America’s Best Dance Crew: Blueprint For Success?

The end is almost here, Gasmi. Next week this season’s winner of America’s Best Dance Crew will be crowned. But first! We’ve got to pare the competition down from three to two. Who will stay and who will be sent on out the door?

Please let it be him. 

We start out as we always do; the crews are on stage with Mario waiting to hear which of them was voted into the final two by the audience.

I think we all know who it’s gonna be. 

 

Hold on a minute. You don’t know everything. 

Oh, please. We all know that Poreotix is going right into the finals. Du-uh.

Holyfuckingshit!!!! No way did this just happen!!! 

Okay. Let me catch my breath here. Wow. Now. I know some of you are going to say that this had to have been a producer fix. Honestly? I could give a rat’s ass if it was. I am so fucking happy to see this crew move into the finale. 

Can I get a whoop whoop?

It’s time for what Mario tells us is the toughest task of the season. Making Omoron interesting?

Nooooooooo 

It’s the hip hop nation challenge. Whatev. Mine’s tougher. The three final crews must prove that they’ve got the skills to rep for the entire country by incorporating three regional styles into their routine. From the South we’ve got the New Orleans Bounce, the East brings up Baltimore House, and the West is reped with Turfin’. I have no idea what the last two are. But I know what the N.O. Bounce is thanks to SYTYCD and Skip.

Thanks Skip! 

Luckily the crews are all getting a DVD demonstrating each style. Blueprint Cru tells us it’s so hard for them because they don’t have these styles in Canada.

So unfair to exclude the Mountie Muskrat. 

The style that seems to be giving them the biggest problem in rehearsals is turfin’. Yeah, that’s not too surprising; it seems like that one would be the more challenging style of the three to pick up. 

This wasn’t their strongest performance ever, but they did a good job with it. I have to admit, I was expecting more from them on this one. I mean, my assumption was that they’d be in the bottom two, battling for the last spot in the final round. I didn’t see that fight for it. But maybe they’re saving that for later since they’ve gone straight through. I dunno. Something was missing for me on this. Still love them though.

Omoron’s up first to critique them. He imagines that the challenge was difficult for them because their style is more structured. He thinks they handled the challenge pretty well, and he thought they got a little grimy with it. Congrats on making it to the final three.

Actually, dummy, they’ve made it to the finals. Remember? 

JC says it looks like they’ve finally won America’s hearts. Mmmm hmm. Looks like.

He gives Nick props for his awesome babies, but he tells them he wasn’t too crazy about their Baltimore House section; he’s not sure if they have enough junk in their trunks for that one. He did really like the hand weaving section that they did, and I agree, it was tight. 

He says he doesn’t know if this was their best routine (it wasn’t), but they’ve got one more. One more to win us all over. “You’ve got to go all in.” Fo sho.

Lil Mama is up next. She tells them she thinks they got taken out of their element and it was SO FUNNY watching them. 

Now you know how the viewers feel watching you every week. 

She doesn’t think they succeeded in trying to be gangsta, and they definitely didn’t pop their booties enough. It was cute. It was so humorous because they worked so hard. She says it doesn’t matter what gets thrown at them, they always take it and embrace it. But it was so funny, they had her rolling.

One more thing. It was SO FUNNY. 

Up next is Poreotix. They tell us they are going to have a problem with the New Orleans bounce due to ABD. Asian Booty Disease. If Lil Mama thought the Canadians needed more junk in the trunk watch out! These guys tell us they have NO booties. Huh. Well that explains why they’re so full of shit!

I keed, I keed. Jet Li tells us that they are not used to having to move their shoulders or gyrate while dancing; they’re used to staying in an isolated zone. As they all moan about how tired they are, he wonders how they’re going to do on stage.

You know what? These guys are not my favorites, but they did really well here. I like them more when they get rid of the twelve year old humor and just dance. Are they fabulous dancers? No. But they know how to sell a performance, and they did dance well in this routine. 

JC says there were a lot of things going on in that routine because they were given three different styles. He talks about the fact that they held up cards for each style section, saying that could have really hurt them since they were pointing out the style to the judges. He thinks they handled their business today.

 

Now if only someone would handle mine.

He knew they’d be able to handle the turfin’, and they absolutely did. He also liked the Asian Booty Disease. I am not taking that bait, JC. The only thing he will say about the performance is that Jet Li got a little lost during the Baltimore House section.

 

Oh no he di-int! 

JC tells him it was a good routine, we just can’t see those mistakes. And the theme of the night is if you get another chance, you better bring it.

 

What he said! 

Do we even have to go over what the other two said? Ugh. Fine! Omoron tells then he’s been waiting for this the whole damn season. 

 

Sparkles! 

This is why this is ABDC. He thinks even the people at home will be feeling the energy from this performance. Keep on doing what you’re doing.

If Lil Mama had to name this performance they did tonight, it would be a smoov criminal performance. Why you ask? Lil Mama will tell you.  ”Y’all brought Poreo today; y’all brought Poreotix. Y’all brought your slo mo effects that you brought from the beginning. You brought your afleticism, and throughout the whole performance y’all just kept this speed that was dangerous.”

