America’s Best Dance Crew: GagMe With A Jump Rope

Tonight’s America’s Best Dance Crew is all about Lady GagMe. In case you haven’t yet guessed, GagMe makes me want to puke. Going into this challenge I was sure I’d be ready to stick ice picks in my ears before we were even halfway through. But I have to admit, the dancing distracted me from my GagMe hatred.

Now if only it could distract me from this idiot. 

Mario is on stage with the seven remaining crews. He tells us that after last week’s performances they received a massive amount of votes, but they are throwing them all out because of some sort of technical difficulty. Are you fucking kidding me? Does anyone know what the deal is with this? I’m guessing the Saltines were in the bottom and the producers said no way! Technical difficulties!

Did you bug my phone? 

Anyway, the point of all this is that NO ONE will be going home tonight. You heard me right. There will be NO elimination. 

We’re the luckiest crackers in the whole wide world! 

Mario says that even though all the crews are safe tonight, they better turn that shit out because TWO crews will be sent home next week. 

Tonight is the Lady GagMe challenge. Each crew has been given a GagMe song and they need to incorporate her style into a routine that defies the judges’ expectations. After all the crews have performed the judges will pick one crew to have immunity from this week’s vote.

Did someone say immunity?!? 

Alrighty then. Let’s get this show started! Oh look! Layla is back!

I guess she finally worked off that pregnancy weight 

 

Up first is Static Noyze performing to “Beautiful, Dirty, Rich.” They love that GagMe uses a table in her video, so they plan on including that in their routine. We see them rehearsing with the table and it doesn’t look like it’s going so well.

They think that because they’re theatrical it puts the pressure on them to really deliver this week. I agree. They should do really well with the challenge. But will they? Let’s see……..

I liked this! The blonde dude irritates the hell out of me usually, but I really like him as a tranny GagMe. The table leg tutting part was GREAT. Was it a mind blowing performance? No. But I think they did a really good job, and I enjoyed it. Which is saying a lot considering how I feel about a certain someone.

Tonight we’re starting with Omoron. He thinks it started a little slow. Well, he is the expert after all. His favorite part was the leg tutting, and overall he thinks they did a good performance. He also gives a shout out to tranny GagMe. I think he’s a little turned on.

Meet me in my dressing room later. In that outfit. 

JC thinks that the opening look was very interesting; he’s not sure if it was difficult, but it definitely looked interesting. He liked the way they used the table and is also a fan of the tutting section. 

What he really liked about the performance is that GagMe is all about the drama and the attitude, and they definitely gave that to the audience.

Just try not to get any of it on me. 

Lil Mama says they worked their props from beginning to end. She also likes the bubbles on the costume. 

Are the bubbles hard? Is it hard to dance in bubbles? Bubbley bubbles are bubbling bubbles everywhere. Bubbles. 

She thinks they did a phenomenal job and she loved their performance. Bubbles.

We’re going to head into the crew garage for Layla’s insightful interview style…..

Are you glad they threw out the votes from last week? 

Duh!  

Thanks for asking the tough questions, Layla!

Up next is Blueprint Cru, and their GagMe song is “Bad Romance”. They’re really excited about this song choice. Thien says GagMe is completely out of the box, so they have to be too. There’s a floor section in the video that they are going to try to emulate in their routine. Let’s see how they do.

Oh. My. Fucking. God. I LOVED this!!!!!!!!!! Seriously. This shit was fucking AWESOME!!! Did I say I loved it? That was a fucking fantastic performance from beginning to end. I love the part when they snapped the guys’ necks; it went perfectly with the music. But honestly, I love the whole fucking thing. LOVE.

Okay, seriously, I’ve now gone back and re watched this four times. I will never get this recap written if I keep watching this number. But I want to keep watching. Hell, I’m putting here in case you all want to watch again too.

 

Can I just say one more time that I LOVE this number? Thanks. Whew! All this excitement has made me dizzy. Let’s go over to JC.

He says that was the best performance of season five. I don’t know if I’d go that far; the season isn’t over yet. 

You know what I mean. 

He thinks it’s GagMe all day long.  ”The Canadians can play hockey and they can dance.”

Lil Mama was wowed by the part where Thien got strangled, and it took her a minute to realize how they did the illusion. It proves to her that they really work together.

Unlike my outfit 

She respects that they made sure no matter where the audience looked on the stage they were entertained. Great performance.

Omoron was unsure of how far they’d make it in this competition. But after that performance?

Who knows? You are Canadian after all. 

Is it just me or does he actually get MORE useless with every show?

The next crew is going to be Jungle Boogie with “Video Phone”. Wait a minute. Is that really a GagMe song? I thought it was a Beyonce song. What about “Telephone?” So Stupid.

They’re focusing on the fact that Beyonce and GagMe dance on chairs in this video. Oh, this could be cool; there’s some really great stuff that you can do with chairs. Shockingly they have some difficulty with the chairs during rehearsals.

Gah. I hate to say it, but they didn’t really do that great here. The headstands on the chair were a mess, and you really would think that they’d have learned not to put something like that in if it can’t be done cleanly after Blueprint Cru got called out about it last week.

I’ve really come to like this crew a lot, but I am really disappointed by the performance this week. 

Lil Mama thinks that as a group they are hard workers, and they are able to dominate any character they pick up. They all bend and fold into the character that they need to get into and she respects that about them

 

What? 

Oh, she’s not done yet. She tells them there’s certain risks you take as a group like flipping onto the chairs which got sloppy. Other than that their performance level, they know how to turn it off and on and PLEASE someone figure out how to turn her off!!!! 

 Omoron thinks they are a dope crew.

 

He would know  

JC thinks the upside down bit was a bit clumsy, but the commitment to the naughty was nice. Since when is he the perv? He thinks it’s unbelievable that Raqi didn’t stop working through the whole routine. Overall, pretty good performance.

