There’s Other Calamari In The Sea

American Idol

By B-Side | Wednesday, April 26, 2006 | 11:37 pm | 75 Comments

judges042606With each passing week, it’s getting harder and harder to predict who will be going home on American Idol. With the Aces, Buckys, and Kevins of the world eliminated, we now have to turn our attention towards the good singers. Time to chip away at the talent. Suddenly, Taylor and Katharine and Chris (well, not Chris) are more vulnerable than ever, but don’t worry. As of 9 PM EST, Kellie Pickler was still hanging around. Would America finally excise this last member of the JV squad? Or would we be in for an upset? A McUpset?The show begins with Ryan nearly stumbling down some steps as he happily waves to the audience and welcomes America back to the cheesiest talent show on Earth. He seems extra bubbly tonight, which may explain why he’s unfazed by his little misstep. It may also explain why his tie is crooked too (then again, knowing Seacrest’s penchant for over-anticipating fashion trends, he probably thinks it’s cool to have the knot off center). Anyway, our beanpole host tells us that the show registered over 47 million votes last night, more than any other non-finale episode ever. To put that in perspective, Big Brother only culled about five million votes last summer, and that was their record (and yes, that included internet voting too).

Once we’re done marveling on all the votes (about .36 seconds later), we take a glimpse at our idols. Everyone looks pretty good. Katharine has slipped out of her banana peel dress and into the more casual blouse and jeans ensemble. Elliot also has traded out his designer duds for a dorky shirt that makes his arms look skinny strange. And Taylor, I don’t know what’s up with him. His hair looks whiter than ever. It’s like someone sifted flour on it about ten seconds prior.

Ryan then asks the judges about the previous night’s show, and in a rare move, Simon takes back his harsh criticism of Katharine. He says that upon further review, he was way too hard on her. She sounded different and better on tape, and it was unfair the way he came down on her. Randy also chimes in that he agrees. Aw, that’s nice guys, and I’m sure Katharine will really appreciate that if she gets voted off tonight. Thanks!

By the way, Paula doesn’t retract any statements. Why? “I’ve never been harsh!” she says from under a pile of dark beads she has draped around her neck. She kind of looks like a fortune teller. A fortune teller on Vicodin. Simon then interrupts Paula’s babble to create the awkward moment of the night. Yes, he asks if Paula and Ryan ARE TALKING TO EACH OTHER! Ryan gulps and nervously says yeah, yeah, yeah. He then tries to recover by smiling and tossing to the recap of last night. Good save!

We watch as the kids meet Andrea Bocelli all over again, and in the background, one of his songs plays, making the entire montage seem like an olive oil commercial. Eventually, I simply fast forward through the recap until the judges return to the screen. Ryan stands behind them and says they’re just one big dysfunctional family. Dysfunctional is an understatement when you’ve got Looney Tunes Abdul sitting at the table. Nevertheless, Paula happily reads Ryan’s cue card, clearly stating, “The results after the break!” It’s the first phrase in over three years that she hasn’t slurred and stuttered through. Bravo! I like to think this moment of lucidity is just the eye in her hurricane of craziness.

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“Pretty hands!”

paula2042606
“Pretty pretty hands!”

paula3042606
“Yay!”

After the break, it’s time for our favorite segment: the cheese-o-rama Ford music video. This week’s song? “Call Me” by Blondie. The video follows the idols as they search for a missing dog throughout a city (or the Paramount studios New York set, to be specific). Eventually, they find their mutt, and guess what? The little guy has led them right to a Ford Fusion. Oh, and apparently this dog has gotten busy with a bitch — there’s a box of puppies next to the car. Aw, so cute. Still, there’s something oddly disturbing yet appropriate about how American Idol takes a song about prostitution and makes it about puppies. Can’t wait for their artistic interpretation of “Private Dancer.” It’ll center around kittens and merry-go-rounds.

When the video ends, Ryan introduces tonight’s very special guests: David Foster and Andrea Bocelli. Yay? Seacrest asks a few perfunctory questions, and I can’t help noticing how Bocelli answers everything as if he has some Italian-sounding computer box speaking for him. If Stephen Hawking and Super Mario Brothers had a lovechild….

Finally, the two guests perform for the crowd. Foster is on piano, Bocelli on vocals. It’s terrible. That’s not to say that the two men aren’t talented. They’re both excellent in their crafts. The song, however, is shit. When I hear it, I feel like I’m in some mattress store in Hackensack, NJ. The sort of place where everything has a gold trim and women named Angela and Bernice roam around in pleather pants.

Anyway, this schlocky, Vegas-worthy song comes to an end, and when we return from the commercial break, it’s finally time for the results. Oops — not before checking in with former Idol / present eyebrow enthusiast Lisa Tucker. She sits in the audience and banters with Ryan for about three seconds. In case you didn’t know, she’ll be on The OC this Thursday. Yeah, I don’t care either.

Ryan then announces he’ll be splitting the six singers into three groups of two. First up, Katharine. She’s banished to the far side of the stage. Next is Elliot, who is assigned the middle. And Pickler? She gets the near side. Just a hunch: y’all probably want to stay away from her group tonight.

