylor, and Paris – E. Yo whaddup white boy you safe dogg. Taylor I hated that song when David Radford sang it like two months ago, but people like you. Safe. Paris Turner I actually liked it, but still wouldn’t be surprised to see you in the bottom three.
3

Double L

Posted April 12, 2006 at 2:02 am

I’ve been boycotting American Idol but my parents were watching so I decided to watch it. Unfortunately, it verified all the reasons why I choose not to watch it. The horrors of bad singing combining with horrible “dance” moves and choregraphy (that’s you Taylor Hicks!). You either have natural stage presence or you look like an idiot who worked too hard on choregraphy (yea, that’s still you Taylor Hicks). Besides, the majority of time I agree with Simon so what’s the point? His stinging criticisms are usually to the point.
4

Lizardqueen

Posted April 12, 2006 at 4:43 am

Yeah. I’m doing great since the ear transplant. Thanks for asking.

Bucky surprisingly not wretched. Glad he had fun.

Ace. Deuce. Sadly this wasn’t his worst performance, but it was fingernails on the chalkboard all the way. Good job on the extreme ammonts of blusher and eyeliner. ‘Cause everyone loves a Kewpie doll in black leather.

Kellie keeps on doing that squat, hump, poop, whatever, move. Stop Kellie. It’s gross!

Chris. There is a stick in your ass. Take it out. A guy wearing that much eyeliner should not take himself so seriously. We know you’re wanted, waannnted, dead or alive. But you can have fun and still be a ‘fer real ass dude.

I was surprised how big all the girl’s asses looked. Do they really have big butts, or is that a TV illusion?

Freddie may have been rolling over in his grave, but a friend pointed out that he was the king of camp and might just enjoy this disaster.
5

3G_Phil

Posted April 12, 2006 at 4:44 am

B-Side,

I am saddened to hear that you missed out on the best part of the night when the band members shot down ACE.
6

jelliepair

Posted April 12, 2006 at 5:55 am

I watched the show last night sick as a dog and wondered why the hell I couldnt bring myself to go to bed – it was like watching a train wreck. Some happy moments (Katherine, Taylor, Elliott) and some sad moments (everyone else)…Bucky was ok although I cant believe he is still in the competition. Ace and Paris were the worst last night – B-side your description of Paris’s outfit had me hacking with laughter (I am sick remember). and Ace – what a tool – that boy needs to go home now – the leather pants were almost too much to bear!

Taylor’s microphone mishap was painful and embarrassing to watch but I think he sounded fabulous and while he may look a bit ridiculous, I would take him over all the rest of them (except Katherine still on the fence with that one).

Did you notice the clip at the end of Katherine was all pitchy and sharp? They did her no favors with that recap.

Chris could have really done something last night – the song he sang WAS indulgent and I thought he sounded flat the entire song – he could have done so much better with almost any other Queen song!

Bottom three tonight should be Ace, Paris and Bucky with Ace going home but who knows after last week!!
7

jenny10girl

Posted April 12, 2006 at 5:56 am

Best moment of the night was when Taylor went to kick the mic stand and missed. Laughed my butt off. HATED Kellie. She must go.
8

Wizzard

Posted April 12, 2006 at 5:58 am

Yeah, Ace not only did an absolutely horrible job on the song (which doesn’t surprize me) but he also managed to piss off Brian May not only once, but twice. Ace kept trying to convince them to try another arrangement of the song. You’d think he would have gotten the hint the first time when May said he wouldn’t do it but he tried it again. I swear I thought he was going to punch Ace in the face. I wish he would have. Ace has to go tonight, plain and simple.

Chris did a good job with his song but Simon was right, it was too indulgent and he should have maybe blown everyone away with a better known song. I’m sure he should be safe but he’s going to have to be more flexible in his song choices to keep his momentum going. Voters may start to lose patience with him. Jesuslovesyou, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Usually I agree with Simon’s opinions but his comment to Taylor about being drunk and having a silly performance was completely uncalled for. I don’t usually like Crazy Little Thing Called Love but I actually enjoyed it when he did it. I don’t know what Simon had up his ass about that one.

Kellie had to sing Bohemian Rhapsody because her b/f Constantine sang that last year. Isn’t that just adorable? I have to admit though that she did a better job than I expected out of her.

Everyone else just average and nothing extremely exciting.

