America’s Next Top Model: Blastoff to the Future

Okay, Gasmii, do you think you can handle another gloriously cheesy season of Top Model? I heard numbers for the excruciatingly long premiere were way down this season but hopefully none of you jumped (space)ship. Cycle 11 is headed back to LA and during the course of this two-hour premiere, viewers were treated to special effects worthy of the $50 that the CW shelled out to blast off this season. So grab your body-hugging vinyl spacesuits and strap yourself in as we count down to the launch of Cycle 11…

3… 2… 1… blastoff!

Thirty-odd girls cram onto a bus, as per ush, and we the viewers get to meet scads of people that are going to be cut from the show in the next twenty minutes. Including the all-too-peppy Hannah, who hails from Alaska. She raves about how different LA is because it has both highways and people. Please, Hannah dear, if we’ve learned anything this past week it’s surely that Alaska does have citizens, and they are gearing up to get one more about four months from now.

Oops, sorry, did this just change into a recap for “The Secret Life of An American Teenager?”

The always dynamic Sheena gets in a tizzy when someone tells her she has an advantage for being the only Asian girl. She’s DYNAMIC, you hear? Personally, I don’t see what she’s so upset about – production will paint everyone into a nice two-dimensional package and the kiss of death is being exactly like a previous winner or finalist. Not saying that only being different from past winners is a free pass to the finals, but it definitely gives a girl a leg up on the competition. Sheena must be channeling me somehow because then she does a bunch of high kicks on the stripper pole on the bus. Classy.

The girls get taken to an abandoned warehouse somewhere in the San Fernando Valley. How do I know its location? Well, some of the special effects wizards at the CW overlaid funky green techie font that look straight out of the Apple IIGS. And in a move even more likely to make all you kids think I’m some kind of crazy computer nerd (despite the fact that the girly-girl in me still covets Whit’s Barbie Pink Versace dress from last season’s finale), all these extra-cheese graphics remind me of a video game I got free from a box of Corn Chex when I was about 11 called “Chex Quest.” Please tell me that at least some of you got dorkishly excited about a free video game in your cereal that allowed you to slime robot aliens:

Or maybe it was just me…

ANYWHO, at the warehouse, a door wooshes open to reveal the Jay twins, all glitzed up with platinum hair and wrapped up like Chipotle burritos. They welcome the girls to the Top Model Institute of Technology and they use such painfully slow voices that it’s unclear whether or not they’re attempting to speak like robots or think that these girls are so slow that they have to speak to them Tyra Ticker Tape style.

The girls run inside and pop on some black and blue catsuits. Marjorie – whose over-enunciation is due to be the death of me this season – is totally geeked about the idea since it reminds her of 2001 Space Odyssey. A few of the girls get full body scans that remind me of the graphics that NBC showed all through the Olympics discussing the superhuman prowess of Phelps. An extra-long torso that improves his center of gravity! A wingspan four inches longer than his height! Etcetera.

After passing through the still-body scan, the girls hit up a “scientific” runway that will analyze whether or not they have a scientifically superior walk. Isis vamps it up, stalking down the runway like Bambi first learning how to strut on her gams while Sheena amps the competition up into striptease mode by unzipping her jumpsuit and almost giving us a peek at the upstairs goodies. “She did not just unzip that at the end.” Mr. Jay is NOT impressed. At the end of the sequence, Jocelyn reveals that she has tried out for the show over thirty times. This confuses your dear Hoolia, considering that we’re only on Cycle 11. What was Jocelyn doing? Trying out multiple times per cycle? This isn’t like the lottery or sex where the more times you enter, the more likely you are to win.

The Jays tease the girls with the promise of the Glaminator 11.0 (basically, a stand-up tanning bed) that will make them into a better model. Sheena’s pretty amazed that the ANTMers have technology like this because she’s unsure if she’ll come back the same or “transformed into a robot or something.” Sadly, she’s saying this without a hint of sarcasm. Oh, Sheena, I wanted to like you but you just seem intent on digging yourself deeper and deeper into a hole. That’s what she said.

