Recap: American Idol: Old School

American Idol

By Flipit | Wednesday, April 4, 2007 | 3:49 am | 48 Comments

oldpeoplemusic.gifWhen I found out Tony Bennett was Guest Mentoring on tonight’s episode, I immediately felt awful about never being nice to seniors. To make up for it, I invited an old schizo from in front of the 7/11 over. I didn’t let him inside, but I threw chips off the balcony every once in awhile and watched him snap them off the lawn like a goldfish in a bowl. It feels good to be nice. Who knew?

The nutty geezer has made my night’s theme preparations officially complete. I’ve had an early bird special, flipped someone off in traffic, and laid out 6 pre-poured gimlets. This is Old People Music Night! And THIS! Is American Idol!gimlet1.gif Tink is all business in yet another grey suit. Lighten up, fairy! It’s Spring! Even Randy pulled out some glitter. It’s sewn to translucent paisley fabric, though, which just continues the depressing theme. Gimlet 1.

Tony Bennett’s in the house! Tink guides us through an enlightening tale of his life. Tony’s made over 100 albums, and sold over 50 million. And he’s really old. I Google him to get ammo to fire, but he’s pretty awesome. Fourteen Grammys, a Duets album with Bono and Christinia (nice blend of tree huggin and skanky) and a great attitude. Hmmm. I clicked on his Myspace page (everyone looks like an idiot on their Myspace page) and smiled and nodded along to the profile song. Damn. He’s a talented, good-hearted man. Old people jokes it is! Gimlet 2.

Tony meets the kids and says he’s been watching the show and there’s not a stinker in the bunch. He doesn’t look Sanjaya in the eye, but he might just not see him there. Tony says the songs they are about to tackle are some of the all time best. They got longevity, kid! Like him! He clutches his heart, but it just turns out to be gas.

First up is Blake. He’s chosen “Mack the Knife”, which is an old Duke Ellington tune. Tony wants him to slow down and mean it. He explains. “‘Mack the Knife’ is pre-rap, you know?” Thanks, Tony. Wiggy wiggy.

cheezynip.gifI am prepared to hate this performance as it becomes apparent that Blake isn’t going to take the “feel the lyrics” advice, and when he rubs is nips as he puts the “knife” in his pocket, I scrunch my face and eye Gimlet 3 longingly. He proved me wrong. Blake has the perfect voice for this music, because he’s a throwback. He sounds like a Rufus Wainwright impression, which sounds like a young Sinatra impression, which works out perfectly for Old People Music Night. Nipple rub aside, he nails his vocals. He doesn’t bring any pop-y in til’ one final solid run. The big band sounded great, and he shouted a nice, cheesy “Watch out! Macky’s all backy in town!” to finish. He should skate through this week. I could have done without the cracker slow mo MJ moves and the dead eyes, but that’s just a matter of personal taste.

blakesnazifriend.gifRandy calls him on a few pitch problems, but he’s always excited to see what Blake’s gonna pull out of his white ass and he was the bomb tonight. Cut to Blake’s friends, who are wearing special shirts. The guy seems to have some white power issues, but I guess it’s good that he’s being himself. Paula smiles big and calls Blake a hip cat. Uh-oh. You know that’s some kind of code. Back off the kid, Sober Sally. He’s not some cartoon cat you can abuse and manhandle like you did in the old days. Simon is less enthusiastic. He gives Blake a 7 out of 10, but ups his score to an 8 for the band. “The band was a big part of that.” Ouch.

Powder tells us he’s been looking forward to Old People Music Night more than any other because Tony Bennett is his hero. I fell bad for him when his first note’s off key and he’s tapping off the beat to his bland ass version of “Night and Day”, but Tony gives the song some rhythm and Powder some compliments. “He’s one of the better singers I’ve heard. And not just in this competition!” Aw. That’s sweet. You know the number one ice cream flavor preferred by old people? Vanilla. Damn. I’m hungry now. Is it inhumane to send an old homeless man to the store for junk food? I empty the bag of Dorito’s onto the lawn and throw down a five with “no vanilla” written on it, just in case he forgets.

