This season of America’s Next Top Model has been very frustrating to me. Never have I seen so many girls do so little with so much potential. Outside of the Grudge Twins, I think that this has been a pretty good season as far as looks go. But when it comes to the pictures most of them, including my favorites, still have a long way to go. When I am trying to envision who is going to be wining this competition, I try to think of who would be on the cover seventeen, who would have a good life as a Cover Girl, and who has the capital I-T “IT” that would make them successful in the real world. I can honestly say I don’t think I know if any of the grils fits that description, which is a little troublesome considering how far alonf we are on in this competition. However
The funniest part, of course, is that I actually spend a lot of time during the week contemplating questions like that, but since I know that I am here among family, I don’t mind saying that out loud. Besides, I still have faith in Ms Bankable, so let’s see if she can come up with a “novel” idea on how to get some separation among the remaining top models.Although AJ said that her elimination was deserved and admitted that she may have secretly sabotaged her own chances on purpose, I think this overall competition lost a lot with her gone. She not only had an edgy look that has usually been missing from ANTM finalists, but she also happened to be one of the nicest people. Then again, maybe she was nice because she didn’t really care, and that lack of a killer instinct did her in.
None of the other girls were really talking about AJ during her departure, which sort of makes sense because she admitted that she really didn’t get close to any of the others besides Megg. That leaves us to open the show with Eugena complaining about some of the girls and what it is about them that bothers her. During the first show, Eugena talked shit about the girls from Cycle 6, and the judges haven’t forgotten about it. It was clearly just a way for her to boost her confidence. Don’t actions speak louder than words? In the house Eugena has been a pretty good roommate.
I know that some people are going to say “Well, if she’s a good roommate, she won’t talk shit behind her roommate’s backs”, and I suppose you could say that, but a lot of what Eugena has to say is true. Jaeda can’t stop complaining about her hair. Check. Caridee can’t keep her clothes on. Double check. Anchal complains about her weight. Check. Melrose is a backstabbing ho. Subjective, yes, but still worthy of a check. What’s so bad about being frustrated with your roommates?
The next segment, of course, is Anchal, talking about how she is self-conscious about everything, including her body weight. We’ve all seen how Anchal looked before. She may have the curves of a woman, but she doesn’t have any more life experience than, Brooke or the twins, so while I am sympathetic, I’ll agree that the act is getting a little old. She complains about her weight, but then stuffs her face. I do feel bad, because she is not fat by any normal human standard, but if she is going to be a model, she needs to eat less bacon and more sprouts.
I think when this is all over, Anchal is going to have a bigger impact than most of the Top Model contestants when they leave. She’s probably already considered the hottest Indian living in the United States. Parminder Nagra was cute in Bend It Like Beckham and she has that British accent going for her, but Anchal is a brick house. In the present, Anchal will have to take care of herself. If she’s self-conscious then eating better will make her feel better, at least according to Caridee. And it’s always good to take advice from girls who can’t keep their clothes on.
Like all old people, Melrose likes to get up early and one morning she went out into the backyard and noticed there was a lot of equipment sitting outside and wondered what they are going to do. Well, I am not a genius or anything, but being on a show like America’s Next Top Model, I would think that they might have you, I don’t know, HAVE YOUR PICTURE TAKEN. We are then introduced to Elyssa Traub, or as we like to call her in Mayim Bialik. Speaking of Mayim Bialik, can you believe she turns 31 in just over a month and Jenna Van Oy (Six) will be 30 next year? Where the hell have I been all this time?
Ms. Traub was sort of like the Jay Manuel for the shoot, but who would be the photographer? None other than Tyra herself. Tyra has done photo shoots for the last couple of seasons, and some of them were pretty damn good. Tyra tried to act modest and say that she mostly shoots her friends and doesn’t do anything professional, but judging from all the equipment and the $10,000 camera kit Tyra was lugging around, and the fact that all of the friends Tyra shoots are actors or celebrities, it’s not like she is an amateur.
Tyra is a photographer, and she says she has been doing it for ten years, but let’s be honest; she is kind of a one trick pony. She takes her pictures in black and white, and they all feature dark makeup around the eyes and some sort of reflective something or other. Perhaps knowing this episode would air around Halloween, Tyra decided that the models were going to put some of those spooky and demon-ish contacts in their eyes. As one trick ponies go, the pictures turned out pretty well, what do you think?
Melrose always takes good pictures, but I thought this one was only average. She seemed to be trying too hard, and yet perhaps had the least amount of energy of any girl Tyra shot.
