America’s Got Talent: It’s The Moment We’ve All Been Waiting For

The producers try to make us forget the Carey-Cannon LoveFest of 09 with Penn and Teller and LMFAO. I begrudgingly give it a chance.The recap of this week’s Result Show is late, and I must apologize. I’m still figuring out the best way to handle recapping three hours of AGT weekly. Tonight, to avoid barraging you with repetitive material and things we’ve already seen (sound familiar?), I present an abridged summary of Week 2′s results:

After the O/H Alliance and Nick berate Piers for having the nerve to judge last night, Nick’s awkwardly introduces the acts like always. Seriously, I don’t know exactly what makes his reading of their names so weird, but he just says them all in the most unnatural way ever. The first match-up of the night is The Fab Five vs. the Beale st. Flippers, and unless America surprised me with a sudden hatred of family-friendly Mormons I’m going to be picking up at least one correct prediction tonight.

Sure enough, the Fab Five are on to the Semi-Finals and the Beale St. Flippers have to go give their souls to Simon Cowell for blowing their second chance. The sweet music of results then blend into the bitter sounds of filler, provided tonight by LMFAO. I guess I can’t really hate on them, because 1.) their music is on my list of guilty-pleasure favorites (when I’m drunk) and 2.) they are not Mariah Carey. So even despite my nagging sobriety (one month til college starts again!), this is filler that I can get behind.

And how could we possibly forget the Orville Closet? We of course get our customary shots of the acts awkwardly socializing and eating popcorn in a poorly decorated backroom. This isn’t important or recap-worthy at all, but I’m not going to hide the blatant product placement for them. I report, you decide, TVgasm readers.

The next match-up is Voices of Glory v. Carol v. Eleisha. I’m stoked at this point because we all know that going up against VOG is basically a death sentence so, bye bye Eleisha, but I also thought that Carol’s likability would carry her at least one more round. But sure enough, Carol is eliminated first, and, after like thirty AMAZING seconds of Eleisha freaking out, she finally gets the boot, too. This, TVgasm readers, is a great day. VOG continues the slow march to victory.

Third match-up is Fake Obama against the Texas Tenors, neither of whom really deserve a spot, in my opinion. But, in an upset to my predictions, the spot goes to the Texas Tenors and we are saddled with Fake Obama no more. I guess I should have predicted that guys from Texas would beat out Obama on a show with American flag graphics behind the logo.

There’s another filler break for Penn and Teller, who again I don’t entirely hate. I’ve ALMOST forgotten Mariah, AGT. Vote Alizma through, and then we’ll talk. Penn and Teller do a really entertaining act where they cut a woman in half, then explain how they did it, then “accidentally” massacre her in a really graphic way. It sounds lame, but it was actually the most entertaining thing that happened this week.

Up fourth is SQ Entertainment, Alizma, and Paradizo Dance. I want to get more Alizma ridiculousness really badly, but we have to know that Paradizo Dance will take it. Sure enough, Alizma is the first one going home, and they’re shortly followed by SQ Entertainment. So Paradizo Dance moving onward it is.

Well, this leaves Charles and the dog-guy Tony as the 4th and 5th place contestants. Really? I’m very surprised these guys even made single-digit rankings. I guess having a dog/seducing the camera really paid off. Apparently the producers don’t want to do it all in the last twenty seconds tonight, so we actually have significant time left.

Sharon declines to vote first and passes to David, who votes for Tony and Rory. Piers votes for Charles, so Sharon’s little manuever backfired. She now has to make the call and, in what Piers calls “the biggest scandal in the history of America’s Got Talent,” votes for Tony and Rory. “As my grandson would say, I’m so happy!” exclaims Tony.

Wow. That was the first one I did not correctly predict. A little blatant O/H Alliance work going on, TVgasm readers. And is Piers PISSED.

So those are the Week 2 reults. I’m 3/5 this week, so I’m steadily getting worse. Any strong feelings about tonight? And what about that Tony upset? Wild Cards: we get four more, so Kelly, Ciana, guitar boy and…?