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Wednesday, March 14, 2007
11:42 am
65 Comments
7:58 Here we are, after weeks of bloody, mind numbing auditions, at the Top 12. Bigger stage, bigger orchestra, bigger boos. So why am I feeling pissy? I think I’m still a little shell-shocked over last week’s shocker eliminations. Sabrina Sloane? GONE. Sunshine? GONE. I kinda hated him but at least he could sing. I forgot who the other guy was already, so I’m pretty sure I was ok with him going. Antonella? GONE! Wait, now I’m veering into Happy Land. Shoot, does this mean I won’t get to log on here every day to see pictures of her peeing anymore? Stay focused, Flipit! They’ll eat you alive!
Point is, some very good singers were sent packing before their time, and I am still rallying against the injustice of it all. But when eight o’clock comes ’round it’s time to put my feelings of disappointment in the same little box that houses my failed wooing of Eddie Cibrian and my dreams of making something of myself before my little sister did. I uncork a couple bottles of wine, call my friend Mary Jane, and throw a few King Size Milky Ways in the freezer. And…8:00.
Ladies and gentlemen, THIS. Is American Idol!
I’m a fairly cynical person (shocked?) so I am a bit taken aback by the goose bumps on my arms when the show opens on the new ginormous soundstage and Tinkerbell flies in on cables to welcome us to the first night of the Big Leagues. I know a lot of you detest the ‘Crest, but Ryan’s so little and clueless, I have to love him. I forgot how he seems even smaller on the big stage, and it just makes him even more innocent and defenseless in my eyes. If you clap real hard, Ryan Seacrest will live a long, healthy, fairy life. Hey. Why aren’t you clapping?
Randy’s being positive about America’s choices for their top 12, but I can’t focus on what he’s saying because his shirt keeps yelling at me. Something about the boys needing to be in it to win it. Paula says she thinks the boys are behind, but she believes they’ll come into their own tonight. Can you really come more into your own than this?
Diana Ross is the Guest Mentor tonight, and she looks ten years younger than she did ten years ago. Something’s fishy here! Tink tells us Diana’s the most successful female recording artist of all time, which isn’t really true, but there’s no denying she’s a serious badass. Twelve Grammy noms, 18 number one hits…Beyonce played her in Dreamgirls, ok? Bow down. She starts off by telling the singers that she’s not there to judge them, she’s there to be their “trusting voice”. I don’t know what that means, and I like it. She says the contestants are like her kids, and she wants them to get the hell out of her house and stop taking money from her purse. She hugs each and every singer when she’s done with them, some a little too hard. Ok, we get it. Back off, Mother Earth.
First up is Brandon. He tells us he’s worked with a lot of celebrities, but Diana’s the oldest. She nods politely as he does a light version of “Can’t Hurry Love”. When he’s done she pats his hand and smiles. “That was good!” Brandon agrees. Awkward moment. “I can’t believe all the work you guys have to do!” She might has well have complimented his shoes. He says he was nervous and she advised him in a low, meaningful way. “Go to your center. Your heart place.” Uh…thanks.
I haven’t been too impressed with this guy since his initial audition, but the man has worked for some big people and I keep thinking any minute now he’s gonna break out and take a win from behind. Not tonight. He paces awkwardly through the song and cracks more than a couple of times. He looks uncomfortable and sounds scared. To compensate, he breaks into a butt swing dance that puts uncoordinated white boys everywhere to shame. And then he forgets his words. Ouch. You know what? Just stay in that position, because I have a feeling the only thing you’re gonna be taking from behind tonight is Mr. Simon Cowell. Brandon gave it his all for the last couple bars, but even they were shaky. Cut to his family, who is in complete darkness. Probably better that way. No one likes to see disappointment on a mother’s face.
Oooh, Dr. Bones and Angel are in the house. It is a big night!
Randy said Brandon reverted back into a boring backup singer except for the last two notes. Paula is understanding of his nerves, so she won’t waste time on what he did wrong (at the rate of her sentence formation, it would take til’ tomorrow), because he did so much right. Simon laid it out. No originality, no star quality. Brandon was like a backup singer for a backup singer. “Not good enough. Sorry.”
Brandon tells Tink he was nervous and feels bad for forgetting the words and…yawn. Please have him removed.
In the Coca Cola room, Ryan asks Melinda what the hardest part of the competition is. She says it’s the dresses and the shoes. Funny, cuz that’s the hardest part about watching her. Melinda is one of the most talented singers this show has ever had, but she needs to take a couple of shots and ho it up a little to go all the way. I don’t trust honest to God good people in Church clothes. They make me feel dirty. Ryan asks Simon if he has any high heel advice for Melinda and Simon retorts “You should know, Ryan!” Poor Tink just can’t get ahead, so he concedes. He says “Stay out of my closet!” and Simon snaps “Come out!” OUCH. Brandon’s not the only one takin’ it from behind tonight. Melinda covers her face. Tink stands right up, brushes himself off, and says “This is about the Top 12, alright? Not your wishes!” Even Simon has to LOL at that one. Oh, Tink. You silly fairy! The audience claps and he is good as new.
In her session with Miss Ross, Doolittle kicks her song’s ass. Damn you, goose bumps! Diana felt something, too. OMG we have so much in common, D! She praises Melinda, saying she can feel her feelings. Melinda responds with her “gee wiz, me?” face. That face is making me crazy. She has to stop with the face.
Doolittle has chosen to sing “Home” from The (gee) Wiz (,me?), which is one boring ass song. I have heard it millions of times before and just heard it twice in a row and still can’t remember how it goes. She sang the hell out of it, though, as usual. Nailed it. This girl has some serious pipes. I hope she doesn’t blow it by continuing to choose snory songs and being and honest to God good person.
The audience goes nuts and Melinda gets teary and doesn’t use the “gee wiz, me?” face, which wins her points with me. Randy didn’t think it was her best performance, but it was still very good. Paula sobs all over the place and says “I feel what you f…I….You…feel such…” Diana Ross said “You make me feel what you feel” so long ago that poor Paula can’t remember enough of the sentence to steal and use as her own opinion. “Look at you! This is it for you! This is it for you!” My first boss said those exact words when he fired me, but unless Melinda was eating off customers’ plates, I think she’s safe.