Standing still in his pinstriped suit, Powder starts his vocals off a little shakily. First note was still flat, and he was enunciating (sorry, Miss Ross, pronunciating) his words exactly like the Frankie recording. When he belts, he gets a much stronger grasp on the song and proves his chops. Definitely the best impression of an old lounge lizard singing 50 years ago, but no points in the originality department. To balance, I’ll give him extra credit for wearing less makeup tonight. He looks way more kinda like a dude.

powdersweats.gifRandy struggles to find something to say that isn’t as harsh as “honkey” or “pasty” or “ginormous ears”. Finally, he settles on “disconnected”. The audience boos him and he says “I know! I was listening to it too!” OUCH. Powder didn’t suck that bad, did he? Paula said that he reminded her of a young Frank Sinatra, and Simon snaps “What?” Ignoring him, she goes on to say “I need more you!” to Powder, who starts sweating profusely.

Simon starts by turning to Paula and asking “Which Frank Sinatra were you referring to?” The audience laughs, so he asks again just to take out the funny and make the whole thing as uncomfortable as possible. He thought there was about as much joy here as in a funeral parlor, and I wonder when people die if Simon wears cheap cotton shirts buttoned down to his belly button to their funerals. My bet’s yes. Seriously, dude, you’re not in your living room. We can see you. Put on some clothes. Simon goes on to call the performance dark and lifeless. Powder says something back, but his mic was off so everyone pretends it didn’t happen. (sad horns) Then he pouts.

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tinkpowdermakeout.gifTink makes out with him a little to try and soothe the pain, and Powder says he really must have sucked if Randy didn’t like it. Aw. He was just trying to focus on his wife and do it for her. Way to get the girl vote, Powder! So romantic! Who falls for that bs? He’s so dumping this Donna Reed once he’s signed to a label, you know he is. He preens and mouths “love you” to the camera while he signs “love” and the number two. Blech.

doolittleboobbleed.gifNot surprisingly, Tony says Doolittle has the best voice so far. She drops the “Gee Wiz, Me?” for the moment and eases into the gracious, “thank you” thing. See, was that so hard? She’ll be singing “I’ve Got Rhythm”, and when she practices in front of Tony, she keeps it pretty light, fluffy and boring. But when she comes on stage, those horns are blaring and she’s wearing a severe dress that both hides and showcases her big boobies. Doolittle, I never knew! She also got a new haircut and some serious lip gloss. Someone had a busy week at the Beverly Center! Atta girl!

poorseal.gifWhen the camera pulls back, it looks like PETA attacked her for wearing seal skin, but at least she tried. And with a voice like that, who cares? She could be a bucktoothed shrunken head on caster wheels and I’d vote for her. She starts slow and sexy, moves into the uptempo following the melody, and then brings in a third change and runs wild, making it hers. She ends with “I got it!” I think she finally believes that she does. Go Doolittle!

The Judges loved it. Randy and Paula agree that she’s a walking master class, and Simon’s only worry, even though calls the first half of the song “cabaret”, is that they won’t ever be able to criticize her. I agree with him. It’s kind of annoying when someone’s that good. I hope the tides don’t turn on her, but if she keeps killing endangered animals in the name of fashion, she could be a shocker elimination a couple weeks down the road.

whitegirlrandb.gifChris R has a rocky start. He hasn’t learned “Don’t Get Around Much Anymore” for Mr. Bennett. Not even well enough to fake his way through the melody. Tony gives him some very wise advice. “I want you to learn the song.” That’s why he makes the big bucks.

Well, he did learn the lyrics, but he stuck hardcore to the melody on the first half of the number and it strained his voice. His pitch is all over the place, but he’s good once he starts belting it out there, singing like JT, and smiling like apple pie to the cameras. I can’t tell if he forgot his words in the last verse or if it was a jazz riff, but just in case, he does an extra run at the end. Eh. If you like pie. Wait, I LOVE PIE! Just be quiet now and let me eat you.

applepie.gifAnd I’m back. Randy calls it Chris R’s best yet. He injected some youth into an old song. Paula says “hip and cool” again, like just repeating those words and wearing prints that shouldn’t even be in the same room together will make her so. Simon agrees, but she refuses to change clothes. He “believed it”, loved the “hip” factor, and says it was one of the best tonight. One thing I like about this kid is that he just smiles and keeps his mouth shut. My kind of guy.

