America’s Next Top Model: Come on, Vogue.

Recaps

By P-Baby Walker | Friday, November 19, 2010 | 5:35 pm | 25 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: America's Next Top Model, Featured, Recaps

Hi Gasmii!!  P-Baby here with another fine edition of America’s Next Top Model Cycle 15.  Did you all realize the end is nigh?  I totally blanked on the fact that a double elimination hadn’t occurred so when The Banks made such an announcement, I said to myself, “Well hot damn!  This shit is almost over!  Maybe now I can finally give Tim Roth and Lie To Me the attention they deserve.”  (Side note:  I may find him attractive.  I can’t figure out why as he is by no means “commercial” looking but if being sexually attracted to a short, fidgety British man who of repeatedly violates personal space bubbles is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.)

tim roth

Where were we?  Right.  Milan.  With Ann, Chelsey, Kayla, and Jane.  Worst slumber party EVER.  Chelsey would probably freeze my bra when my head was turned and Ann would ask to braid my hair to which I’d look at her in horror and gasp, “Get away from me Dementor, have you SEEN your head lately?”  Anyway, as per usual, 3 minutes in I already know whose scrawny  hindquarters are leaving at the end but I won’t ruin it for us today.  At the apartment, Kayla will seriously not STFU about winning best photo two weeks in a row.  Does Kayla not know who Ann is?  Granted, Ann is pretty quiet but I figured since they essentially sleep in the same bed in their “small” Milan apartment and have actually been living together for past couple months or so, she might have an inkling of who the girl that won best photo FIVE TIMES IN A ROW is.

kayla annoyin

jane annoyed

Hark!  The Mail of Tyra!  ”Modeling is 100% you and 50% who you blow know.”  I couldn’t agree more T Bags.  The next day, the models meet Miss J and he tells the girls they need to work on their personalities so people will remember them and book them.  He brings out an Italian acting coach named Barbara.  Needless to say, Babs got hosed in the name department.

babs

Babs is here to teach the girls how to be more expressive and emotional and tells them to ditch the shy act. One shiny quarter to the first reader that guesses which lady is nervous.

ann overjoyed

After some skits and workshops, we say goodbye to Mammary Babs but not before Miss J mindfucks the girls by telling them they are meeting someone super super important and that personality is key to the meeting going well.  The only good thing about all of these important meetings is that unlike other reality shows where I’d give my right tit (if you recall, I’ve already given the left one away in an earlier recap) to meet Bret Michaels/Jeff Probst/DJ Pauly D, I don’t give a rat’s ass about 90% of the people these girls have met thus far.  Therefore, I don’t get jealous and stay solid in my decision to keep myself from applying to a reality show.

The girls get bused to a building with the coolest elevator ever besides the Great Glass Elevator and arrive at the door leading to Vogue Italia.  They walk into an office and I honestly don’t even know what’s going on right now.

andre franca

I think this requires closer inspection.

andre sequins

franca

deegaga

K, well turns out Dee and Gaga’s baby is actually not Dee and Gaga’s baby, and I can’t be the only one relieved but left wishing something that awesome would be spawned to this earth.  The woman in question is actually the editor-in-chief of Vogue Italia named Franca Sozzani.  And as one of my lovely readers reminded me, she is the wonderful lady that gave birth to this heavenly creature…

francesco

Wow.  For so many different reasons.  Admittedly, even I can remove the snark glasses and say that I’m excited for the models because in their world, it’s a really big deal to meet this woman.  The challenge for the girls is to present themselves one on one to Franca to make a good impression as she is the one allowing them a spread in her magazine.