But, oh no! The Glaminator starts shaking and quaking from system overload. Nikeysha (oh em gee, is that seriously your name?) is astounded by this oh-so-predictable turn of events noting how Tyra looks like a doll. A hot, tall doll. While Mizz Tyra has definitely packed on a little more poundage since last season, most of it looks like it went straight to the chesticle region.

105 pounds? Yeah, in your bra!

Tyra reminds us that she’s not looking for America’s Next Top Martian, but rather America’s Next Top Model. No, you don’t say!

Interview time! I’m antsy to see if anything occurs along the lines of Stacy-Ann’s Twilight Zone striptease or Claire’s breastmilk tasting. Brittney B. comes out screaming, apparently releasing some of her “hella confidence.” Brit thinks she’s going to win and when Tyra asks for a bit of explanation, Brittney explains that she IS America’s Next Top Model but they just don’t know it yet. Oh, so Brittney’s one of THOSE girls. Unsurprisingly, her overconfidence is a crapload of hot air because she can’t name a single fashion designer. Tyra gets pretty serious and says that Top Model is here to teach you what fashion magazines can’t. You know, like how to smile with your eyes!

Behind these hazel eyes? SHE HATES YOU!

But Brit’s not done just yet. When she prances out in her metallic string bikini, she’s clutching a ball of red in her hands. Whatever could it be? Whaddya know, it’s Brit’s lucky underwear. Now, I can’t teach you guys a lot about fashion and modeling, but if I am going to hold firm on one thing, it’s the concept of lucky underwear. Any time I take the time to specifically plan out some sexy underthings for a night on the town, I’m 99% guaranteed to go home alone. It’s math, people. You can’t argue with it. You’re jinxing it. Let’s hope the same holds true for the loathsome Brit.

Up next comes the hideously named Lauren Brie who’s poppa is the chief of police in whatever podunkville that she’s from. She relays dangerously predictable tales of boyfriends coming home to her armed father. I would joke about this, except that once upon a time I was sharing some drinks with some fellow interns at one of their houses. We were all just chilling on the porch and having a couple of brewskis when said intern bolts back inside his house and comes out to show us the shotgun he keeps under his pillow. What can I say? He was from Iowa. The moral of this story is that I’m a little girl baby who is scared of guns and prefers them out of everyday life, so I can sympathize with Lauren Brie’s suitors. Except for her hideous name combo, Lauren Brie is entirely forgettable to me, so I’m just going to go ahead and dub her Cheese in the hopes that I can remember her if she manages to make it past the cut.

Analeigh, rocking the peace sign necklace that I thought I threw out back in 4th grade, struts up to regale us with the tale of the time she was almost sold into Saudi Arabian wifehood. Even if I wasn’t busy envying Analeigh’s gorgeous curls, I’m pretty sure this tale would be too ridiculous to listen to. Next!

Ah, time for the lovely Clark. Or, as I like to call her, the bitch that’s too big for her britches. This one will do whatever it takes to win including becoming besties with all of the girls and then cutting them down behind their backs. Yay for camaraderie. Oh and in case we couldn’t already guess, Clark (no e!) also thinks she’s the prettiest one there. Ah, I can’t wait for this one to get drop kicked off her pedestal.

Kacey’s got a lot of issues because apparently she used to have a lot of white friends until one day down at the swimming pool, the white girls couldn’t understand what was up with her hair. Um, right. Marjorie hails from Marseille, France, a lovely French port town on the Med that was on my Eurotrip itinerary for this summer. Tyra immediately busts out her pidgin French on poor Marjorie and we know that this lucky girl has her gold pass to the finals. If there’s one thing Tyra likes more than conducting “smile with your eyes” tutorials, it’s butchering a foreign language. Marjorie spazzes out because she gets nervous a lot and I can tell she’s going to be this season’s awkward duckling.

