Suckiness: Now Available in Red, Black, or Pasty

41 Comments

1. 1
   Papercuts!
   Posted May 4, 2005 at 6:27 am

   I wanna know what the stylist was doing to Bo’s hair in that clip before his second performance.

2. 2
   America's Next Top Fan
   Posted May 4, 2005 at 6:30 am

   I know this sounds strange but I am wierdly attracted to Spanky Savol. I don’t what it is but it happened last night. Everything he sang was heavenly and the way his testosterone decided to show up. Damn!! I understand why Method Man and the gaggle of beauties are showing up. fyi I voted 10 times for Savol. GO SPANKY!!!

   When will Bo Bice drop the rocker thing and go totally Ian Anderson on us. He fits more into Jethro Tull’s folk rock than this pop rock thing. Hey Bo, next week rock out some Thick As A Brick, Aqualung or Mother Goose. YEEAHHH.

   Vonzell was amazing as usuall.

3. 3
   Ashes
   Posted May 4, 2005 at 6:39 am

   As much as I like Vonzell, I had to agree with Simon about the sour notes in her second song. It was not a “perfect” vocal performance. She was flat going into the chorus the first time, although she covered it well by cutting the note short. She was sounded off on a couple of her later notes, although again she recovered well. She would do really well recording the songs she picks, though, because of course work in the studio would let her fix the problems that she often has live.

4. 4
   georgia
   Posted May 4, 2005 at 6:53 am

   It seemed to me that simon knew that because he told scott-sweaty-fat-fingers savol to pack his bags last week had a MAJOR contributing factor on his fans (whoever the hell are) and that is why he basically TOLD vonzell’s fans to vote last nite… my prediction: bye bye anthony…

5. 5
   MissMermaid
   Posted May 4, 2005 at 7:03 am

   I was crying with laughter when Scott said his favourite part about AI was having his own stylist to dress him in attempt to mke him more “cool and appealing to the general public!” Then the camera shows him in a waaaaay too big “pleather” jacket, with the right shoulder half way down his arm and pants flapping wildly around his ankles like boat sails. Clearly, someone is shopping at the medical supply store, and snapping up bargains from the “Igor in Bell Tower” bin.

   I have a suggestion for next week, Mr Stylist! How about a plain, brown paper bag for his face instead?

6. 6
   MissMermaid
   Posted May 4, 2005 at 7:05 am

   And Butt-throat is clearly out of his depth. Send him home!

7. 7
   jess
   Posted May 4, 2005 at 7:07 am

   I wondered what made Scotty Hot Potato-Hot Potato shave off all his teeny-tiny lines of facial hair. Was that also the stylist’s doing, to put lipstick on a pig?

   In my rush to get home from the gym in time to catch the beginning of Amazing Race, I forgot to vote. Dammit! Anthony better be the Goodbye Girl tonight…

8. 8
   TexasK
   Posted May 4, 2005 at 7:09 am

   Papercuts, I had the same question about the stylist. Thought we were going to be treated to Bo of the Cornrow. But I’m thinking now it must have been a “get in the shot and play with his luxurious locks” ploy for votes. I know women who are voting for him based solely on his hair. And, for the record, I’m NOT one of them. : )

9. 9
   MissMermaid
   Posted May 4, 2005 at 7:13 am

   Oink oink! If the curly tail fits…

10. 10
    Retroqueen
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 7:40 am

    Channeling the Great Gasmini, I predict a gastric bypass in Scott McFugly’s future and a lucky penny to be surgically implanted in Anthony Von Trapp’s Trach hole

11. 11
    MaryBerry
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 7:55 am

    Is it me, or has the show gotten really boring all the sudden? At least with Constatine, the posts were more vulgar and fun. They should oust everyone but carrie and bo, and have them mud wrestle to see who wins. Carries and Bo look like porn stars, and I’d pay to watch them do it!

12. 12
    Papercuts!
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 8:01 am

    Mary, you’re right. With Scott and Anthony, all we have is “Scott is…fat and talentless” and “Anthony…he…um…sucks.” Constantine gave us something new to pick on EVERY WEEK.

    Though I still like my observation that Scott is trying to do an impression of Shaq in all of his interviews.

13. 13
    Kelley
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 8:11 am

    It just isn’t the same without Constantine. I absolutely hated him as much as anyone else, but the only reason I voted was to NOT vote for him. Who really cares who wins. Not nearly as interesting as who loses.

