America’s Best Dance Crew: We’ve Got Magic To Do, Just For You

Tonight on America’s Best Dance Crew, it’s the magic challenge! FEH. We’ve already seen this before, and done by better crews.

Season three, I miss you SO MUCH. 

As we usually do when it’s down to four crews, we start this week off with a group routine.

Not too bad. I could have done without Lil Mama dancing and prancing around the stage. I mean, honestly? If you’re going to have a judge dance, all three of them should dance. She also makes some of the stupidest dance faces I have ever seen. Other than that, the routine was okay, nothing spectacular.

Mario gives a shout out to Lil Mama, and OH MY FUCKING GOD, what in the name of all that’s holy is she wearing?!?!?!?

Does she having on matching bedazzled diapers??? 

Holy crap. This has to be one of her worst outfits ever. Does she have a stylist? Friends? A mirror?

Anyway, the final four are on stage with Mario waiting to hear their fate. We’ starting with Blueprint Cru and Hype 5-0. Pleasepleasepleaseplease let Hype 5-0 be in the bottom this week.

Bleh. 

I don’t understand who is voting for this crew. It’s not so much that they’re terrible; they’re just boring as hell. I don’t get it. 

Not that Blueprint Cru ending up in the bottom again is any surprise, I mean, we’ve gone over the WHY, I just wish something would kick in for these guys. They are so much better than the top vote getting crews are this year.

Alright, back to Don’t Believe the Hype 5-0. Have you heard this week is magic week? Each crew is going to be given an illusion that they must incorporate into their routine. On hand to help them out is the same dude that helped the season three dancers.

I am Schmendrick, the magician! 

Don’t Believe the Hype 5-0 has been assigned the illusion of making an object come alive. I’m hoping immediately for some sort of Sorcerer’s Apprentice type of illusion. They play around with a few ideas that FAIL until Schmendrick comes in to save the day with his magic cane. 

Meh. They just don’t do it for me. Again, they’re not terrible dancers, they’re just not exciting to watch. At all. And for me, in this challenge, they got way too caught up with the sticks. There was too much standing around and not enough actual dancing for me in this routine. I wish they had been in the bottom because I am really ready to see them go.

Lil Mama thinks this was good, but before she talks about them, she wants to talk about the opening number. She thinks it’s great that all four crews were able to put together such a great routine in a week along with doing their magic challenge. She knows how difficult it was because she was there.

I made poo poo. 

Omoron feels like they keep doing the same choreography over and over and over again. He thinks they did well with their challenge, but now it’s like this is the end, it’s like all or nothing. He says it’s a dancer’s dream to use props and illusions.

It is my dream that his being on the judges’ panel has been a season-long illusion. 

JC points out that this is the pentultimate moment. This is the moment that could propel them into the finals. If it were any good. He says he can see them thinking about every little thing. Yeah, that’s never good. 

He says there wasn’t a lot of choreography; there was a lot of running to places. He reminds them that this is the moment right before the end, and if we’re not seeing them dance, we’re kind of missing out.

So sayeth the oracle. 

We’re now going over to Poreotix and Jungle Boogie; one will make it through to next week, the other will be in the bottom two with Blueprint Cru. As much as I’m hoping for a major upset here, I think it’s fairly obvious that Poreotix is going to be safe.

BARF 

For their illusion, they must move an object with their mind. I know! They can all concentrate really really hard and fix that one guy’s terrible teeth!! If they did that? I would actually think about voting for them. 

Alright, alright, you got me. I’m lying. So what? Schmendrick comes into their rehearsal, bringing with him a magical chair. He then uses his mind to throw it against the wall, breaking it into pieces so they can’t use it.

Hahahaha, Schmendrick totally hates Poreotix too, you guys. 

Mario wonders if they can get their heads into the game and move an object with their minds. OY.

This illusion is totally the magic ball but using a hollow cube instead.  Ugh. We’ve seen this done already, and better. The only part of this that I liked was the end.

JC liked the end as well. He thinks they accomplished their task really well, and the choreography was there, although he doesn’t know if it’s the best choreography they’ve ever done. He gets booed.

And then he says to the audience, “Do you guys really think that’s the best choreography they’ve ever done?”  ***Crickets.*** LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! I love it! He calls them out and they shut right up. Go JC!!