Tony is impressed that Jordin Sparks sang in key. “It’s pretty rare these days”. Well, you just got finished being pitch raped by Chris. A train de-railing would sound like Pavarotti after that mess. Jordin has chosen “On a Clear Day You Can See Forever”, which she describes as a “cute song”. I could actually feel Barbra Streisand’s blood pressure skyrocket from across the country. CUTE! She called me cute! Get off me, James, I’m not in the mood. That little bitch!

Barbra Streisand, get out of my head!

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masterdebater.gifTony likes her interpretation of the song. She took some liberties, but they weren’t over the top. Sparks comes on stage looking like she’s about to do some killer debating. Global Warming. True or False? She starts off like an off key lounge lizard hack, but damn, once she starts belting she kicks that song’s ass. The arrangement was weird, but she hit some killer notes and worked it. She nails the last, long high note till after the band stops. OK, I get it. You mean it. Go with your bad self, but please (sorry Christian wackos), slut it up a tad next week.

A little girl holds up a sign with Jordin in whiteface. This show is just so damned provocative sometimes. Discuss.

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shirleytemple.gifRandy felt the heat. Thank God for the ventilation in the paisleys. There are nine people left, but he’s already seeing a few stars. Paula agrees and soberly stumbles her way through the English language. Don’t forget “hip and cool”! There it is. Simon laughs at her while she babbles. So do I. He says that Jordin was ok, but she didn’t bring the song into the modern times like Chris did. He’s not as enthused as “Squiddly and Diddly here”. Paula and Randy giggle. That sounds like the lamest inside joke ever born. Jordin poses in twenty different angles to exude that happiness while she waves the number five to the cameras. Cut the crap, Shirley Temple.

The cameras pan Sanjaya and Glocksen, looking like freak rejects at Prom. If you were expecting a bj or a hit of acid, their corner would be the one to hang out in. What? I was there, ok?

freakprom.gif

I know I give Glocksen a lot of shit, but I am excited to see what she does tonight. She’s had a little practice with the whole “rocker chick” persona, so I’m eager to see whether she finally pulls it off. She has to! She’s worked soooo hard! Waaahhhh!!!!

She’s chosen “Smile”, which is a beautiful, heart wrenching song. Every time I hear it, I imagine cars crashing and atomic bombs detonating and babies falling out of their cribs. It just kills me. Tony describes it as a tune that brings you hope in your darkest hour. He thinks of 9/11 when he sings it. Ah, Gimlet numbers four and five. Now I’m thinking about 9/11. 7/11! Where’s that old fart with my ice cream?

magnetmic.gifGlocksen sits on a stool and doesn’t rock out. She proves that she’s got a voice, but the arrangement is too fast and choppy, with key changes all over the place. Making it worse, she’s actually smiling. If you can’t feel the pain in this song, you’re screwed as an artist. The audience goes crazy for her, but I have a feeling she’s about to get her arms ripped off by Simon.

Randy liked the understated performance and Paula calls it flawless. Simon says that he can’t call it great because she was just out sung by two other girls. She responds “That’s why it’s a competition, cuz there are so many different kinds of voices”. Well, Gina. That’s one way to look at it. It’s also a competition cuz some voices are better than other ones. Der, Gap Goth. Internalize the pain, cut yourself, binge on drugs or alcohol or promiscuous sex, whatever you have to do to come back here next week and feel something other than sorry for yourself after you bone it. Rock=Pain. Hurt, bitch!

tonyconfused.gifTony tells Sanjaya that he’s a big fan, and even backs it up to the camera, saying the kid comes in with something different every week and keeps things interesting. Sanjaya tells us that his goal this week is to prove to America that he actually can sing. Great idea! Good luck with that.