Time for Heavy Impact. Their GagMe song is “LoveGame”. They can relate to GagMe because she has always been different, and they are different. Hey, did you know that most dancers are not fat? 

They decide to use the subway choreography as their inspiration and head on out to a pole filled studio to practice. Did you know poles are not made for fat people? It’s a fact.

Eh. What can I say? I’m not really a fan of this group. I mean, they were okay, but nothing really special. And I am completely over their whole fat boys can really dance thing. WE GET IT. This one was a big ole meh for me.

 

LOL, but I love this sign! 

JC thinks the number was surprisingly athletic even though one of the guys fucked up his flip. He thinks the funniest thing for him was the little lift they did over the chair. 

 

Oh my god! Fat dude ate Paul Stanley! Why, fat dude? WHY???? 

He also thinks the choreography was a little blah in the middle. Of course the crowd boos. As an overall performance he didn’t love it.

Lil Mama thinks they took it to another level as far as swag. She thought the lift was cute. And then she shows a slo mo to illustrate how athletic they are, and it shows the dude fucking up his flip.

 

Thanks a lot, Lil (Big Mouth) Mama.

Omoron thinks they always stick to their strong points. But he doesn’t know how he feels about guys and poles.

 

But then I got a boner, so I’m gonna pretend I wasn’t that crazy about it. 

We’re gonna move along now to Hype 5-0 who will be dancing to “Poker Face”. They say GagMe is known for being over the top and unique, so they have to bring something that is really memorable. How about two GUYS kissing this week? No? Ah well, it would probably be as lame as last week’s kiss anyway.

They’ve decided to try and use their hands like GagMe. But still bring high energy and intensity.

I am so distracted by their stupid costumes I can’t even concentrate on the dance. I’ve tried. Three times I’ve tried and each time I can’t stop looking at their lame costumes. Why not just put the wigs on your actual heads instead of a GagMe T-shirt? 

Okay, let me try to pull it together and talk about the dancing. The beginning reveal could have really been cool, but was just bleh. You know, this group can really dance, but I wasn’t blown away by what they did here. And I STILL can’t get over the costumes. The girls look like they have hair growing out of their boobs.

Omoron feel like the choreography was cool, but he feels like the choreography could be a little better. 

 

I feel like your judging could be a lot better. 

JC starts out by apologizing to the crew and Omoron for saying their dismount last week was sloppy. It was actually a rotation before they came down. Lil Mama wants an apology too! She doesn’t get one.

He thinks the opening was great and avant garde. Pish posh. People just like to throw an avant garde label on weird shitty stuff sometimes. The issue is the body positions and lines and choreo. We’ve seen them already; JC tells them we need to see something different from them. 

Lil Mama loved their costumes.

 

But no one ever said she has taste 

Time for Poreotix with “Paparazzi”. They love the part with her on crutches and want to put them into their routine. 

The funny thing about this crew is that they irritate me and yet I like some of what they do too. For me, they try way too hard to be funny. But their isos are really freaking good. Their dancing is so so. But I LOVED that they used the crutches as jump ropes. I didn’t get the whole blood thing at the end. It was okay, but not fantastic.

JC says they went straight to their strengths which is the popping. The moving across the stage thing they did was very avant garde. See what I mean? The choreo in the middle got a little boring, but he thought the reverse tuts were interesting. 

 

I love it when we agree. 

Omoron basically repeats what JC says about the isos, popping and reverse tuts.

 

Please shut up if you don’t have anything new to add. 

Lil Mama thinks they have interesting transitions and they never lose their charisma. She doesn’t ever want them to lose their fun.

 

Do we really need three judges? Can’t JC just talk? Only JC? 

Let’s go back to Layla in the crew garage. She’s talking to the Saltines about the non elimination show tonight. Are they happy about it?

 

Uhhhhh……did you SEE how badly we fucked up last week? It took several blow jobs to get the results thrown out! But they were worth it! 

They are the last crew of the evening dancing to “Just Dance”. How ironic considering that they DON’T dance. They tell us they’re going to start their routine this week without their ropes because that will be really unexpected. I expect that to suck.

And it does. BIG TIME. I think you all know I don’t like this crew; they are not dancers. Without their jump ropes they’re not even mediocre. You know, they do some pretty cool tricks with the ropes, but I don’t give a crap. I watch this show to see dancing. 

Lil Mama thinks they came out with power and the guys showed they were serious. 

 

Seriously Stupid. 

She thinks without the ropes they are a little one and two and stiff. She wants them to loosen up a little.

JC thinks this is a fantastic group.

 

Oh JC, we were doing so well.  

He says we’re watching this group grow right before our eyes. He likes that they’re listening to the judges, especially about putting down the ropes. Even though they danced like five year olds without them. But when they grab those ropes they do what no one else can do. BECAUSE THIS ISN’T A JUMP ROPE COMPETITION!!!!!!!!!!

Omoron thinks they are stepping up to the plate. He respects them. Keep on keeping on.

And now the judges will decide which crew will have immunity.

 

Wait! What? Immunity idol? Where? 

After a quick break we’re ready to find out which crew will be safe no matter what America thinks. The crew definitely moving on in the competition for the next two weeks is………

 

WOO HOO!!!! 

They were most definitely the best of the night. Even though they’re not American. Honestly, if they keep dancing like that I might not even care anymore about the whole Canada thing. Well, maybe just a little.

What did you think, Gasmi? Was Blueprint Cru your favorite tonight? Are you are over Saltines as I am? Which two crews do you think will get eliminated next week? I’d like to see Saltines and Heavy Impact go.

Next week, disco! Hustle on over and we’ll see who’s Stayin Alive.

SWAK, PottyMouth