After he stops laughing at Paula, Simon asks Doolittle why she’s crying and she says she’s never had that kind of reaction from a crowd just for her. Aw. He compliments her on making a boring song incredible and compares her to Gladys Knight. Nuff’ said. Tink, obviously thinking Simon would blubber some more, left Doolittle onstage in silence. Get with it, fairy. We’re live! Melinda can’t explain how she feels because she can’t remember the song. Hey! That’s what I said! Tink, obviously trying to goad Paula into making an even bigger ass of herself, says “Paula! You’re an artist! How did she feel?” Paula said she felt like she was having an out of body experience and the blow hurt her nasal lining a bit but it was totally worth it…wait a second, Paula. Stick to Doolittle!
Miss Ross doesn’t know what to do with Chris. He’s immediately joking with her about their similar hairdos, which she takes as a sign of nervousness. Come on, Diana. Fat people don’t use humor to mask their insecurities and fears! He’s chosen “Endless Love”, and puts his own spin on it. Her advice is to find the heart of the song, or the melody, and stick to it. Stay with the hook. This is a nice way of saying “Don’t spin my song, bitch.”
Spin it, he did. He stuck to the melody, but she didn’t say anything about annihilating the beat. Did she let him go with alterna-bossa-rock on purpose? White boy fro sabotage? Since Chris decided not to wear his glasses this week we could see him counting in his head to stay in step. He’s got an excellent voice, but tonight he sounds a little shaky and looks a little skerd. Cool that he did something different with an old song, and when he belts he’s amazing, but…the audience is pretty subdued. Ruh-roh. This audience is never subdued. It wasn’t that bad, was it? Is everyone just shocked to see Chris’ entire face?
Randy said it was a mess, Paula said he’s trying too hard to sound modern, and Simon said he murdered the arrangement, turned a beautiful song into an endless drone, and PS, keep the glasses. Chris stays pretty even-keeled. He respects Diana Ross and the Judges, but he went with his gut on this one. I know you are expecting a fat joke here, but I understand the plight. I fold my gut into tummy lips and talk to it all the time. Right now it’s telling me to open the second Snickers Bar. No, gut! We’re not even half way through the show! OPEN IT! Fine! Damn you gut, you always win!
Gina’s turn. This girl bugs the hell out of me. She tries way too hard and she seems like the type to burp and fart out loud. I try not to hold it against her. Diana likes her voice but warns her against lazy enunciation. Gina pants like a puppy dog and kisses butt, telling Miss Ross that when she was four years old (ouch) she would dance around singing “Love Child” completely oblivious to the meaning of the lyrics. Diana hugs her and Gina farts.
Her performance is decent. She struts around the stage and tries to work the rock chick vibe, but she’s shiftless and nervous. Acid wash mom jeans and spiked heels don’t help her much. Don’t these kids have stylists?
Randy found her pitchy and boring, Paula stole pitchy and remembered a Ms. Ross word too: enunciation. Paula stuttered when she said this, which was perfect. My tummy lips smiled. Simon thought it was the right song for her and he likes that she kept the rocker style, but overall her performance was forgettable. Gina keeps it together nicely, which is the main problem for me. A real rocker chick would roll her eyes and flip the Judges off. Gina smiles and insists she’s “comfortable”. Rock chicks aren’t comfortable! They’re angry! They’re miserable! They’re one blackout away from choking on their own vomit! This girl’s a rock chick for the Gap Generation. Nice neckpiece, though.
Sanjaya’s up next. True to diva form, Miss Ross loves her gays. Even though he was off rhythm and stiff as a board, he had a (adorable, lovable, homosexual) spirit that transcended his flaws. Diana may not have a lot of confidence in his talent, but she definitely has some love for him as a person. She insists that it has nothing to do with his hair, even though he showed up in a brown nosey Miss Ross do. I don’t hear the beginning of the song because when I get a load of his perm I involuntarily shake my head and slur “girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlllllll!” for a solid minute.
Ms. Ross is right about Sanjaya. I do want to like him. He’s obviously a genuine sweetheart and a choice bottom, but he’s way behind the beat, way off key, and seems to be (unsuccessfully) struggling get out more than a whisper. I hope he gets kicked off tomorrow night just so I’m not forced to pick on him anymore. You suck balls. Sorry. Now let’s spoon.
Randy takes a few moments to laugh his ass off. The audience laughs along with him, presumably thinking he loved it. When he’s done laughing, he drops the smile and says “Dude, it wasn’t very good.” The audience turns. Randy goes on to say thank God for the backup singers because it was almost unlistenable to him, but if there was a Hair Idol, the kid would win hands down. Sanjaya laughs and smiles big, still not sure whether or not they’re just messing with him. Paula says she agrees with Miss Ross, but she can’t quite remember what she said, so she throws out random “beautiful”s and “spirit”s before ending with “You gotta jump out reckless abandon and go!” Ah, the beat poetry of an addict. I’d like to think Maya Angelou sits in front of her TV every week and cries at Paula’s stanzas, but I’m a sap like that. Simon says “Look. When you hear a wail in Beverly Hills, you’ll know where Diana Ross is staying.” LOL. The audience doesn’t get it, because it sounds like he just called Diana Ross a whale. “She’s gonna freak when she hears this!” Yeah, but at who?
Ryan asks him how he feels and he says he appreciates what good things they had to offer, but he didn’t even understand what Simon was talking about. LOL. Simon puts his face in his hands. Dammit I love this show.
Haley, dressed like she’s about to give birth at a very fancy hospital, “like”s her way through her interview and like totally like acts like she’s like fourteen. Diana thinks she’s beautiful. Duh. How do you think she got knocked up? Diana says Haley has a studio voice and not a live performance voice. I can’t tell whether she thinks that’s a good thing or not. She recorded “I’ll Be Missing You” after the death of Marvin Gaye, and her feelings made it what it was. When asked what was going through her mind singing it, Haley says “I just wanna have fun out there!” Yay, dead Marvin Gaye!