Sanjaya looks like the Indian Ellen Degenerous tonight. He sings “Heaven” in his usual light, lilty off key drone and awkwardly sways a half step behind the rhythm then works the audience, sings to the obligatory little blond girl (not Betsy Wetsy, she’s doing a lot of weddings these days) and goes to dance with a Judge. Randy thinks it’s him so he puts out his hand, but Sanjaya was going for Paula. I think she was as surprised as Randy, but she danced with him anyways. Even the Indian Portia DeRossi would have sleep boogars after that bs.

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Randy is laughing through his own remarks again this week. He won’t bother commenting on the vocals any more, but he likes that there’s always a new hairdo and that he’s become a true entertainer. Guffaw. Paula sees why America loves him because he’s charming. She doesn’t know if he was Dancing With the Stars material, or American Idol, but thanks for the dance. The audience is silent. Damn, Paula. Did you just say that? If this shitty attitude evolves, I might actually start to like you again. Simon says “Ok, what tactic are we gonna use this week?” LOL. “Incredible!” Sanjaya shouts “Thank you! Welcome to the Sanjaya universe!” Oh, dear. Poor kid.

Haley comes out for a Coca Cola Viewer Question. “Haley, what’s up with your boobs?” She says that she’s always nervous about what the audience thinks of them, but her big fear is that Simon’s gonna say they look like half filled water balloons. His opinion means so much to her! Simon glares hatred. LOVE HIM.

simonhateshaley.gif

She’s chosen “Ain’t Misbehavin” and brings out her flirty (ho bag) side out in practice. Tony explains to her that the song is about saving yourself for one man, and she explains that getting votes is about tempting many. Fair enough. She works those long legs and mashed boobies, but I don’t know if they can save her this week. The song changed rhythm five times, but never to the right one. Messy and slutty. She slunk all over the stage and flirted with her man and strangled the life out of that tune. She pumps her fun bags at the end, and I swallow a bit of vomit.

haleyboobiemash.gif

Randy won’t give an opinion. He thought she would be great this week, but…”Paula what do you think?” Paula says green’s a good color on her. Oooh, snap. They both look at Simon, who says it’s rude that they won’t give an opinion. Paula says she only cares about his. Damn. That’s two for two, Paula. It’s bizarro world. Simon’s only comment is a snarly “You’ve got great legs”. Haley looks like she just realized for the first time that she’s a cum dumpster. It’s hurts at first, but you get used to it. Tink pushes Simon for more, so he says he agrees with Randy (who didn’t say anything) and felt it was a bit pagent-y.

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tinklikeschocolate.gifWhen we come back from break, Tink is checking out a black guy’s package. “So it is true what they say!” You’re on the air, fairy! He drops the goods and cuts to Tony with LaKisha. She’s singing “Stormy Weather” and even though she’s wailing through her run through, he only offers up a tired “She’s very good.” He wants her to cut the run at the end and just nail the last note. I don’t know if KiKi’s getting attitude off screen or Tony’s just ready for a nap, but he’s not too cute with her.

tonydazed.gifLaKisha doesn’t let it get to her. She stomps around that stage and owns it. There’s not much to say about her except that she’s really really good. Damn. She works dresshike.gifthat camera, hikes up her dress, and sings to the satellites. She took Tony’s advice about holding out the last note, but then she finishes and tags on a little “Ain’t No Sunshine When He’s Gone.” Fierce.

Randy says there were a few pitch problems at the beginning, but she rocked it out in the middle and the end. Paula said this was the most gorgeous she’s ever looked, and it wasn’t a sideways slam. Wow, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen her play that card. Simon keeps it simple, saying she was back in top form and it was a sassy, great performance. Agreed.

Who do you guys think is going to get the axe tomorrow? My guess is Haley, but I also think that Sanjaya might make it to the bottom three again as punishment for not bringing on the camp. If you’re gonna suck, you better suck in style.