Kayla goes first and she really needs to work on sounding more intelligence when she speaks.  I know she is only 19 and nervous to meet such a big wig but for God’s sake lady, the word “like” is still going to be part of the English language even if you stop saying it every 5 seconds.  You know what word we should use more? Poppycock.

kayla poppycock

Franca is very hard to read and offers no feedback.  Chelsey comes in next and while it makes me feel like she is trying a little too hard, I appreciate the fact that she spoke a little Italian to introduce herself.  She’s very bubbly and blabbering away through the whole thing.  Franca’s smile makes it seem like she’s hiding the Volturi  in the basement.

volturi

Ann waltzes in.  Franca looks at book.  Ann waltzes out.

ann franca

Last in is Jane and as she shakes Franca’s hand, she tells her what an honor it is to meet her like Franca is the president  or the inventor of lacrosse or something.  Easy there, Jane.  Jane is such a pretty girl and appears to have her hamster wheel spinning at a decent level so I’m not sure why she always seems to struggle for words in social situations.

jane franca

Well, since there can only be one winner and Chelsey sucked the least, Chelsey wins again.  I like how Chelsey’s victories have come as a result of the competition just being flat out inept at life in general.  I tend to think a win is much more exciting when you really work for it but since Chelsey has wanted this for sooooooooo long and deserves to be there more than anyone else ever in the history of the universe, she’ll take it.  Her prize is getting to go on a tour with Andre and a friend to see the Last Supper painting and stay overnight in a luxurious hotel.  I would totes go National Treasure/Da Vinci Code on this painting and start casing the place for fall out walls and tiles to find my next clue to the treasure.  Since these girls aren’t awesome like me, they just stand there pretending to be into it.  Chelsey even manages some crocodile tears.  Nicely played.

chelsey kayla picture

Meanwhile, back at the model pad, Ann and Jane throw a party I’d much rather attend with Chinese food and vodka.  Ann draws an anime version of the last supper on a napkin.  Between the Chinese, booze, and cartoon, Ann’s stock just rose 100 points  in the P-Baby house.

sketch

No one cares about Chelsey and Kayla in their stupid hotel room but that’s where they are in case you wanted to know.

Ann and Jane receive some Tyra mail for the next day while the other ladies are out.  ”Movement creates energy.  Tomorrow you’ll be models on the move.”  Ann and Jane are totally dorking out in the house and I like them so much more for it.

The next day, the nitwits are bused to another beautiful Italian villa, kind of like last week’s place with the statues only instead of Nigel and his pit stains, we get Jay and his pre-pubescent sized wardrobe.  He welcomes them to Verona so I guess they are in Verona.  Usually I like Jay but this cycle he’s been meh for me.  Oh well, maybe he’s pregnant or something.  He tells the girls they will be acting today and that two of them will be going home at the elimination.

The Banks finally shows herself and informs the girls that she will be directing them in a motion editorial. According to Tyra, “A lot of fashion houses are actually bringing their photos to life.”  I’d like to get Tyra’s definition of a lot.  Anyway, the ladies are intimidated as they can barely pose in front of a still camera.  The stylist for the shoot is a young chickadee from Vogue Italia named Valentina who will be assisted by Francesca.  Their names serve no purpose except to show you what Babs is missing out on with her First Lady-esque moniker.  Also, they should be named because these stylist hos rocked it with their clothing selection.

chelsey dress

Ann dress

kayla dress

jane dress

I’m not really sure how to recap the filming of this motion editorial but there’s a lot of uncomfortable flipping, flapping, twirling, gyrating, crying, Tyra noise, jaw jacking, and hair tossing done by all four girls.  No significant breakdowns or complete standouts.  They change a few times and keep up the spastic movements which will undoubtedly get edited to within an inch of its life to make this motion editorial look decent.  Here are a few shots of each girl during their respective shoots.

Chelsey:

chelsey shoot 1

chelsey shoot 2

Ann:

ann shoot 1

ann shoot 2

Jane:

jane shoot 1

jane shoot 2

Kayla:

kayla shoot 1

kayla shoot 2

PANEL TIME!  After a last minute wardrobe change, Tyra loses the Claire’s earrings and high school Valentine’s Dance dress…

red dress

… in favor of a flattering nude and black dress with straps.  What the hell is Banks getting herself into in Milan with these dresses I actually like?  Even Franca approves.  I can tell by her mouth lines.

tyra dress

Since there’s not one definitive photo the girls are getting judged on, I’ll use some captures from their film.  Up first is Chelsey.

chelsey final 2

chelsey final 1

I’m not going to lie, I don’t like this wench.  But she has a killer walk and her future Big Brother audition video was awesome too.  The judges agree.