Veronique and her crazy cornrow ‘do practically do the cotton-eyed-Joe dance down the runway to Tyra and the Alpha and Beta Jays. Let’s hear the story of Veronique’s life, shall we? She grew up Mormon and I say, sorry sweetheard, but Aimee had that market cornered last season and you are too soon for a repeat. But apparently, at age sixteen, Veronique started dating her ex from three and a half years ago and had sex with him. So that would make him her ex from when she was twelve and a half. Because clearly, serious long-term relationships are formed while hanging out during recess. Veronique’s strict parents sent her to a lock-down facility for three months, a confession that brings her to the verge of tears. Like me, Mr. Jay is over it and advises that the girl needs therapy, not reality TV. But nowadays, those are one and the same, no?

Isis hopes to earn some brownie points from Tyra by giving her a lovely drawing of a diva. Turns out Isis was one of the girls that was in the background of the oh-so-memorable homeless shoot from Cycle 10. Tyra told her staff that Isis was a-mazing and wanted her to try out for this season of Top Model. So… was she really homeless? Was that all a made-for-television lie? Gimme the full story, T. More importantly, it turns out Isis is the transgendered model that you all have surely already heard about if you’ve glimpsed at one gossip site or celebrity weekly over the past month. Tyra gets to the heart (or the penis?) of the matter by asking if Isis is pre-op or post-op transsexual and Isis reveals that she’s pre-op and then struts her stuff in a bikini. Well thanks for that, Tyra. Now my eyes are drawn to the naughty bits. How is she hiding her goods in a bikini bottom? I’m so confused.

Some of the gossipier girls are having a meeting of the itty bitty titty committee arguing over whose boobs are the smallest. Yes, these girls who came up with the short straws on the day they drew self-esteems are all arguing about whose boobs are the smallest, clearly hoping that one of the other girls will reassure them with “Oh my god, you’re crazy! MINE are smaller!” Catty Kacey notices that Isis has “absolutely nothing” up top and while deciding to induct her into the IBTC, asks if Isis is all female. Okay girls, lets call a spade a spade here. Why couldn’t you just admit that the reason you suspected Isis of being a man is that she has a low voice and very sharp facial features? With the marvels of plastic surgery and push-up bras, boob size (or lack their of) can hardly be an indicator of who may or may not be playing their own twist on “hide the sausage.”

Most of the girls react with shock and horror, but a commendable few, like Sheena, admire Isis for her bravery to be herself. Oh but just like that, Sheena loses points on my scale by threatening to become the new Dominique when she refers to herself in the third person. Please, Tyra and all that is holy… noooooo! Sheena says that all her friends call her Kimora, and the resemblance is uncanny. After announcing that she’s half Korean and half Japanese, Mizz Jay engages her in conversation in one of the two tongues. Mizz Jay, you continue to impress me. I can tell from the sparkle in her eye that Tyra love love loves Sheena.

Lindsey shows up looking like the long-lost twin of Cycle 10 winner Whitney. Sayonara, sweetheart. There won’t be a repeat. Tyra claims that Lindsey is too skinny for plus-size, apparently forgetting her own lesson that the term is “full-figured.” I think Lindsey looks just about the same as Whit, if not a little bigger. Ah well, she’s gone anyway.

Up next is Hannah, who proudly proclaims her ignorance. Small town, big eyes on this one. Growing up, she had no electricity or water, it was 50 below zero, and she had to walk uphill both ways to school. BLAHHH Hannah, I’m already sick of your small-town mentality and Alaska pride. Please exit the show ASAP. K thanks bye.

Awwww, Tyra granted my wish!

Joslyn’s squeaky voice irks the judges but I find it kinda cute and endearing. Reminder: Joslyn’s the one that’s tried out thirty times. She doesn’t look very modelesque but seems super sweet, so I’m hoping she sticks around.