14. 14
    jash
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 8:14 am

    i almost fell outta my chair when i heard scott sing his first song–IT WAS ACTUALLY KINDA OK!

    but seriously i DID fall outta my chair when he came on and said his favorite part was having a stylist to make him look pimp. what, does his stylist have no head?

    vonzell, damn she is the greatest EVER.

15. 15
    Jason
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 8:56 am

    AP- Scott “Sausage Fingers” Savol’s first chin boycotting next episode of AI due to unfair camera time hogged by 2nd chin.

16. 16
    bizzybuzzing
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 9:18 am

    i have no idea why scott and anythony are still there. they suck crap!! makes me don’t want to watch american idol anymore. paula is irritating!!

17. 17
    jash
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 9:20 am

    i thought paula was actually under control last night–maybe in light of the primetive live expose running tonight about idol?

    did anyone else notice bo wink at paula after she gave him feedback? i wonder if she is giving him some “personal coaching” too?

18. 18
    jack
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 10:05 am

    vonzell hit a few clams here and there, but i too sensed that simon dissed her to inspire her fans to vote til their fingers bleed.

    chewbacca–er, bo bice–well, bo bice is a rock star. i’d want him to win but for the fact that he’d be forced to sign his life away to simon & simon’s evil empire.

    the country chick is probably going to win, since she mirrors the show’s main target audience: little white girls who dream of playing maria in the high school production of ‘west side story.’

    trachea boy will need a lot of help from NAMBLA to survive another week.

    as for chubb-rock 2.0, all you can say is ‘only in america.’

19. 19
    Plumes
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 10:35 am

    Paula had that cute Lil Bo Beep dress and no make-up. What a letdown. I love to see the tears flow down in rivulets of rendered whale blubber.

    Man, this is bizarre word association – Bo Lice – Bo Dice – Bodice – Bo winks !!!

    Rendered Blubber – Chubby Fingers – Chubby Chicken – Chicken Neck – Hole in the Neck ..

    More drugs please !!!

    Can’t wait for the ABC vs Result ratings !!

    Alkaidah, relax, Marwan can’t sing !!!

20. 20
    yourmom
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 11:16 am

    Anthony aka-Shelton- needs to get the f*ck off my TV screen. I hate that that guy is still on the show. Even Paula didn’t give her usaual rave review last night, but thats what the stupid judges get for passing him in the first place. He is this years Jasmine Trias. How the hell did that girl make it to top three last year?

21. 21
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 11:24 am

    John Candy has been reincarnated as Scott Savol.

22. 22
    smithie
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 11:26 am

    I fast forward through the majority of performances, catching the beginning and the end if they suck and I listen to the judges reviews. But last night, I was so confused. What are Randy and Paula hearing/seeing when they look at Scott? I watched his whole performance looking for what deserved a glowing review…couldn’t find anything… Seriously, they are making a mockery of their own show. He sucks, huge, Vonzel too, perfect vocals? I wonder how embarrassed they were when they heard the playback and how much it blew. If Carrie or Bo don’t win, this is officially the worst show on television…
    And Scott admitting that he is not appealing to average america was hysterical…

23. 23
    Dave Lindemann
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 11:34 am

    Did anyone catch Simon pinching Paula’s side? Funny as hell! It seemed that she was pretty low-key last night.

24. 24
    Retroqueen
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 11:42 am

    AmericasTopFan that is an INSULT to John Candy may he RIP

25. 25
    Sandy
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 12:31 pm

    From the looks of the photo of Carrie, she’s got a little of the Captain in her.

26. 26
    James
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 1:13 pm

    I think the hair stylist was putting a small amount of gel in Bo’s hair, just at the part. Probably a technique to keep it from falling into his face.

    The whole Paula things cracks me up. I mean, so what if she’s gettiing plugged by the guys. He needs dick as much as any other woman. I think that the any guy who would pump a moman like Paula then talk about it in public like some stupid 14 year old should be forced to have his brain scrambled with an electric paint mixer. He doesn’t deserve the memory. I don’t put Paula on a pedistal but I respect her work and would count her among my greatest conquests if I could do her. I wouldn’t want to ruin the experience by disrespecting her afterwards..

27. 27
    WICKED
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 2:23 pm

    where’s TRIXIE?!?! SHE’D have something to say, regardless of the fact that constantine is, thank god, gone…….

28. 28
    Ashes
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 3:03 pm

    A-Fed was terrible in his first song last night. Too bad, because the crazies voting for he who shall not be named didn’t need any help keeping the slug on the show!

