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This week on America’s Next Top Model, I’m sad to report that no one drowns during an underwater photo shoot.
“Oh, so THAT’S the difference between the labia majora and the labia minora! Thanks, Marisa Miller!”
After listening to VampirErin whine about being in the bottom two for the second time, and Sundai not seeing the irony in telling us that VE should have gone home a long time ago, we find ourselves back at the house with the final five. BEN is starting to get confident but wants to continue to surprise the judges. That’s fine and all, but don’t surprise them by sucking ass, sweetie, okay? Also worth noting is that the editors are starting to show us that WonkEye is a bit insane, as she demonically laughs in the confessional over nothing twice within a single minute. Then again, this much close contact with Tyra Banks would make me lose my shit by now, too.
It’s quiet time at the house, so we get to listen to Sundai talk about being in foster care and being adopted. Okay, random back stories are my #1 reality show elimination red flag. I’m calling a Sundai elimination right now. She promises to tell the girls the rest of her sad story — oh pretty please, can’t you complain more right now about your difficult life?! — but only if she makes the final four. Phew, at least we’re going to dodge that bullet. Sundai then tells us that if she’s eliminated her life will pretty much end, for modeling is her ONLY hope of being successful. There’s a great message for young girls. However, if she’s stupid enough to say that, she may be stupid enough that it’s true.
She’s lucky BEN didn’t have a heart attack over this flagrant display of immaturity. Are you really sucking your thumb? REALLY?
The next morning, Laura celebrates her 20th birthday with eggs and spam, which grosses me out immensely. Why is she eating that? It must be because she likes it, right? Gross! She lives on a farm, for chrissakes. Shouldn’t she be able to get plenty of non-canned, square-shaped meat? Okay, I need to stop thinking about spam, because I can feel the bile rising up. It’s almost as bad as when Tyra’s on screen.
The girls arrive at their lesson, which is on a deserted fish-stinky beach (thank you, VE, for your constant positivity). Victoria’s Secret model Marisa Miller shows up, and seems to think that she’s SUPER cool. Granted, if I were that hot, I’d probably be a heinous twat, too. I’m pretty awful as it is, and I’m fat and pasty. MM then announces that she’s only 5’8″, and the taller girls cheer while 5’3″ Sundai amusingly just stands there and looks resentful. Sorry, Sundai, but I don’t think anyone’s going to trot out a 5’2″ girl to make you feel better any time soon. That is, unless you want to see your competition for those Gap Kids ads Tyra was talking about last week.
As for the lesson, MM will be showing them how to do bikini shoots without looking like they are in a men’s magazine. I like it when they do this challenge, because some of the girls are soooo automatically slutty that it cracks me up. In fact, a girl from the first cycle that I went to high school with got kicked off for that very reason. So amusing. She’s really bucked that label though with her starring roles in the movie “Stripper Academy” and the TV show “Fake or Real.” And no, I’m not making those up. They should really do a “Top Models in Action” segment on her next cycle.
MM orders the girls to get wet and sandy, for they will be posing in a beach shower, rinsing off the sand. As they roll around in the sand, poor Laura tells us that she might as well be scraping at her sunburn with knives, but she doesn’t utter a single word of complaint to MM or the other girls. That, my friends, is called class. The girls take turns posing in the shower while MM offers advice such as “don’t fondle your boobs” (Laura) and “don’t leave your mouth hanging open like you’re waiting for a penis to suck on” (WonkEye). VE seems to impress MM a lot when she demonstrates that she’s no stranger to getting on her knees, but Sundai struggles the most when she confuses herself with a water-spitting fish on a fountain at the zoo. Not to mention that she looks creepily like a little kid trying to act like a sexy growup.
If you find this sexy, please leave your name and address in the comments so I can add you to the national sex offender registry.
Afterwards, MM leads the girls on a little hike, where they find Nigel — sadly, fully dressed — waiting to announce that they will be cliff diving as part of their photo challenge. WonkEye in particular does not react well to this news, but Laura shows her southern gumption by volunteering to go first. Basically, each girl will jump off a small cliff and pose in mid-air. They only get one jump and the girl with the best picture wins. Laura seems to do fine, and VE volunteers to go next, telling us that she will jump off of anything we tell her to jump off of. I’m sure several 60+-story buildings came to a lot of our minds. VE, BEN, WonkEye and Sundai all seem to struggle a bit, but how the hell are they expected to do this well when they only get one jump? This really is a stupid challenge. The only thing really worth noting is that Sundai somehow managed to hurt herself on her jump by landing partially on her head. Unfortunately, it didn’t render her mute, which my eardrums would have appreciated.
