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Saturday, December 4, 2010
12:00 pm
27 Comments
Tagged: andre, Ann, Chelsey, final 2, nigel, see you next season!, tyra, wanna be on top, who will win
Gasmii, a pumpkin pie filled gravy slathered Christmas sweater wearing P-Baby here with the final recap of America’s Next Top Model Cycle 15. I can’t believe the season finale is upon us, as there were times where I really thought this cycle may never end, specifically when Liz was blessing us with her ignorance of Mulan vs Milan or when Kayla made me never want to hear the words sleeping bag again or when Chelsey was telling us how she was the hardest!working! model! that deserved to win more than anyone ever times infinity!!
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and threw down for some serious sales on Black Friday. I, for one, managed to swipe up Season 1 of True Blood at Wal-Mart for $12 which was the only thing I really wanted. Mmmmm, Vampire Eric. Mr. P-Baby enjoyed the fun and invested in a Playstation 3 with my blessing. Sucks for him that he’s never going to play it since my Netflix will be streaming 24/7. He doesn’t know that yet.
Anyway, Gasmii, on top of all the holiday cheer, I moved across the country over the same holiday weekend and am currently holed up in a hotel until me and the mister find a home. This is relevant because my hotel tried and failed to sabotage my viewing of the ANTM finale. I flipped the channel, proving I can read a clock and acclimate to the mountain time zone TV schedule, only to find that there was no freaking volume coming out of my TV solely on the channel that ANTM was airing. So I said to myself, “No worries, P-Baby, put that shit on closed caption. Ann’s voice sucks anyway.” I did just that and about 30 seconds later, the screen goes black. Just as I was drafting my I NEED AN EMERGENCY FILL IN email to Flipit, the TV unfucks itself in time for me to miss the opening montage i.e. Tyra’s latex enveloped vagina folds. Maybe the whole ordeal was a blessing in disguise.
I’m realizing that this recap is probably going to be shorter than the others because there are only two people left and both have the personality of a toadstool. Not to be confused with Toad, the awesome mushroom hatter, a frantic Mario and Luigi helper who was also the worst character to get stuck with playing Super Mario Brothers 2. Anyway, Ann has the potential to be super awesome and quirky but it’s very clear her psyche is so damaged by tormenting that she may never let her freak flag fly.
Chelsey tells us that she’s wanted to be a supermodel since she was three years old. When I was three, all I wanted was to eat blue play-doh and watch Care Bears. What the hell kind of three year old even knows what a supermodel is? Not to mention, can you imagine being in middle school and high school with a delusional twit sashaying down the halls in her LEI jeans and Hang Ten crop top believing that she’s going to be a supermodel which I’m sure equated to all sorts of eating issues and validation via putting out with jocks. I know her type. Douche.
Ann on the other hand, tells us that she’s been working very hard to correct the flaws that have been pointed out over the competition and that this is the best and biggest thing that has happened to her. She ruins it by saying it’s better than graduating high school. Kids, stay in school, because when that reality TV fame has run out and Dr. Drew starts writing scripts for you so you can get hooked on Oxy and in turn appear on his “Celebrity” Rehab show, that diploma is going to start looking pretty darn good. (Side note: I don’t know if any of that is actually true, but I say at this point, we’re using the word doctor pretty loosely.)
First up on the death march to hell is a photo shoot with Italian Vogue. This is the point in time when my hotel toaster set my english muffin on fire so I missed it first go round. All I heard was this: “Welcoma to Italian Voga uh fashion shootuh and girls uh fashionuh cheeseuh sharksuh poopuh and eatuh more fruitah.” Would a subtitle or two have killed them? Cheap bastards. Honestly though, good for stylist Valentina being bilingual because if my ass ever gets sent to Spain, I’ll probably end up in jail for hooking when I ask the wrong person to use the bathroom.
The photo shoot is unremarkable to say the least and the photographer has only complimentary things to say about both girls. If I wanted to watch this shit, I’d watch Bravo. Speaking of Bravo, since there is nothing interesting to say about this Italian Vogue photo shoot segment, remember that show Make Me A Supermodel? First of all, where was I that there were two seasons of it? Secondly, did that Holly chick from Season 1 ever amount to anything or was she Tyra’d like the rest of them? Well, more accurately, Niki’d or Tyson’d. I wouldn’t mind being Tyson’d in the biblical sense. Thirdly, a new season appears to be starting in January. You bet your buns I’ll be watching.
I guess you’ll want to see a couple photo shoot screen caps. Here.