Brooke’s problem is that she has always seemed too cute for this competition. Most of the girls did this shoot by playing it very aggressive, while Brooke brought a great vulnerability. I am not sure if that’s what Tyra was looking for, but it worked for me.
Eugena’s look was scared, and I am not sure if I really counted it as sexy, but it may have been one of her more model-y photos to date. The jaw is sort of muddled, but the lips look great.
Michelle’s picture was, uh, daring. It would have been scarier if they didn’t hide her ears.
Jaeda’s picture was very masculine, very scary, and I guess you could say had a sexy edge. The best thing you can say about this picture is that Jaeda let herself go. She’s always so worried about looking masculine, but she didn’t worry about it this time and she brought a fierce look.
Amanda’s picture was one of the better of Tyra’s shoot. Again it had a nice vulnerability, but you can see the difference between this and Brooke’s picture. Although Tyra said she didn’t know what to do with her hands and arms, you sure can’t tell it from this picture. She looks like she knows what she is doing.
Seriously, so pretty that it’s scary. The most amazing part about this is that she basically put her head forward and looked into the camera. Nothing else required.
I don’t think Caridee knows what she is doing, but that doesn’t stop her from taking great pictures. No matter what she’s doing, she tries 110% and doesn’t care what the people around her say. This picture had all sorts of energy and I would say it said scary and sexy more than any of the others.
The photo session with Tyra was only the beginning of the day. The girls next traveled to the El Rey Theater in Los Angeles. I would like to talk about the El Ray, but being located as it is in the Miracle Mile section of Wilshire Blvd, there are way too many museums nearby for me to risk a trip. I don’t want to walk into the wrong building and learn something on accident. The girls met up with Sutan, their makeup artist, who goes as Radja when he is in drag. The lesson? Being Sexy 101 featuring burlesque entertainer Dida Von Teese.
Apparently Ms. Von Teese (who is married to Marilyn Manson) is one the top burlesque entertainers in the country, which is like me saying that I am one of the top bloggers at my desk. Her secrets to being sexy? Props are your friend, and use your hips. We were then treated to the sight of all the girls trying to be sexy with scarves, whips, and sunflowers. Hmm, I guess I missed the sunflower scene in 9 1/2 weeks. Most of the girls were pretty insecure and unsure of how to use the props. All of theme except for Caridee. Last week, I said maybe she wasn’t a stripper and just wore short outfits because of psoriasis. This week, I’m going back to stripper, because she was working up a bigger sweat than Marlon Brando in Last Tango In Paris. Brooke, a virgin, could not believe that Caridee was getting so down and dirty what with the short skirt and all. Meanwhile, Caridee was thinking, “Sweet! I picked the perfect day to wear underwear!”
But did the fun stop there? Oh, no. There was more. The girls went to the house of Cathy Gould, one of the big wigs over at Elite Models. Elite Models will be giving the winner of ANTM a modeling contract, so she is one of the people the girls should care about impressing. By now, I was kind of sick of what was now kind of the third challenge of the episode, so I was hoping they would just get it over with.
So, what was Cathy going to have them do? Well, Kathy had a dinner party and she thought it would be great if she had the girls use the table as a runway. Sounds sort of interesting, right? I thought it might have been cool, but the girls were actually going to walk when people were eating. Who the HELL thought it would be a good idea to have their guests eat while girls were stomping on the table? Is nobody paranoid about HYGIENE? The last thing people want to see when they are eating are feet, and as a guy who basically lives in flip-flops, that includes me. They all had clothes on, and their feet were covered, but as a diner, you don’t know where those feet have been. And sure this is some posh cosmopolitan party, but WHY DO YOU TAKE THAT CHANCE? Somebody back me up here!
Also, did anybody else think they were trying a little too hard to be couture with the clothes that the girls had on? I like G-Unit and they have a nice line of branded urban hip clothing for men and women, and believe it or not, there is a large part of their line that you could call classy. Unfortunately, what the girls had on did not qualify as classy, that is unless you are used to telling all the guys you meet that your name is Diamond and a lap dance will cost $50. You would think that the director of some big fashion agency would figure out that sexy is more than just hot pants and fishnets and a tank top. And I tell you what. If I had to be eating dinner with a bunch of feet in my face, I would want things to be classy.
I do love these types of challenges because the judges are always so self-important when it comes to evaluations. These girls walked on a table, why should that ability determine who wins the challenge? I would have rather seen the Ms. Von Teese do the evaluations, because at when she was handing out criticism and praise, it made sense. As for Cathy, she had some fairly obvious things to say, like Anchal doesn’t have a typical runway body and Brooke wasn’t convincing with her prop, but what was this shit about Melrose and her great timing? What would have been great timing is if the neighbor’s dog had run into Cathy’s house and took a dump on the table, letting Cathy know just how much people give a shit about what she says.