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There’s a scratching on my front door and I know it’s that smelly old dude. I ignore it and curse him under my breath for taking so long with my food. This is the first episode I’ve gone through without a single bite of chocolate. I down the last gimlet and hit the sack as the scratching continues. Remind me never to be nice to old people again.

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Flipit
About

Currently, Flipit's writing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps, which you can find here. You can also find him doing a gossip segment twice a week called BS of the Day and video recaps of Project Runway All Stars, as well as spoof ReDubs of the coming soon trailers at the end of RHOBH!

Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit

48 Comments

  1. 1
    punkrox
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:59 am

    Brilliant recap…AGAIN! Oh Flip-it, you make me laugh AND make me hungry.

    I think Haley is horrible but I felt bad the way the judges treated her by really not saying anything about her terrible performance. I’ve never seen anything like that before on this show. I was completely uncomfortable by the way they all looked like they wanted to lick her.

    It would be hard for me not to tell them to go fuck themselves.

    And wasn’t that Sanjaya’s dad humping Tink’s leg in the audience?

  2. 2
    fieldboy22
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:10 am

    I love you Flipit. This made my day.

    fb22

  3. 3
    giffordsaz
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:11 am

    ok, between you and my Fox morning program I get the gist of the show……. You give good read bud—- thanks for being so quick too.
    much love Ü

  4. 4
    tulip618
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:12 am

    i thought it was sanjaya’s dad too!

    that kid just cannot sing. he has to come up with some sort of gimmick every week to get america’s mind off the fact that he can’t carry a tune at all! but hey, he’s “famous” right?

    “welcome to the sanjaya universe!” i couldn’t stop laughing! and i couldn’t wait to read the recap-your screencaps are hilarious!

  5. 5
    Holla
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:57 am

    Flipit – I love your recaps – thank you!!

    -I did, however, disagree with your assessment of Blake – he’s one of my favorites, but I felt he was boring, karaoke-like, and lounge singing last night – too bad :(

    -I really don’t like Melinda – I feel she doesn’t have the personality necessary to be a record-selling winner.

  6. 6
    Bellasmomgia
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 9:18 am

    OMG, Flipit!!

    You have finally convinced me not to try to drink anything while reading your re-caps that I don’t want to end up running out my nose! I thought I had a sick, cynical and perverted sense of humor, and maybe I do, but I’m in damned fine company. I think FOX should have a weekly “Flipit Hour” after the elimination rounds. I’m sure it would be a ratings smash!! Please, keep ‘em coming. You’re the reason I don’t mind turning on my computer Wed. a.m.

  7. 7
    amy
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 9:21 am

    hilarious, flipit. love reading your recaps.

  8. 8
    soflat
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 9:25 am

    The show was boring.

    I think the recap was too. It is just the same gloating over Doolittle and Blake, and trying to outdo yourself in wittily cutting down Haley and Sanjaya.

    It was over the top tasteless too (swastikas and ‘cum dumpster’s??). It’s pathetic.

  9. 9
    Bellasmomgia
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 9:29 am

    I have the terrible feeling that the general public watching this fiasco season of IDOL are not gonna catch Simon’s well placed sarcasm and will honestly believe that he liked Sanjaya’s “performance”. And that’s all we need at this stage of the game, just a bunch of idiots thinking that Simon finally saw the light..And after that scene with Tink (very aptly named) and Sanj’s dad, I’m beginning to wonder if there’s not a little more to this after all..Oh please, Tink, you can do sooo much better..
    All in all, another predictable snooze-fest, even by the judges. See ya’ to either Phil, Gina or Ho-aley!

  10. 10
    giffordsaz
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:00 am

    soflat,
    We here at TVGasm are so happy you have chosen to read our writer Flipit and comment on his prose.

    We are constantly searching for new gripping writers to bring us their offerings to post here for others to be entertained by…unfortunately this isn’t you…

    What you need to understand is Flipit is the darling of TVGasm.. we would not be the same with out him and his consistently snarky ideas.

    That you take issue with his writing but come back week after weed to read him tells us something about you…..for you pain is pleasure… enjoy.