 

Letting her speak is dangerous to my mental health. 

Now it’s time for Don’t Believe The Hype 5-0 to try to dazzle the judges. But first, a sob story! Allen’s inspiration for dancing has always been his brother. His dead brother. He says if his brother was here, he would be very proud of him. And that concludes the sob story portion of the show.

On to rehearsal. They tell us this week it’s really important to step up their game. Ya think? Allen talks about how fast the footwork is in the Baltimore House; he thinks it’s going to be challenging for all of them to make the moves look right. 

One of the guys tells us he thinks that they’ve been trying too hard to please the judges, and it’s been watering them down. This time they’re just going to bring Hype 5-0.

This is probably the best performance these guys have done. I’m still not crazy about them; I think they’re really sloppy a lot of the time, but there is no denying that they came to battle with that performance. I loved the disses to the other teams; that’s just the sort of shit that Shane would have gone apeshit over were he still here. 

Lil Mama says they definitely made it clear that this is a battle. Definitely. She says they went hard, filled up their time and made every second count. “Being from Hollalulu ain’t about nuttin when it comes to trying to put it down cause it’s a island and all that.” What???? What the fuck is she even talking about?!?

 

All hail the Queen of Holla Lulu! 

Omoron says that a lot of people may feel a little weird about their performance, but he knows exactly what it was. It’s like a self check. He loved the disses. “Understand something Hype 5-0, greatness? You’re always gonna have people that don’t like you. That’s what greatness is.”

 

Ahhhhh, NOW I understand WHY he thinks he’s so great. Uh, Omoron? Sometimes when people don’t like you? It’s a cause you actually SUCK ASS. 

JC says he was actually pleasantly surprised to see Hype 5-0 tonight. He feels like they got back to being themselves, especially at the beginning of the routine. As always, I completely agree.

He thinks they brought passion to the stage, and a great battle attitude. He loved the opening and the energy they brought to the stage. 

And no the judges must decide which crew will face off against Blueprint Cru for the final performances.

Hilariously, Hype 5-0 is mimicking the stupid hand moves that Poreotix has been doing all season to what I call Mario’s Drama Theme.  Hee! That’s cracking me up! 

And the crew………moving on is…………………………….

Yeah, no surprise there, right? It cracks me up that Mario says they’ll be lighting up the stage on the live season finale, because ALL the crews will be back for the finale. Silly Mario.

Mario tells them that they brought a lot of passion to the stage every week and they should be proud of themselves. Any final thoughts?

 

“No, I’m not crying. I just have a little poi in my eye. Srsly.” 

He says they did what they came here to do, so I guess they were going for third place all along. Oh, wait. They came here to put Hawaii on the map, and show people if you believe in yourself, your dreams (of third place) will come true.

I believe in myself; does that mean my dream of an Omoron-less ABDC will come true?? Yipee!

 

Aloha. 

We are down to the final two: Blueprint Cru and Poreotix. Time for the Last Chance Challenge!! Mario tells us everything comes down to this. Each crew was given total freedom to create one final routine and prove to America, once and for all, why THEY should be champion.

The musical helper this year is Swizz Beatz who tells us he has been a fan of the show for a long time.

 

And a fan of wearing sunglasses indoors for even longer. 

Blueprint Cru is up first, and in their meeting with Swizz Beatz, TL tells him they want to start off in a really powerful and then go into some intricate beats that they can do quick movements to. 

 

Hold up a sec. I’m having the darndest time seeing this computer screen! 

They love the music he puts together for them. TL tells us that coming from Canada, they never thought they could make it on this show. Everyone in the crew wants it so bad. Mario tells us that their performance is called “Come To Life.”

 

Ooooooooo! Looks like someone’s been watching Xanadu! 

 

We’re going right from their performance into Poreotix’s intro package. They found it kind of intimidating to meet with Swizz Beatz because he works with so many great artists. They want their music to have a video game feeling to it. 

One of the guys tells us that his parents dismiss his dancing as just a hobby, but it’s his dream along with the rest of the crew. They didn’t expect to get this far. The final routine is going to give them the opportunity to show us all what Poreotix is. 

We don’t get any commentary from the judges regarding these last two performances. Personally, I wish they’d give them more time for the final challenge. It felt like I blinked and the routines were over. 

I think both crews did well here. I mean, y’all know I love me some Blueprint Cru, right? I thought they had some good stuff in there, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was really hoping for GagMe levels of awesome from them. 

Poreotix delivered a fun routine. I loved the hand tutting and the video game vibe of their performance, but again, I wasn’t blown away by anything that they did. For both of these crews, there was no WOW factor.

What did you think, Gasmi? Am I being too hard on them? Not hard enough? Who are hoping will win?

Next week all the crews will be back to perform, and we’ll find out the winner. Also? A special guest appearance by Randy. How exciting!!!! See you there!

SWAK, PottyMouth