29. 29
    Lynn
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 4:54 pm

    Way to go Paula. If you did get some dick, so what. Producers and record execs have been fucking women tryig to break into the music industry, and many of them get nowhere. He is now recordng an album. He is a dick head. I think she is a real cool person, and I think that loosr lipped bastard is just full of shit

30. 30
    Lynn
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 4:55 pm

    Way to go Paula. If you did get some dick, so what. Producers and record execs have been fucking women tryig to break into the music industry, and many of them get nowhere. He is now recordng an album. He is a dick head. I think she is a real cool person, and I think that loose lipped bastard is just full of shit

31. 31
    mr negativity
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 5:46 pm

    Did anyone else crack up hysterically when Scott sang “I don’t give a dahm what my hommies say” and referred to himslef as a brother during the song. I know its the words but still.

32. 32
    B-Side
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 6:14 pm

    Yes, Mr. Negativity, I found that quite amusing.

33. 33
    WICKED
    Posted May 4, 2005 at 6:34 pm

    don’t feel bad because scott got voted off the island. as fifth place contestant, he gets a box of OMAHA STEAKS…

34. 34
    Ashes
    Posted May 5, 2005 at 8:10 am

    YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

35. 35
    chica_fabulous
    Posted May 5, 2005 at 9:34 am

    was that andrea yates in the audience?
    the cameras were on the lady with the red tee quite often.
    that was funny when spanky referred to himself as a brotha’. i wonder if one of the stank hoez in the audience from tuesday nites performance was his baby momma?

36. 36
    D.Erb
    Posted May 5, 2005 at 10:24 am

    ding dong the pig is dead!! ( did ja ever look at someone and just wanna punch him in the face?)

37. 37
    Gmoney
    Posted May 5, 2005 at 12:33 pm

    Paula may be a loopy, hyper-active, Pollyanna of a judge, but she’s OUR loopy, hyper-active, etc., etc…Lynn is correct, men in the industry have been doing the same thing for years, it’s no big deal. James is also correct, this bum does not deserve the memory. Here’s a dude with lint in his pockets who got to bone a babe who could have had just about anybody she wanted. It will be years before he realizes that his smirky little, fake-Snoop Dogg put-on of an interview actually showed him to be a man (?) of low integrity and even lower character. YOU NEVER talk about who you’ve poked, no matter how much you may dislike an ex-roll-in-the-hay. He had no reason to do this except for the exposure because, I swear, I had forgotten ALL ABOUT THIS GUY until two weeks ago!

    Paula’s not going anywhere. Only Seacrest is replaceable in this show. Anyone else and the show is doomed. Randy, Simon and Paula have a cheesy chemistry that cannot be duplicated (can you see them firing Paula and sticking Whoopee in there? Hahahaha!).

    I guarantee that Paula gets a prolonged standing ovation next week. The entire audience will rise at her introduction and clap like seals on meth!

    Paula, we luv ya, baby!

38. 38
    donns
    Posted May 6, 2005 at 10:24 am

    Id just like to thank the fans of everyone but round boy for finally getting him off my screen!

    Id also like to thank everyone else for being better than him so he would finally get kicked off

    Id also like to thank Ryan Seacrest for nicknaming him “Scotty the Body” because it cracks me up evertime he calls him that!!

    But most of all Id like to say to Round Boy…I hope you feel realy stupid for being so cocky and arogant…hopefully the reality check will give you some humility!! Hopefully you’ll fade away like Rueben!

39. 39
    donns
    Posted May 6, 2005 at 10:27 am

    Id just like to thank the fans of everyone but round boy for finally getting him off my screen!

    Id also like to thank everyone else for being better than him so he would finally get kicked off

    Id also like to thank Ryan Seacrest for nicknaming him “Scotty the Body” because it cracks me up evertime he calls him that!!

    But most of all Id like to say to Round Boy…I hope you feel realy stupid for being so cocky and arogant…hopefully the reality check will give you some humility!! Hopefully you’ll fade away like Rueben!

40. 40
    ldini79
    Posted May 9, 2005 at 10:38 am

    “realy stupid”?

41. 41
    Jess
    Posted May 10, 2005 at 10:29 am

    Ya know, I keep coming back here to look at that silly pic of Scotty in mid-swoosh….it makes me laugh out loud every time.

    More screen snaps tonight! more screen snaps tonight! (shit, I’m greedy)