Paris is up next, and ouch, she’s stuck in Kellie’s group. That can’t be a good thing. But hey, maybe Kellie now has someone to “play pottery” with. Taylor is sent to Elliot’s section, and Chris joins Katharine on the far side of the stage, thus making the most photogenic couple of the night. They have to be safe. If those two are in the bottom, there will be hell to pay. As Chris saunters over to The McFar side of the stage, the audience cheers extra loud. I can’t tell if it’s because everyone really likes Chris or if everyone’s just relieved that Katharine most likely will be safe now. Anyway, Ryan dismisses Elliot and Taylor, which means of the remaining two groups, one has the highest number of votes, and one has the lowest. Unless there was some strange glitch in the voting system, there’s no way that the über-annoying duo of Pickler and Paris could have the highest number of votes. Sure enough, Chris and Katharine are told to take a McSeat, thus leaving the other two girls to duke it out for last place. Paris looks tremendously nervous, despite her smile, and Kellie, well, she seems resigned to her fate. Enjoy these moments while you can, Pickler. You’ve only got about three minutes left in the spotlight.

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Well, Ryan doesn’t even try to prolong the moment. He tells Kellie that it’s all over, which is expected. We then see Paris’s boisterous family breathe a sigh of relief. You know they’ll be a mess when she finally goes. Anyway, Ryan directs Kellie to look at the big screen, and thus begins this week’s Daniel Powter montage. To change things up, the producers use a flaccid, acoustic arrangement of “Bad Day,” which manages to take an annoying song and make it even worse.

Afterwards, Kellie thanks everyone under the sun, and at one point says, “I know i won’t be here much longer because a commercial’s coming.” Or worse: the cruel truncation of my Tivo. Yes, my DVR cuts Kellie off mid-ramble, and I decide that’s a good thing. Sorry to see you go, Pickler. You seem like a sweet, friendly girl. Dumb, but sweet. You were a bit out of your league, but darnit if I wasn’t won over by your idiotic charm. Good luck, and may the future present you with all sorts of fascinating new vocab words — ones with three syllables, too!

What did you think? Happy with the results? Did everything go as expected?

About

75 Comments

  1. 1
    nate
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 12:18 am

    So happy Kellie ‘PICK me’ Pickler is gone. She can now return to Deliverance-Land and pretend to not know very common words.

    B-Side, you must have a Comcast DVR. It cut me off at exactly the same moment….not that I cared. However, I was about to set fire to their offices when they cut off the end of “Amazing Race” last week.

    And call me a flamer if you want, I LURRRRRVE me some Daughtry.

    –Nate

  2. 2
    eellsinoc
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 12:24 am

    Sooooooo HAPPY!!! I couldn’t stand that fake overly idiotic blonde gal. Stupidity isn’t appealing or charming to me. I am hoping Paris goes home next week.

  3. 3
    Exarius
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 12:31 am

    FYI, the producers cut Kellie off in the middle of her speech, sparing us from hearing her sing one last time.

  4. 4
    derder
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 12:36 am

    Pretty hands, pretty pretty hands, yay!
    Very, very funny, B-Side.
    And yes, that accoustic version of that annoying song was even worse than the original. Those were my thoughts, EXACTLY! That song is so overkill already. And that version sucks ass- I am assuming we will be stuck listening to it for the remainder of the season.
    Pickler getting the boot tonight made sense. I thought she was cute and sweet, but definitely out of her league here. She will have a nice little career singing somewhere, I suppose.
    It’s getting tight now.
    Here is my pecking order (if anyone cares)-
    I don’t want it to go down this way, but I am afraid it’s going to…

    5. Paris
    4. Taylor
    3. Elliott (I hope not, but I fear)
    2. McPhever
    1. Chris

    (I personally think Elliott is the best singer in this competition. I think he deserves to win, and I will continue to vote for him).

  5. 5
    Zharak
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 12:53 am

    I think Taylor has a nice voice and a great personality, but he should have been in the bottom two with Pickler.

    I can understand why so many people call in to keep him in the competition as long as possible, but I don’t believe these same people will go out there and buy his record if he wins.

  6. 6
    Jesus_loves_you
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 1:59 am

    Did everyone take a good look, at the foreshadowing last night… that’s right the final two were paired up side-by-side. In all five seasons’s final twos probably not the strongest in talent, but the best in looks. I kind of think both Chris and Katharine could have beaten, both Bo and Carrie, from last season. They both would have disposed of the poseur Diana DeGarmo. I’m not sure whether they could have beaten Clay. They both would have destroyed Justin Guarini. Needless to say neither of them could beat Rueben , Fantasia, and Clarkson remains the only one who could clean house against every final two member.

  7. 7
    rooly75
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 3:16 am

    you are a comedy god. i am still laughing at this.

    i think i am in love with you, bside

  8. 8
    Lizardqueen
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 3:48 am

    What was up with that Bocelli number? There was some really odd background noise. Was it a heinous techno beat? Was someone moving furniture LOUDLY into their microphone? That was just horrible, all around.
    Kelly’s not dumb or phony y’all. She’s just sheltered and, uh, less than smart. I feel bad for her. Would someone really pretend to be stupid? I can’t imagine it. The worst is people who pretend to be smart. But I digress. As usual.

    Chris is a peanut. What is he, about 5’6″ in burly rocker boots?

    Elliot did seem to turn into a waifish little thing last night. And he looks like his old, weird self when he doesn’t get primped by a stylist for a perfomance.