Yes, I know, Elite is giving a major prize to the show, therefore Cathy’s opinion matters a whole lot, and in Cathy’s opinion, Melrose was the winner. I would normally say, “Who cares?” because the challenge was so dumb, but the prize was awesome. Melrose, and three girls of her choice would go on a magazine shoot for seventeen magazine. Stupid challenge or not, any magazine spread is a good one for these girls.
Melrose picked the three friends girls that hated her the least, Brooke, Amanda, and Michelle, for the photo shoot. Once there, our good friend Atoosa Rubenstein (watch for her new movie tomorrow!) explained everything that was going on. The girls would be in a spread teaching seventeen readers how to change their costumes from plain to sexy. All methods Atoosa approved, of course. Brooke couldn’t have been any happier. For her, it was really the first time that she could be herself. Of the remaining girls, it seems that Brooke would be the perfect fit for seventeen, especially since she’s only 18 herself. I also think that Brooke has a face that would be a great fit for Cover Girl, which is one of the reasons I have put her near the top of my list. If she can ever bring that fierce energy the judges are looking for in the photo shoot, she will have the complete package.
Ms. Rubenstein. Atoosa the Giant to her friends.
TyraMail said that the photo shoot would test how well the girls could blur the fine line between sexy and sleazy. When they got there, they learned that their photo shoot was going to be romance novel covers, which I think is another great theme. I will also say that I do agree with a lot of people who say that the photo shoots are more gimmicky than ever and quite often tell us more about which girl had the best makeup and hair than which girl would be the best Top Model. Themes for the covers would be Jaeda – Dracula scene, Eugena – secret lovers, Michelle – secret love child, Caridee – peasant in love with a rich man, Melrose – madam in a brothel, Amanda – a woman leaving her man for another woman, Anchal – Cleopatra, and Brooke – desperate for her man to stay.
No romance novel cover is worth anything without a hot hunk on the front, and so the Bankable productions decided to see if Fabio would stop wondering if things were not butter and work for them for a day. If there was anything that I can’t believe, it’s how big Fabio is now. Sure he is 47 years old, but he’s at the gym enough that I would think he would be a little more fit. He looks like a professional wrestler who can’t get rid of his stomach, so he just gets his arms and chest bigger. What would have been funny is to see Dr. Will or Mike Boogie posing with all the girls for “Showmance Novels”.
Caridee was first and the biggest surprise for me was how little chemistry there was between Caridee and Fabio. I don’t know if Caridee was muted because she was first and didn’t know if she should hold back, but her usual energy wasn’t there. Not a bad picture, but it’s not blowing anybody away either. It’s too bad, because she usually brings “IT” during these shoots.
I know I should probably use the wide shot for Amanda because Fabio wasn’t there, but this show is about the girls, not him, so that’s what we’ll go for. Jay mentioned that she was nervous and said her photos were consistently fair. Although I know I just said that I thought she knew what she was doing, I have started to notice that she does give a lot of the same looks at times (it doesn’t help that her sister has a lot of those same looks), and this is one of them. The judges still love her though.
Michelle and Fabio were supposed to pretend that they were having a secret love child. I thought for sure that they would pick her to be leaving her man for another woman. Perhaps the producers forgot which one was which as well. She was really nervous, saying that lying in bed with another man is not something that she is used to, or even really wants to do. I thought she looked good in the frame and Fabio sort of ruined the picture. If there is anything that will keep Amanda and Michelle from advancing, it’s that they seem to be falling back to safe poses a lot.
Anchal has coasted by on looks, and this picture was really perfect for those looks. Jay mentioned that the competition is getting more fierce, so she’ll have to step it up sometime. This picture again looked so effortless, but she just pops. I think she could have “IT” she just has no clue what to do with it.
Eugena. Pretty and boring.
The only thing Jaeda is good at is complaining about her hair. I love her face so much, it’s difficult to see her taking such bad pictures. The neck looks great and all the angles, but the nostrils and the eyes are doing nothing. She was able to let herself go earlier, but completely failed this time around.
I personally loved Brooke’s picture, but I think this is a case where she puts a little bit too much actress in the picture and not enough model. She mentioned that she was a virgin (there are quite a few on this show) and actually believed Fabio when he said that he was a virgin as well. What does that have to do with her picture? Nothing at all, I just love how innocent she appears.