She starts off the song in one of the space stools, which is a really bad idea in that dress. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for a cooter shot, which thankfully never came. She did crap all over the stage, though. She started off softly and beautifully, but the second she stood up it went straight to hell. She forgot the words and couldn’t find them for a verse. A backup singer tried to help, but it sounded like poor Haley wasn’t the only one giving birth in the fancy hospital that night. She did her best to save it by belting the life out of the last two notes, but unfortunately they were supposed to be soft and caressing, not desperate. I have suspected that Haley has been kept around because she has a sound for Christian radio, but after tonight’s slutty moo-moo and spiked heels number, I think she probably lost the Amy Grant vote.
Randy has some pity on the girl, saying she was capable of much better, but then Paula came in for the kill. “You look lovely tonight”. Ouch. Haley’s mom shouts from the audience “Take it!” LOL. Paula goes on to remind us that Brandon forgot his words too, but Haley’s pitch was…(blank, glazed eyes) “…you look adorable!” Ok enough of the abuse, Paula! Simon turns the tables by saying it wasn’t all that bad. She had some true moments of star presence and if she can just keep from losing her shit she might have a chance of doing much better than he originally thought. Woah. Did someone switch his Coca Cola mug out with Paula’s?
Haley has to have a seat before the baby plops right out onto the floor. She thanks Simon for being nice to her even though she’s a schmuck and Paula says half the time the audience can’t tell she messed up. “They don’t know anything, so just do what you do!” OK, belligerent.
Miss Ross doesn’t have anything good or bad to say about Phil, but she likes his song choice. He asks how to get in the right mindset before a show and she suggests looking at the audience. They’re real people, just like you! He took her advice a little too close to heart and stared at the audience (creepily). He also bounced up and down, made a bucktooth face, and turned in the whitest rendition of “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me” I have ever heard in my life. The guy can sing, but wow. Yawn Shawn.
Randy says he was bored, but Phil had the best boy’s vocal of the night. Paula agrees, saying the vocals were good, but the Judges talked throughout his performance about the song needing more life. Simon was level-headed for the second time in a row. He says Phil has a tendency to over sing, but did a decent job. I think I expect more from Phil because he looks like Powder, who in addition to freakish looks, had extraordinary gifts. If only Jeff Goldblum were here to teach Phil how to use his powers! Alas, Goldblum is working on other projects now and I am stuck in bed with nap drool running down my chin.
One thing that impresses me about Miss Ross is that she is not at all bitchy. When LaKisha nails “God Bless the Child” after hearing it for the first time the night before, Diana doesn’t even try to critique her voice. Instead they talk about dresses and mic stands. She uses the same nickname for LaKisha that her mom does, and she’s excited to see what KiKi will do. Aaaaawwwwwwwwwww.
KiKi came out in a flowy white dress, her weave perfect and shiny, and knocked the song out of the ballpark. She is so far above everyone else (except MAYBE Doolittle) that it seems silly to spend two hours watching the show. Record her morning pee, I’ll buy copies for everyone I know. I stood up to cheer when she was done. That may not sound like much, but it was the first time I got out of bed in six hours. Randy calls her performance sensational, Paula dittos him, and Simon (who has a huge toothy grin any time KiKi’s in the room) says that she was controlled, fearless and flawless. He adds that the difference between she and Melinda and the rest of the singers is vast and that they are in a different league all together. I wholeheartedly agree. And PS, wow with the rack.
I’m really interested to see what Blake’s gonna do, because let’s face it. Beat-boxing can go from fresh and new to retarded and lame in the bat of an eye. He’s been pretty good at using it in moderation so far, but when he wiggy wiggy’s to a confused as hell Miss Ross, I crack up. He tries to lay down his organic beats to “You Keep Me Hangin’ On” with the pianist, who is either confused or ignoring his direction. Come on, old dog. Time to learn to roll your ass over. I have my finger’s crossed, because the boys so far tonight are once again proving to be a wash.
Uuuhhhhh….ok. He basically dragged the song out and added a rhythm underneath that sounds like it was made with Ross’ synthesizer on Friends. To make the whole thing weirder, Blake does some Michael Jackson moves in slow mo. I have to say, those moves are way less interesting slow. Oh yeah, and he doesn’t sing it too well. I don’t want to hate on the guy, because he’s talented and unique, but ew. I’m kinda grossed out right now. Thank God there’s half a bottle of wine left.
Randy likes that Blake shows some originality, but feels he’s overdoing it on the rearranging and not concentrating enough on the vocals. Paula points out that there’s a difference between what Blake did and what Chris did (yeah, synthesizer Ross helped. No fair!) and she thinks Blake could turn this version into a hit. Simon doesn’t get it. The rework didn’t work, and Paula jumps over the fence and says “Why mess with Motown?” Someone get her a cold compress.
Stephanie Edwards isn’t messing around this week. She chose “Love Hangover” and a good attitude, and Miss Ross loves her. Her only advice is not to be so damned sexy. Let it build, baby. When you got ‘em hooked, pounce like a Tigress. And pounce she does. She rocks “Love Hangover”. Randy calls her out on missing some lyrics and the uptempo part of the song, and Paula and Simon agree. He calls her a tease. You build and build and build and then don’t deliver. Be hard to get, but not that hard. Did she take Diana’s advice too literally? I don’t know, I liked her. Am I just drunk? I’m totally calling my ex right now to cry about my feeeeeeeeellliiinngggs.
Thank God for voicemail. Chris Richardson charms Diana with his goofy humble vibe, and it worked on me too. I don’t know if a “movement specialist” was brought in this week to try to pump some life into the boys, but most of them have done retarded dances. Chris R bounces all over the place and runs out of the breath so he can’t hit all his Justin Falsettos. He took Diana’s “dance and work the crowd” advice, but again, he exaggerated what she told him and jumped around like a maniac.
Randy says it was half good/half bad and definitely overcooked. Paula’s news was better. She feels out of everyone tonight he brought the perfect blend of contemporary and classic to the table. The little girls in the audience go crazy. Simon says minus Chris R and his personality and charm, he was only left with horrid vocals, and anyone listening on the radio would switch the channel the second they heard a note. He’s not wrong, but this kid can sing. He just needs to stop with the jumping. Stand still and let it flow, kid!