I’m a HUGE Queen fan and it was great to see them last night. Brian May is a guitar God. I can’t wait to see them perform tonight.
9

OD-TV

Posted April 12, 2006 at 6:08 am

“And for those of you wondering, the answer is yes, this week Ryan did lose the beard. At least one of them.” Brilliant. Ace has to go, he is now bringing me to the level of nausea that Constantine did.
10

djo8901

Posted April 12, 2006 at 6:17 am

Like B-Side said “ not as bad a massacre as I thought it would be BUT still not that good either. Why Queen? Why???? Ace must go home tonight. I really, really would have loved to hear that whole conversation he had with Brain May and Roger Taylor about “mixing up” the arrangement for We Will Rock You. I just can’t even wrap my head around how he thought that was a good idea!?!?!? Ace is so gross.
11

Lizardqueen

Posted April 12, 2006 at 6:23 am

Wizzard, love that there is another Queen junkie in the house. I really regret that I was too young to see them perform as a group before Freddie died. I have watched all the concerts I could get my hands on and listened to scores of live performances. It is amazing to hear them perform in front of a quarter of a million people in a non English speaking country and have every person in the audience singing along. I’m a hard, cynical bitch, but something about that music touches me. If I think about Freddie Mercury, his unmatchable talent and the sad way that he died it makes me really sad.

FYI- The reason they never performed Innuendo live was because Freddie was dead.
12

cruella_deville

Posted April 12, 2006 at 6:24 am

Oh, where to begin? Bucky, not as horrible as I expected, but your 15 minutes are over. Go home. Ace, ok the good looks are wearing very thin, just like your voice. DO NOT piss off the remaining members of a great rock band by wanting to bastardize one of their best known songs, you tool. Go home. Kellie, I really expected you to be a train wreck. You were….not bad. Want your outfit for Halloween. Chris, for God’s sake, WE GET IT, MAN! You are a rocker, you like to rock out, we KNOW!!! I totally agree that he needs to stop turning every song into a Fuel song. Katharine, you are beautiful. You were not horrible, but that was not a good song for you. Hopefully, you will survive another week. Elliot, you are really good. You took one of my favorite songs and did a great job with it. Wouldn’t it be nice to see an Idol who didn’t have matinee looks (Fantasia and Ruben excepted)? Taylor, I love you. Yes, you DID look drunk, yes you did try a move to be “cool” that backfired, but you recovered nicely and you sounded great. Will you marry me? And, finally, last and least, Paris. God, you are annoying. You of the ever-changing hairstyles. And who told you that was a good outfit to wear. I expected you to say, “Two men enter, one man leaves” with Tina Turner in chainmail right behind you. Go away. Bottom 3—Ace, Bucky, Paris….ANY of them can go home and I won’t care.
13

forshame

Posted April 12, 2006 at 6:33 am

I finally figured out who Elliott looks like. Goatboy from SNL. I am not savvy enough to do the little side-by-side screen caps but check these out.

http://www.zap2it.com/tv/zap-american-idol-photos,0,7030874.photogallery?index=8

and

http://img.snl.jt.org/arc/char/JiBr-Goat%20Boy.jpg
14

zoobabe

Posted April 12, 2006 at 6:37 am

So far jenny is the only one that agrees with me as to how HORRIBLE Kellie was singing Bohemian Rhapsody. Yes Ace was right there with her, but she was killing me with her suckiness. She sang that song with her southern “twang”, her voice is too weak to “rock out”, and she looked like a joke! Please let her go home tonight!

I still like Chris. I thought he was good (who cares if I didn’t know the song?). Katherine looked and sounded miles above the rest and considering the difficulty of his song, I thought that Elliot did the best of the night. Big suprise from Bucky. I usually hate him, but tonight he was good (and entertaining)! Taylor was good, but not great and I usually like him and vote for him too.
15

Leah3t

Posted April 12, 2006 at 6:44 am

I hate that when the jet blue pilot busts into your show to babble about nothing. esp on the flight to syracuse from jfk- i only get about 30 min of tv time on that flight, so please hush pilot man.
16

Wizzard

Posted April 12, 2006 at 6:49 am

Lizardqueen, nice to see that I’m not alone. I had the pleasure of seeing them liv ein the late 70′s and they absolutely blew me away. Freddie was such a showman and Brian May just made my jaw drop with his playing. People talked about that show for a long time after.

BTW, they were also the inspiration for Garth Brooks getting into the biz.. He was at a Queen show in the 70′s and looked up and Brian May playing and said to himself “that’s what I want to be doing”. I saw that in an interview a few years back.
17

happy_gal

Posted April 12, 2006 at 7:02 am

Oh my god, I still cannot stop laughing at the memory of Taylor trying to kick the mic stand and missing. That was priceless! He is my favorite, but even I thought he looked like a big doofus. I really wish he would just stand there and SING, dammit. I hate his crazy antics. I feel like he is always putting on a huge fake show instead of just singing like he should be. “Trouble” was his best performance by far. Shame on Randy and all the others who encourage him to be a spaz.