  9. 9
    raggedy_andy
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 4:33 am

    Hilarious captions and captures as usual, B-Side.

    I was wondering if they had another sound problem during Andrea’s performance or if those sounds were actually part of the song, too.

    Did anyone notice how Paris and Kellie stood further apart than the other 2 pairs?

    I actually feel a bit sorry for Kellie, too, especially after reading about her parents. She probably is nice and just really ditsy. As Randy might say, “She’s just a small town girl…”

  10. 10
    zoobabe
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 4:42 am

    Ding dong- Pickler got the gong! Finally! I knew as soon as they let Elliot and Taylor sit down that she was going. At long last a voting tally that I agreed with! It was pretty LOL that she was so bad they didn’t even have “time” to air her swan song. She’s a phony LQ- a big ole’ phony, and I’m glad to see her go.

    Ryan got in two good snarky lines last night towards Paula. One when he said that there were some “tears” last night, and looked condescendingly towards her. Another when he said “and Paula was just being…Paula”. Oh yeah- they’re the best of friends.

    I heard the audio problems during Boccelli’s song too. They were annoying, as I did actually want to hear him sing.

  11. 11
    jelliepair
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 5:50 am

    I was so happy that Pickler was booted – and thankfully we didnt have to listen to her sing again – I mean, everyone must really think she sucks – they always let them sing at least a few bars of the disaster that sent them home! And who troweled on that poor girls makeup? Did they think she wouldnt be in the spotlight this week and no one would notice the 3 inch blue eyeshadow and rosy apple cheeks they bestowed on her last night?

    Seacrest didnt announce next weeks theme did he? Is it Disco week? And why cant they seem to manage their time line better? Yes, it is a live show but cutting off simon, rushing through everything (except the gazillion commercials)- it seems like they would have it down after 5 seasons!

    I am hoping that Paris goes next week because a four of Taylor, Elliott, Chris and Katherine seems like a great competition to me. I really like them all but think its a shame Elliott wont win – I think he needs the win most of all –

  12. 12
    Wizzard
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 5:53 am

    I guess it’s no surprize that Kellie is gone. She was obviously the weakest of the singers that were left. I’m not necessarily glad she’s gone, just indifferent.

    Frankly, I think the majority of the people left don’t care so much about winning and are just simply glad to have had the opportunity to get the exposure that they have gotten so far. regardless of what happens now, at this point they are all pretty much guaranteed some sort of a career. The ones who I can see actually wanting to win this would be Kat, Paris, and Elliott. Chris and Taylor would be better off not winning it.

    Jesus (#6), I agree that Kat is better than Carrie but I still think that Bo is a better entertainer and more versatile than Chris. As much as I like Chris, Bo was a bit better. I just hope that Chris gets a better career than Bo. Bo’s mistake was insisting on trying to write his own stuff and make it big as an “artist”. He should have just put his pride aside for a while and let himself get picked up by an already established band and then WOW everybody that way. He should stick to his strengths of singing and performing and leave the writing to someone who knows what they’re doing.

  13. 13
    bluebell
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 5:59 am

    The tension among the judges and Ryan has been weird all season, but is starting to become awkward and uncomfortable to watch. Seriously, what’s up with all that?

    Oh, and Kellie is finally eliminated. All is right with the world.

  14. 14
    Danny Aged
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 6:24 am

    I L-U-V Kelly Clarkson. I think she doesn’t get nearly enough credit. Everyone says Fantasia (and even eww-Latoya) were the best ever, but I think that’s hogwash. Its Kelly Clarkson.

  15. 15
    TVEyes
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 6:27 am

    I have Bo’s CD and he only co-wrote one song and it’s the best song on the CD. The other ones are very pop and not his style. I was disappointed and wish he had been able to write all of the songs.

    What a difference in how Kellie looked without make-up! I see a reality show coming ala Jessica Simpson. Do calamari have wings?

  16. 16
    tvaholic
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 6:32 am

    Lizardqueen, I was confused by all the noise during the performance too-it was like they were performing in an airport terminal.

    I actually liked Kelly more last night than I have all season, or at least since her 1st appearance during auditions. At least she realized she was out of her league-there’s nothing worse than someone with a huge ego who believes they are better than they really are, and she was very humble.

    Pretty hands, yay! Frickin’ hilarious!

  17. 17
    Lizardqueen
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 6:32 am

    Time management is becoming a huge problem. Ridiculous when you are down to 6 contestants. Were the commercials particularly plentiful and sucktastic last night? Quote from a 9 year old “Why is almost every Robin Williams movie so stupid?” Word to that.

  18. 18
    UgoGurl
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 6:36 am

    Even though it was much deserved, i mean Pickler’s last two weeks performances had been atrocious bombs..i was a little sad to see her go last night. If nothing else she was good for a laugh every week. Whether it be her hair..her messing up her lyrics or her words (ahem) or just being her cooky Pick Pickler self. When the Pickler reality series comes out …count me in. And btw Kellie..leave the shoes for Ryan! He can add them to the ones he stole from Mandisa and still prances around his house in.

    its not surprising to me that the judges (well the coherant ones) realized they were overly harsh on Kat. I thought that once they went back and listened they would realize they overreacted. Most people i talked to were scratching their heads over their comments. I mean Lord it wasnt a Kevin Covais performance or anything! my advice to Kat…keep up the McBoobie theme..it served her well this week as she was Top 2 for probably the first time knocking Taylor out (who is voting for him anyway????)