Despite the challenge being stupid, there still has to be a winner, who will receive a necklace, extra frames at the shoot and the ability to gift extra frames on a friend, who will then gift extra frames on a friend, etc, until one girl remains, who will not receive any extra frames. And the winner is… BEN! WonkEye crazily crackles in the confessional that of course it’s BEN, since she’s a great model and gets everything that she needs. Are we sure it’s not a brain tumor that makes her eye wonky? Because the girl is acting cracked out this episode. Anyway, BEN now has to pick the first girl in the extra frames chain, and she picks Sundai, who picks Laura, who picks WonkEye, leaving VE without any extra frames. Haha. Needless to say, VE pouts and complains to us about this, but it’s her own damn fault for shit like that’s a popularity contest, and her ass is the furthest thing from popular. Case in point — her obnoxious behavior over cupcakes of all things later that night during Laura’s birthday party. Speaking of that “party”, I miss the good ol’ days of them bringing boys back to the house and cheating on their boyfriends, don’t you?
The next morning, the girls meet Mr. Jay for their photo shoot after receiving Tyra Mail that suggested that they’d be working with either Hawaiian people or Hawaiian animals. I would love a shoot where they’re made up to look like roasting pigs for a luau. They arrive at a boat dock, where they quickly learn that this shoot will take place underwater! Each girl gets to do it twice — the second time after receiving feedback from Mr. Jay — but VE. She’s pissed of course, and demands that she get some credit for not getting a second round. Credit for what? Making people dislike you enough that you’re not picked? Um, sure, congrats. Sundai, meanwhile, is worried because her ear’s been bothering her since the cliff jump, and she doesn’t think that going underwater is going to feel good. She also mentions that she has asthma. Girl, suck it up and stop making excuses. Remember, you’re the one who told us that you might as well kill yourself if you don’t win. So get your ear, asthma, and dumb ass in that water!
What, weren’t you guys like 7 when “Titanic” came out? Back off, that’s MY generation’s gang-raped movie reference!
Hair and makeup is minimal given the nature of the shoot, and Laura is first to go. They bring her down fairly deep underwater, assisted by an oxygen tank, and then remove the mouthpiece for the shoot. However, she panics almost instantly, and scuba divers rush over to jam the mouthpiece back in her mouth while she hyperventilates. As Laura astutely notes, that is NOT good when you’re underwater! Luckily, she manages to calm down and not drown, and ends up with some pretty good film for her first run. She only seems to improve for the second run.
BEN is up next, and her red hair looks really pretty as it billows in the water. She doesn’t really have any problems, despite VE vocalizing to the other girls that she hoped BEN would fuck it up. Has this girl learned ANYTHING about being a gigantic bitch and it doing her no favors? WonkEye knows BEN is her greatest competition, and vows to use that as motivation in her own shoot. Jay tells her that her first run produced some great surface-level pictures, but that they aren’t really usable given that the purpose of the shoot is to be completely underwater. WonkEye corrects that problem on her second run and likely got a good shot.
Sundai has stupidly requested that they keep her near the surface due to her asthma, so she’s already not really complying with the shoot. To make things worse, once she goes under the water, she flails around worse than I do on the 4 a.m. bar’s dance floor. It is terrible, with arms and legs akimbo and the long wig they put on her completely covering her face. She claims that she can only stay underwater for seconds at a time, blaming her ear, the asthma and now water that has gone up her nose. So basically, we’re watching her dunk under, flail for five seconds, and then wheezingly break the surface. Even the photographer is pissed by the end of it. She makes some slight improvements during her second run, but as Jay says, it’s “ish” at best. Adios, Sundai!
Is that Sundai, or did we finally find Natalee Holloway?
