Paula’s not crying. That’s just sweat from Vicodin withdrawal.
Big night tonight. Our man Constantine was finally ousted. And to think people thought good taste was dead. In honor of this splendid moment of reality justice, let’s take a trip down memory lane and revisit Constantine’s triumphant segueway into loser-dom.
SHOCK AND BORE! Scott and Carrie’s jaws drop while Bo sits contentedly and Vonzell appears to be completed disinterested in the proceedings. I guess it’s an accurate representation of my emotions.
Constantine desperately tries to shrug off his failure by adopting his pseudo-tough-guy smirk. Sadly, a crying cast member from Rent wilts inside.
All hail Paula Abdul’s ability to age fifteen years when she cries. Where’s your seal clapping now???
During the video montage, Constantine says that when he’s old and gray, he can always look back at this time and smile. Yes. And what a hideous moment that shall be. In related news, orthodontists around the country pray that they can operate on Constantine’s mouth. Then someday they too can think back and smile.
Paula and Constantine’s mom commiserate. Then make out.
Serenity returns to America.
Thank goodness that’s over. As Constantine grunted “Let’s rock this thing!” during his final performance, I realize just how little I’d miss him and his poseur rock star ways. Now comes the big question: who will take over as TVgasm’s Most Hated American Idol Contestant? I guess you’ll just have to check back Tuesday night…