    Next week they get to do 2 songs. One from the year they were born and one from the current Billboard Top 10. In any genre. Hopefully this gives them room to find songs that fit them and not ones that will be the rope to hang the noose.

  19. 19
    HoneyBunny
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 6:36 am

    Kelie didn’t get to sing her final song last night…THANK GOD!

    hb

  20. 20
    JasonR
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 7:22 am

    B-Side, that line “If Stephen Hawking and Super Mario Brothers had a lovechild….” caused me to do a near spit-take with my morning coffee.

    I’ll pat myself on the back for predicting that the judges would be retracting their criticism of Kat upon watching a playback of the broadcast (#14 post on the recap from the performance show if you dare doubt me).

    TVEyes, I agree Pickler was adorable before the makeup artists from Dutch Boy got to her. Her spackled-on foundation and blush made her look like an Ommpah Loompah

  21. 21
    catarina
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 7:24 am

    Hahahahaaaaa, I have a fabulous mental image of someone sifting flour onto Taylor’s head. Nice. B-side, thank you very much for the detailed recap. Sadly, I had to miss AI last night because I was out with the husband. Love the Paula pics too. Fortune teller on Vicodin- heh heh.

  22. 22
    G-Money
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 7:46 am

    For you guys who missed the last few seconds of the show, just before the final production logo splashes onto the screen, she finishes with “…Cut!” and on comes the nauseatingly nauseating “Game/Reality/Sleep Aid” show, “Unanimous”. I thought that it was so fitting that Kellie be the one to yell “Cut!” to her own dalliance with fame. I loved the girl. I don’t know why people are put off by naivete and “un-sophistication”, but hey, whatever floats folk’s boats.

    Just when Simon had regained his credibility, he goes home, checks out McPheever’s wardrobe McFunction (I’m sure he wore the Pause/Rewind button out on that one), comes back last night and “reconsiders”. No, Simon, you were right the first time. Her delivery was (as always) robotic and strained. WHY DOESN’T ANYONE HEAR THIS? She’s still fine as hell, tho’, so I don’t care if she stays around. Listening to an average voice from a stunning brunette? I can think of worse ways to spend a few minutes on a Tuesday evening.

    ROCK-SOLID PREDICTION: Eliot’s gonna win this thing. You heard it hear first. Chris Daughtry and Eliot Yasmin are your Final Two.

    For all of Eliot’s detractors, Freddie Mercury didn’t have the greatest set of teeth either, you know…(RIP, Freddie). But Eliot’s got that little performance something, you really can get into a song with him. Next week, close your eyes when he sings and tell me that if you were in your car, and didn’t know who he was, that you wouldn’t be saying ‘Who’s THAT and when does HIS album drop?”

    G-Money…OUT!

  23. 23
    plexitoes
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 7:49 am

    I hate to admit this, but I caught Paula Abdul on that QVC show last Friday night while channel surfing. She was selling her jewelry line. Did anyone else see this? That woman is totally divorced from reality.

    Pretty pretty hands. Awesome.

    Go McPheever!!!!

  24. 24
    Wizzard
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 7:56 am

    G-Money (#22), good point about Freddie Mercury’s teeth. The fact that he had an overbite actually contibuted to the way he was able to hit the high notes. Apparently he was once looking into correcting the overbite but when he was told it would affect his vocal range he decided against it.

  25. 25
    flipkicks
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 8:13 am

    God bless that pickle. She was glorious, but seriously was stinking it up the last few weeks, despite her charming personality … don’t fret, I’m SURE she will have a sitcom deal asap, i mean even Constantine got a pilot and he didn’t have HALF the charm Pickles does.

    Btw, LOVE LOVE LOVE the stills of the Paula “whale clap” well done tvgasm

    http://flipkicksandnightbellows.blogspot.com

  26. 26
    Aries
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 8:18 am

    I LOVED the fact that Simon admitted he was wrong about Katharine. He and Randy didn’t realize how bland (everyone except Kellie) and crappy (Kellie) the rest of the contestants would sound. I swore that if Pickler got another bye this week, I was swearing off AI for the rest of the season. But fortunately the voters got it right and gave her the boot that she deserved last week.

    AI cracks me up with the way they feel like they have to address the controversy of the week, like Chris and the Live song, asking Kellie if she really is dumb, and now Ryan and Paula’s feud. Good for Ryan for not blurting out on live TV, “I hate Paula’s drunk and high guts!” Not that I would have blamed him if he did. As for Paula, I don’t get how someone can go on Jay Leno and ask if he really thinks Teri ‘Skeletor’ Hatcher is really desperate enough to date Ryan when she was just on a Dr. Phil primetime special crying about not being able to find a man. I’d love to know Paula’s definition of desperate but the Vicodin edition of Webster’s Dictionary costs too much on Amazon.