Ace, when the band hates you, get a clue and get the hell out of here. What a loser.
18

Suzie

Posted April 12, 2006 at 7:05 am

OK…first off – Wardrobe!!! Kelly Pickle looked like Garth, maybe thats what she was going for with the song and everything. Katharine is pretty but yet again, the shirt – not so much. It looked like something that a 4th grader would get out her “bedazzler” for and put sparkles all over it. Horrid. Whats up with the poofy sleeves!!?? Ace with his tight black leather pants showing off chicken legs wasn’t the thing to do…bye bye Ace. Call me!!!
19

tvaholic

Posted April 12, 2006 at 7:05 am

Why in the world would Ace feel he had any kind of right to suggest changing up a Queen song to Queen? So he decides to become “original” the only week he should have got punched in the face for doing so? Oh yeah, I forgot, making it to the final 8 of a glorified talent contest makes you eligible to demand changes on a classic song to the creators of that song! But I must say, I quite enjoyed how they stared him down & made him squirm.

Kellie surprised me too, she actually looked like she had some life behind her eyes this week. Either that or the producers figured out by covering her face in heavy makeup & shaggy bangs no one could see her spastic eyebrows or dead eyes.

Why does Randy have to say “yo dog” like 50 times to every person when they’re done singing? And why does Paula keep bringing the “girls” out, is she like a fembot hoping to hypnotize Ace? I actually felt bad for Simon-his commemts were all right on last night & he looked more bored than he did country night.
20

JasonR

Posted April 12, 2006 at 7:08 am

Last night’s show demonstrated why no Queen song post 1982 is (or should be) played on the radio. Some seriously treacly/cheesy crap. I agree that although Chris did OK, he blew a major opportunity. Would LOVE to have seen what he could have done with “Under Pressure”. BTW everyone go to iTunes and check out the cover of this song by The Used & My Chemical Romance – almost as good as the original w/ Bowie. Kellie definitely benefitted from low expectations. When she was done w/ Rhapsody and no one’s ears were bleeding, it was hailed as a success. It’s mercifully over for either Ace or Paris tonight.
21

Trixie

Posted April 12, 2006 at 7:18 am

Please lord, let Paris go tonight. Am I the only one who can’t stand this kid? Driving gloves? Since when do you need leather driving gloves to hold a microphone?. I think she did an awful job, and her dancing is repulsive. I realize she is a child, and I have mustard older than her in my fridge, however, I get the hives watching her perform. On the other hand, I feel as though Elliot did great (is he getting cuter?). Pickler is a dirty little pig of a girl. I bet Connie egged her on to do “his” signature song from last year. EWW..can you picture these two in bed together? I am SO disappointed that nobody sang The Game, or Another One Bites the Dust…Maybe if Mandisa was still here she could have sang it but changed the words to Another one Bites the Pop Tart, or something to that effect. GO HOME PARIS..YOU’RE LATE FOR DINNER HONEY…
22

stm007

Posted April 12, 2006 at 7:24 am

I love how Randy apparently doesn’t hear the audience applause and begins his ‘critique’ 2 nanoseconds after the contestants sing.

Taylor needs to win this year. NEEDS to.

Ace…holy crap, that 10 seconds of akwardness is what I watch this show for. PURE GOLD.
23

djo8901

Posted April 12, 2006 at 7:26 am

JasonR – I love My Chemical Romance but nothing compares to Bowie and Freddie’s version.
24

HoneyBunny

Posted April 12, 2006 at 7:26 am

I would rather have heard Mickey Dolenz sing last night instead of Ace.

Freddie’s overbite was sooooooooo sexy!

hb
25

Kit

Posted April 12, 2006 at 7:27 am

I’m starting to get fed up with Simon’s constant praise of Kellie. She could sing like a dying cat (not like she’s far from), and he’d still find something good to say.
Ace and Bucky sucked.
I loved Eliot, and Taylor was pretty good too.
Chris was indulgent. Katharine is my fave, but I wasn’t a fan tonight. I don’t think she has a strong enough fan base to make top 2. Probably not even top 4.
And Paris…if that girl says “Thank You” to every judge in her whiny voice one more time I think I’ll scream.
I think Ace, Bucky and Katharine/Chris will be bottom three tonight. Hopefully we’ll finally get rid of Ace.
26

yeahjules

Posted April 12, 2006 at 7:56 am

Kellie looked like Garth from Wayne’s World.
27

JasonR

Posted April 12, 2006 at 8:01 am

Kit, when Simon called Paris’s performance weird and she replied with “thank you”, I laughed so hard, as if that is what she was going for and he was kind enough to notice.
28

Kit

Posted April 12, 2006 at 8:09 am

Jason, I laugh too. She does it every week. Actually, this was one of her better weeks. Normally she says it 4 or 5 times, even while the judges are talking to her!
29

dredge

Posted April 12, 2006 at 8:33 am

I don’t know about you, but as the show started up, I immediately thought..what’s Mandisa going to sing?..oh she’s not on anymore.
oh wait there she is at the rehearsal with Queen..I’m confused..