Finally we get to VE, who only gets one run at this. The photographer isn’t happy with her performance because most of her shots were up near the surface and therefore were shots he could have gotten in a swimming pool, rather than waste his time and money going scuba diving. To be fair, I wonder if this is because of VE requesting to stay near the surface like Sundai, or if she had no control over that. She pouts and cries afterwards, telling us that it would totally suck if she gets judged as harshly as the other girls who had two runs each. Like I said before, VE, you brought this upon yourself, so I have no sympathy.
Panel time, and I’m still convinced that Sundai will be eliminated. I don’t think there’s a question that VE will be her bottom two companion. Tyra looks prettier than I like to admit, and I feel very dirty for even noticing. I take it back! The guest judge is Marisa Miller. Sundai is up first. Her body looks better than expected, but her face impossible to see and she’s much closer to the surface than desired.
“I sprained my ankle six years ago. I’m sure that will also prevent me from doing a good job on this shoot somehow. Not that I’m making excuses.”
Laura’s picture is very nice, and I particularly like the way her feet are delicately pointed. MM astutely advises Laura to make sure to find the light in any shoot, for her face is slightly in the shadows.
“Last year I was on the ground, this year I’m underwater… maybe I’ll celebrate my next birthday in space, y’all!”
The judges love WonkEye’s picture, although I wish that Tyra had chosen one of the ones where WonkEye was arching back dramatically. Maybe they looked like shit on film, but they looked cool during the shoot.
“Guys, I don’t have any dingleberries, do I? Help me look.”
BEN’s picture is fun and interesting, and the judges love the way she — unlike Laura — found the light with her face. She’s mildly criticized to point her toe, but that’s all they really can find to say as a negative.
“I had to give them SOMETHING to criticize, didn’t I? After all, that’s the MATURE thing to do!”
VE’s up last. Nigel calls it a test shot, and Tyra and I both don’t like the way VE’s face is a blurry, unrecognizable mess in the shot. She’s also waaaaay too close to the surface, but doesn’t get picked on too much for that. I don’t think that there’s anything modely about it.
Don’t bother coming back up.
This brings us to deliberations. Most of them love Sundai’s body, but hate the face. Nigel, however, finds the pose obvious. With Laura, they’re impressed with her working through her fears. Nigel calls WonkEye’s picture the best, while MM disagrees and says that WonkEye’s pose is too “erect.” That sound you just heard was approximately 10.4 million men busting their pants by even the thought of MM saying “erect.” Nigel doesn’t like VE’s picture, but he liked her presence at panel. MM loved BEN’s picture, but Nigel despised her feet. Anyone think there’s any way that Sundai and VE aren’t the bottom two?
Let’s find out. Called first is WonkEye, then BEN and Laura. This leaves Sundai and VE. Now since this is VE’s third trip in a row to the bottom two, it only makes sense for her to go. However, I think Sundai is so bad — and the inclusion of her back story so conspicuous — that VE will miraculously live to ruin another episode. Tyra tells Sundai that she had twice as many frames as VE, and ten times as many excuses. She then tells VE that she’s getting weaker and weaker each week. And leaving is… Sundai! Tyra warns VE that she’s staying by just a hair, and that she must stay out of the bottom two next week or she’s really screwed. As for Sundai, she tells us that she will somehow find the will to live despite being kicked off ANTM. That’s the spirit! Or something. Can’t say I’ll miss her. Or that I’m disappointed that we didn’t get to hear the rest of that foster care story.
So what did you think? Was Sundai the right one to go, or should Tyra have implemented the three strikes policy on VE? Did you like the underwater challenge or was it too gimmicky? Anyone else find the challenge as stupid and arbitrary as I did? And is there any way that VE can eek into the final three?
19 Comments
So first off, great recap
Down to the nitty gritty: I thought it was priceless that Marissa Miller claims that she got her “start” in Victoria’s Secret when really she started in nudie mags called Perfect 10s.
Spam and eggs isn’t that weird in Hawaii. it’s like their state food or something and you pretty much cannot go into a restaurant there without it being on the menu somewhere. I’ve only had Spam once in my life and it was cause my granddad gave it to me. He ate the stuff like it was going out of style. It wasn’t so bad…a little weird but what can you expect from a canned “meat”?
I can get behind you on Sundai making excuses but it pissed me off tremendously that Tyra thought it was an “excuse” for Sundai to not want to use the breathing apparatus because she feared she might have an asthma attack. Asthma is no joke. Yes, there are divers who have asthma but they trained for weeks learning how to use the ventilator and these girls probably got a cursory “Stick it in your mouth and mouth-breath” instruction.