Elina shows up and proclaims that she’s the vegan that should have been on the show last season to get all uppity about the shoot in the meat locker. She then gets all wishy-washy when indicating if she’s a lesbian or just bisexual. To quote Teck from back in the day on Real World Hawaii, “There’s no such thing as a bisexual person, they’re just greedy!” Kacey thinks Elina’s a weirdo because of this, but Elina doesn’t care because her eyes are on Clark. Elina’s personality is grating on me, but I think she’s very striking and has a lot of potential.

Nikeysha considers herself to be spontaneous, so she flashed her boobies on her audition tape and in person to Tyra and the Jays. Sweetie, this isn’t an audition of Girls Gone Wild nor is it a French beach. Keep those puppies underwraps, okay? There are plenty of other ways to be spontaneous.

Brittany S. (yes, ANOTHER one) bounces in and I just gotta give the girl a shout-out because like mega-movie star Vince Vaughn, bestselling author Dave Eggers, Olympic swimmer Matt Grevers, and yours truly – she is a graduate of Lake Forest High School. However, Brittany seems destined to make me seem as old as the Earth because she hadn’t even started high school by the time I graduated. And I’m only 23!!! That’s sooooo not even mid-twenties! Brittany announces that she spends her time helping her boyfriend cage fight and you can see the glee in Tyra’s eyes because she’s finally found the way to get rid of Mr. Jay’s incessant pleas to become an official judge.

This will make him disappear faster those Space Odyssey special effects!

Now all you naysayers can go ahead and call bias on me, but I think Brittany’s got some serious potential. From some angles she looks gorgeous (and a bit like Jennifer Garner) and if she can drop the fighter-girl schtick, I think she can go far.

Susan’s the requisite Ivy Leaguer desperate to use that valuable degree to pursue high-fashion modeling. Apparently, this Harvard girl graduated with a degree in English literature but can’t name a single heroine from English literature. Tyra’s in a tizzy over this, asking, “Why is it that I didn’t go to an Ivy League school and I’m throwing out English and American literature?” Perhaps because you have many PAs to attend to your every beck and call, Ms. Banks. Also, does anyone else smell BS on this Susan chick? She’s dressed like she hit up the clearance rack at Old Navy… a decade ago.

“You mean to tell me that camouflage is out?”

Samantha’s up and she takes her time with the judges to talk about how much she can change the industry and make it her own. When pressed to name five current fashion models, she stumbles. Mizz Jay calls out Samantha on her generic answer and Tyra rattles on about how Top Model isn’t here to teach girls about modeling. Well, T-Banks, I feel like you might have gotten yourself into this one when you made last year’s premiere ep “Top Model Prep” themed, but whatever.

Time for the first cuts: Only 20 semi-finalists will move on to the photo-shoot. This is announced by our totally fluorescent Jays. Mr. Jay is rocking another totally insane hairdo. I’m so confused because I feel like Mr. Jay is too vain to be doing this as a joke, but he can’t seriously think this hair is working for him, right?

Rocking those jheri curls

The cut isn’t too much of a surprise – based on time constraints pretty much everyone that we’ve learned anything about makes it while the anonymous faces in the crowd get denied.

The girls that pass get ushered into a new room to do their photo shoot. You know the drill – everyone gets five minutes to change and scrunch around a mirror to do their own makeup. The shoot is mostly blah with everyone recycling the same tired quotes. The only somewhat notable thing is that it’s Samantha who decides to be Miss Stand Out to Fit In by going overboard with the makeup. Mr. Jay is not pleased with the gimmick.

After Tyra-Bot, Alpha Jay, and Beta Jay evaluate the photos, its time to announce which 14 girls will be named contestants for Cycle 11. T-Bot calls: Sheena, Analeigh, Nikeysha, Marjorie, Samantha, Elina, all three Britney/Brittany/Brittneys, Hannah, Lauren Cheese, Isis, Clark, and Joslyn. Tyra gives the six loser girls a rousing speech about how they should use Joslyn as an inspiration because she wanted it so bad and now that hard work as paid off. Oh, please Tyra, you know you just gave her the Susan Lucci pity vote.