Next is Jane.  Jane looks absolutely gorgeous in her video.  She really needs to get herself a copy of this and distribute en mass to Maxim/Playboy/TMZ if she wants to maintain her Z lister status.  Tyra loves her face but the judges all agree her body movements are too edited and unnatural.

jane final 2

jane final 1

Ann’s turn.  Ann’s is good.  Ann just may win this thing after all.  The judges clearly love her but really want her to work on her runway walk.  Or just walking in general, you know, from here to there.

ann final 2

ann final 1

Kayla brings up the rear and her film is great as well.  None of these ladies blew this shoot and that may be a testament to Tyra, who appears to have finally stopped fucking around and is now trying to find a real model.  The judges love her performance and Franca thinks that Kayla has a very specific look but means it as a compliment.

kayla final 1

kayla final 2

After much deliberation, Ann is called first with Chelsey second.  With that, we have our final two out of the initial 14.  Gasmii, what do you think of the finalists?  Who’s going to win?  Who should win?  Chalk me up to Team Ann for this showdown!  Have a great Thanksgiving and see you all in two weeks for the finale!!

PS.  I forgot to mention that the final video was actually way better than I expected it to be.  I tried to find video of just Tyra’s film but after vigorous searching of you tube for approximately 30 seconds, I gave up because I’m hungry and need to eat my Chinese food.  You can see it at www.youtube.com/user/iPLAYANTM.




P-Baby Walker is a Pez-collecting, Archie Comic reading, Elvis loving, self-appointed movie sensei.  Lack of sunlight, fresh air and a bloodstream composed of Diet Pepsi causes her moods to air on the side of salty, resulting in endless disgruntled opinions for the world to enjoy.  Due to overall lack of motivation to do anything else, P-Baby has recently started writing more of her musings on pop culture at Mrs. Catalano Presents...  When she's not in the midst of her ongoing epic battle between love and hate for Nicolas Cage, she spends an abnormal amount of time watching B movies on Netflix.  She hopes to meet John Waters one day and thank him for his contributions to the film industry.

25 Comments

  1. 1
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted November 19, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    It’s cold comfort, but I’m pretty sure Jane’s the only loser to be sent off by being told to get an agent and just do rounds and rounds of test shots. Which is pretty much what a real, new model would do.

    And it’s funny how, when they needed to send her home, they dropped the “Isn’t Kayla the sweetest little thing?” edit into “Damn, doesn’t Kayla bug the shit out of you, too?”

    Ann should win because of her height and age and they’ve shown enough people saying Chelsey isn’t memorable but…Chelsey can walk like a model while Ann won’t be able to improve her walk beyond Lurch, so who knows. Of course, Caridee won with the most ridiculous walk, so there is still hope for Ann.

  2. 2
    atcmurph
    Posted November 19, 2010 at 7:44 pm

    I just don’t know how Ann is going to do a runway show…her walk is worse than atrocious. And why are they never giving her shit in panel about her hair? They are always harping on the models when they think their hair looks bad or not model-like. Ann’s hair looked especially bad this time, half hanging in her face and her ear sticking through, yet they continue to ignore this. They really have a hard-on for her to keep ignoring stuff like this. Bad personality, bad walk, weird hair…she’ll probably win.

  3. 3
    NatPatBen
    Posted November 19, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    On page 2, but had to say that Ann’s artwork has been the most impressive thing about her (to me) this whole season.

  4. 4
    itchy
    Posted November 19, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    Jane needs another 20 lbs or so, then she might make a decent Maxim/Playboy model. The big clue though is Tyra’s whispering that Jane will make a lot of money. Which is code for: “I don’t want to destroy your career by letting you win this thing.”

    The other clue for the season is that weird mumu guy saying that all Ann needs to do is come up with a ‘signature walk’ whatever the fuck that means. Well, it means that she can stumble and lurch as much as she likes, they’ll just call that “The Ann” and give her the win.

    No way they’ll ever let Chelsea win. She’s been set up from the get go to fall hard. Real hard. Poor thing.

    Kayla…it’s back to the trailer, I suppose. Maybe if she gets herself an education and learns how to speak, she can make a career as a Tracey Ullman stunt double.

