The Sum of All Fears

American Idol

By admin | Friday, April 7, 2006 | 9:33 am | 16 Comments

Recently US Weekly linked together two of the most annoying American Idol stars in recent memory by reporting that Kellie Pickler and Constantine Maroulis are an item. We have commented on a lot of unholy unions before, but this would be among the most unholy of them all. However, as much as we may enjoy a good dose of schadenfreude, we here at TVgasm are always one to celebrate true love. And when two great talents like Kellie and Constantine get together, how can it not be magical? I don’t want to ruin anybody’s breakfast or lunch by discussing the possibilities that these two have already done the dirty, but I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if they had children. I asked the resident TVgasm composite sketch artist to try and come up with what baby Kellistine Marickler would look like, and I think we have something pretty close. Our results after the jump.

Quite breathtaking, don’t you think?

Comments (16)
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16 Comments

1

HicksPub

Posted April 7, 2006 at 9:45 am

Now, why in the hell would you do that to a photo of Baby Dub?

And from what I understand about math, two times sh** still equals sh**.

Must. go. vomit.
2

Madeyoulaugh

Posted April 7, 2006 at 9:49 am

J-Unit,

I dont get it…All you did was take a picture of the Feder-spears baby…wheres the joke?

MYL
3

copygodd

Posted April 7, 2006 at 9:52 am

pray for the soul of baby.
4

cruella_deville

Posted April 7, 2006 at 9:53 am

So, that baby came from Alien Babies R’Us, just like the Tomkitten, right? Just…..no
5

Pamsey

Posted April 7, 2006 at 9:54 am

Oh the humanity!
Oh my eyes, my burning eyes!
6

happy_gal

Posted April 7, 2006 at 10:47 am

I thought Connie was an item with Ryan Cabrera???
7

plexitoes

Posted April 7, 2006 at 10:55 am

And what have we learned this week kellie?

“That santorum isn’t just a republican senator from PA……”
8

BigMax

Posted April 7, 2006 at 11:33 am

Happy_gal — Connie needs to lose the beard.
9

RealityTV4Me

Posted April 7, 2006 at 12:04 pm

Did you have to make that picture so big? Must rinse eyes with boric acid.

You said “Kellistine Marickler.” Now that’s some funny stuff right there.
10

hazasaem

Posted April 7, 2006 at 12:42 pm

Every time I see Constantine….I throw up in my mouth a little bit. He’s just so icky.
11

happy_gal

Posted April 7, 2006 at 1:18 pm

BigMax #8 — Good one!!!
12

missmermaid

Posted April 7, 2006 at 2:19 pm

Thank you TVGasm!
13

Firecat

Posted April 7, 2006 at 2:30 pm

The apocalyptic battle has already been set. The world shall be divided into 2 groups. Those that follow the reincarnation of Lord Xenu birthed by Tom and Katie and those that follow the anti-Christ, the spawn of Brad and Angelina.

I’m afraid there is no room for the abomination that shall emanate from Constantine, no matter who the carrier is.
14

brendahamLincoln

Posted April 7, 2006 at 6:49 pm

I officially offer my services to kick Kellie in the stomach when she becomes pregnant. “omigosh, yall, what’s a gagortion?”
15

aidde

Posted April 8, 2006 at 12:07 am

holy mother of god!!! ….now can we see a render of mandisa and elliot’s love child?
16

GregnNYC

Posted April 8, 2006 at 7:58 am

Sooo, their spawn would look a little like “little person” Charla from Amazing Race 5?