America’s Best Dance Crew: Boogie Down + Bollywood = DA BOMB!!!

Before I start talking about this week’s show I’m gonna first apologize for this week’s recap being later than usual. What can I say? Getting back to real life after a vacation is a bitch y’all. 

I tried chaining myself to the boat, but sadly, it didn’t work. Damn security guards!! 

Anyhoodle, this week’s challenge is Bollywood. I have to admit, I’m a little scared about this one after the way they butchered the martial arts challenge. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Afroborks or Beat Ya Asses get their asses kicked out the door tonight.

Our show this week starts out the way they all do. Mario is on stage with all the crews waiting patiently to see who among them is safe and which two will land in the bottom. 

Nice boobies Blondie. 

America. Has voted. And the first saved crew is………Massive Monkeys!! Yes, I was a little disappointed in them last week, but hopefully they’ll get back into my good graces tonight. 

Before we go any further, Mario is going to explain to us what tonight is all about. In a word, Bollywood. Mario tells us that Bollywood dance is heating up all over the globe (no doubt due to So You Think You Can Dance bringing it to the attention of the world), but here at ABDC it’s going to be taken to a whole new level. 

Each crew has been assigned a classic Bollywood style that they must incorporate into their routine creating a fusion that has never been seen before (and in some cases, hopefully never will again). You know, given some creativity, this could be a really interesting challenge.

Never Mind. 

Of course, no use of Bollywood would be complete without a mention of Slumdog Millionaire. What ever did people use to define Bollywood before 2008? They’ve brought in a professional Bollywood dance troupe to teach each crew an Indian dance style. 

The style Massive Monkeys have been assigned is Bhangra. Brysen tells us he’s only ever seen the Bollywood style in movies. Someone hasn’t been watching SYTYCD!

Don’t roll your eyes at me! 

So I’m going to be looking these style up on Wikipedia since I have no clue whatsoever about Bollywood. Holy Crap, there’s a lot to read on that page. It seems to be a style of folk dancing developed from a lot of different styles of the Punjab region. Typically it contains many energetic stunts. That part seems to mesh with what the Massive Monkeys do.

I really liked this. I could see the steps that the Bollywood troupe taught them incorporated into the routine, and I thought it was a nice blend between those steps and their b-boy style. The “suck my dick” hand tutting segment cracked me up. So typical Bollywood.

JC is up first. He loved how many times they changed formations. They were constantly moving and working the floor instead of just walking into place. He appreciates that. He likes that they took the judges’ criticism personal(ly), especially when they grabbed their nuts.

What can I say? I love nuts. 

Shane thinks this is one the of the best performances they’ve done in a while (Shane? It’s only week four. Please provide your definition of a while. Thanks.). He says they did so many different things in this choreography that were so sick.

Exhibit A 

Shane says that’s the kind of stuff that they need to keep doing to take it to another level so we can all love them again. Represent. Lil Mama thinks they’re soooooo dope. 

 

I think she’s A Dope. 

She says it was very energetic; they kept an energetic bounce from beginning to end. She enjoyed their performance.

Before letting us know who the next safe crew will be, Mario gives a shout out to Nakul Dev Mahajan. Those of you that watch SYTYCD will recognize him from there.

 

Is he the only Bollywood choreographer in Hollywood, or what? 

Mario wants to talk about We Are Heroes and Vogue Evolution. One of them will be safe; one will be in the bottom two and at risk for elimination. The crew. That will definitely be back to dance another day is……..Vogue Evolution. WHAT??? I totally disagree with you America.

Mario tells us that on stage, Vogue Evolution operates as a tightly knit unit, but last week there was major off stage drama. Wanna know more? Well. Apparently, after missing several rehearsals last week, Leiomy then walked out of dress rehearsal. Jorel tells us it really hurted him. 

Leiomy tells us that in her heart she really wants to be here, but in a way she’s not happy. She misses being home. But because she has fans and is the face of transgenders, she is motivated to stay.

Or go. 

I think it’s a load of crap that she walked out on her team both during regular rehearsals and dress rehearsal. It’s not professional, and I’d be super pissed if I was them.

Their Bollywood style is Rajasthani. This is also a folk style of dance usually involving brightly colored veils and skirts, twirling, and swaying hips. 

Yet again, I don’t like them. They’re actually not as sloppy as they usually are, but it’s still enough to irritate me. Or maybe the whole diva thing turned me off this week, I don’t really know. What I do know is that I’m not a fan, and I’m ready for them to go.

Lil Mama starts out by saying she lives for Vogue Evolution. She thinks their performance was good, but not excellent. Has it ever been excellent? She goes into a slo-mo of the stunt where Leiomy runs up the guys back and does a flip, but Lil Mama thinks that it went too fast, next time she she hold it, bang, so people can get it, and then move on.

Lil Mama thinks Leiomy’s behavior is unacceptable. 

I will cut a bitch. 