Miss Ross loves Jordin’s inner light and thinks she has star quality, but isn’t so sure she knows how to project her feelings through a song, which is kinda important. Jordan is cute as a bug. I mean, come on, she sang a song from The Land Before Time. I just cannot diss her. Sorry. Ok, so she missed a couple of notes, and kinda screeched through parts, and projected emotion by pointing at random audience members…she’s got a pretty voice most of the time and besides, she’s cuuuutte!
Randy is impressed that Jordin is so good at 17 and says she just turned this competition into a three way race. Paula agrees and… so does Simon! Wow! Other than being a bit gooey (a bit? Snot is still dripping out of my nose. Those adorable dinosaurs!), it was an excellent vocal and she has just proved she’s worthy of a spot in the finals. Atta girl, Jordin! And she’s anti-war!
And so ends our first night of the top 12. Who do you think’s gonna get the boot tonight? I say Brandon’s out, what’s your vote?
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65 Comments
Hey gasmii. I posted this about an hour ago before realizing I had accidentally not saved the last four contestants. DUMBASS.
Thanks for your patience, and thanks QueenV for clueing me in.
HEART
PHEW. I was afraid with all the changes around here, there wasn’t going to be an Idol recap. Thank the good lord for Flipit.
I agree – Brandon should go. Even though Haley forgot her words too, I kind of admired her for being real and kind of breaking down after she screwed up. Better to react like a real person than pretend that your performance was just fine.
Sligh needs to bring glassesback (yeah). His face looked too small without them. In other style news, Phil needs to either grow a little fuzz on his head or lighten his freaking eyebrows because he scared me when he was yelling “I’m gonna MAAAAAKE you love me!” He has a decent voice but his look doesn’t match it.
Like the rest of America, I like Mel-Doo and KiKi, but I bet one of them will go home early this season (a la JHud) because their styles are so similar and the votes will get split between them, with one on the short end of the stick.
wait, what heppend to b side?
he’s dead. you haven’t heard?
Sligh looks like Grimace without the glasses.
oh schoonie you’re so cruel. i love it.
i think brandon’s a goner. i really hope haley gets better because i love her.
Flipit
no need to be nervous, that was a very funny recap! I loved the banter between Ryan and Seacrest. Ryan should have come “out of the closet” long time ago. he is not fooling anyone. Oh, and either Brandon or Gina is going home. Sanjaya is not going anywhere. He has a country of about 1 Billion people behind him (India). They would love to have the first Indian “American Idol”.
hes not dead…………………omg is he
mags,
B-Side left to travel to London. When he comes back he is focusing on screen writing opportunities that have opened up for him.
MYL
To me, Phil looks like that funky squeeze toy, the one that if you squeeze it, the eyes and ears pop out. You know, one of those Martian Poppers (http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/opg_1941_18769588).
Some favorite moments in a kind of dull evening:
- “Pronunciate”?? Ms. Ross, even Paula got that right (enunciate)
- Melinda and LaKisha: great renditions of songs I didn’t know.
- Paula telling Gina that “Lovechild” is a feel-good song. Have you ever listened to the lyrics, Paula?
FlipIt, great recap! Lots of out-loud laughs for me, especially with “Diana hugs her and Gina farts.”
ahhh good, at least hes not dead
sorry, im gullible
ok american idol….. i really liked this recap flipit, a lot, it made me laugh.
and i completly think ryan is gay
haha he would be tink the twink
Brandon and Sanjaya suck, but they don’t really bother me. They both seem nice, so whatever.
Phil, however, bothers me on levels I can barely articulate. I hate the sight of him, I think he sings like my cat when I step on her tail, and I would rather listen to Abdul’s incoherent ramblings for an entire hour than even 1 minute of Phil Stacey. That dude sucks ass, looks like ass, acts like ass. I bet he smells like ass, too. Ew to Phil Stacey. Just ew.
I can’t believe people thinking Chris R is the Justin ripoff when Blake is there, stealing JTs act and passing off as his own every week. Dude, the beatboxing was done on NSync’s “No Strings Attached” tour, and Justin does those James Brown/Michael Jackson moves way better than you. And Flock of Seagulls would really appreciate it if you gave back their synthesizer. Original and fresh? Maybe if this were 1982. Plus, he looks like Ellen Degeneres and Mike Booger had a kid. He’s my 2nd most hated.
I could go on, but I’ll save some bile for next week.
Okay, first off all its SunDANCE not SunSHINE. FYI.
Overall, good recap. I do miss B-Side more than I should, but that’s a different story. I felt last night was really boring. In no way does this season even compare to last season, in my opinion.
Sanjaya needs to go, now. He is awful!
anybody doing a House MD recap? =[
bahahahahahha ‘sunshine’ made me lol
*slits writs for saying lol*
Add my kudos as well to ya flipit – very funny and very quick recap – fills in the time waiting for TAR recaps. Laughed out loud with your great insights – keep the good work going and I’ll vote for you every week.
Okay – Phil Stacey really, really scares me. I can’t decide if he looks more like Gollum or one of the people in those Cancer Treatment Centers of America commercials. His voice is okay (not my style tho’) but I actually cringe when I see him…he strikes me as a tad smug too.
LOVE Melinda. She is my fave of perhaps all the seasons of Idol.
Kiki rocked in that dress too last nite.
Had such high hopes for Blake and he just didn’t impress last nite.
Oh well – I think Brandon is going home tonight too, tho wouldn’t surprise me if a slight shocker and Stephanie goes – that love hangover tease really p.o.’d me…but then again I still think I’m in a gay disco, ca. 1978 some nites…
fb22
hb- where are you?
i hate that phil guy
he looks like a giant penis
Great recap flipit…I laughed out loud several times.
Why,oh why, are we subjected to listening to Sanjaya sing every week? Honestly, if he doesn’t go home this week I think I will scratch my ears until they bleed because that would be better than listening to him next week.
Two hours seems like a ridiculous amount of time for this show when there are only 2 people (Kiki and Doolittle) in this competition.