  5. 5
    2funny2be4real
    Posted November 19, 2010 at 11:14 pm

    I liked Chelsey (She reminds me of Anna Paquin, Rogue from X-men and Sookie from True Blood), except in this last show, wasn’t too impressed. I am not an Ann fan, so she’ll probably win :@(. Kayla and the other one, meh.

  6. 6
    Xouille Xouille
    Posted November 20, 2010 at 7:06 am

    I am a little disappointed that Jane is not one of the final two but I can understand why.
    It will be a lot easier to justify Ann winning over Chelsey than over Jane. The only thing she has over Ann is a good walk and it has no bearing on who will win. If having a good walk was relevant, Mckie and Carridee (among others) would not have won the show.

    I love the fact that when push come to shove, they had to get rid of Kayla. If it was any other cycle, her and Chris would have been final two but seriously you cannot be a high fashion model with those busted body proportions.

  7. 7
    Xouille Xouille
    Posted November 20, 2010 at 7:16 am

    And Tyra’s goodbye speech to both girls sounded a lot like this to me…
    Jane, you are gorgeous. Find an agent, make some test shots, win a lot of money.
    Kayla, you have stumpy short legs and your face looks bad in nearly every angle but you are such a nice girl… you should act !

  8. 8
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted November 20, 2010 at 7:49 am

    I gotta tell ya, after watching all season, I missed this episode. And given who’s left, I’ll skip the ending, as well.

    It’s a used Lauren Hutton verses Lurch…and the judges want Lurch to win. Ann can’t stand up straight, has only one expression, and is absolutley blank as a personality. She represents everything Tyra says WON’T be successful, yet that’s what she’s pushing.

    No thanks.

  9. 9
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted November 20, 2010 at 8:11 am

    Make that “versus.”

    My kingdom for an edit function…

  10. 10
    urfavegirl
    Posted November 20, 2010 at 10:29 am

    I’ve got to agree with Cattyfan. The judges have been pushing Ann on us from the beginning, and I have never been able to get behind it. She’s awkward, has no personality, an atricious walk and I’m sorry but I don’t think her pictures are that great. All I see are ears and bad teeth. I know I sound really mean, but she’s the one in a competition that judges you based on your looks. I don’t even need to watch the finale, she’s obviously going to win.

  11. 11
    Pixielated
    Posted November 20, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    I agree about Ann, @cattyfan and urfavegirl. I think she is a homely girl with very pretty eyes. Also, she has no lips. She is the antithesis of a model. I suppose she could make it as one of those freakish-looking runway models, if her walk improves. There are usually a few downright strange-looking models on the runways, especially in certain shows. That Versace guy seemed to like her.

    She isn’t versatile as a model, though. She’s got that one blank, worried look. She doesn’t look very glamorous and she doesn’t look good in a variety of hairstyles, because of her jug ears.

    She is a sweet, eccentric girl who should stick to being an artist.

    I think her win is a foregone conclusion, but they may pull the old switcheroo to give us a surprise ending. But with the new serious Tyra, I really think Ann will take it, since she is so “editorial.”

  12. 12
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted November 20, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    Facially, I think Ann is just a plainer version of Jane, which for a model should be a good thing because they both can wear a lot of makeup and not look clownish, which isn’t true of Chelsey or Kayla, but with her plainer appearance should have more versatility than Jane’s striking “prettiness”.

    But I do agree that she’s not versatile in the way her looks would need her to be. Jane can get by with “one look” because that one look is so lovely and there is an alluring quality to her blank stare where Ann’s is just…blank. She’s just too somber and introverted to be able to be expressive, and that’s what her looks need.

    But she does make a very strong first impression and that’s what she’s been riding ever since. I won’t mind if she wins because she does seem like a genuinely sweet and somewhat amusing young woman, since I really did think that her “last supper” with Jane looked like it would be fun. And if she does get the money and the contract and the chance to move to NYC, maybe she’ll find that last bit of confidence she needs to pursue something she truly loves, like her art.

    What I thought was odd about Chelsey, and it only struck me this last episode, is that she has a lot of very visible tattoos. The one on her back, but also one on her wrist and that inexplicable one on her chest. I don’t know why someone who wants to be a model would do that. She’s not famous so I doubt a client would want to hire generic blonde type #3 with tattoos that would need to be covered or Photoshopped out of the pictures when there is likely 50 other generic blonde type #3 out there without the tats.