He tells Poreotix he’s not saying it was bad, but again, we’re about to go into the finals. “If you’re not going to do it now, when are you going to do it?” 

Lil Mama likes when they gave a shout out to the West coast, saying that the West coast has a strong support system, huh? Then she calls them sexy, technically sexy. She agrees with JC their dancing wasn’t so difficult, yet entertaining.

What part of I made a doodie is so hard to understand? 

Omoron agrees that the difficulty wasn’t there, but he thinks that tonight they came out with energy and looked like they were excited. Well, when you put it that way…….

You’re an idiot. 

Layla’s backstage with the bottom two, and she’s as ready as ever to ask them the questions we all want answered. Jungle Boogie, how will you save yourselves tonight?

We’re hoping the judges realize that America won’t vote for Blueprint Cru and we’re the only hope to beat Poreotix.  

Blueprint Cru, the judges love you but America doesn’t. How can you get America to start voting for you?

Parents, please lock up your tweens. It’s the only chance we have. 

Let’s get to their dancing, shall we? The coin flip has determined that Blueprint Cru will be first to throw down. They’ve been assigned the illusion of one of their crew’s members becoming lighter than air. Ah, so it’s the old light as a feather, stiff as a board challenge.

I love this crew. This routine was a lot of fun and a little freaky at the same time. They handled their illusion well, and honestly, I love that they made it a super stylized performance. It really is a shame that more people don’t vote for them because from a pure dance perspective, they are the strongest crew left.

Omoron wants to commend them for a great season. With this performance he felt like he was watching a play in Vegas or something.

Can you say Cirque de Blueprint? 

JC thinks the intro took too long to unfold. Once it got going, it was a great number. Here’s his perspective: if you like execution, if you like lines, if you like diversity in style with classical styles, with b-boy styles, with straight choreo styles, you have to love this group. He can’t understand why they’re in the bottom this week.

Me either, JC, me either. 

Lil Mama thinks they did a great job, and she disagrees with JC about the opening segment. She thinks they took it to the next level. She says they’ve given their all since the beginning of the competition.

Mama want baba. 

Last, but not least is Jungle Boogie, and they have to pass their body through a solid surface. They immediately know that they want to try to use the fact that they have identical twins in their crew to the fullest effect. 

I am so sad that this crew is in the bottom; I had really hoped to see them in the final two. I thought this was a fun routine. It wasn’t the best we’ve seen from them, but I thought they did a good job here. Honestly, I felt like the top two and bottom two should have been swapped.

Omoron says they’ve been like, one of his most, like favorite crews. 

Like totally, fer shure. 

He tells them whatever happens tonight, this is not the end of their road. He felt like the opening was a little slow, and it felt like they were prepping for a trick. But after they got the illusion out of the way, they were back to themselves.

JC actually thought the opening was playful. He thought they had really, really great execution on their illusion. He says they danced their tails off tonight, and tore the stage up. He doesn’t know if these two crews should be in the bottom. He doesn’t know who should be…..

Don’t lie. Yes you do. 

But these two crews, on top of having great guy dancers, have phenomenal female dancers as well.

Lil Mama thinks they are off the hook. She tells them that they brought the highest energy to the stage tonight. She was confused, wondering if everybody has a twin.

Thankfully she doesn’t. 

And now the judges must make their decision. And for perhaps the first time ever, I really don’t know who I want to go because I really like both of these crews. Part of me really wants Jungle Boogie to stay because I think they have the best chance of beating Poreotix in a final two. But I really love what Blueprint Cru does and think that it sucks that they’re just not getting the votes.

So who will it be?

Mario asks Raqi if they have any final words.

“Jungle Boogie loves you so, so, so, so much.” 

We love you too, Raqi. We love you too. And now, their banner must fall.

 

 

And so for our final three we’re left with Blueprint Cru, Poreotix and Hype 5-0. We all know there’s no way Blueprint is winning the viewer vote, and frankly, whichever way the vote goes between the other two, I won’t be happy. This season really sucks my ass.

What did you think, Gasmi? Do you think the right two crews were in the bottom? Are you as sad as I am to see Jungle Boogie go? Is there any way we can avoid a Poreotix win??

Next week we’ll cut the three down to two, and then the top two crews will give their ultimate performance. I’m so fucking depressed right now. 

SWAK, PottyMouth