By admin|Thursday, November 10, 2005 | 3:18 pm | 75 Comments
When we last checked in with America’s Next Top Model, the judges said buh-bye to Kyle, who was arguably the best looking woman among those still left in the competition. The judges picked Kyle for elimination over Bre because they though she was too safe, and they didn’t think she was showing improvement. As we are now down to the final six girls, the pressure is really mounting. The models see that the end is near, and the possiblility of winning is either going to push them to succeed or cause them to wilt under the pressure. And either way, it should be fun to watch.If you are not familiar with Los Angeles, there was a brief shot of Sunset Plaza in the opening montage from this week. I know people get sick of me playing LA tour guide, but there was this great restaurant in the shot called Le Petit Four. It’s French (obviously), and I feel I would be doing a disservice to everybody if I didn’t recommend the clams in white wine sauce. And all of the places on Sunset Plaza have great al fresco dining. Did you need to know all of this for ANTM recap? Of course not, but what is another 100 words or so? There was so much stuff in this episode, we’ll be pushing ten pages anyway.
Oh that’s right, another 100 words is just another chance to get off topic, as if I don’t do that enough. Anyway, before she left, Kyle left a message for roommates, folded it up, wrote “Kyle Mail” on the outside and let everybody there know how much she cared about them. Everybody is emotional, but it was Kim that took it the hardest. She counted Kyle as one of the normal people, and said that she didn’t know how she was going to be OK without her. I am not that crazy for Kim, but you still have to feel for her. She’s out of her comfort zone and even though she said earlier in the year that straight girls always fell for her, you get the feeling that Kim also falls for straight girls, perhaps even more often. Gay or not, Kim was very upset.
The first Tyra Mail came and unlike so many Tyra Mails where they have trouble figuring out what they are going to do next, it didn’t take long for them to figure out that they were going to meet Ms. Eva Pigford, AKA Eva the Diva and winner of Top Model Cycle 3. Yeah, it’s nice to see Miss J. or Mr. Jay, but a chance to meet a Top Model, and one who some consider the most successful person to win the prize, is a real treat.
The next day, the girls stopped by one of Eva’s photo shoots for a little advice. Was it me or did that wig give her a serious Aisha Tyler look? Either way, she looked good, and one of the first people to comment with Kim. I guess she decided that she was going to get over Kyle by developing a crush on another straight girl, Miss Eva. Actually, I am not sure Eva is straight, but all signs point to yes. Well, all signs except that air freshener she hangs off of her navel. I mean seriously, New Car Scent? Shouldn’t it be “Oh So Cherry”? Kim was being led into temptation and was quite happy that somebody delivered her to Eva. The Gabrielle Union romantic comedy jokes are my best friends. THE BEST.
Eva was there to talk about her entourage. Hair, makeup, wardrobe, manager; you want to surround yourself with the best people because they are the ones that are going to shape your image and help you deliver it to an audience. She was also there to talk about the experience of being on the show. Her words of advice were simple, but I thought really good. Eva said the judges were looking at the girls through the world standard of beauty, and if they wanted to stand out they would have to create their own standard. Most importantly, she let them know that being on the show is like a window of opportunity, and they should take advantage of that chance as much as possible.
One person who did not need to have a lecture about taking advantage of an opportunity was Lisa. I’ve said many times that I like Lisa, but some of the things she says make me wonder if she is working with anything more than a brain stem. She said that “slowly but surely, I am becoming more of a threat” with regards to the other girls in the house. A welcome insight, but the way she is treated by her housemates, it’s one she could have made a long time ago. I think the girls are really jealous of Lisa because she doesn’t have the same sheer beauty as the other girls, but she still takes great photos and gets great praise from the judges. They make fun of Lisa being old, but some of that age has made her wiser. While the other girls were kind of sitting around and waiting for people to tell them what to do, Lisa was up, chatting with the people on the set. If you live in LA, you know that networking is key to getting places, even if it’s not the modeling industry. Lisa seems to have that knowledge and she was taking advantage of anybody with a contact in the industry because like she said, you have no idea when the whole fantasy world that is the competition will come to an end.
Lisa had another brilliant observation when she noted that she might be going friendless. From what we can tell, Lisa hasn’t really tried to get close or friendly with any of the girls. She does offer them advice, but the way she delivers her words, it always comes off as some sort of backhanded compliment. Actually, it comes off as just a slap in the face and very insincere. Instead of actually making friends, Lisa tries to get people to like her by being goofy, but her in-your-face approach may not be working. Kim said that everybody was getting a little scared of Lisa, or at least her crazy behavior. After seeing Eva, Lisa sensed that everybody was a little down, so she put on a crazy outfit, nappy wig, and some false teeth and kind of went around trying to get people to laugh. And while Lisa did look strange, sort of like a taller, more earthy Joan Rivers with a British dentist, the girls can’t tell if she is trying to be funny or just drop dead drunk.
The challenge part of the episode was going to be in two parts. First the girls went to downtown Los Angeles where they met BJ Gillian of Cover Girl Cosmetics. Besides aiding in product placement, BJ told the girls that they were going to have a chance to pick their own entourage, consisting of hair and makeup, wardrobe, and an assistant. The first two are pretty self explanatory, and the last was there to help build a poster representing the model. The assistants were there because you can’t bother doing things yourself when you are trying to create a look, but I bet the producers were worried that if they let the girls do it themselves, Lisa would be chugging glue like it was a never-ending box of Franzia.