  13. 13
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted November 20, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    As nearly as I can tell, “editorial” really means “ridiculous and/or frickin’ ugly.”

  14. 14
    juddfan
    Posted November 20, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    I think if the covergirl aspect was “the thing” this year, Ann would be an epic fail, and Jane would still be in it. She looks like a perfume commercial. Since it’s vogue italia it’s Ann’s season this time. Didn’t know who would advance, except Ann, so it was good in that way. I think Kayla’s overall book would be stronger than (whisper) Chelsie’s, but she doesn’t suck and probably wont embarrass them.

    And the hat and cape . . . well, I guess it’s fashion . . .

    P-baby, very glad you got a chance to post your little squeeze again, and so fresh faced when you look at mom . . . what is it about editng fashion that makes for such notorious bitchery!?

  15. 15
    leboe
    Posted November 20, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Was I the only one that thought Tyra’s video looked like a bad porn minus the porn? The only explanation I could come up with for the hat and caped Andre was that he is a drum major and just came from marching band practice.

  16. 16
    Rach
    Posted November 20, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    @pbaby I am so glad that you put another picture of “him” in. *sigh*
    I have no idea how Dee Gaga pushed him out clearly the dad was Jesus?
    Moving on to the show, I HATE Chelsea she is such a bitch…..so clearly she is NOT going to win….editing always makes the loser look like a total c word so that no one feels sorry for them. I guarantee Ann wins…..on that note…..I like Ann I do I feel for her you can see the fact she was bullied horribly in high school and her self esteem as super low. Some of her pictures are fabulous (the first one, Matthew, Patrick) but I do disagree that she is high fashion. Her hair is atrocious (I believe editing took that out like Kristas age last season) same with her skin. I am not trying to be the ‘mean’ girl here I am just saying. Also Franca’s most recent interview has her completely trashing ANTM saying that it is irrelevant among other things.
    I want anyone to say WHAT does Tyra have on these people that made them do this show? Franca, Franca’s sexy son?, Patrick etc.
    Any guesses? Anyone? I mean I know Tyra was huge (as much as it pains me she is one of the last top models I knew as a young child) but why????? ANYONE

  17. 17
    loopygorilla
    Posted November 20, 2010 at 10:02 pm

    @vallegirl i completely agrew, i dunno why chelsey has tats if she wants to be a model. that is the worst thing to do, and she is generic looking, nothing special.
    but i knew they were going to dump Jane and chose chelsey instead. Jane actually could do afew looks, but she does need some practise.
    and this episode was soo low rent, and tyra trying to explain that “THIS IS MY FIRST TIME and your first time” my god, can she speak any slower, they are dumb girls but they arent retarded.
    and Jay’s outfit are embarrasing, WTF, he really makes gay guys look bad wearing t-shirts made for 13 yr old girls.
    and OMG Andre’s outfit with the… he look like the big fat version of nutcracker.
    and franca is didnt get much say in the elimination, it was mostly tyra “me me me” talking.
    and franca during the meet, is what most designers, clients are like.
    they want you to talk abit, but they dont show alot of emotions.
    desingers/clients dont gush during casting they flip through the portfolio and then done, thanks for coming.
    but this season has been lame, the elimination challenge has been shit, seriously that “moving editorial” looked fking low rent and rank amateur, despite those girls wearing cavalli. it was like the Blair Witch Project.
    and i cant believe they dont hire more runway coaches to teach these girls how to walk?
    I mean since this show is trying to be legit and shit, you would think they teach these bitches how to walk.
    i mean after 12 weeks, you would think Ann would have learnt to understand fashion abit more OR walk.
    but that has always been the downfall of this show, the girls get told to walk, but there is no runway coaching.
    miss j comes along and mocks them and everybody laughs and thats it.
    there is no “chin up, shoulders back, dont look down, only do 2 poses at the end of the runway, dont cross your legs, slow down, walk faster, etc…”
    anyway, chelsey wants this shit sooo bad, you can tell.
    she is trying sooo hard, and its not that i dont like her, but she is just generic. and not generic in a good way.
    as versace’s guy pointed, she is 2 seasons ago. she only got booked by the other casting agency because it was more for commercial.
    plus she does look old and the tatts are a bad decision for any model, it makes it hard for designers to hire you to do swimwear, spring/summer runway shows where you wear alot of seethrough and short clothes, and for photos, they have to photoshop your tatts off.
    and there are plenty of blondes out there who dont have tatts.
    and finally it is getting really really embarrasing to have nigel at the panel as the noted fashion photographer, with the exception of tyra, the other guest judges are putting him to shame because he talks ABSOLUTE shit.