I’m glad you picked this recap up because I was worried with B-Side leaving. I can’t wait to see what you have in store for us next week.
P.S. Phil Stacey’s eyebrows creep me out!
Flipit, you are the ONLY one left here that I would want to read a recap of AI from. You, my man, rock….
We all have those feelings about B-Side but we do have to go on and you are bringing us along in style…
I just imagine you recap after recap sitting in your bed rewinding and writing..rewinding…. do you use your livingroom at all?
It is nice to have it so quick and well done, but with the kick off show tonight I guess you had to turn it fast… don’t have a breakdown….
Great recap and my money is on Brandon taking the leap into the flames tonight.
Hi Flipit, I just wanted to say that I love all of your recaps and was so happy you did AI. You make me laugh SO HARD! I miss B-side, but I think you’re hilarious.
Am I the only one who thought that Sligh’s version of ‘Endless Love’ was really good? (minus the coldplay like openning). Sligh is, in my opinion, one of the best male contestants ever on AI, and it’s really too bad that Doolittle and Lakisha is (unintentionally) stealing his spotlight. He’s so underrated, and the judges are too hard on him. Reminds me of Anthony Fedorov from season 4.
I also think Doolittle is WAY better than Lakisha. She just seems like a watered down whitney wannabe. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a very good singer, but in terms of originality, she has none. Doolittle on the other hand. I mean, do I even have to say anything about her? She’s the best idol contestant since Fantasia.
If Sanjaya remains, I’m going to scream and bash a lamp through my television. He ws good in the auditions, WTF happened?!
Great recap Flipit!
roleepolee-really? Anthony Federov? REALLY?? I don’t remember him being able to carry a tune, but Chris Sligh can, so it seems a weird that you would compare the two. I do think his rendition of Endless Love was way better than the original.
Flipit your recaps are worth reading, I laughed out loud more than a few times! AI is NOT worth watching. i was bored as hell last night. Then i realized it’s cause Diana Ross’s music is boring as hell. The only good song is Reflections (which she didn’t write anyway, much like most of her music)and no one sang it. Maybe it’ll be better next week.
Well done, Flipit! I especially enjoy all of your jokes implying you’re a compulsive overeater.
Between this and VM, you’re quickly becoming my favorite recapper on the site!
Here is my take on last week and this week:
Sunshine – out because the first week he sang “yewwww” like Pikleher did last year¦.a second week performance didn’t pull his ass out of the fire¦.he never recovered. Too bad, because his wife was kinda next door girl hot.
Jared “ I want to keep calling him Jarhead¦and that’s not right. He was too Gumble for me. Just quit smiling and sing¦too late. He’s done.
Antonella “ Another “too bad”, she was hot. Unfortunately, it is a singing competition and lack of pipes only gets femmy girlie haired pre-pube boys in the dance. Right, Sanny? The only upshot to her staying was more naked photos appearing¦.DAMN YOU AMERICAN PUBLIC!!
Sabrina “ NO SHE DI’INNT¦..yup she is gone¦.classic if only for the tongue in O face she gave as she was axed¦.She thought she had it won too early for her to survive¦go back to the Hilton party and complain.
Now the final 12:
Gina “ God help me¦I LUV her! She can’t really sing all that great, but she reminds me of that girl in college I wanted to date because she would put out¦.you know¦the one that thought I was a tard. She won’t last too much longer, though.
Haley “ She figured it out¦.if you can’t sing well¦*cough¦Pickler¦cough* ¦show your boobs! She’s too good looking to axed right away¦.she’s got a few more weeks.
Balke “ Still looking for Cousin Larry¦..Is beat-boxing a skill? He sucks with a capital “F”. It is standard for short guys to dress like Metrosexuals?
Brandon “ Trying hard to be cool¦.he’s a band nerd¦you can see him in a uniform, can’t you? Voice is whiney¦.and he looks like if Webster and Nadia from Season 4 had a love child. That’s just plain wrong.
Jordin “ She has the McFeever that Kat had at the beginning¦.she will do well. McSparks? Can’t fault her for being bubbly¦.she exudes talent¦.finals bound.
KiKi “ Excellent voice, but I agree she will be Mandisa-ized “ 4th place
Chris Timberlake“ Can he be getting any more gay? (Not that there is anything wrong with that)¦He doesn’t seem to have an original bone in his body. Even young girls are starting to think he’s creepy, not dreamy. Mcgone¦.
Chris Sloth “ I like him for an underdog¦but last night he blew a big goose egg. I couldn’t even tell if he was singing endless love or Copa Cabana¦.Just wait until that Bennet kid from last year that loved Manilow gets hold of him! Needs to sing a song that has meat and a little sadness¦.that’s his niche.
Mel D “ She is the front runner, but her (I agree) “what me¦.am I that good?” face is really, really, really, really, really old¦¦really. Save if for the acceptance speech, baby. You are good¦.*prayer hands*¦just cheer, Torrance, just cheer¦
Stephanie “ girl version of Timberlake¦only Beyonce¦.we have that be”once” already¦.hopefully gone soon.
Phil “ I want him to do well, but he bugs me. Seems like he is one bad song from ending up on the Alien 3 (or 4?) episode on the prison planet. He is not as good as he needs to be¦.he ain’t no Sanjaya¦
Sanj”I can’t sing like a guy”uh “ wow¦.and he is still here because¦¦?
His hair can’t save him¦..I think that he should have done a tight afro for Diana to remind her more of MJ¦.course then she would have had to remember farther back than last Thursday. Bring his sister back¦she could sing and was hot¦.for right now he gets the quicky mart vote¦.did I say that?…..wake up folks¦.can you here him now?….how about now?……still?……now?……the only way he redeems himself is to drop out on his own accord.
As for the judges:
Dog¦.trying to be tougher¦needed to be¦doing ok
Paula¦.get the stick¦c’mon girl¦.get the stick¦.
Simon¦..same¦good¦.needs to be there
Yay, Flipit is recapping something I watch!
I miss B-Side more than I think could be called normal but if anyone call fill his shoes, you can.