    Once again thanks for sharing and be happy you are leaving today with your head…. and remember this …Flipit does not have to ‘outdo’ himself, he only has to show up and bring the usual. **** ***

  11. 11
    punkrox
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:03 am

    Well said giffordsaz!

    Don’t be mean to my sweet baby!

  12. 12
    punkrox
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:05 am

    I even started watching some really bad shows just because of Flipit’s take on them. He turns crap into comedy gold.

  13. 13
    MrsC
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:24 am

    Flipit, your recaps are DA BOMB BABY! Don’t change a thing. Put down those glimlets and start recapping some other shows for us, woncha?

  14. 14
    morandi
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:56 am

    Great recap, Flipit! I, too, started watching some shows because of your recaps – wish you can start recapping Survivor.
    Can’t stand Sanjaya – I also agree that his fans may mistake the lack of comment from the judges regarding his “singing” for positive feedback. Haily is so blatant in flaunting herself instead of working on her singing I almost miss Antonella…

  15. 15
    morandi
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:59 am

    Oops, misspelled Haley – sorry
    Ho-aley

  16. 16
    M
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:13 am

    If you notice, before Haley performed she said she really only cared what simon thought about her performance. That’s why Randy and Paula didn’t say anything to her.

    Every year there is a Sanjaya type singer that sticks around too long due to vote for the worst. Remember Chicken Little?

  17. 17
    Pegster
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:23 am

    I hope Phil goes tonight. Not because he’s the worst singer (he’s not), but because I can’t stand looking at him anymore. He creeps me out.

    Sanjaya: where did the camp go? Without it you are nothing but an untalented boring schlub. If you make it through I want some razzle-dazzle, got it?

    Haley: you still bore me. You can go anytime.

    I. Love. Blake. I keep thinking he’s going to annoy me…but each week I love him just a little bit more. I even thought about calling in after the show. Then I remembered: I don’t care.

    Rock on, flipit, you’re a hoot.

  18. 18
    Cam
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:36 am

    This recap was great.

    I, too, vommitted a bit in my mouth at ho-aley’s boob shrug. How stupid does she think we are??? Pleeeeeeeease get off my screen ho. I think Phil’s a goner tonight. Hopefully Haley next week. Thank God for Tivo.

  19. 19
    Zharak
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:36 am

    Great recap!

    Don’t be afraid to hold back because some people whine it’s too “R-rated”.

  20. 20
    Cam
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:37 am

    This recap was great.

    I, too, vommitted a bit in my mouth at ho-aley’s boob shrug. How stupid does she think we are??? Pleeeeeeeease get off my screen ho. I think Phil’s a goner tonight. Hopefully Haley next week. Thank God for Tivo.

  21. 21
    Cam
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:39 am

    Sorry for the double-posting. Damn internet….

  22. 22
    AuntKittie
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:52 am

    Flipit- you make me laugh at what has become a joke of a season on AI.

    Freak Prom…classic.

    Love & Kisses

  23. 23
    TeamMe
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:57 am

    I was laughing so hard reading this recap that I was crying. It reminded me of the comic Robert Shimmel (?). A little mean but oh so funny!!! I agree that Randy and Paula were being babies and wouldn’t comment about Haley b/c she said she worried only about Simon’s comments. Sanjaya must go – but honestly this is the worst Idol ever.

  24. 24
    Zharak
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 12:21 pm

    Oops, I meant don’t be afraid NOT to hold back. Be as vulgar and mean as you’d like!

  25. 25
    Flipit
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 12:38 pm

    Guys thanks for the smile. You make working for comments seem like a sensible way to live.

    LOVE

  26. 26
    Marty
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 12:52 pm

    I LOVE YOU!!! This is what I look forward to every Wednesday!

    http://WWW.VOTEFORTHEWORST.COM

    VOTE SANJAYA!!!

  27. 27
    Bellasmomgia
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 12:55 pm

    soflat

    Description of your intelligence or your personality?? Come on, Flipit is funny, witty, snarky, dry, observant, culture oriented and most likely a MENSA member…If it’s over your head,
    don’t jump in…We’ll be happy to swim without you!