Buck Bucky ucky..Lifeless and off-key.

Ace..oh god…B-Side, you missed an awesome piece of audio where Ace does this..um.chik Babyface RB ballad sound effect to We will rock you..As you probably saw, the BAnd was like..um..no don’t do that..
More..well..as priceless and nauseating..was Ace’s half upturned smile and memorable quote in his camera interview:..”With Freddy Mercury music, you don’t so much hear it as FEEL it.” cut to Ace witht he Band “Play it aggressive so I can FEEL it.” he says to the band mates..then he did his Babyface/RKelly thing and they silenced him. Then, in his performance he does that Michael Jackson arms-outstretched thing..oops..off key..

Chris?..Chris=Creed=Pearl Jam=4 notes=yaaaawn. Okay so you are hip to obscurity. In this case it was a cover to adequately criticize his performance since it was “never performed before”.
Paula did her usual..” we believe in you”. Simon called it as he saw it, it was great.

Katherine sang a decent rendition of Who wants to live forever. I thought Bond Girl..pretty good..but i still think she’s a floating screaching Joker head. with Britiney Spears gulping in her vocals.

Taylor-yeah he goofed onthe mic stand kicking..but he really blew me away because he totally made This Thing Called Love his own..

Paris?..she looked great in the rehearsal..her own hair and all casual. why the extensions and that big ass in stilettos..Simon was right..Weird.

Please god, Ace..okay one more week of humilation for this guy..make it Bucky.
30

PrincessAhAh

Posted April 12, 2006 at 8:38 am

Oh. My. God. I NEVER watch this show and only did so last night because a co-worker told me they would be performing Queen songs. And I worship Queen/Freddie Mercury. Had I given it a little more thought (or had a little less wine with dinner), I would have realized: semi-talented wannabes + Queen songs = disaster. Who on earth is the mouth-breathin’ blond southern chick who dared to attempt Bohemian Rhapsody?! She could have salvaged the performance had she spent time frolicking about on that catwalk and made it back to the stage less winded for the final notes. Is there a sexual-favor-related reason why Simon likes her??? I saw Queen live many many times. No one like ‘em…
31

someonespecial

Posted April 12, 2006 at 8:54 am

Yea, another uninspiring week. Ugh, I basically only watch the show so I can get the jokes in your recaps, B-Side.

And the contestant I hate the most: Ace. I cannot stand that guy with his ridiculous falsetto. I only give permission to Barry Gibb and John Travolta for that kind of singing. Ok, and maybe some early Micheal Jackson. Oh, and perhaps Ah-Ha, who sang “Take On Me” (which I LOVE).

And also: I was on the laughing so hard when Taylor couldn’t kick the mic stand. Haha, I felt so embarrassed for him.
32

September

Posted April 12, 2006 at 9:15 am

Chris should have done the son Paris did…He could have done such a great job with it. I agree with B-sides, the song he chose had absolutely NO melody…
Paris’ belly looked HUGE in that outfit.
Bucky should have dedicated his song to Mandisa.
Ace needs to go home tonight.
Here’s what I am wondering: Why don’t the judges ever criticize McPhee for being “too safe”? She always chooses these songs where she can wail. She even went so far as to CHANGE from an “Out of her comfort zone” (Which is usually praised by the judges) for a “Safe” song (which is usually criticized by hte judges). She has a great voice (I’ll give her that), but she was all over the place on this song, and spent WAY too much time screaming it…
33

captainlou

Posted April 12, 2006 at 9:24 am

I boycotted this week b/c of Mandisa’s dismissal, but still read the recaps…does that still count as boycotting?

ANYWAY: I only wish Mandisa was there to sing “Fat Bottom Girls” b/c THAT would’ve fantastic!

Being a FBG myself – I’d sing the damn thing.
34

Gingergirl

Posted April 12, 2006 at 9:28 am

Kellie may have looked like Kelly Bundy but Katherine McPhee definetely looked like Peg Bundy!
35

exlogcabin

Posted April 12, 2006 at 9:30 am

RUN, ELLIOT, RUN!