Please, God, make Sanjaya go home. And I know I’m alone but I don’t like the JT wannabe either. Or Phil Stacy.
I say lets just give it to Melinda and be done with it.
Ryan — why would any of us want to go into your closet? Besides, I think the door is locked and you have swallowed (ahem) the key. We are all aware of your persuasion and there is nothing wrong with that.
Now for the show:
Melinda is great … but when is someone going to tell her she needs to stop dressing like a matronly school teacher? For real — she needs a different stylist other than her friends who lay out her outfits for her.
Some of these contestants might actually start playing an A-game if they weren’t aware they only had to perform better than one other person. Perhaps they should start telling them on performance night that if they don’t get an X-number of votes they will be going home — let’s do away with the one-a-week quota. We might actually see some performances this way.
How bad is it that Brandon sang a song that was performed better by Carmen Rasmussen?!?
Blake performed a song with an EXCELLENT track record on AI. “You Keep Me Hanging On” was performed twice before on this show — by Vanessa Olivarez in season 2 the week she got sent home and again in season 3 by Leah Labelle the week she got sent home! And I have to add … each of these contestants performed this song on WEEK 1!!! Hello Blake!?! How do people NOT learn on this show? That was a rather unbecoming screencap of Blake’s family — didn’t the band 311 take some slack for having a racist name (which is his “favorite” band) and now his family hails Blake as if he is the next fuhrer. Blake was likable at one time …
I cannot look at Phil Stacey which is unfortunate because he does have a nice voice (which I hate admitting to). He honestly does look sickly … which doesn’t help on this show since he is NOT really sick. Perhaps he is trying for some sympathy votes from idiots.
I wish Stephanie were as good as she was during Week 1. She gives off a LaToya London vibe to me and I don’t think she’ll last long. When Randy was critiqing her and mentioned her forgetting some of the lyrics she looked cold and less likely to fess up to it than President Bush admiting some of his faults. You’d think she was just told she was awful.
Sligh’s “stylist” must have been the same person who told Taylor Hicks to color his hair last season.
Sanjayugh … he has a nice voice (“nice” not good) but he is so high school talent show. The cruel people over at VotefortheWorst.com are backing him so expect him to have a Scott Savol-like run into the top half of the competition.
It is actually unfortunate for all of these contestants this year because the show is already won by either Melinda or LaKisha. Jordin Sparks shines (and was quite a stunner this week) but she has absolutely no chance unless the masses get tired of the two front-runners.
I have no idea how America will vote but I’m thinking Brandon since he hasn’t lived up to the judges’s expectations yet. But it is up to American so …
I just loved how stupid the studio audience proved to be last night. Paula slapped EVERY single one of them in the face last night with her “they don’t know anything” remark and the audience ate it up and loved it since it sounded like a positive comment to a singer (seriously — they are so F’n stupid).
Speaking of Paula, am I the ONLY person who thinks she makes sense this year? She isn’t crazy or manic and she has actually spoken intelligently several times. I am thinking the “Crazy-Paula” jokes are so-last season.
Is it just me or did the “Ryan, come out of the closet” dialogue seem staged and prepared? When you look – Paula and Randy’s reaction is mild to none. Unless they hear Simon and Ryan going at it constantly and it is old news for them.
Anyway, Flipit – really great recap! I liked it!
Absolutely hysterical recap for an absolutely boring episode of Idol. Your screencaps/captions were hilarious!
If I had my way, the bottom 3 would be Sanjaya (who my family calls Mowgli, like from the Jungle Book,) Haley and Brandon.
But since this is American Idol and not Alison Idol, I bet all of these craptacular singers will stick around to torture us for another week.
I hope Brandon or Sanjaya go home tonight. I LIKED Chris’ “Endless Love” rendition.
Great recap, Flipit!!
gina! can’t you take a hint. take out the stupid tongue piercing. that is why you can’t enunciate.
sonjala, give it up… just put on a dress and get it over with.
cdrivanova: “Pronunciate”?? Ms. Ross, even Paula got that right (enunciate)
I totally meant to mention that too! How many times did Diana say “pro-nun-ci-ate”, and she enunciated it so clearly! Ahh, the ironing is delicious.
Brandon shaved his chest. Lost half his cuteness and what little talent he sometimes showed.
Thanks Flipit for stepping up and taking on American Idol. I think you are the perfect choice. I too was wondering what was going to happen this week with all the changes and such.
Everytime I see Phil he reminds me of Nosferatu.
Funny recap!
Good catch, cdrivanova (#10) — I can’t believe Diana said “Pronunciate” and even “Pronunciation.”
Isn’t it tragic that no one ever told La Ross that those words don’t exist?
Isn’t it mysterious that Paula *did* know the correct term?
All those songs sounded like they were put through a bland filter. Gah! Sorely lacking in Psycho-Spector-style wall of sound and layered production.
I don’t think Seacrest is gay; remember him scoping out that contestant’s bum in the low-extra-low rider jeans? In any case, he’s takes all the ribbing with good humour.
Sanjaya should go, that girl can’t sing a note. She’d be a good hair model, maybe garnier fructis needs a new spokesgirl?
I love how Miss Ross is so professional. Its a far cry from when she was doing the VH1 Divas Live show…..
Anyway, I think that Haley chick is trying to be the next Katherine McPhee, exact same hair and wardrobe stylist.
That Chris guy really is awful. His voice is very irritating. Maybe he’ll stay longer if naked pics appear on the net?
KH
Oh, and did anyone else get the feeling that those “Master Classes” with La Ross lasted all of 15 mins, tops?
Good first recap, flipit. You sure have a wealth of material to work with this season!
Hey, Die_MediaWhore – your description of Blake the poser made me LOL…especially the Flock of Seagulls reference! But Blake is only your 2nd most hated? He become my #1 last week when, in his little video intro, he introduced his “comedy” routine by saying “This is one of the characters that I do…” (Meaning that he has a whole repetoire of those “funny” faces!) I think his voice is weak and that he does the beatboxing and dancing to cover that up.
Well… I was completely oblivious to B-Side leaving. I suck.