My best friend in elementary school had an asthma attack while we were snorkeling and I thought she was going to die so…getting a person what looked like about 10 feet under water and then having them have an asthma attack is a death waiting to happen.
ok, rant over.
I love the underwater pictures. I wish they had done a tiny workshop with them in a pool first so they could get the hang of posing in water. They could have gotten some really beautiful shots.
My favorite was WonkEye’s. Her legs are so strong-looking and that tiny arch in her back makes it interesting.
BEN’s was cute and unexpected. It looks like something that would be in an editorial page of a fashion magazine. And I LIKE that she didn’t point her toe.
I think they should have implemented the three strikes rule with VE. If you’ve sucked three times, you need to be let go.
If VE makes it into the final three, I will shoot someone.
My final three would be Laura, BEN and WonkEye, if only for the fact that Tyra may want an Asian girl to win this season….hmmmm.
Nope, sorry. I will not allow this show to manipulate me and brainwash me that VE is any kind of villain here simply because the show has run out of mean girls.
If only because she’s the only believable model –that face! — and the rest of them, while pretty enough, just don’t compare. Even BEN, although I give her big points for the ability to transform herself on film (and the big hair).
WonkEye is pretty, but never goes beyond that, and tries way too hard.
Laura seems to be a genuinely nice bumpkin — but there’s no way in hell she rolled around in sand with a sunburn and did NOT complain about it. They just didn’t show us.
I agree– the jumping off the cliff only once thing was complete bullshit. And the awarding extra frames was more bullshit since they knew it would screw VE. And the not practicing for an underwater shoot is just plain stupid.
Even though it’s pretty obvious that all the girls get along pretty well together, including with VE. No doubt BEN chose Sunday because she knew she was no competition at all – and VE was not chosen because she IS the only real competition there.
She’s just young. Anyone with any kind of spirit is an idiot when they’re young like that.
No doubt Wonkeye’s gone next week. Didn’t they say that two girls are going? So that means it’s Laura (that sunburn is going to start to peel, you know). It’ll be between BEN and VE. It *should* be between them.
None of the competitions matter anyway, because I’m convinced that that model agency guy has already chosen who he wants to hire.
Oops, forgot to add the following:
[grumble][grumble] [mutter] [grumpyoldmanramblingsnortingsniffingnoises] [crank] [grumble]
Have a GREAT day!
I can sort of understand Sundai’s panic. I have asthma and I get a bit panicky if I have stuff too close to my face. I’m fine if I have a chance to work up to it. Like snorkeling… couldn’t get myself to do it for a while, but gradually, I was able to do it and now no problem. Heck, it even took me ages to let the shower water run on my face! lol But the idea of scuba (while I think it is REALLY cool) freaks me out completely. Even though I know that there is oxygen in the tanks, I would still just think about not being able to breathe underwater. I could probably do it eventually, but it would take me a while of working with the ventilator etc before I could do it. Not that any of this really matters. Sundai was the worst of the bunch, so we was going to go home regardless. And that whole “one look” thing was really obvious when all of her pictures flashed across the screen. Almost every one of them was posed the same: face down and to the side.
I disagree with you, Itchy. I think wonk eye and Laura take stunning pictures. And they do it consistantly. BEN… well this is hers to lose at this point. Has she really taken any bad pictures? VE can take some great pictures but she isn’t consistant about it. I think she just needs to grow up a bit and then she will be great. I hope she goes home next. Not sure who I want to go with her as I love both Wonk and Laura. Of the two… hmmmm…. maybe I like Laura slightly more. A BEN/Laura finale would be a good one, methinks.
Anyway, great reacap LoLo! Thanks!
I was watching a rerun of this episode this morning and then checked for the recap. Excellent! Great job. The editing is so obvious now and I still can’t look at the screen when those ridiculous puffy sleeves are in frame. Did love that little bit of folksy wisdom out of his mouth though “Keep doing what you’re doing, keep getting what you get.” It sounded like something my grandmother would say.
I’m a pasty redhead so I’m pulling for BEN for the win. Seriously looking forward to the double elimination mentioned at the end.