Oh good. Tyra Mail. ”Real high fashion models know how to commercialize their careers.” The brain trust figure out this means shooting a Cover Girl commercial. How pissed is Cover Girl this season? I’m surprised the Vogue Italia building hasn’t been burnt down yet by hitmen with extremely luscious eyelashes seeing as Cover Girl is absolutely an afterthought this cycle and most certainly not high fashion.
The next day the girls arrive at the location for their commercial shoot and I’m once again prompted to send in an audition tape for the Amazing Race because the scenery in Italy is beautiful. I would be willing to consider Big Brother as a consolation though as I love sitting around and mind-fucking. Not fornicating in my daydreams but actually engaging in Pinky and the Brain type manipulation.
Jay is there to greet Ann and Chelsey and tells them they don’t have to memorize any lines today. Thank God because that H 2 T bullshit was bad enough. Ann’s armpits immediately stop sweating as she realizes she’s dodged a major bullet. The product being hocked today is Lashblast mascara. Gasmii, that stuff is my eyelash savior. Don’t take it from the idiots in the fake Cover Girl commercial. Take it from me, your loyal television recapper.
So hair and make up ensues and Ann is nervous because Chelsey has a “big personality.” Heh. The concept of the shoot is that the girls sit around at a cafe applying make up and taking pictures. They eat some ice cream and crumple up a map, because hey, who cares if you’re lost when you’ve got sugary treats to numb your stupidity. And these girls have already proven that even with a map, they can’t find their own thumb located snuggly between their asscheeks.
Jay raves about the way Ann and Chelsey are playing off of each other and this whole episode blows because there is no real sense of competition between these two. Ann is too meager to really say what a bitch Chelsey is and Chelsey thinks she’s got the whole thing locked up and keeps ranting about how awesome she is. Here are some more pictures because like many picture books, they are the only thing remotely interesting in this story.
So as a way to spice this up, the families of Ann and Chelsey are unveiled by Jay to supposedly give them inspiration in their commercial. It was good to see that both girls have such strong relationships with their parents. Is it wrong for me to say that Ann’s brother is going to be a hot piece of ass if dude puts on 30 pounds of muscle and ages 10 years?
The families get to watch during the beauty shoot portion of the Cover Girl stuff and both sets of fam are amazed at how beautiful their girls look. My cold, dark heart liked this portion of the episode because I’m a sucker for cheesy parents and Ann’s family seems super sweet. And gigantic.
Son of a bitch. Tyra Mail. ”It’s time to make one more important stop on your way to the top.” Not enough info to make a valid guess on so instead they are left to wonder who they’ll be meeting. The wait isn’t long and I guess the next day or so Ann and Chelsey meet Ivan Bart, the senior vice-president of IMG models. I hate validating anything in the fashion world as important, but that’s a pretty big deal for these ladies to have a one on one with this dude.
Feedback from Ivan after the two sit downs is that Chelsey has a great personality and that Ann made clothes look good. Great personality = nail in coffin in all walks of life. No one ever wants to be described as having a great personality unless the precursor is great face, tits and an ass that won’t quit. Point being, great personality is the last thing that should be listed on your resume of party tricks.
After the Ivan interview, we are treated to more Chelsey rambling about how she has the total package, won 3 challenges, never been in the bottom two, cured AIDS by selling vials of her fairy blood, and breast feeds abandoned Asian babies. She conveniently forgets that Ann won best photo five times in a row.
The final event on the death march is a Roberto Cavalli Just Cavalli fashion show. To make the epic showdown more interesting, hellions from past battles show up to play including Liz, Chris, Jane, Kayla, and Krista White, winner of Cycle 14. While I really could have done without seeing Liz again, it is pretty awesome they have the chance to walk in the fashion show alongside Ann and Chelsey. Jane is still a dear in my book because her and Ann have become unlikely peas in a pod while Kayla claims she’s Team Chelsey. I think Kayla doesn’t like Ann because Ann’s forearm is longer than Kayla’s entire leg.
So night falls and Tyra shows up to greet the families before the start of the show. She’s very kind to everyone but I refuse to allow Banks to have any redeeming qualities. Also, her dress is fugly.
In other related news, Chelsey’s mom is has haunted my dreams since the finale.
The runway show starts, blah blah blah. Major points include: Neither girl falls, neither girl rocks the runway, Ann still can’t walk but manages to look more normal-ish, and Kayla, Liz, Chris, and Jane were never going to win this thing. What works in Ann’s favor is that she is actually interesting to look at. The walk needs work but you bet everyone in that room was watching her, whether to see if she’d break her ankle or lock the doors with her psycho eyes and set everything on fire.