Oh well… Life goes on. Just kinda sucks there was no recap for the Top 16 shows & results where I could post my thoughts. Guess you’ll all just have to be in the dark about my opinions you don’t care about! 
Suffice to say: I think all 8 guys were major victims of song choice, Melinda was a shotgun blast to all 7 other girls, and Sabrina & Sundance should be here instead of Haley Sucknato and Suckjaya Malakar.
Anyway, Diana Ross week was absolutely painful. I partially blame the fact that it’s DIANA ROSS WEEK (anyone remember last year’s Top 12 show? Poor Stevie), but also that several of the contestants didn’t feel like following her advice, or just plain sucked. I have 6 positive marks. That’s HALF the contestants, ugh. Individual thoughts:
Brandon Rogers – Sucked. All of it. And he manages to forget the words, even. I thought incorrectly that he was eliminated 2 weeks ago, but THIS might finally spell his doom. He’s been on a steady decline. His voice sounds okay in some parts of the song, and that just helps show his problem: His voice has not interesting. It’s good, but he has no star factor, especially when he screws up the song to boot.
Melinda Doolittle – Still showing why she’s the best vocalist in Idol history. “My Funny Valentine” is still my favorite performance, but she definitely was all over this song. I can’t imagine her EVER having a bad performance this whole year.
Chris Sligh – Damnit… My first bad mark for Chris. I like Chris. Chris is great. This performance wasn’t. I don’t like Coldplay, and even though Chris sounded good for most of the song, the arrangement and the style killed him. No thanks.
Gina Glocksen – Barely a positive mark. She likely could have been a lot better, but Simon pretty much got it right when he said she’s prone to shouting, and that the performance was in the middle, just “okay.” Nothing much else I can really say.
Sanjaya Malakar – Horrible. I still sort of like Sanjaya, and I can identify with the fact that his voice is just fine, nice and in-tune and all. But like Brandon, he has no boom factor to his voice, or even his stage presence. And like Brandon, he just plain screwed up the performance. Bad song.
Haley Scarnato – Ugh. Sickeningly bad. Her voice actually managed to find some notes toward the end, but it still was off, and the whole rest of the song was total crap, AND she forgets the words! And America passed on Sabrina for her? God damnit all of you. I was actually very surprised by the fact that Simon chose to comment her (rightfully) on her stage presence rather than going the obvious route and tearing her ten new assholes. He didn’t even mention how bad she was at the song! Has he been into Paula’s meds?
Phil Stacey – Interesting song choice, but his voice hit a lot of the notes and sounded pretty good. Sadly, he is my only positive mark for the guys. That’s a little crazy. I was bored, sure, but he can sing good at least.
LaKisha Jones – Easily her best performance so far. It was very good that she kept it controlled rather than belting it out with her powerful voice. Definitely did the song justice and put a bright spot in another wise bleak night.
Blake Lewis – Um… Well he sounded okay, but the entire song arrangement just sounded completely wrong. I was confused like Simon was. I don’t think he should take anymore major liberties with songs like this.
Stephanie Edwards – Like Gina, this one is barely passing. The arrangement of the song sort of killed her, but she sang it well like always. She just needs to step her game back up so she can be in Melinda and LaKisha’s league again.
Chris Richardson – This is the exact reason I hate the crap out of him. God-awful performance, that’s all.
Jordin Sparks – At least we had a great performance to end the night, ay? Probably not the best song choice in the world, but she rocked it nicely and got a very big compliment from Randy. She deserves it.
So yeah. Meh. Phil is the only guy to get a positive score out of me, and most obviously, Melinda shotgunned all the girls as usual, though LaKisha and Jordin were great to no surprise. I think the bottom three is gonna be Brandon, Haley, and Chris Sligh or Blake, which would definitely be interesting. I really want Haley Scarnato to go home (this year’s Melissa, teehee), but something tells me she just might beat out Brandon in the voting, if only because of Simon’s good comments.
Great recap, Flipit. Don’t be too nervous about being a successor to B-Side, I much enjoyed your write-up, you’re very funny.
The Nazi pic was very funny in particular to me.
I thought you screwed up the recap and left out the last 4, but then I checked again, and it was good. I hope B-Side has a good trip to London. Anyways, I think the bottom 3 will be Haley, Brandon, and Black Ozzy, with Brandon getting the Daughtry send-off.
Flipit! I love you more now! You bring the lol’s when you do the Top Design recaps, and you certainly brought them with your AI recap. You are now one of my favorite people ever, next to John Waters and my mom.
I purposely missed most of this episode because Diana Ross songs are boring as hell, and I hate almost every contestant, so boring + hate = me watching a VH1 marathon of AMTM. I tuned in right as Chris R. was making ears and eyes bleed across the country. God, he sucks.
Oh yeah, Flipit was dead on with the reasons he dislikes Gina so much. I completely agree with all of that. #31, heehaw, pointed out another reason for me to hate on Gina, the stupid tongue stud. Take it out, it does not look professional, it looks like you’re ready to spend your hard earned money at Hot Topic. Also, she sang an evanesence song last week, and I don’t know nor care if I spelled that right. There are 2 things I hate in this world, that shitty band and people who sing their songs at karaoke. Since I consider AI to be glorified karaoke, Gina falls into that second category. Go home already.
Am I mistaken, or was the results show moved this year? I thought they used to be on Thursday nights.
this is my first post and i think flipit ~ you have the best recaps out of everyone trying to take over his shows. very funny!
If simon cowell is threatening to quit if Sanjaya wins, Im shocked to hear there ist an uprising for the vote for the worst type of campaign. Kinda like the baldwin threatening to move to canada if Bush won in 2000.
Brendaham Lincoln, lmao!!!!!!
Curvewatcher…your post was the most painful thing for me to read in recent memory.
I didn’t even watch this week (I had to work) but I really feel bad for Sanjaya. He seems like a really good kid, so it’s kinda hard to watch him get ripped apart every week.
great recap, but you totally lost me when you said Chris R was a good singer.
What on earth are you smoking to EVER think that this guy can sing???
I haven’t heard a single note come out of his mouth that has been onkey yet.
Actually I should say.. I haven’t heard a single note come out of his NOSE….