Oh, itchy, honey. Why not just admit that VE is a heinous twat but you want to bang her? It would make everything so much easier.
Ah, pixie, she’s way too young (and skinny) for me.
I just find her… endearing. You know, like watching a newborn doe try to stand up for the first time.
I agree though, I like all four of them, which is a pretty rare thing, and it won’t bother me at all no matter who wins.
Whoops! I meant ‘fawn’. Doh!
More like a newborn weasel, itch. Or some other little, vicious, bitey animal. A rat?
So Itchy would bang VE if she were a few years older. Between that and Mr. Dangerous wanting to bang White Russell on Survivor, my head is in pain…..
I liked Sundai and think it’s ironic that, after all the seasons of Ty Ty complaining of our ladies photographing old (Renee and Mee Maw from last season come to mind), it was refreshing for Sundai to get the boot for photographing way too young. If she can make a career of catalogue with Old Navy, or Gap, or companies like that, more power to her.
I just wanted to point out something that’s been bugging me since last week.
I watched last week’s ANTM on YT on Monday and I was shocked that Erin was whining was winning a helicopter ride.
I checked with my dad, who is a helicopter pilot, and he said that to take someone for an hour ride about my city – which isn’t anything special, it’s not like a tour of Hawaii – it would be about $1500.
What a brat. I am glad that Sundai is gone, but I am so wishing that VE LEAVES.
Rant over, thank you.
No, no, no. I’d be tempted if I were a few years younger. Nuance.
I’ll accept ‘ferret’ though.
Meanwhile, in the last episode, the gave away a piece of costume jewelry worth $5,000, right? And at one point BEN received an entire wardrobe of designer clothing, right?
Well do a little research on the cost of a helicopter ride in Hawaii. I’m getting prices at around $150 — $250 max (for ‘first class’). AND she was told to share it with two other girls.
Tell me you wouldn’t have complained about that. Go on. You know you would have at least mentioned it. And that’s all the editors would have needed, after all.
But clearly she hasn’t won any love with the producers, otherwise they might have set her up with a decent prize.
Ah fear not VE! At least you have the comfort of knowing that there’s some creepy reality-tv-obsessed older guy who calls himself ‘itchy’ defending your honor on the interweb! ;-p
Oh yeah, slutster:
The only similarity between VE and Lil’ Russell is that they’re both short.
But I’m honored to be compared to Mr. Dangerous, who’s one of my favorite commenters here. [bows nobly]
One of my sister’s friends had asthma, and had had it all his life. But while out on a camping trip, he had an asthma attack. HIs inhaler wasn’t enough, and before they could get him to the hospital he was dead. He was 41. Asthma is no joke, and is likelier to be a problem when in a stressful situation. Sundai had good reason to worry, and Tyra is an ass.
Did any of the models actually EAT any of the breakfast food? I doubt it…and if they did, they probably didn’t keep it down long.
I was rooting for Laura, but I decided I don’t want to see her ruined by such a selfish, nasty industry.
Oh…and while BEN’s picture was an interesting pose, it makes her look completely skeletal.
CAtty, I know, right! Wonk has those fit beautiful legs and BEN looks like a bendy doll. Also agree that Wonk’s swirling, curved back shots looked interesting. Her face wasn’t all that in this tho, her head looks like a block . . . altho, close up, Laura’s wasn’t so hot either.
Sundai does look like a mini Beverly Johnson, so maybe there is something out there for her. Considering her past, in all seriousness, she gets major points for having an over all pleasant attitude. Many from those places have no self esteem and can’t get out of their own ways or develop confidence. I’ve seen it many times, but heck, what do I know, I’m just glad she wasn’t a whiner about it! Rae was pretty cool considering her lot as well . . .
I still think there’s something going to be happening with VE, or she wouldn’t be bottom feeding all this time. Hopefully she wont win, in this context, she doesn’t deserve to, and hasn’t held her own against BEN, esp even the spoken things, like BEN booking the commercial, and BEN’s covergirl ad. Whodda thunk BEN would pull those out!
Perhaps they are going to test all four with the commercial and pic, and then cut two. I’m a little scared for Laura, because of the VE edit, but I can’t imagine she wont be charming.
I’d be surprised to see Wonk in the winners circle, but I like her and think she’s done a good job. Like Itchy says, she’s just okay . . . She did do a great commercial tho, so who knows . . .
