Ell says that OrganiJ isn’t in danger and won’t even be in the bottom three. She’s sent to stand with Chicken Little. Tink rearranges Sio and puts her next to Green Mile and Prettiness. They are the bottom three! Well, you can’t just kick off MexiGokey every week. As fun as it would be.
Carrie Underwood’s here! Not to sing, but to introduce her opening band, Sons of Sylvia! She’s not even holding a little Nintendo. Advertising opportunity lost. What a waste of five seconds. The guys in the band are all super cute and super young and I hope they make a Threequel.
Christmas, Christmas time for cheer!
Shouldn’t you guys be in school? They’re not terrible, but I’m bored. So is this guy.
I don’t really get it, but I like that the lead singer whips out a violin in the middle of the song. He only really plays one note over and over. Madonna has really ruined lead singer instrument playing for everyone. The song about is getting dumped, I think. Who would break up with him? He’s cute and he knows how to play a note on the violin. That’s marriage material.
And now for Lady Antebellum singing “Need You Now.” Is it weird that I’m annoyed by so much music on a music show? I want more Ford commercials!
I’ve seen this lead singer before! She was on top of my trashcan trying to get to the pizza box I left in there. I hit her with a broom, and now I feel terrible about it.
This is a nice chill depressing country song about getting dumped. Jesus. Are there any people in country music who can keep a relationship going? I love the Stevie Nicks muumuu thing she’s got going on. That style doesn’t get enough play in modern times. “It’s a quarter after one and I’m drunk and I need you now.” Most gut wrenching booty call of all time. All I ever get are “are you home and did you take a shower?” This song really makes me realize that I need to demand more romance from people who will bone me but not date me. Thanks, Lady!
Shakira and Rascal Flatts are next, and Shakira just arrived. LOL. I love her. Shakira’s busy. Tell her five minutes before she has to go on and she’ll have someone helicopter her over from the Library. Shakira makes me happy because she makes me feel less alone. I’m not the only one who’s built their entire wardrobe around Charo outfits from the 80′s version of Hollywood Squares.
She’s not singing in a bikini tonight, so just to remind us she’s super sexy she opens by blowing. Into a harmonica. Sorry, but that only conjures up images of Taylor Hicks, and that’s never good. Guess what this song is about? Getting your heart broken. If someone as hot as Shakira can’t keep a man, I’m done. My aunt LuLu is ninety and she’s never been married. She outlived all of her sisters. Coincidence? No. You won’t break your heart if you don’t use it. Most depressing advice ever? Possibly. But look how happy LuLu is!
Dogs don’t talk back and they don’t expect you to wear heels.
Shakira has some gypsy dancers, but she doesn’t let us see them too much. Stop being insecure, Shakira! Actually, now that I look at this pic, I can see that she’s trying to cover up her backup dancer’s vag shot.
Totally acceptable. Just please don’t show a chunky woman in a bra.
I like the song, and the dancing reminds me of the Lebanese birthday parties I grew up with. My mom is convinced that the belly dancer at my seventh birthday turned me gay. She might be right cuz as I watch this I regret not having something glittery to put on to dance around the house in. Tink asks Shak for some advice for the singers and she quotes Roosevelt: “Getting married is getting buried”? No! “Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground.” Tink points out that Casey Kasem said that too. Roosevelt/Casey Kasem? Same diff. They were both pioneers that made 97 percent of this audience turn to their moms and say WHO?
Back to results! Tink asks Green Mile how depressing it is to be in the bottom yet again. Green Mile got a free pizza this week so he’s all good. And he’s safe! His wife goes ape shit.
I sincerely hope this kid doesn’t cheat on her.
So it’s between Prettiness and Sio! Sio’s out!! Wow! That’s a shocker. Well, not really. Oh man! Tink says she’s a super hard worker. How…sweet. She veeeery slowly says that she hopes she showed her sisters what they’re capable of.
AW! Poor Sio! She was my fave! Even though she’s kinda blown it a couple weeks in a row. I’m gonna miss her screech and her slow talking and her cupcake tights! I don’t think this is unfair, necessarily, but love her or hate her you have to admit it was fun to see what crazy ass shit she was gonna pull out week to week. She sings “Think” as her final song. Meh. The camera focuses in a sad woman and then slowly pans down to her boob to show a Sio pin. I don’t know why that cracks me up, but it does. It’s like fan porn.
There’s a lot of time left at the end of the song, so we get to see her family sob. Her mom says “you’re still our star!” Jeeze lady she’s not getting sent to the glue factory. Just a cheaper hotel room. See you guys next week for Harry Connick Jr week!