I just love that funky white boy. If it were talent alone, he would win. Unfortunately, it’s about personality and that boy is too humble and nervous to really put himself out there. He’s just not that comfortable in public. But, I want him to make it as far as possible.
36

noodle

Posted April 12, 2006 at 9:43 am

the only thing bad about Ace going home tonight would be that we’d have to hear him sing that song again. how embarassing.
Paris and Kelly are both awful, they are like little girls playing dress up.
Whoever said that about Paris’ thank you’s, i am so with you. Thaaank yewwwwwwwww. Shut up! Never has someone been so likable in the first audition and then turned so annoying.
37

flymotha

Posted April 12, 2006 at 9:59 am

Everyone knew that American Idol and Queen had trainwreck written all over it, so why did they pick it? To hear Simon tell everyone how “ghawstly” their performances were? Certainly not to appeal to their coveted young adult demographic. And the stylists should be shot… the clothing, hair, make-up… horrendous.

I like how excited Ace’s brother was after his performance, like he had really nailed it! Ha! I also liked how Kelly chose Constantine’s “big hit” from last year, since they’re rumored to be dating. Wonder if he coached her on that performace. Another highlight was Taylor’s failed attempt to kick the mic stand and Paula’s “I love artists who change their minds” words of wisdom. Not on my list of highlights… THE PERFORMANCES. Katherine, Elliot and Chris did the best job, although Chris’ song was boring.
38

Clair

Posted April 12, 2006 at 10:06 am

Hey B-Side – EW.com stole your title!!

My bottom three pick – Ace, Bucky and Paris
39

tvaholic

Posted April 12, 2006 at 10:16 am

noodle (#36)-totally agree, I absloutely loved Paris at her audition-what happened to her soulful voice?

And whoever made the Kelly/Peg Bundy comments about Kelly & McPheever-LOL! I think Pickler’s getting dumber every week cuz the tight outfits she’s wearing are cutting off the blood supply to her head. And what is up with McPheever’s matronly clothes? For someone who is naturally pretty, her hair, makeup, & clothes are a disaster! I loved Simon’s backhanded compliment about the lighting & wardrobe people.
40

Sher

Posted April 12, 2006 at 10:30 am

YAY! Queen fans! Who agrees that if he had to sing, Ace should’ve done ‘You’re My Best Friend’? More suited to his voice. He blew, as did Kellie, who scared the shit out of me when she first appeared on the screen. And as for Paris? I’ve made this comment twice this morning, and I’ll make it again here: Paris, you dipshit, Freddie Mercury wrote ‘The Show Must Go On’ when he found out he was dying. Your stupid ass laughter after the first verse, along with the way you sang the song as if you were at the Miss America pageant, was totally off, didn’t match the lyrics, and was inappropriate as hell. I cannot stand this girl. She is Robert Goulet to my Elvis and I desperately wanted to shoot the TV.

In my eyes, Chris can do almost no wrong, and I liked his performance. However, I think he would have KILLED ‘I Want It All’.

Taylor’s song – total cop out. (Although I like his return to being himself. The rigid Taylor doesn’t suit me at all.)

I thought Elliott kicked ass.

The rest? Meh.
41

jelodi97

Posted April 12, 2006 at 10:38 am

Too bad no one sang the theme song from Flash Gordon (1980). “Flash–ah ahhhhh. Savior of the uni-verse!!” “Flash–ah ahhhh!! He’ll save every-oneofus!!”

Simon would be Ming the Merciless, Paula as Dale Arden, and Randy as the Hawk Man leader-guy. Instead of “DIIIVVE!!!” he could have yelled out “AAIIIIIGHT!!!!”.

I love that version of Flash Gordon, and the soundtrack rocks.
42

dredge

Posted April 12, 2006 at 10:48 am

jelodi97..awesome..now I have to make Ming out of Simon in Photoshop..
43

PrincessAhAh

Posted April 12, 2006 at 10:53 am

jelodi97, I’ve been singing the Flash Gordon song in my head all morning but forgot to add it to my previous post. Now THAT would have been high comedy.

Too bad none of them had the balls to do Queen’s first ‘hit’ “Killer Queen”. THEN I would have been impressed…
44

Shollia

Posted April 12, 2006 at 11:01 am

Ace… good god he better be going home tonight. He freakin sucked MAJOR ass.
I mean it’s bad enough that he tryed to sing that song.. but then he tryed to put in this highnote wussy boyband thing in there.
He totally desecrated that song.