The more suspense the better, right LoLo, you seem so on the pulse, what is your prediction, I’ll bet you anything you will be right!
Lastly, Slutty whore, how can you call yourself a Slutty whore and not get the wrong sided lust . . . hee . . . I’d hit white Russell too, but only if he didn’t talk, and then I’d have Mr. D hunting me down, but alas Mr. D, I’ll give him back after . . . ; )
Great recap, Potty! That “Titanic” scene made me wish for a really big iceberg to appear. Ugh. Was not thrilled with the photoshoot results — I agree they should have been at least pool-tested first. Eh, who cares if the short girls drown, eh? Pfft. The tall girls got to make out with hot Italian men; the short girls get Spam. And MM too make them feel grossly inadequate with their stunted limbs. Why didn’t Tyra get Adrianna Lima there and then offer the girls a chance to jump off a cliff? How many of them would bother to come back up when faced with such perfection? Guh.
So, not sorry to see Sundai go, along with Tyra’s legitimate reason for calling this a shorties’ cycle. She hung around as long as she could. I thought Sundai was “cute,” and as a short woman myself who hates that freakin’ word more than any other word on the planet except for “specifically” (b/c, really, who can say it?) I felt for Ms Love, with her newly horrid background as a foster care child and her stripper name. I can totally see her as a gender-bending Oliver Twist; add some rags and a page boy cap and she’s there. To tell the truth, I just couldn’t back the shortest horse this cycle, much as I wanted to; she just wasn’t that model-looking to me and her attitude and voice were very nails-on-chalkboard annoying. Every time Tyra called her “edgy” I wanted to kick something. Edgy? Short hair on a short girl is not edgy. It makes you look like a kid, especially if you are not blessed with breasts. It takes ten years off you and makes you get hit on by 12 year-old boys. Or worse, their mother (!) who dress in black dresses with puff-paint chili peppers (!!) and dangly chili pepper earrings and necklace (!!!) that try to set you up with them (!!!!) because she doesn’t realize you are their karate instructor then later tells you she thought you were sixteen at the most “ WTF? 16 year-old girls with 12 year-olds, ew (!!!!!) “ and yes this really happened to me when I was 23 and my hair will never, ever be short again ever. Sundae, grow your danged hair out before GapKids recruits you or a Puffy Chili-Peppered Lady tries to snap you up for her pre-pubescent son. And mail Tyra some upscale shampoo bottle filled with Nair.
VampErin “ I really like this girl’s face, but it isn’t that interesting that she isn’t going to have to work for a living. Her attitude is so off. She does realize this is on TV and people in the modeling industry watch it, doesn’t she? You can totally see where BEN was coming from with her maturity talk. Not seeing her as the Bambi sort — she really does look too vampy for that. (Great job naming her, Potty!) Vampbi, maybe? Like the harmless bunny from Monty Python that suddenly devours an entire
BEN “ sorry, itchy, gotta disagree with you about this girl. She is really something to behold. She has a natural grace to her, her face is a gorgeous canvas and that hair in the water. Wow. I loved watching her shoot. I liked WonkEye’s, too, but I just don’t see Jennifer as a model. She’s pretty, but her face sort of limits her. I just don’t see her having a lot of expression. Nicole and Laura, on the other hand, are able to become what they are not on film. Nicole becomes animated and Laura, well, bless her heart, she looks like a model. And then she opens her mouth and ruins that right quick. Spam. Ugh. I must be on a Monty Python kick, because that darned Spam song has been rattling around in my head ever since watching the show. Spam spam spam spam …
The girls this season are all pretty likable. Wasn’t a fan of Sundai but this last episode tugged on my heart strings a bit. She seems like a really sweet girl.
Erin is young and is a spoiled brat but I’m sure eventually she will grow up and cringe at her behavior like we all do.
Nicole’s last pic was insane and she definitely deserves the win.
First off, spam musabi is my favorite thing in Hawaii next to sushi!!! Its a piece of spam on a bed of sushi rice held on by seaweed…with a little wasabi under it…omg…awesome…
second, can we not insult people that actually jump off cliffs and stop calling that rock a cliff??? Gimme a break…they fell like 2 feet….wtf were they afraid of????
Ben for the win!!!