    BEAUTIFUL JOB FLIPIT (as usual)>>>

  28. 28
    Cam
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:04 pm

    Flipit – This is the second time you’ve mentioned Rufus Wainwright and Blake in the same sentence. There’s no comparison. Seriously, Rufus Rocks.

    I love your recaps. I look forward to reading this every week! Keep ‘em coming…

  29. 29
    princesspeapod
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 2:00 pm

    Oh, Flipit! You slay me. I love, love, LOVE your recaps. My favorite line this week? “The Indian Ellen Degeneres is a lesbian too!”

    My only (very minor) complaint: It’s spelled “whoa,” not “woah.”

    Looking forward to the next recap!

  30. 30
    katieshole
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 2:47 pm

    Get rid of that Haley Skanknato. She’s one week away from dancing on the pole during the lunch rush at Frank’s Chicken House, in Manville, NJ. And not even as a featured dancer….

    KH
    Go Sanjaya!

  31. 31
    dacoyle
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 6:44 pm

    I won’t give away who went home tonight, but it was a disgrace. My favorite is still safe, otherwise I’d just stop watching this FARCE of a singing competition. Fox needs a better way to manage the voting. There are at LEAST four people that should have gone home before tonight’s unfortunate loser.

  32. 32
    katieshole
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 6:46 pm

    Dacoyle…the public did not and could not identify with who went home this evening. I am not shocked at all. I was surprised this one even got this far.

    KH

  33. 33
    roleepolee
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:38 pm

    the w.e.l.c.o.m.e screencap was HILARIOUS! I haven’t laughed so hard in front of my computer before I saw that.

    Flipit, who is your favorite AI contestant of all time? not including this season?

    Thanks, and great job on the recaps!.

  34. 34
    Smoke_Rulz
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:49 pm

    You’re fantastic, Flipit. I love your recaps. Even if I am a bit later to reply to this one.

    Well, this night was a nice little surprise, I guess. The Idols are always mostly great with the oldies, though the night could have been better. I don’t have much to say this time with my totally-interesting-everybody-reads-them opinions, so I’ll just get to it:

    Blake Lewis – Sounded fine, but should have listened to Tony and it would have been far better. It was his type of song, so you know he’ll skate through.

    Phil Stacey – Boring and almost completely out of key. I think it’s about time he went home.

    Melinda Doolittle – Best of the night and best ever again.

    Chris Richardson – It was surprisingly good since it wasn’t filled with endless nasal Justin runs, but I still hate him.

    Jordin Sparks – I agree with Simon’s opinion that it was more old fashioned than modern, but she sounds like an angel, so who cares.

    Gina Glocksen – Well, that’s the end of the spiral for Gina. She lost all her heat and confused herself to the end. She’s probably going home tonight, meaning we’re stuck with Phil and Haley again. :(

    Sanjaya Malakar – This may surprise you, but I actually liked this performance. In the prelims, he was dreadfully boring, and for the past few weeks he was abysmal. Now he actually picked a damn fine song for his vocals. It wasn’t stellar, and he still sucks ass, but I actually liked him this week. Tony Bennett will do that for you.

    Haley Scarnato – Boring, badly sung, and completely slutty, thereby ruining the entire premise of the song. Shameful. I want her to go home.

    LaKisha Jones – Great as always. Not much else I can say except Melinda is still better.

    So yeah. I predict Phil, Gina, and Haley as the EASY bottom 3. I think Phil is going home, but I’m hoping for Haley, but I’d likely bet it’ll be Gina just to piss us all off.

    7. Sanjaya – 7
    8. Haley – 6
    9. LaKisha – 9

  35. 35
    SparkleEmotion
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:05 pm

    Love your recaps Flipit. Great sense of humor too.

    I do wish you’d snark on Melinda more than you do tho. I thought it was hilarious that she did an Ethel Merman song.

    Every song she sings sounds exactly the same. She’s quite the one trick pony. Totally lacking in any kind of versatility.

    Anyway, thanks for the quick recap.