  27. 27
    HoneyBunny
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 8:21 am

    plexitoes (23)- I did see some of the Paula Jewelry show. I noticed that Kellie was wearing Paula’s Star necklace last night. Maybe Paula should make an “L” for Loser necklace.

    hb

  28. 28
    noodle
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 8:25 am

    I’m sorry but McPhee is annoying to me. Not as bad as Paris of course but still annoying, and I don’t want her to win. She is so that girl in high school who starred in all the musicals, and got Most likely to be famous, but really she is just a big dork. Total Katie Holmes.
    And if Paris doesnt go home next it will be a travesty! (did I spell that right? it looks weird…)

  29. 29
    tvaholic
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 8:32 am

    noodle(#28)-I’m right there with ya, I don’t know what it is but McPhee bugs me too. In another post someone mentioned how she looks like Katie Holmes & I think that’s it-she has that Stepford Wife-Scientologist fembot-kind of thing going on. Like you expect her to show up at your door with a copy of Watchtower she’d really like you to consider. Maybe it’s just me.

  30. 30
    Belinda
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 9:10 am

    Gee, maybe Bocelli’s horrible performance would have improved had sung from a supine position.

    Happy happy joy joy that Pickler is gone. GO ELLIOTT!

  31. 31
    dredge
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 9:11 am

    “When I hear it, I feel like I’m in some mattress store in Hackensack, NJ. The sort of place where everything has a gold trim and women named Angela and Bernice roam around in pleather pants.”
    Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!
    brilliant!!
    i haven’t even gotten thru your recap yet!

  32. 32
    zuulrules
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 9:19 am

    RE: Katherine
    She said it best: she has nothing.
    Well, that’s a bit harsh. She’s a good singer, but her voice in unexceptional. Her gravelly singing is lame and forced. Her high notes are too shrill. She’s better when she’s not pushing herself. I don’t find her to be too aloof or robotic. She seems sweet. I just don’t find her to be too talented. I think Simon was right the first time. She cannot hold a candle to Whitney Houston and paled in comparison. She’s like the white Kimberly Locke. Pleasant and cute but not great.

  33. 33
    dredge
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 9:24 am

    noodle and tvaholic..right there wit yous guys..

    How slimey of the judges to about face like that. The producers must have had a talk with them..duh..ya think?. Either that or they tried to get her off the show Tuesday night and it didn’t work so they have to save face.

    For those who think Taylor wouldn’t sell albums, i disagree. Despite his herky jerky joe cocker imitations, he’s got a lot of charisma..and all you need is a cd cover with his relaxed smile and the title “my songs” or some other shit and he’d sell just fine.

  34. 34
    missmermaid
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 9:29 am

    Sorry, but all of you Kat-haters are out of your tiny minds.

    Robotic? Sorry, that description belonged to Ace “shivery-hand-reaching-out-to-the-camera-and-quivering-lip” and Kellie “squat-and-shit-every-32.765-seconds” Pickler.

    Shrill? Sorry, but that was Lisa “Lion King” Tucker.

    Lacking personality? Nope, that was the other skinny black girl- so dull I can’t even remember her name.

    As far as trying to make comparisons to a popular high school drama student… excuse me while I roll my eyes at your trenchcoat, black lipstick, and afterschool Dungeons & Dragons club.

    Kat is the *shit*! Go Kat, go! We love you, bay-bee!

  35. 35
    missmermaid
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 9:32 am

    (And for the record B-side- I can’t believe you are under 85 years of age and seriously uttered the word “blouse” in seriousness! What’s next, a “smart pair of slacks”? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!)

  36. 36
    missmermaid
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 9:33 am

    Seriously! In seriousness!

  37. 37
    dredge
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 9:44 am

    Ace wasn’t Robotic…just a cheesy hustler..and switch hitter..
    Katie Holmes McPhee is a stepford wife..she is a screaching floating head..warble some more Aguilera, Katie, I mean Katherine..more more more! The malls of America command thee!

  38. 38
    RachWho?
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 9:51 am

    Okay, was anyone else TOTALLY pissed at Paris when Ryan asked her how many times she’s been in position of being at risk for going home and she said, “I’ve never been in the bottom TWO!” I thought it was a snotty thing to say and it made me dislike her even more. She is a stuck-up little rat and I can’t wait to see her go. I am constantly sidetracked with the thought of what noise she would make if I kicked her.

  39. 39
    exlogcabin
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 9:55 am

    It’s so frustrating. I hear so many people say Elliott is one of the top two, if not top, singer in the competition, but nobody thinks he will win.

    Is that admitting how shallow we are?

    Yes, you’re the most qualified person for the job, but you’re just not pretty enough.

    Jeessh. Vote for Elliott. Let the pretty people be damned!

  40. 40
    HoneyBunny
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 9:59 am

    Dredge (#37) – I am in a stupid meeting and reading TVgasm on the sly…
    When I read “Katie Holmes McPhee” I did a little laugh/cough thing. Got the evil eye from the speaker.

    thanks
    hb

  41. 41
    Shollia
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 10:00 am

    The judges had absolutely NOTHING to apologize for. They gave her.. for once.. good constructive crits and comments.
    Theyt might have been negative.. but OH WELL. Not all crits/comments are going to be puppies and lollipops.
    And Katharine does come off mechanical, pageant, too rehearsed to me when she’s performing.
    She also just doesn’t connect with the songs she’s singing. She can make faces and stomp around all she wants.. it still feels very empty to me… as said before.. too rehearsed. Like she knows exactly when she’s going to smile, move etc during performances.
    I like her better when she’s not singing. She just seems cute, goofy and bubbly.