I also hated Katharine’s and Paris’s performances.
Both of them stunk up the joint by their utterly lame uninspiring performances.
45

lynturn

Posted April 12, 2006 at 11:06 am

Lizardqueen!!!!Thank you for saying what was on my mind. I kept wondering if they would ever say why Queen never performed Innuendo live, but no.

Gotta say, i don’t like Kellie P. but she did a fantastic job last night. She sang the song much better than her boyfriend did last season. But the stupid Southern girl routine has got to stop. I am from the South and I don’t know any body with an accent like that! Keep pouring it on, Kellie, if you think it’s going to help.
And I just don’t get the Taylor thing. I thought he sucked! Can’t sing, can’t dance. Michael McDonald wannabe.
Otherwise, Chris is still the best one there. However, I would like to see him do something different. The ballad from last week showed he can change things up.
46

JasonR

Posted April 12, 2006 at 11:39 am

Ah, “Flash Gordon”. Now there’s a movie. Talk about camp! Forget Dale Arden. I think my first early puberty wet dream was thanks to Princess Aura. She was the horny princess in hot pants who was always trying to get it on with anything that had a pulse.
47

zevonia

Posted April 12, 2006 at 11:52 am

I love QUEEN so why would this be the first AI show I ever watched (aside from the auditions)? Nothing else was on is as good a reason as any. Actually I surfed back and forth between this and America’s Next Top Model. I’ve never watched either but enjoy the recaps so much.
Personally I enjoyed Taylor’s performance. Come on, you can’t sing that song and just stand there. Are you under the impression that’s what Freddie did?
Forshame, you’re right, Elliot does look like Goatboy but he can sing.
The rest didn’t impress me or made me want to puke depending on the performance. Bottom three: Ace, Bucky & Paris IMO
48

jelodi97

Posted April 12, 2006 at 12:18 pm

JasonR-
I wanted to be Princess Aura sooo badly. “No! Not the boar-worms!”

Plus you get to have lethal hair accessories with which one can kill the guard taking you into exile. And as Princess Aura, you get all the sparkly/shiny clothes you want.
49

elpolacko

Posted April 12, 2006 at 12:43 pm

how can you say that queen did not sell-out their music? isn’t that, by definition, what being the idol musician-of-the-week IS ?? yes, ace was crap, but the judges are always telling them to ‘make the song their own’.. so ace wanted to do his song in a style and tempo that better suited him. by refusing to alter their arrangement, queen merely provided the karaoke music and, therefore, that’s what the performance was.
.. and speaking of karaoke, taylor was the most drunken karaoke singer of the night.
the folks who (shockingly) think he has talent should visit a karaoke bar, they’d have the friggin’ time of their lives surrounded by so much ‘talent’.
katherine’s shrill beauty pageant-style singing made my eardrums hurt… paris was annoying as usual … elliot’s a good vocalist but hoplessly lost onstage.. bucky and kellie were both suprisingly entertaining .. and chris makes everything sound the same, but it’s GOOD same. his all-around performance skills and command of the stage put him in a different league than the others…plus the man is just damned sexy.
50

Curvewatcher

Posted April 12, 2006 at 12:56 pm

Anyone getting sick of the comment, “We all know you can sing….”. It is the “you made the song your own” comment for this year.

****OF COURSE THEY CAN SING….you three put them here because they could sing….except for chicken little….you only brought him along to piss people off….and that Dave guy that jumped at them during Hollywood week….I saw him selling oranges on the subway.

For the best season ever of idol….this seaon sucks more than a vacuum in a vacuum. (Except for Paula….you can actually see each week when she “snaps”)
51

trixie12

Posted April 12, 2006 at 1:00 pm

I agree that some of the performances lacked the appropriate emotion. Freddy Mercury was a beautiful singer and songwriter who wrote his emotions and many of his songs were very dark. It was ridiculous to see Paris jumping up and down and yelling “Ya! Come on!” while singing The Show Must Go On. I found it tasteless and a terrible tribute.
52

tvaholic

Posted April 12, 2006 at 1:18 pm

#49-here’s the thing-if it was just the normal AI back up band supplying the music, then by all means, change it up. But to ask Queen to change their song?? Gimme a break-not only was this the wrong week for him to try & show he can be original, but also the wrong week for him to try & rock out. I agree with someone else’s post who said Ace should have done a ballad instead.

“Flash! Ah-ah…” I LOVED that movie as a kid! Then it joined the ranks of “Clash of the Titans,” “Can’t Stop the Music,” and “Xanadu,” as movies that you watched as an adult & went WTF???
53

JasonR

Posted April 12, 2006 at 1:26 pm

tvaholic, those are some great movie picks. It’s like pretty much all the sitcoms from our Gen-X childhood that seemed so funny then but when you go back and watch them now they are really god-awful and unfunny: Happy Days, Welcome Back Kotter, Laverne & Shirley, Perfect Strangers, etc.
54

wandernview

Posted April 12, 2006 at 2:06 pm

Ace to the Band: Yeah I really want to do this song but I have a idea of how to make it better.