  18. 18
    juddfan
    Posted November 20, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    loopy, so happy to be there for you!!!

    Rach- have no idea how Dee Gaga pushed him out clearly the dad was Jesus?
    hahahahahahaha!!!

    Leboe-The only explanation I could come up with for the hat and caped Andre was that he is a drum major and just came from marching band practice.

    True That!!!

  19. 19
    loopygorilla
    Posted November 21, 2010 at 3:08 am

    :) juddfan thanks ;)

    omg i just watched it again, what was with the smudged eye makeup and kayla/ann doing the crying thing. oohhh my god, that shit was just sooo embarrasing! thats not fking “editorial, high fashion”.
    its like those photoshoots every amateur does, put a girl in beautiful gowns and shoot them in an industrial/factory, so its all like edgy and shit…bitch please, some1 has done that shoot 1million times before you.

    anyway how come we havent seen krista yet? normally they roll out the past winners a few times during the 12 weeks, but we have yet to get a peep of krista.

    obviously she will show up for the covergirl thing next week and give us an ad on the new lash blash, to launch and blast your lashes into space :)

    and mr jay’s outfit in this cycle has done the benjamin button, man stop trying to hold onto your youth you dumb ass queen :P you giving us gay guys a bad name.
    by the way, when they do a close up of him, you can see the caked on foundation. i dont wanna know what he looks like without the glitter and entire counter of maybelline, or maybe his born with it.

  20. 20
    loopygorilla
    Posted November 21, 2010 at 3:11 am

    also Ann’s presentation is horrible.
    her hair is like a rat hair and she turns up to the meetings like that? at least jane/kayla/chelsey make an effort with their appearance. ann looks dirty and unwashed.
    unless tyra gave her cheap weave, cuz there are girls in the past cycles who have complained that they cant look after the weaves and were itching like hell cuz it wasnt put in properly.

  21. 21
    Rach
    Posted November 21, 2010 at 9:39 am

    I forgot to point out in Tyras “video” the part where Ann is sitting in her chair with her hair over her face……..TOTALLY reminds me of the Ring when the girl comes out of the Tv. Freaked me out a bit.

  22. 22
    georgiababe
    Posted November 21, 2010 at 10:47 am

    I thought that whole video shoot thing was super lame. And I HATED how at the end, Tyra was like “this is my directorial debut” and then just rolled terrible footage. Ugh, this woman is so annoying. She’s trying to claim how she wears so many hats (model, host, actress, photographer, director) but she’s so TERRIBLE at most of them, ugh.

    I don’t think that the pictures of Ann on that roll were good. I actually found her ears TOTALLY distracting in that picture with the veil – she looks much better with her hair down. I thought Chelsey’s were much nicer, but I still don’t know if Chelsey has a shot to win. Ann stomps around like a horse, but Chelsey has never had best photo (or has had it only once) and Chelsey doesn’t fit Italian Vogue.

  23. 23
    Pi
    Posted November 21, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    The video shoot wasn’t that bad, until they got to the part where all the girls where in the chair, flipping their hair up. Why was that footage played backwards? It looked tacky and weird. And I don’t know if it was intentional, but Ann’s dress looked like it was about to fall off her flat-as-a-board chest. Why on earth did they choose that one for her?

  24. 24
    mnkid
    Posted November 21, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    I just hope Ann gets a medical evaluation for possible Marfan’s Syndrome. It can have serious cardiac complications. She fits the physical profile.

  25. 25
    itchy
    Posted November 22, 2010 at 12:59 am

    Not to worry. By the time she experiences any serious complications, her modeling career will already be behind her. As well as several ‘cycles’ of her own wacked out reality television show.

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