  36. 36
    brendahamLincoln
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:21 pm

    Regarding tonight’s elimination: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    Regarding last night’s performances: M-E-H.

    Flipit, I will send you a batch of “special” brownies if you up the ante and make your recaps NC-17. It’ll drive away the sensitive whiners.

  37. 37
    mandabear
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 2:10 am

    flipit… thank you for your recaps :)

  38. 38
    Flipit
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 3:52 am

    roleepolee i know i will be raked over the coles for this one, but i LOVE me some fantasia. her albums suck it, but i love love love her.

    brendaham, cook em up girl.

    smoke rulz wow excellent call.

    and everyone thanks it’s good to have a group of funny smartasses to bitch about this show with

    LOVE

  39. 39
    Rock Star
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:49 am

    I actually really liked this episode. I thought Blake was awesome, Chris was good, Melinda was obviously flawless, Lakisha was awesome, Phil sucked. I’m not creeped out by him like everone else seems to be (well, i guess everyone isn’t creeped out, because if they were he wouldn’t still be on the show), buth he’s slowly turning into an asshole. I HATE GINA GLOCKSEN. And WHY IS HALEY IN THIS COMPETITION!??!?! If America wanted to keep a hot, slutty, talentless girl around, i’m confused as to why antonella isn’t still there in her place. And Haley may have a hot body, but am I the only one who doesn’t think she’s that pretty?

  40. 40
    zoobabe
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 7:20 am

    flip- I’ll send you some gimlets if you show up in the audience with a sign that reads:

    ” I want to be Sanjaya’s mamaya”!

    love ya’ :)

  41. 41
    Krizzatch
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 7:37 am

    I thought Sanjaya looked like a underage Puerto Rican gigolo.

    I hate how Ho-ley scrunches up her face when she sings certain phrases. And the boob shrug was just complete overkill. Go back to your rollerskating burger shack, you skank.

  42. 42
    redleg
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 12:44 pm

    Cum Dumpster!!! Great! That is my new line. I have stolen another one of yours. You should look into copyrights.

  43. 43
    Darth Wader
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 1:24 pm

    I thought Sanjaya looked like Michael J Fox in Teen Wolf when he went to the big dance…if only he could grow that kind of facial hair. Then he would be my American Idol.

  44. 44
    Darth Wader
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 1:27 pm

    Oh, and Melinda still bores me to DEATH. I still don’t see her making it BIG post-Idol. She’ll probably be another Fantasia or possibly will be cast in Dreamgirls 2. This season pretty much blows as far as talent and originality goes. We’ll hear another Melinda next year and we’ll have another Sanjaya and Haley next year.

  45. 45
    d-fly
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 4:03 pm

    TVGasm was so fun to read back in its “glory day” of great writers because it was FUNNY. flipit, you are the only reason I still come to the website- your recaps are hilarious and I can’t wait until Wednesdays now just to see what off-the-wall comedy you come up with! Thank you for making everyone’s day.

  46. 46
    Mo
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 9:36 pm

    Sure, Melinda and Lakisha are good to great singers, but they make miss Mandisa so so so so much… She was also great, and she took chances! She sang rock and country and whatever you wanted to throw at her. M and L are staying in their little Whitney/Patti/Shirley/Diana boxes, with some old standards and show tune ballads thrown in for good measure. Yawn yawn yawn. Let’s say I have M and L on the one hand, great singers, with a boring-ass CD, and Blake or (I’ll throw Jordin in here, although she is a better singer than Blake), good singers, with songs that I would actually want to listen to. Which CD should I buy? Hhhmmm… I think I’ll skip the master class in singing and go for the fun.

  47. 47
    Rock Star
    Posted April 6, 2007 at 7:44 am

    You know, Mo, I may be alone on this, but I actually think Jordan is as good of a singer as Melinda and Lakisha! Her runs are amazing and she has good control! She annoys me, though.

  48. 48
    Donna Martin Graduates!
    Posted April 14, 2007 at 11:22 am

    Paula, it’s actually “hep-cat,” you sad, trashy, pill-popping lush.

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