Chelsey looks like any other pretty girl at the fraternity formal with an ill-advised hair color, a slutty dress, and too much eyeliner.
This is it Gasmii! Panel time! Andre flew in from his fortune telling enterprise on the moon specifically for the occasion.
Jay also gets a spot on the panel along with Roberto Cavalli, rounding out our panel. They are ready to slice, dice, and deliberate themselves to death so why keep them waiting?
Cover Girl commercial. The commercial as a whole was very cute but I definitely want a bite out of the gelato more than I want the mascara which is a point the judges make. Both girls look great but Chelsey is decidedly more Cover Girl-esque in my opinion which just means she’s more generic looking. They get accolades for having a great commercial and Nigel commends Chelsey on her smile. As far as their pictures go for the ad campaign, Chelsey’s doesn’t even look like Chelsey. That point is ignored and the judges love it except Roberto and Andre. Ann’s picture is great and she didn’t go for the typical white, shiny teeth smiling picture. I think we all know why. Regardless, she looks good but the judges feel like she fell flat during the shoot.
The runway show. Nigel felt Chelsey’s walk was stiff (Perv just wanted to say stiff) which is bad news for her because that is really the only thing she has going for her over Ann. Tyra doesn’t like her turn around move at the end of the runway and both Jay and Roberto agree. Tyra manages to make it all about her as per usual and gives 90′s washed up runway model tips about peeking to the side at the audience and looking ahead again. The judges think Ann’s walk has definitely improved and want her to own her awkward gait. They call her out for looking scared and having zombie eyes.
For no reason other than being awesome…
And the winner is….
ANN!
If you managed to avoid all entertainment media that still reports on the winners of this show, Ann bested Chelsey in the end. Bitch didn’t even try and pretend she was happy for Ann which is about par for the course.
I’m glad Ann won and think she has a definite shot at a big career. What say you Gasmii? Did the right girl win??
Thank you all for sticking through the season with me! I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing for you! I’ll now revert back to my Moviegasm duties until the next reality show draws me out of my cinema cave!
Love,
P-Baby
TV Social
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27 Comments
P-Baby, I laughed and laughed at the Mrs Doubtfire caption. hee hee
I completely agree about Chelsey looking “like any other pretty girl at the fraternity formal with an ill-advised hair color, a slutty dress, and too much eyeliner.” Very well said.
Yay Ann!!!!
You did a great recap P-Baby. You showed amazing dedication as well and I am impressed.
I knew Ann was going to win in the end. It was just set up to be that way. I am going to miss this show because my sister-in-law and I used to have debates about it all the time.
I am impressed you managed to last through the season. I stopped watching several weeks back.
I’m completely disgusted by this farce of an outcome. After years of selling the idea that the winner of this show needs personality, more than one expression, and the ability to WALK, thee judges instead pick the vapid, vacant, Bambi-on-ice Ann as ANTM. Give me a break.
This also flies in the face of Tyra’s claim that she has any concern over the welfare of young girls’ health, since Ann is clearly anorexic, and possibly suffers from both Marfan’s syndrome and scoliosis.
None of this season’s contestants had any business pretending to be models. Tyra needs to lay off the crack and get this show back on track.
Blergh. Like, this whole season. Not that it was a surprise that the measly mouthed lurch was going to win, but I was seriously bored.
Ann was definitely the right winner, but that’s besides the point.
Guess who I saw in the centerfold Estee Lauder ad in my Broadway playbill last week? Jane! At least I’m pretty sure it was her…so looks like she’s going to be successful anyway! Good for her, I guess (personally I wouldn’t give up a Princeton education, but that’s me).
But in the end, they allowed Andre and Roberto to tell the truth about modeling when they were both “Who cares if the girl knows a lick about fashion if she’s tall, thin and takes a gorgeous picture?” Because that’s the bigger truth about modeling. I doubt any of those Brazilian or Eastern European adolescents who get snapped up every year sit around discussing Steven Meisel or the relative merits of John Galliano v. Michael Kors. Because they don’t care, nor do they need to.
But all along, the major players who came on this show (Rolston, Demarchelier, the guy from Versace, Ivan Bart, Cavalli and ALT) all thought that with a little work Ann could be successful model. She can learn to walk better, but Chelsey can’t learn to be taller, younger or wear a lot of makeup better. And with the success of people like Shalom Harlow and Kate Moss, no one thinks a model needs any kind of personality, let alone a good one.