He’s worse than Ace was last year, and unfortuantly.. all of the people that were drooling over Ace’s greasy lockes last year are drooling over the lemon-headed Chris R this year.
Shollia— he is smoking Mary Jane…. you got a problem with that?
roleepolee, I also really like sligh’s version of endless love. and i too thought federov was underrated. i hope sligh goes far.
I agree that Chris R. is horrible. We have a pool at work on who will get voted out each week, and my best friend thinks that he will win the whole thing! It made me a little upset she was my friend when I saw that.
In other news, I saw B-side this morning on the Today show, talking about AI nonetheless and how this Vote for the Worst website is really catching on. It made me love him even more.
I saw B-side on the Today show, too. It was very cool!
“My tummy lips smiled.”
HA! You are hilarious, flipit. Looks like some B-side replacement recaps are still going to be very funny…can’t say the same for a different one I read the other day…
Flipit you’re hilarious. You will definately keep the torch going for B-Side. Tummy smile,Powder,morning pee, just stop it, or my appendix is going to explode. Keep it coming. You know who Sanjaya reminds me of…Justin from Ugly Betty but 1,000x worse. I will tune in every single week if Justin was on the show. Now that’s a showman. All the boys need to get kicked out. They all suck.
Great recap. I really like your goofy style.
brava flipit. brava. while b-side (and j-unit) will be sorely missed, this was an EXCELLENT recap. i loved seacrest as tink. classic.
Flipit, gotta give you props dawg you WORKED IT OUT, we’ve got a HOT ONE TONIGHT!
I still miss B-Side like crazy (and what’s with this morning’s Today show appearance and TVgasm under his whole name? I never even knew he had a last name. Are you required to use your full name on the Today show? Are they trying to tease us or something? B-Side, oh B-Side are you still here?!)oh sorry, where was I? Oh yes… Flipit~ loved the recap! You almost made me spit my lunch out on my monitor, (several times in fact)so that is a sign of a good recap.
Thank you!It was better than the show!
MrsC
Oh and Curvewatcher, I loved your post (#25). I thought I was the only one who was sick of the “oh me?!” wide eye look of Melinda. Did she always do that or is she going overboard now after Simon and Paula’s ‘critique’s’ of how she looks like a sweet person, having such a good time, doesn’t know how good she is, blah blah blah?
I’m not really sure what the HYPE is about Melinda and Lakisha. Is it from lack of talent this year? To me, American Idol should represent someone becoming a singer that can make it in TODAY’s music world (think Chris Daughtry, Carrie Underwood, or Kelly Clarkson). Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t want to hear Diana Ross or Gladys Knight the first time around, much less today. Why is there nobody fresh on this season (except Blake, who wasn’t even good on Tuesday)? Why don’t the judges seem to know jack about modern music (they didn’t know about 311 and Simon had never heard of Pearl Jam!!!). Is this for real? Now I’ll admit, Melinda and Lakisha can sing very well, and maybe it’s that I find that kind of music that they sing un-listenable and irritating, but we’ve heard this before. Every season. And I just find it boring. It makes me long for another season ROCK STAR. And the judges have become soooo contradictory. “Make the song your own.” “You put too much of your own spin on it.” “Sing the song the way it was written.” “Predictable arrangement.” “You shouldn’t have changed the arrangement.” I think they have already picked who they want to win, for whatever reason, and I hope American is smarter than the judges think (but probably aren’t). On a side note, not sure why Flipit is making fun of Christian values with Melinda and saying she could get sluttier. Is that the only you can get a laugh? Some opinions should be kept to yourself.
Will someone tell me b-side’s real name so I can look up the clip on youtube?
Story about American Idol on the Today Show featuring B-SIDE! I hope the link works. It’s on msn.com today. Rock Star, it identified B-Side as Ben Mandelker.
Story about American Idol on the Today Show featuring B-SIDE! I hope the link works. It’s on msn.com today. Rock Star, it identified B-Side as Ben Mandelker.
OK I have like 2 seconds to post this but OMG great recap… I had to stop myself from LOL a few times!! LOVE the Ryan/Tink pic, ah awesome!!!
You’re a great addition, Flipit and you have just renewed my interest in this lame show (this season at least)!!
Funny recap.
This is a funny description of Chris S from another recap – it fits:
“Chris sings “Endless Love” after Rue Paul warned him to find the melody. Chris is shouting out a love song without his glasses. Perhaps he loaned them to his sister, Raggedy Ann. To me he looks like Justin Guarini swallowed Ruben Studdard.”
Some are calling Phil Nosferatu.
He looks like a cancer survivor to me.
I really hope there is a skit this year for Ryan/Simon ala the Season 2 Simon/Paula skit. So hot. They need to hurry up and just make out on camera and declare their love.
I care not what anyone says, Phil Stacey is my favorite of the guys.
Here’s the link-i just watched it online. YAY B-SIDE!!!!!!!!!
http://video.msn.com/v/us/msnbc.htm?g=415a90de-cd89-4c91-bdbc-41e5607f66cb&f=00&fg=
Hope this link works for you!
I can’t stand this show and never watch it, but I always enjoyed B-side’s recaps. I’m going to keep reading. Thanks, Flipit!
roleepolee (#22)
Am I the only one who thought that Sligh’s version of ‘Endless Love’ was really good? (minus the coldplay like openning). Sligh is, in my opinion, one of the best male contestants ever on AI, and it’s really too bad that Doolittle and Lakisha is (unintentionally) stealing his spotlight. He’s so underrated, and the judges are too hard on him. Reminds me of Anthony Fedorov from season 4.
I definitely think Chris Sligh is most awesome, and his voice was pleasant for most of the song, but in the end I think doing the Coldplay version (beginning or not) killed him and I couldn’t really get into the arrangement.
But you do get major props from me for mentioning Anthony.
Anthony is definitely one of my all-time favorite male vocalists in Idol history and I loved seeing him perform. I knew for a fact he wasn’t going to win (I was rooting for Bo Bice) but I am so very glad he had enough fans to propel him to 4th place. I’d like to see another male vocalist tackle Backstreet Boys or Celine Dion, and do as good as Anthony did.