    Anyways!
    2 songs next week from each contestant. Gonna be great hearing 2 songs from Elliott and Chris
    *waves her ‘GO THEM’ flag*

  42. 42
    dredge
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 10:10 am

    HB-reading tvgasm while in a meeting?.brave!
    (Katie Holmes Mcphee, Katie Holmes Mcphee!)

  43. 43
    derder
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 10:10 am

    G-Money (#22)-
    I agree regarding Elliott 100%. I really think the guys voice is just amazing.
    And I also understand what some of you are saying about McPheever. What exactly is it about her? I can’t quite pinpoint it, but there is something that seems rather arrogant about her. Did anyone notice when Randy critiqued her after “I have nothing” she looked rather incredulous. Like she would have liked to have rolled her eyes at him.

  44. 44
    dredge
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 10:19 am

    saw that look from Katherine as well, derder..If the diva reports about Ace and Chris are correct, one can only imagine how spoiled these primadonnas are..(except for Elliot who seems genuine because he is not “blessed”..with flawless looks)..

    McPhrankenstein..

  45. 45
    tvaholic
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 10:23 am

    Is anyone really surprised Simon took back his criticism of Holmes McPhee? Even though he usually has the only credible critiques, he is but a man with a severe hard-on for the Stepford wife. If you notice during performances a lot of the time he is looking away from the stage. I’m assuming so he can hear the singing & not be distracted. When he watched the tape I’m sure he realized what he may have missed out on-the performance by McBeaver & the Twins.

  46. 46
    Redhead
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 10:26 am

    I still have yet to be blown away from a Kat performance, but kudos to her for the obvious ploy for votes on Tuesday with her booberific dress and “wardrobe malfunciton” crotch shot!

    It reminded me of Jessica Sierra’s huge heaving cleavage performance of “The Boys are Back in Town” last season. She didn’t get voted off that week either..I’m just sayin’!

    Shake what yer mama gave ya ladies!

  47. 47
    dredge
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 10:35 am

    McDad…weep weep..my girl!..

    Shake ya boom, mama!

  48. 48
    HoneyBunny
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 11:07 am

    Dredge (#44)
    McPhrankenstein..

    This time – Earl Grey out the nostrils! You’re on fire!

    hb

  49. 49
    happy_gal
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 12:25 pm

    I think Simon took back his comments on the McBeaver because the producers or someone else told him she was top two in the votes, and he did not want to look like an idiot. He is so possessed with the idea that America listens to him, so he felt like he had to take it back to justify her being in the top two. Weenie. (Simon, that is.)

    Those of you who have the McBeaver McPheever need to take some tylenol and get the wax cleaned out of your ears! She annoys the living crap out of me.

  50. 50
    G
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 12:39 pm

    im lost, whats the ryan/paula fued about

  51. 51
    elagain
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 12:53 pm

    rachwho-post 38 — THANK YOU!! Yes Paris is a little RAT!! I too hated that ‘never in the bottom two’ comment. GRRRRR! She has SUCH an air of entitlement!

    Someone commented that her family will be devasted out in the audience when she goes (hopefully next week!) and I look forward to it! The tone of her voice is nauseating! bu-bye (*fingers crossed*)

    RIP Pickler. Nice girl, but her time was up.

    I LOVED the pretty hands pix/comment! TOO funny!

  52. 52
    anncin
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 12:59 pm

    And here I thought I was the only one who thought Katie Holmes, er I mean, Katharine was annoying.

    At the beginning I was all about Chris but Elliott has definetly grown on me. It would be awesome to see him win!

  53. 53
    Mark
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 1:00 pm

    BTW If you had heard the Pickler speech, it was hilarious. Only because they cut her off right when she was starting to say something, so you hear this sort of loud moaning noise before it cuts out.

  54. 54
    hollabackboy
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 1:04 pm

    Kellie is so stupid. She didn’t even have time to sing because of her rambling (which was probably a good thing). When they cut her off mid-sentence and went to credits, I could not stop laughing. Justice was served last night!

  55. 55
    miggs
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 1:06 pm

    I loved Katharine at her very first audition, but now she annoys me. There is a difference between being confident and conceited, and she is the latter. To me, she is 90% Katie Homes and 10% Mandy Moore. She is georgeous and could be a face/skin model. I love Chris and I will buy his CD the day it comes out. His voice is so sexy.

    B-side, I love you. Olive Oil commercial, Looney Toons Abdul, Yay Hands, Lisa Tucker Yeah I Don’t Care Either- I am dying over here. And Ryan said that Fox got a lot of calls criticizing the judges? What is that about? Who would think to call FOX to complain about Simon’s opinions? People need to get a life- but then again, who am I to talk… lol

  56. 56
    HicksPub
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 1:06 pm

    RachWho (#38): “I am constantly sidetracked with the thought of what noise she (Paris) would make if I kicked her.”

    RachWho, I love the way you think. Now I have a happy thought to get me through the harsh times when Paris is on my TV screen.

    B-Side, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a screencap from you that hasn’t made me LOL.

  57. 57
    miggs
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 1:07 pm

    One more thing. Why can’t they use Fuel’s Bad Day. Such a better song.