And there you have hour number one. I’ve gotta reach down deep to pull this one out, cause I’ve gotta admit, this two-hour premiere ep is a killer. There’s only so much cattiness a girl can take.

Alright. Moving along. The girls get to roll through sunny LA in the backs of convertibles. We get clued in to the inevitable name changes of the Brittany triplets: Brittney B. is now Sharaun and Brittany S. will be McKey. Sadly, we don’t get any explanations behind these names a la “Amis is from the Bible.” The Jays – looking normal yet again – welcome the girls to LA.and take them to their pad in an eco-friendly limo. They’ve got more space than last season, meaning no bunk beds or gigantic family room bed. One hall is reserved for Tyra’s Fiercy Awards, which is apparently her way of honoring winners from season’s past with gems like “Worst Walk” and “Ugliest Cry.” Way to promote self-esteem to the young girls of America, T-Bot. Personally, I would prefer the Dundies any day of the week.

The girls gather around the kitchen table and grill Isis for the scoop on how one goes about changing genders. Joslyn asks Isis the million dollar question: What magic act did you perform to appear bulgeless in a bikini? “Through the magic of… tape.” Alright, I’m still a little confused but don’t want to get any more grossed out by thinking about this for one more second.

“You hid the sausage WHERE?”

A lot of the girls head out to the swimming pool to go for a quick dip, including Isis. Most of the chicks judge her from the safety of the hot tub, but McKey goes right up to Isis and horsing around with her. McKey seems genuinely interested in what Isis has gone through and admires her bravery in the situation. Aw, yay for McKey. Way to represent the LF.

On the other side of the classiness spectrum, Clark is skeeved out by the situation and confides in Alaska Hannah. They excuse their ignorance by claiming that they’re both from small towns. They see their views not as close-minded, just traditional. Oh UGH. “If you walk around like that in a small town, you’re gonna get shot!” Clark explains. She is officially the worst kind of ANTM contestant to me: I don’t even love to hate this girl. I just straight up hate her.

Tyra Mail arrives on a big screen (RIP Tyra Ticker Tape, 2008-2008) telling the girls that they’re going to get intimate in under a minute and that it will be magical. They jump up and down and cheer. I believe I got that exact line from an old boyfriend once, and let me assure you girls, it is NOT something that should make you jump up and down and cheer.

The next day, the bus shuttles the girls over to the Magic Castle where they are greeted by Ed Alonzo, the Misfit of Magic. Credit where credit is due – I was catching this ep with my good friend Jimmy who immediately exclaimed, “That’s the waiter from Saved by the Bell! He worked at the Max!” Lo and behold…

After using the magic word – fierce, obvi – each of the judges pop out from a previously empty cabinet. Oh, ‘ello Nigel! How I’ve missed your dapper good looks. And P-Dubs! I’d like to reiterate what an awesome addition Paulina is to ANTM. Love her. The girls will get one-on-one face time with the judges, that is, if they can find them wherever they are hiding in the Magic Castle. Shauraun comes off like an obnoxious used car salesman introducing herself in a way too overconfident manner as America’s Next Top Model. Not surprisingly, none of the judges are impressed. “Oh there’s nothing I should do then because you’ve got it all in the bag,” Mizz Jay counsels. “Yes!” Shauraun replies with a smile. Don’t these girls ever learn from previous contestants? Have they seen the show before? Don’t they waste entire Saturday afternoons getting sucked into ANTM marathons on VH1?