And don’t feel badly about having future impure thoughts about Ann’s brother. That seems to be the consensus opinion of the kid.
@L-Money – Jane did say that she plans to continue at Princeton as well, but would also like to see if she has a future in modeling. And considering that the window of opportunity is relatively small, but she could make a lot of money during it and still go back to Princeton, I think she’s right to give it a try, now, while she’s still young enough to get started.
Stick a wig on Ann’s brother and he looks just like her…only HE has more personality.
I think the hightlight of the show was the look on chelseas face when she found out they were not going to do a commercial like the “old” cover girl commercials. She was so disappointed that Ann would not fuck up completely so she could win, which I thought was super sad. She wanted to win based on Anns fuck up not her being better. She is all about the sabotage (mentioning it will be like that stupid H2T water, runway walk talk etc)
i am glad Ann won the girl deserved it, I hope she gets more self confidence. So when exactly is this cover supposed to be out. I want to know if Franca (who said in an interview how she HATES these type of shows) actually will release it. Anyone else curious? Anybody know when?
A fittingly lackluster end to a drab season. This finale seemed rushed, possibly because the winner has been obvious since the start of the season. Nice to see Jane back though. She seemed really happy to be there too.
I, personally, would love to see an ANTM: Where Are They Now? Special… and I hope that the next season will be the last. There is no suspense or interest left in this show.
Am I the only one who thought Ann’s Cover Girl picture looked like her head was floating?
@Rach – the deal was never a cover of Vogue Italia, it was a spread in the magazine plus the cover a beauty supplement.
I’m going to miss your recaps Pbaby…..any chance you will recap ‘Make Me a Supermodel’?
I think Ann was right for the win because she has the height and the negative body fat. I only hope for her sake that she doesn’t end up used or exploited — hopefully someone will keep her away from the photographer perv that likes to get the models naked and cum on them. I don’t think our Ann has the sophistacation and esteem to be able to fend off an ass like that.
i would like to see a where are they now special too but i doubt it will happen because most of the winners haven’t been too successful. i know i can’t even name any winners off the show after whitney and the only reason i watched this was because i was home sick one night. i agree that this needs to end soon.
ohralphie,
Be sure to check out Moviegasm as that is typically my home for movie recaps. I’ll be doing some Oscar movie coverage over the next couple months! And I’m sure I’ll pick up another TV show somewhere along the way!
love,
P-Baby
It’s funny you mentioned Whitney, tnchick, because three legitimate models came out of that season–they just weren’t Whitney. Anya, Fatima, and Katarzyna have all worked plenty. I think even Marvella has done pretty well for herself. Of course, Whitney has done nothing, but that’s par for the course.
I really don’t think Tyra can be held responsible for any lack of appropriate health care in Ann’s life (lack of diagnosis for possible Marfan syndrome or scoliosis). That would be on her parents and the American health care system.
Though I am far from qualified to diagnose anorexia from watching someone on TV, I think Ann’s being so self-conscious about her thinness argues against it. Don’t anorexics think they are fat, no matter how thin they are?
I
I never said Tyra was responsible for Ann’s likely health problems…but Tyra IS respsonible for exploiting them, and holding Ann up as someone young girls should want to emulate.
@vallegirl, it’s good that Jane wants to continue school eventually, but speaking as a college student who has already seen friends take time off and never come back, it’s extremely difficult to return to school after being out in the real world. so if she can succeed in modeling, good for her, if not i hope she doesn’t give up on her education (her lung-doctor daddy wouldn’t be very happy about that…)
hay P-baby, yes Make me a supermodel did have a 2nd season and tyson (MMMMHHHMMM YES PLEASE oh the things i would do to him) beckford hosted the show with nicole trunfio as opposed to nicky and they had that Jenny (i fked angelina jolie) shimizo as a judge.
well congrats on recaping this boring lacklustre season.
but the contestants they picked were shit, honestly, i see alot of good american models, why cant they find them for the reality shows??? that holly girl that won the first season of Make me a supermodel never amounted to anything…
anyway to ANTM
Ann was setup to win this shit from the get-go, gargamel can rejoice! smurfs you lose!!
And chelsey is very “old looking” isnt she, and as roberto (sundried tomato) cavalli said, the pose she did was very 90s and lol then tyra said coaching chelsey about looking sideways but she added “how we used to do it” yesss tyra, MOVE FKING ON! you are behind the times.
anyway chelsey, girl needs to go back to community college and like study cuz modelling aint gonna work, she is looking old.
and Ann won! so yes so much for “personality” and shit.