  58. 58
    G-Money
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 1:22 pm

    tvaholic: “..missed out on-the performance by McBeaver & the Twins.”. Hawhaw-haHAW-haw!!! THIS was the one that made my Thursday! Thankyew!!! That was truly a “Golden Triangle” that Katharine assembled for America! Kudos for noticing Simon’s weekly under-the-table “tent-pitching” when McPheever is on stage. S’good to know that the guy’s human…

    To everyone in here, you guys are the snarkiest! (Er, that’s a good thing)

  59. 59
    G-Money
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 1:29 pm

    BTW, Ace has been confirmed as the current boyfriend and future husband of this actress. They purportedly have a baby on the way.

    So if he’s switch-hittin’, he’d better step out of the box now. Wait, it’s too late for that, isn’t it?

    Just a little useless information from TVGasm’s Page Six…

  60. 60
    dredge
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 1:50 pm

    where does it say Ace is going out with Essence Adams?

    irregardless..he’s a desperate fool.

  61. 61
    tvaholic
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 1:57 pm

    G-Money: anything I can do to repay the snark-lovin’ I get from you & everyone else at TVGasm!

    You know, if that’s Ace’s woman, why did they make a point a few weeks ago of Ryan awkardly talking about Ace’s single status? Is this like the age of Tiger Beat & they’re afraid of crushing all the 12-year-old girls fantasies of being his wife?? Because my God, I can’t believe I thought Chris was so hot this whole time & he’s happily married!!! Now that I know he’ll never be mine I can no longer vote for him! Oh wait, I’m not 12…it’s ok then. So I wonder what Eliot’s up to? I’d like me some Yamin.

    Hey, where’s my AR recap?? I’m dying here! There is sooo much fodder from last night’s show! I have to leave work soon, I don’t know if I can wait until tomorrow!

  62. 62
    juddfan
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 3:44 pm

    Yay!!! I’m now in the lead in my office pool, thanks guys, and america, I guess, for getting the right girl off, though I liked her too. I don’t think she’d be diva-ish, but who knows.

    Seems the feelings both good and bad are rising here . . . I think this will be interesting to watch now, and the 47 million, I think that was justice in action . . . yay again!

    What I would guess of Katherine, she’s simply had a fine life without some of the woe’s an Elliott type person has had, in other words, it’s not that deep for her . . . but give her time, we all know life sucks!!! LOL!!!

  63. 63
    juddfan
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 5:21 pm

    So . . . if they have to do a song from the current hits, whose gonna do Miss New Booty?

  64. 64
    G-Money
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 5:46 pm

    dredge: The confirmation came by way of a radio interview with one of her male co-stars. When asked if he was shtupping Essence, he answered “Nah! That’s Ace’s woman!” and proceeded to blab their business to Wendy Williams. Apparently, Ace has even been on the show at least once. The gun is a-smokin’…

    I agree with tvaholic’s take on the “deep cover” aspect of this rumor/fact.
    Methinks she hit the nail right on the head. But hey, that shew biz.

  65. 65
    TWilliams
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 7:13 pm

    Kellie was very quickly going through people to thank when she heard they only had a few seconds of airtime left. The final two “cuts” uttered before the show cut to the horrible reality show Unan-something were done by Kellie, herself. Why would you laugh at her when she is the one who cut the show? She’s seen how the show works enough times to know the motion for “cut.” It wasn’t meant to be funny but those who got a giggle from it probably laugh hystereically at those Deuce Bigelow movies. She was ending the show . . . it isn’t funny any other week so why so funny this week?!? Seriously?

    Elliot is the best . . . I hope the prediction comes true; it would be interesting to see if AI would actually let him win, though. If the final two were him and Chris, don’t you think they (the show’s producers) would mess with the results to get the better-looking one the top spot? Humm . . .

    I still like Katharine, too, and I don’t find her smiling etc annoying at all. I think she is one of the few contestants to “feel what she sings” which allows herself to be taken with a song.

    Kellie’s singing was not Cobais-AWFUL, but she had no emotion behind one of the most famous love songs of all time. That was her downfall — how can you sing Unchained Melody and not express any type of emotion?!? It’d have been nice to see that song sang by one who would have gotten the meaning behind the song. Kat would have.

  66. 66
    TWilliams
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 7:23 pm

    “Oh, and Kellie is finally eliminated. All is right with the world” — and Bluebell (#13), isn’t this a bit extreme?

    “Ignorance is bliss” and I am not talking about Kellie here. I didn’t realize Kellie being kicked from a singing competition would rid the world of all of its problems. Iraq has been solved; the Sudan is again peaceful; there are no warlords in Somalia; FEMA actually functions etc? Thanks Kellie!

    I see you are glad that Kellie is gone; but seriously . . .

  67. 67
    dredge
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 8:00 pm

    G-money..wow!
    thanks for the info..
    i am so naive. I had no idea Ace was so connected among the D-List celebs..he works quickly.

  68. 68
    bluebell
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 8:22 pm

    #66 — hyperbole: “exaggeration used as a figure of speech.” Come now, TWilliams. Seriously.

  69. 69
    tvtvtv
    Posted April 27, 2006 at 9:18 pm

    Ah bravo bravo, quite possibly my favorite recap ever. And I don’t even watch it.

  70. 70
    raggedy_andy
    Posted April 28, 2006 at 3:41 am

    Hate to seem snarky (well, maybe only a little), but, seriously, some of the Kat put-downs are as lame as the judges on American Inventor. I can and do laugh at good rips, but it just seems tawdry when it gets repeated or only slightly modified.