Band: F off you wanker.

General note on song selection. There’s a reason they are unknown, they suck to begin with and are thrown onto the albums.

I feel bad for the people doing the close captioning when Paula speaks.
55

juddfan

Posted April 12, 2006 at 2:09 pm

Thank-you B-side for such a fast and funny re-cap! I have to vote in the office pool today, so I thank all of you for your feedback, guess I should pick Ace, eh!?

Loved, loved, loved the oxygen masks!!!!!!

Oh, poor Paris, I’m sorry you’re all hating on her, but she WAS so forgetable. As another of the Queen fans here (killer queen was my first 45–who knew what it meant about my future at the time!)

Oh Lordy, all those years of all those albums and so many great melodies–what happened again!? It’s making me crazy, just nuts, I can barely stand how bad these song choices are. couldn’t Chris have done an old rock classic like “Keep yourself alive” (or Death on 2 Legs, or Tie your mother down!) he always reduces songs to a one line repeat . . . boring! I’m not even sure I like him anymore–but I dug the eye-liner!

Believe it or not, absolutely can’t take “I thought I rocked” Ace, and I’m so glad it’s getting soooo slammed, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I loved Brian Mays face!!!!! Classic!!!!! Not sure if they cared about changing the song as much as they just didn’t want to change it for him!!!

Otherwise I agree with the comments here, just still not hating on Paris–man, at 17 I was skipping school and sniffing glue, I can’t imagine what it would take to get out there and do that thing they do. The “thank-you” s are annoying and detached though. I think the hair changes are fun . . . oh well.

I’m not gonna be shocked if Kelli’s not in the bottom and it’s Katherine instead, but I guess we’ll see. Happy to see Elliott finally hit one again, but still . . . .
56

G-Money

Posted April 12, 2006 at 2:13 pm

kit: Thank you for noticing what I’ve noticed all along…

Cowell is DEFINITELY smitten with McPhee. Hasn’t anyone beside kit and myself notice how his eyes glaze over when he talks to her? He lavishes praise on her no matter WHAT the level of performance and I’m telling you, the girl is gorgeous, but she’s only an average singer with an average voice. He’s gonna be slipping her notes soon, if he hasn’t already. His whole “thank the lighting director…” thing, what was that? An awkward attempt at indulging her with a compliment while trying to keep us from seeing that he’s got a tent in his pants?

Simon’s got McPheever. Bad. That’s okay, it’s nice to know that he’s got a little testosterone working. I’ve got Pickler-itis. I just love a girl who needs someone to explain to her “What’s a ballsy?”. Pssst, come here, Kellie. Over here, behind the shed….

Okay, okay, I’ll behave!!!
57

Jesus_loves_you

Posted April 12, 2006 at 2:16 pm

Wizzard,

You sir are correct, I am beginning to lose patience, but thankfully through the miracle that is DVR, I was able to watch all the past performances of Chris, and remember that he is still indeed capable of greatness. Besides it’s best that’s he’s in his funk in the middle of the show then near the home stretch, which would then really hurt him. I’m sorry to say before last night I was only familiar with a few Queen songs, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I actually knew more than I thought, well after half of them were butchered. Like I said weeks ago, I will continue to stick by our boy in good weeks, and in hellishly bad(Creed). That still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. That’s also the only week of AI that I deleted from my DVR, the abomination that it was. His “Dead or Alive” and “Walk the Line” performances were indeed great.
58

rooly75

Posted April 12, 2006 at 2:19 pm

Dude, why does everyone hate Paris? She’s crazy, yes. But she’s an AMAZING voacalist. She and Elliot should be the final two. HANDS DOWN.
Love
59

Mark

Posted April 12, 2006 at 2:37 pm

Wow… seriously. I wish Mandisa were still here. And Ace gone. My eardrums still hurt.