Paulina asks McKey what she would do if a photographer ever came on to her and she gives some tough girl martial arts answer about kicking him in the balls and punching him in the face. Oh McKey, you definitely have potential to become one of my favorites but you MUST find another angle besides violence chick. Joslyn asks Mizz Jay for the best runway tip and Mizz Jay aloofly responds, “Keep your day job!” before the two dissolve into giggles. Oh I like these two together. I like it a lot. Marjorie is so nervous it’s almost comical. That is, if I cared. Nigel’s impressed that Isis knows her stuff but picks up that there’s something different about her. Are the producers seriously trying to play off that the judges weren’t filled in on Isis’ secret?

For the first time in I can’t remember how long, only one girl reads the Tyra Mail instead of the annoying chorus group read. “Fashion isn’t the only way to make a statement.” When the girls arrive on set, Mr. Jay pops out of a voting booth on a very patriotic set. The girls must represent the issues in this election and make voting sex-ay. Mr. Jay relays Tyra’s passion for the election and reminds them that she’s had many candidates on her talk show. Ah yes, how can we forget the time that she asked Obama some very hard-hitting questions. True Story.

“Can my momma and I have a sleepover in the Lincoln Bedroom? Pretty please with sugar on top?”

Marjorie’s up first to represent immigration which is very fitting considering she’s an immigrant. Marjorie looks really hot and Jay was quite pleased with her photo shoot. Clark’s a wee bit stumped because she’s supposed to represent bureaucracy and doesn’t really know what the word means. She meets with the brain trust to try and solve this puzzle:

Regina George finds her Gretchen and Karen

They deduce that it might have something to do with communism. Oh for Tyra’s sake. I’m offended that Clark and I share a hair color. Hopefully that will change after makeovers and she won’t continue to perpetuate the stereotype that all blondes are dumb as rocks. Clark asks McKey for the definition but McKey cutely responds that she’s not going to tell. Clark’s pissed and this season’s rivalry is born. Team McKey all the way. Clark then totally bombs her shoot and it probably doesn’t help that she bears a striking resemblance to Denise Richards when she’s all dolled up.

When McKey steps up to characterize the environment, Jay tries to bring something more out of her. He suggests that she thinks about wrestling with her boyfriend and she starts straight up air boxing. It’s a little strange. Hannah decides to jump into the fight for biggest moron so far this season when explaining her representation of nuclear weapons, “Obviously I understand that nuclear weapons have damaging effects. I just don’t know how I feel about them.” Dear Tyra: Please never do two hours all at once ever again. You’re seriously making my brain hurt. Kisses! Hoolia.

When Isis represents privacy, some of the other girls get called into the shot to be extras that are supposed to spy on her. Sharaun takes this a bit too literally and leads the other girls in heckling Isis from behind the curtain. We’ve got some real classy winners this season, I can tell already. Sheena and her electric blue lipstick are supposed to embody energy but she’s coming off a little bit too much like a hooker. Jay and Sheena come up with a code word for when she needs to scale it back and they decide on the very subtle “hooch.” I, for one, would have preferred “foliage.”

Joslyn’s assigned unemployment which she’s psyched about because she’s actually unemployed but still feels sexy. I’m really surprised by how different she looks all done up. She comes across as very plain Jane to me when she’s just hanging around, but she really does look awesome for her shoot. Jay goes so far as to dub her performance “almost Tyra-like.” Samantha represents the 1980s… oh wait, I’m sorry, she’s representing economics. While dressing like the 1980s.

Tyra Mail announces the upcoming panel. Sharaun is sure she’s got it in the bag while Marjorie’s nervous that she’s going to get cut. So clearly, Sharaun will be going home while Marjorie will have one of the top pics.

Panel time! Same judging lineup as last year, with the exception of Mizz Jay’s crazy outfit which has gone AWOL on us. In its place is a huge necklace with the number 14 on it and I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that each week it will display the number of girls left in the competition. Paulina looks absolutely gorgeous, BTW.
Marjorie’s up first:

Nigel sees nerves everywhere – in person and in the picture. Paulina thinks it looks great and can see a brain shining through. Mizz Jay loves the lines that Marjorie makes with her body. Tyra reveals that Marjorie had really strong film and thinks that the end result is just divine.