Lil Mama tells her she always has to remember her troof. “You were born a man, and you are becoming a woman. If you’re going to become a woman, act like a lady. Don’t be a bird.” She completely lost me at don’t be a bird.

I know! What the hell?? 

How long do you think it took before someone from GLAAD was on the phone about that one? I’m guessing about 2.4 seconds. What I would like to know is what does her diva behavior have to do with her being born a man? I know plenty of divas born with vaginas that need to be called out on their behavior too. We had a challenge for one not too long ago.

JC thought it was a good performance. He goes back to the stunt Lil Mama talked about, pointing out that Leiomy stepped on someone’s back with high heels on. He would have screamed bloody murder. He says regardless of what happened a half hour ago, they performed like professionals. 

Shane doesn’t give a rat’s ass about what goes on backstage. At the end of the day he thinks the only thing that matters is what they do on the stage, and he liked their performance tonight. He even calls the part with the scarves sexy!

You’ve come a long way, baby! 

Time to find out the next saved crew. And it is…..Rhythm City!!! Hell YES! Woo! So now it’s between Afroborks and Beat Ya Asses. I wish they were both in the bottom, but if it can be only one of them, I’d prefer it to be Beat Ya Asses. AND IT IS!!!!!!!! Oh yeah! No need to even do the dance off – kick their asses out now. Please?

It doesn’t seem that that’s going to happen, so we’ll just have to wait and hope. In the meantime, we have Rhythm City’s performance to enjoy. They’ve been given the dance style of Bharata Natyum, the national dance of India, or so I’ve read. The movements in this style are very precise and sharp. 

We now break for a segment called “Dominque and Alonzo are Dating”. So? Why would I even care about this? 

 Feel the passion 

The only way I would even remotely give a crap about this would maybe be if there were some sort of drama caused by it. I take that back. I could give a crap if they’re all having orgies back in the Boogie Down; I just want to see some good dancing. That’s all.

 

I LOVED THIS DANCE! This group is so together, does such great choreography, plus can do tricks – they really have it all. I love love love loved this dance. I really want them to win this season. Have I told you I loved this number? Well, I did.

Shane loves this group because they be killing the ography. He goes to a slo-mo of the over/under, which I loved. He likes that not only do they bring choreography, they’re doing tricks and being very acrobatic. It was beautiful.

Lil Mama thinks this performance was the best combination of their style with their challenge. She appreciates how committed they were to the challenge. JC thought it was a good performance and he liked that the choreography started right off the top. Wha??

He also likes that they did it respectfully, by taking their shoes off. He thinks it’s wonderful to see them pay respect to a culture, because “That’s what we’re doing, we sharing cultures with each other when we’re dancing, we’re communicating with each other, and I thought you did a wonderful job at communicating an art form to the people at home.”

“I would like to communicate to the people at home that my dick is this big. Timberlake’s is not.” 

Poor Afroborks; they have to follow the best performance of the evening so far. Oh wait. I don’t like them. Fuck them, then. 

They weren’t thrilled about Shane’s critique of their performance last week. Blondie thinks he didn’t understand what they were trying to bring. He thinks Shane should take a flight to Brazil and he will see. I think Blondie’s a dumbass for talking smack about Shane.

Their assigned style is Kathak. This is a classical Indian dance style, originating in the North. It uses a lot of fast turns and stomping footwork with the dancers wearing the bell cuffs on their ankles. 

Eh. I’m not a fan. I think they’re sloppy, and not very imaginative. They bore me. It also really bugged me that the sound of the bells was dubbed into the music. I realize you probably wouldn’t have been able to hear them if it wasn’t, but it still annoyed me. He believes they put their hearts on the stage every time. Too bad they haven’t any talent to leave as well. Oooooh! Was that too harsh? I don’t care.

Lil Mama feels like this was their best performance since they’ve been on the show. I feel like that’s not saying much. She thinks they managed to stay clean, entertaining and very athletic. I wish she could manage to speak English.

JC thought it was a good performance. But here’s the thing. He calls Veronica out on the fact that she said this week they were going to put it all out there. JC tells her, “Winners? Put it all out there every week.” Word.

I sort of hate when I agree with him 

He points out that their kicks were not in sync, but says he loves that their lifts are so artistic, so creative, and so beautiful. He appreciated it.

Shane says if he has to bash them to get them to dance like that, he’s going to do it every week. He thinks they’re so talented, but if they give a weak performance, he’s gotta let them know. “And you’re not in Brazil, you’re in L.A., you know what I mean?” Represent here.

This is it. We’re down to the last two crews. Who will emerge victorious? I hope to hell it’s NOT Beat Ya Asses. We Are Heroes is up first.

The Bollywood dance style they’ve been given is Giddha. This is another folk dance from the Punjab region, but performed by women only. Clapping is very important part of this style, as is dancing in a circle. 

They’re concerned about how to incorporate this style with their popping, but even worse, one of their crew is injured. Mami tore a ligament in her back and is hurting pretty bad. Mario wants to know if she can power through and get the judges clapping. Crossing my fingers and toes that she can.