BTW, David Radford already sang Crazy Little Thing Called Love in week one. I didn’t know they were allowed to repeat songs in a season.
60

raggedy_andy

Posted April 12, 2006 at 3:01 pm

Definitely far better than expected. Walking down the line, I think that might have been Bucky’s best performance yet, but, of course, it’s Sucky Covington, so that’s not really saying much. Ace-hole… well… Anyway, Kellie didn’t do too bad, too, and I laughed when I heard that she was doing the same song that Constantine did. In the beginning, when it was a close up and she raised her hands to her head, for a second, I thought it was someone else’s hands (Constantine’s to be exact ). Also, when she was slowly bringing her hands down, I thought she was going to cup her left boob and circle her nipples, which made me feel like I was going to throw up in my mouth a little. Oh, how innocent she looked…

Chris did his usual blasÃ© thing. I didn’t think he pulled off the eyeliner. He looked like a wannabe goth; I didn’t think it looked good with his skin tone and facial hair. The lights and camera did Katherine good. She really does need to tone the makeup down a notch or ten though. It makes me think of a young girl who just got her first makeup kit. Definitely the best stage performance of the night though.

I’m glad Elliot did quite well. I’d seriously hate to see him go before Ace, Bucky, Paris, and Kellie. I’m glad Taylor’s back, too. I like his voice. He does act like he’s drunk, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, especially since he acts like a fun, entertaining drunk. Did anyone else notice how chummy Elliot and Taylor were being? Did they hug at the end? Paris: ugh on the outfit and semi-okay on the song, most likely safe though.
61

tvaholic

Posted April 12, 2006 at 3:01 pm

I forgot to mention before-can’t really hate on Paris for misinterpreting the song-she was what, 2 when Freddie died? And I’m guessing Queen wasn’t on the turntable in her household. Someone should have given her the background on it-besides, the guys who actually knew Freddie only had praise for her.

JasonR-what’s really sad is I have both the LP soundtrack & VHS of “Xanadu.” And my sisters & I fought over which one of The Village People could be our boyfriends. Still love Happy Days & L&S though-pre-Chachi & pre-California. Thank God for TVLand & Nick at Night!!
62

whawha

Posted April 12, 2006 at 3:05 pm

Here’s what’s corn-fusing…the show made such a big stink about showing the hissy-fit between Ace and Sir Dino-rock…but what’s the big deal about the arrangement? It seemed like the Idols practiced with Queen, but performed with the house band. Katharine even changed up her song and worked out the arrangement with the musical director.

So why couldn’t Ace just practice with Queen and then do his boy-band thang? Out of respect for a band that hasn’t hit paydirt since the late 70s? (and I’m saying that as a Queen fan…saw them twice back when a black concert tee under a flannel was tres cool)

And Kellie: replay the section when she’s walking off the back platform after her little squat-and-grind stripper move…she hits a note that made my dog yelp. And it’s been buried in the backyard for more than a year!
63

juxtapoeser

Posted April 12, 2006 at 3:44 pm

note to chris — lay off the eyeliner.
64

dasher

Posted April 12, 2006 at 4:24 pm

whawha…hilarious!

juxtapoeser…spot on, but check those eyebrows too. Idol has his eyebrows so waxed, it reminds me of the old women who pluck out their eyebrows and pencil them back in. Yikes.

Go Elliott!
65

forshame

Posted April 12, 2006 at 7:54 pm

OK, OK. I gotta apologize. My comment previously about Elliott was very cruel (true, but cruel). I didn’t get to hear them sing last night, and I had no idea about his numerous health problems.

Like many have said already, at this point WE KNOW THEY CAN SING! But now we are looking for the package deal. And other than Chris, maybe Katharine, and stretching it to Taylor, everyone else will be going home in succession, obviously starting with Bucky tonight. Hopefully followed by Ace, Paris, Kellie, and Elliott in that order.

And I swear I am not ragging on him, but were those pearly, white caps that I saw Bucky sporting tonight? Hope he bought the extended plan and they get to finish them after he left.
66

cruella_deville

Posted April 13, 2006 at 7:57 am

jelodi97, PrincessAhAh & tvaholic—YES!!!! Flash was awesome!! Another of those movies you watched when you were kids and thought were cool (or semi-cool) was on just last night, “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.” That’s the biggest WTF I can think of, for EVERYBODY involved!!!

Oh, “Killer Queen” is one of my all time fave songs!!! But, who could have done it justice?
67

KatiesHole

Posted April 13, 2006 at 4:25 pm

Rod Stewart next week? Will he look as freaky as Kenny Rogers? Likely!

Here’s my song predictions:

Paris – “Do You Think I’m Sexy?”
Ace – “Hot Legs”
Taylor – “You’re in my Heart”
Katherine – “Have I Told You Lately”
Chris – “Maggie May”
Elliot – “Downtown Train”
Kelli – “You Wear It Well”

How sad with this be? What are you thoughts and predictions?

KH
68

joyfulchicken

Posted April 15, 2006 at 9:45 pm

Kellie looked like the Tiffany doll from the Bride of Chucky, heh.