Mizz Jay tells Sharaun that her problem is that she loves to spread her legs. OH NO SHE DIDN’T! Nigel thinks Sharaun looks handcuffed.

Paulina thinks Clark looks like a black widow and has missed the point of the shoot. Tyra notices that every shot looks the same of her. Hoolia wonders why Clark’s making a chipmunk face.

Nigel loves how patriotic it looks. Mizz Jay would like more neck.

Nigel likes the face but Paulina tsk-tsks Nikeysha’s amputated looking legs. Nikeysha gets caught up in her excuses and implies that Tyra picked a bad shot. Ruh roh. Even the most casual ANTM watcher should know that Rule #1 is to NOT cross Tyra because as soon as that happens, your days are numbered. Call up Kat from last season and see how many days she lasted after correcting Tyra on the pronunciation of her name. Nobody is a fan of Nikeysha’s defensiveness.

Samantha shows up channeling her best Robin Sparkles and Tyra immediately tears down her eightiesified outfit. Tyra compares Samantha’s shot to Bridget Hall. Paulina loves Samantha’s healthy build.

Not too much critique from the judges but they all seem to like it. Tyra even gives the shrill “Fieeeeerce!” complete with finger wave.

Nigel thinks the message is gone. Paulina politely disagrees, saying Analeigh looks like she cares but she lost the light in the shot.

Mizz Jay loves how tall Brittany looks. Tyra knows that her brother from the Air Force will claim that this military girl is “dope.”

Mizz Jay doesn’t think the message comes across. Hannah claims that she doesn’t know how she feels about nuclear weapons so she wasn’t sure how she was going to come across. Tyra advises her to go with three poses: pro, con, and confused.

Nigel thinks it’s cute and Tyra thinks it’s beautiful. Tyra also dispenses some decent advice. She tells Sheena to model like the opposite of what she has on. Since the dress is so sexy, Sheena’s attitude needs to be dialed down to compensate and make the picture less obvious.

Paulina raves about the picture and has nothing negative to say about it. Clark seethes with jealousy in the background. Tyra warns McKey that she can’t always box on the outside but needs to do it in her head to create some “friggin gorgeous” shots.

Nigel can tell that Lauren Cheese lost the message. Tyra says that Cheese looks a little frustrated, but should have dialed it up more.

All the judges think that Isis nailed it. Paulina especially can sense the issue. Tyra feels Isis’ story from behind the photo.

Before Tyra calls the names she reveals a bonus prize for the girl with the top shot every week – the winner will have her photo displayed as digital art in the Top Model house for the week. I don’t know if we’re supposed to be impressed by this, but the girls don’t seem to be and I’m certainly not. Anyway, onto the order: Marjorie, Isis, McKey, Joslyn, Elina, Samantha, Brittany, Sheena, Analeigh, Clark, Lauren Cheese, Hannah. Sharaun and Nikeysha are the final two. Sharaun acted too overconfident when meeting with the judges and they think she lacks substance. Nikeysha’s picture popped, but the judges were bothered by her inability to accept criticism. Nikeysha stays and Sharaun awkwardly dissolves into a puddle of tears. The tears combine with her shiny lip gloss to make it look like she fell face first in a tub of KY jelly.

And so ends week one! I’m dying to hear what you all think – it’s been a long summer and I’ve missed all the bickering in the comments. Tell me who you love and who you hate and what your thoughts are on Isis. One of my friends thinks that Tyra’s going to give her the gender reassignment surgery during makeovers. When I rewatched the episode, I did see a few clear hints that suggest that this could happen, but I’ve gotta think the recovery time for that would be way longer than the shooting schedule could allow. Oh well, I’m just counting down the weeks to the makeover episode anyway because it’s always one of the bests for any season. Most importantly – are you feeling this cycle more or less than Cycle 10?