I thought they did a really good job on this. I loved the isos they did with their hands, and the slot machine part was inventive and fun. The only part I didn’t really like was the whole bra thing. WTF?? I didn’t get it. 

We’ve got no time to ponder the meaning of the bra toss; it’s time for Beat Ya Asses to take to the stage. But first, a trip down memory lane. Remember last week when Shane told them to stop biting off other people on You Tube? Well, Porche’s pissed y’all. 

She don’t give a damn about no goddamned You Tube. She don’t steal, she don’t bite, she don’t do none of that shit.

Tell that to my dick, bitch. 

Their Bollywood style is Garba, which is similar to a Western folk dance style. Many traditional Garbas are performed around a lamp with people dancing around it at the center, bending sideways with sweeping arm gestures, and each movement ending in a clap.

Dante tells us that Beat Ya Asses and Garba are two different things; Beat Ya Asses sucks, and Garba is pretty and relaxed. Porche tells us it’s very important to make it to the end of this show. She has a daughter people! She wants to make sure she has a better life. Excuse me while I go dry my tears.

Yeah. I don’t like them. That’s not a surprise, is it? So this week, instead of biting off You Tube, they’ve decided to crib some moves from Massive Monkeys, using the human jump rope move that they used in the first show. Although, in all fairness, they may have gotten that move from You Tube after all – I think I’ve seen it before. 

Also? They’re wearing “Download This” shirts; as if anything they’ve ever done is worth the time it might take to download it. Puh-lease. Mario brings We Are Heroes back to the stage so that we can get the judges’ impressions of both groups. Lil Mama, what did you think of We Are Heroes? 

She doesn’t care how much English Hiro knows. And then she does a lame ass accent that I think is supposed to be Japanese, but honestly, sounds more Hispanic to me. Either way…..

Shut the fuck up 

She thinks they tore it up. You hear her? Y’all rocked. Of course we get a slo-mo. This one is of the slot machine, which was a pretty cool idea. “From beginning to end, it had everybody in here wanting to stand up.” She then says she’s speechless, but we all know that’s not true since she just spent the last three or four minutes TALKING.

What did Shane think about Beat Ya Asses? His thing is this. If you’re going to do something, take it to the next level. He thinks their anger was their fuel to give the performance they just gave. He can’t give them props if it’s not good to him. He points out some parts he liked, but I think they suck so I ignore him.

Don’t be mad, Boo. I still love you. 

“I don’t want y’all to be mad when I critique y’all. I just want y’all to take y’all stuff to another level. That’s all I’m trying to do to y’all. Because I’m in this dance game just like y’all, and I know what it takes.”

And it ain’t y’all, y’all. 

JC gets to talk about both crews. First he’s going to talk about We Are Heroes. He thought they had some great moments. He loved how they incorporated the task. Apparently, he liked liked the bra part, calling it sexy. But then Lil Mama puts one of the bras on his shoulders, and I really thought he was going to throw up.

Get it off of me. 

What he wants to say to Beat Ya Asses is that he knows where they come from, he’s been to those streets (while riding in his limo), and he knows what it’s about. He loves the fact that they are fighting every day. He thinks it’s special to watch somebody who puts it all on the line. He thought it was a good performance.

He loves the fact that both of these groups are taking it very personal; Porche is fighting for her daughter, Hiro for her gramma. He loves that they’re doing it for the people that they love. Wonderful job.

Time for the judges to put their heads together and decide which crew will climb another notch closer to victory, and which crew will drop out of sight.

The crew. That will return. And still has a shot at becoming America’s Best Dance Crew is…..sloooooooow pan over each and everyone’s face…….We Are Heroes!!! THANK YOU!!

Mario tells Beat Ya Asses that everyone enjoyed seeing them dance. That. Is a Liiiiiiiie. Porche wants to say thanks for letting them be a part of the show and letting everyone see what DC is all about. And then the mic gets grabbed from her.

“DC represented all day man!” 

What exactly did you represent? Crappy ass dancing? He says they never thought they’d make it this far (neither did we, dude, neither did we). Now it’s time for them to leave, and as they do their banner must fall.

Oh Happy Day, O Happy Da-ay. When the Judges Washed, When Those Judges Washed, Washed Beat Ya Asses Away…… 

♫♪ BYE! ♪♫ 

Next week, dance crazes! And something called the Stanky Leg. Do I even want to know??

What did you think of this week’s show, Gasmi? I have to admit, it was better than I thought it would be. I’m still loving Rhythm City, and I really like Massive Monkeys and We Are Heroes. I have to say, my call for the win at this point is Rhythm City, but who knows what will happen? What did you think? Were you happy Beat Ya Asses were finally booted? Who do you wanna to see go next? And who knows what the hell the stanky leg is???

See ya in a couple of days!

SWAK, PottyMouth

 

P.S. Don’t forget – So You Think You Can Dance auditions start this coming Wednesday! I hope y’all plan on joining me over there! I appreciate it!