Melrose’s picture was great, but I think that part of it was that Fabio was trying to dry hump her the whole time. They had an obvious chemistry (Fabio was wiping his nose with her like she was a box of Kleenex) and this is easily the sexiest picture of the bunch, although I would put Anchal’s a close second. People keep comparing her to Lisa, but I loved Lisa and Melrose has yet to grow on me. Still, we need a villain and she’s the closest thing the show has to one right now.
As it came time to decide who was going home, I realized that the eliminations are starting to get repetitive. Jaeda would be in the bottom two, and whoever was going up against Jaeda would go home, right? Well, not quite.
Amanda’s name was called first, and from Tyra’s photo, I would agree. Based on the Fabio shoot, I think not so much. Based on the pictures, I probably wouldn’t have given it to Caridee either. I actually like her Tyra picture the most, but thought the Fabio pic was just not the same. The judges really liked it because she was able to look soft. And I think if she pulls it all together, she is going to be the one to beat.
The person I would have actually given the “win” this week is Anchal. I think the only reason the judges didn’t call her name first is because they don’t like how easy everything comes to her. She doesn’t act like a model in person at all, and it would be tough to imagine her with enough confidence to be a Cover Girl spokesmodel, and needs to tone up a little bit. I just don’t think there is that much time for her to convince the judges that she can do all of that.
After Anchal they called Melrose, which is sort of surprising considering how great the Fabio picture was and how she won the challenge. Then came the biggest surprise of the night when they called Jaeda’s name. I really think she should have been in the bottom two again, but maybe they wanted to reward her for going all out in the Tyra pick in hopes of her pulling a repeat performance. Michelle’s name was next, and I thought it was a big surprise. They gave her credit for taking a chance, but then they jumped down her throat because she said that it felt strange to be in bed with another person. Tyra said that she had to do the same thing when she was 15 and a virgin, and she pulled it off. I love you Tyra, but just because you weren’t aloud to feel awkward around boys when you were growing up doesn’t mean that nobody else can.
That left us with Brooke and Eugena. If the judges jumped down Michelle’s throat. I don’t know how to describe what they did to Eugena. After complimenting Eugena on how well she did in her picture with Tyra, they asked Eugena what she was feeling at the time. She answered, honestly, and without any attitude that she was sort of angry. Suddenly they are complaining that she is not likable and she stand up there and doesn’t give a decisive answer and that she needs to have manners (and charm!). Where the hell did they come up with this? Eugena does talk shit in the diary room, and she is perhaps boring, but I don’t see her as unlikable. I guess this is the first case in history where reality show editors are editing people to be less bitchy than they really are.
And what about Brooke? I guess I should have seen this coming, because they kept on alluding to how young she was. Near the beginning of the show, we saw her get a care package from home. Inside that package was a copy of her high school diploma. Elimination day was actually the day of her graduation, and she was obviously missing it for the competition. I was really surprised she was in the final two because the judges mentioned that she has been getting better and better, although NIgel said that she looks too much like a pageant winner. I can kind of see where they get that. When I saw the models in person, Brooke was the least model-y and very much like an actress.
I am pretty sure that these two were picked because they were the opposites. Tyra loves being able to say that one model has what the other needs and vise versa, because it makes for a much more dramatic elimination. With Brooke and Eugena, one had the personality and one has no personality. But was one here only because of her personality, etc., etc., etc. I am sorry to be such a bitch, but I am upset because the judges decided to SEND BROOKE HOME!
To me, it was a horrible decision, but again, I should have seen this coming. When Tyra pulled Eugena’s name, they said the judges want to see humility. Therefore, the elimination only existed because Tyra wanted to teach the girls and the audience a lesson. Absolutely stupid if you ask me. Was Brooke the best this week? No, but she is getting better and has a personality. If she had a bad personality, it probably would have helped her because the judges would have had something to fix. You know, I wish they would just tell us at the top of the show when the elimination is going to be about pictures or about attitude so I can prepare myself. Bleccccchh.
When she left, Brooke started crying and said “It’s my friggin high school graduation”, as in “How could you do this to me when I missed my graduation.” I thought it was a very honest way for somebody who is still growing up and missed some of what was supposed to be the happiest moments in her life to react, but as she left, Tyra said that a lot of girls would like to switch places with Brooke. I don’t know if I am pissed off in general this week, but I thought that was something dumb for Tyra to say. Give her time and she’ll realize it. Just because you want to make yourself feel less guilty doesn’t mean you should open your mouth. Double bleccccchh!
So obviously I thought the wrong girl went home. What did you think of this episode? Did Brooke deserve to go? Why were the judges in such a bad mood? Who had your favorite pictures from this week?