Ann galloped down that runway and she won lol anyway you would have thought during the 12-14 weeks ANTM trains these girls on how to walk. yes being a model requires you to walk.
and Yeah….. Ann’s brother is cute, needs to put on weight though, i dont like skinny twig guys, i like them with manly… hubba hubba.
But Mr Jay needs to stop wearing clothes made for 12 yr olds its not a good look.
and that fking outfit he wore at panel, OMG them gays need to stop making us gays look bad.
and WTF was andre wearing during panel, no comment. lol
anyway i forgot about the episode already lol.
Hated the season, hearted the recaps and laughed my butt off at Chelsey’s Dad breaking his neck trying to check out Tyra when she walked away behind him and his wife
The meeting with Ann’s family was much cuter and more sincere, and no matter if Ann has much of a future in modelling, maybe this show did bless her with self-confidence.
Because that is imo the true goal of reality tv: Crush the ones who think too highly of themselves and open up the eyes of the ones who put themselves down or are put down undeservedly.
Since the prize was Italian Vogue, I do think Ann was the most likely to be successful…. if the prize was the usual Cover Girl stuff, I think Chelsey would have won, since she has more personality overall. I kinda felt bad for Chelsey, because whoever went up against Ann was going to lose.
All winners after Whitney: McKey (11), Teyona (12), Nicole- the shorty season, and Krista (14).
It was ridiculous how everything was set up to make Chelsey look bad! Her hair, makeup, clothes in the fashion show-even the way Tyra greeted her parents looked bad! Ann may be a sweet girl, but she had the same expression in each of her photos (a deer caught in the headlights) that is going to get pretty boring pretty soon. I think she won because she is so young and naive and better for Tyra and company to “mold” her and get her to follow their agenda. No amount of editing convinced me that Ann had a better runway walk than Chelsey
I agree, Pix, I don’t think she’s anorexic, she just looks that way. I had a friend growing up who could just eat anything and never gain a pound. He had to work really really hard to gain any weight, up to his 40′s.
Could no one have told Ann to relax her face and eyes, and not walk like a zombie.
Got tired of hearing Chelsie (whisper) boast about herself. She oughta be able to work some, as she’s the little train that could, but this season was Ann’s–they bent every rule to make it so. I’m sure someone more knowledgable could name some examples of Ann’s failures that compared to other girls who got booted for it. I wish Ann luck, and hope she does get more self-confidence. She is lucky there is a business just right for people like her.
I’ll be watching make me a supermodel, that can be way harsh. I did see the winner Holly on Project Runway’s fashion week once. The runner up Jonathan also got signed by the agency, and I think someone pointed out some gap type ads he was in.
I like Kirsta in her season, but here . . . I dunno, her stomp seemed too heavy, almost angry and stalking and rushed. For once, I liked her better with the Tyra ponytail than that wig she had on. If it wasn’t a wig, that weaver should be spanked!
Thanks so much, Pbaby for all your dedication!!! Hope you do do make me a supermodel, esp if it’s your first time ; )
Great recap P-baby for a Bleh season. Totally agree with you @ starchild. I noticed the eh greeting Tyra gave Chelsey’s family too. And the commercial being a voice over was so laughable to me, set up for Ann to win. I will admit Chelsey’s walk was terrible. I was surprised and disappointed.
Anyway on another note, I saw Alasia from last season in the mall last week. She was so cute. If I hadn’t felt like a total stalker I would have spoken to her. But I kept doing triple and quadruple takes because I wanted to make sure it was her. Then she talked and totally confirmed it, lol.
Chelsey. <3
So should have won, I love her.
Ooh l loved this season (namely because for fucking ONCE the girl I wanted to win actually WON).
Sorry this is a teeny tiny bit out of date , LOL. I love thia show AND I am pleased to say P-Baby you kick ass! I did only read this recap, but I’ll have faith they’re all as good. You like my Ann = I like you!
I HATED ALL STARS WITH A PASSION. Bring on some new, young, quirky tall chicks, not old-ass butter faced hos trying to regain their youth. Ugh.
One more thing: It was stressed throughout the season that Ann’s metobolism is a BEAST (fried Oreos, anyone). They’ve booted out girls with REAL eating/image issues (see “Anamaria”). Hope you’re still up for a new season, P-Baby. Great recap.