    Anyway, I agree with juddfan (btw, you forgot to thank Verizon’s unlimited night minutes); Katharine probably has lived a fairly comfortable life, so she’s not likely to have any highly emotional experiences to draw the pain and love from as the song tries to express. McPassion! Does that make her a robot? Hardly. It just makes her luckier than most. Yup, a dash of luck and 2 B cups of pretty and you get a recipe for green-eyed monsters. I’m getting curious as to the basis for opinions like “she’s only average” and “she doesn’t have talent.”

    As for her look during her critiques, it’s hardly surprising for normal human reactions. If you think you did well on a work but got comments to the contrary, what would you do? Most likely responses: incredulous looks if you’re not in the mood for the drama OR sassy defensive back talk if you are. Is it arrogant to think you did well on something? No, it’s arrogant to think you always do well and/or that you’re better than someone else, which I didn’t think Katharine did. As I said before, simply picking a song does not mean that you think you’re as good or better than the original performer (otherwise, all the contestants are conceited). That’s why I think Simon correctly retracted his statement; it wasn’t a logical one.

    Ugh, I’m sick of talking about her already, but you should be able to tell that I’m not the kind of guy who lets messes go without a little disinfecting. OCD just isn’t as glamorous as one might think.

  71. 71
    G-Money
    Posted April 28, 2006 at 8:27 am

    raggedy-andy:

    Hi! Regarding Katharine, I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know whereof I speak when I say that she has an “average voice”. My mother was a classically-trained pianist and an operatic soprano. I have sung all my life (R & B, Top 40, pop and standards) a capella and with accompaniment. I actually have an ear for music and I know when someone’s voice has limitations and where they are. I sure as heck know where mine are! McPhee’s best vocal voice is limited to maybe two octaves, at best. Beyond that, her delivery becomes strained, as a couple of posters have noted on this page. She also has trouble holding and prolonging a note.

    But I don’t want to get all techie-techie here. You don’t have to be me to know this. You just have to have an ear for music and an objective point of view. I know u like her, I like her, too! But the ears don’t lie. She’ll make the Top Three (solely for eye-candy purposes), but then it’s the end-of-the-road.

    Cheers!

  72. 72
    dredge
    Posted April 28, 2006 at 9:30 am

    all three judges were dissappointed with Katherine on Tuesday..so it seems especially odd that they would back peddle. If it was just Simon and one other judge..maybe..but all three were there live and in person and didn’t like what they heard. Katherine was reprieved by the votes. There was the answer that people liked her performance. Leave it at that. Seems that focus groups are ruling the show here so that everyone looks good..can’t have judges who are out of sinc with the rest of America…because then they wouldn’t be giving us “what we want”.

  73. 73
    raggedy_andy
    Posted April 28, 2006 at 7:11 pm

    Hi G-Money, actually, I’m not arguing that Kat tries to stretch past her limitations at times (I don’t believe I’ve ever said a performance from anyone was perfect). However, it’s been my (most likely relatively short) experience that, on average, people only have a range of about 1 octave if not less. Among singers, I would definitely agree that her performance voice is average.

    Another reason that made me wonder about your comment was that you said Chris would be in the top two when I haven’t noticed anything particularly special about his vocal abilities/potential. There’s no doubt he has a je ne sais quoi, but his I find it difficult to believe that he’ll be able to wow us in a performance.

    As for Elliott, I think he has a high likability about him because he’s the underdog and he has some talent and lots of potential, but I think his lack of training shows. I’ve definitely seen him improve with the help that he gets on AI, but I still think he’s rough around the edges.

    dredge, the critiques they gave Kat made it sound like it was completely bad. I guess they had expectations after last week and were trying to be harder on the contestants, but, after they all finished, it seems obvious that hers was one of the better ones of the night (which is not to say that it was particularly exceptional in and of itself). Really, if you’re going to compare one contestant to Whitney Houston, it’s only fair to do the same with the other contestants regardless of their song choice. They were just too harsh on her and too lenient on the others.

  74. 74
    The Soapmaker
    Posted April 30, 2006 at 4:33 pm

    “our beanpole host”

    He’s a maximum of 5 foot 7 (on tiptoe, in Mandisa’s shoes). Still taller than Chris or Elliott, though.

    Were you being ironic?

  75. 75
    G-Money
    Posted May 2, 2006 at 8:50 am

    Hi again, raggedy-andy!

    I threw Chris in the Top Two purely via the process of elimination. To wit:

    Although I like Paris, she’s not going to make it, she hasn’t connected with whoever is doing the voting.

    Taylor seems to be running out of steam. The last couple of weeks, he’s been kinda mailing it in. He has that look of impending doom, almost as if he’s found out that The Star is planning an expose about him.

    Kat as I’ve already postulated, will make the Top Three but will have to do “Lady Marmalade” in a bikini, topless, slathered with baby oil, to make it into the Top Two. So that leaves Chris and Elliot.

    Chris does have that “je nais sais qois” and an apparent rocker following to bolster his chances. His voice is okay in very small doses (someone in here compared it to the bleating of a goat *ouch!*) but it’s become rather predictable as the weeks have worn on.

    I agree with you, Elliot becomes more and more likeable by the week and that plus his obvious talent will probably see him through.

    However, if Kat drops the bikini top AND bottom while belting out the Labelle classic, then all bets are off! McPheever will be your NEW American Idol!!!

    Regards!

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