Most of the girls were excited to get going. BJ was helping everybody pick the right color and finish of lip cover to go with the rest of their looks. A lot of the people were just happy they had people doing things for them. Kim was happy that her entourage seemed more helpful than others and Nik didn’t seem to have any objections to that her entourage said was best. Bre had a few words of suggestion and was worried about being bossy, but the person who really had no regard for others’ feelings was, not surprisingly, Lisa. Granted, the entourage is there to work for you, but Lisa was not happy with much, even suggesting she wear her own clothes over the designer samples that were left for all of the girls to try. She came off as a huge bitch, but to anybody who has been an assistant, you would have to call her criticism pretty tame.
After building their entourages, everybody traveled to Handprint Entertainment to meet Benny Medina, a manager who has handled stars like Tyra and Mariah Carey. Impress Benny, and they were going to win a chance to guest star on this week’s episode of Veronica Mars. As the girls went through this challenge, we soon found out that Benny had every intention of being very blunt. He let the girls talk about their posters, which was supposed to represent them in some way, and as I saw the posters, not very many of them were very impressive. I mean, if this was a scene from the movie “My Left Foot”, you might have come away impressed with the craftsmanship, but to think that these creations came from people with full motor and critical thinking skills made you worry that you were getting dumber just by watching them. I think I had seen better craftsmanship during my Super Saturday classes as an eight year old.
A lot of the girls were very unprepared for the interview. Bennie’s assistant or business partner had told the girls what they were playing for, but when asked why they would be good for the role, many of the models were completely caught off guard. Some people knew what they wanted to talk about, but were just really boring. Jayla talked for a LONG time. We can’t be sure if it was the editing, but to anybody who took enough time to refer to a portion of their early childhood as “the black period”(thanks PICASSO) was probably talking too much.
Bre, Kim, and Lisa seemed the most natural during their interviews. Benny thought that Bre was very friendly and passionate, but was almost at a loss for words when Lisa got emotional during her interview. She talked about how this was something she wanted to do so badly, and being so close to overcome everything she has gone through just got the better of her. It was all very emotional, and I hate to be a cynic, but did anybody else find that line kind of rehearsed? It was a lot like what she said when she was in front of the panel during interviews at the beginning of the season.
The sob story may have worked for the judges while trying to get on the show, but Benny was more demanding. He still wants to make money, and if he is going to send somebody to the set of THE Veronica Mars, Benny isn’t going to send no chump. He really doesn’t care if a person had a hard life, he wants to know that they aren’t going to look like an idiot on the set. He wants people who talk more about their acting experience of familiarity in front of the camera, and the only person who spoke to him in those terms was Kim. Kim had experience, I believe she said on stage, and that was exactly Benny was looking for and he named her the winner.
I have been down on Kim lately, and was a little disappointed that she got picked, because I would have rather seen somebody else on the show, but if it’s good enough for Benny, I guess I’ll have to live with it. Besides, the last time a top model was on Veronica Mars, our beloved Naima fell to a grisly death. With any luck, maybe they would kill off Kim’s character. Ha! She deserves it for being so eloquent and well spoken in front of the manager. Alas, it didn’t look like Kim was going to die, instead, she played the role of a jaded underachiever working at the customer service of a car rental place. Since she was missing Kyle, Kim must have been very happy to see that her scene was with Kristin Bell, who she said was very nice and was willing to rehearse with her “as long as it takes”. Kim was able to adjust to the cameras, and was overall very happy with the experience.
Back at the model house, Kim was very excited because she got to do something she never did before. She was also happy because she really hasn’t won anything, and to be picked by a manager to play a role on a television show made her realize, perhaps for the first time, that she belonged in the competition. Kim wasn’t really gloating about her experience, but that doesn’t mean that there weren’t people that felt jealous. Lisa was really upset that she didn’t win, and while she said that she wasn’t jealous about anything, it was clearly way too much to ask her to be happy that somebody else won. I like Lisa because she does push the buttons of the other models, but she really has to learn how to lose with some class. While Kim was talking about being on the set, Lisa was very passive aggressive with comments like “Oh, I really wanted to win, but I’m glad you won something” and “I won twice before, so I don’t really care that much”. With this kind of attitude, the animosity we see from the rest of the girls is rather deserved. Lisa is not anybody’s friend, so you don’t really expect her to be happy, but at the same time there is no need to be a skank bitch about the whole thing.
The next day, the girls went to the location of their next photo shoot. It was a very fabulous house in the hills, which I swear I remember from a movie, but maybe not. If you know, please leave a comment. For the entire episode, the theme has been how your entourage can help you, but what if the only thing your entourage did was piss you off? That was the theme of the photo shoot, and to pull the off the job of antagonization than Steve-O, Chris Pontius, and that little person whose name escapes me at the moment, of Wild Boyz fame? I have never really been a huge fan of Jackass, so immediately I was upset with this Viacom-forced placement. It turns out I shouldn’t have been so quick to judge because these three guys were perfect with what Jay and the photographer were trying to do with this shoot.
If there was anybody who was upset as I was initially about the Wild Boyz on the set, it was Bre, who could not believe what she had to work with. Remember last cycle when we had male models. Lee-Roy, Bertini, and Mark had the girls swooning, and although Bertini got a little too hands-on for Keenyah, at least there was no worry that he was going to staple his scrotum to something in the middle of the shoot. Talk about a distraction! Lisa, on the other hand, really loved being among the Wild Boyz, so it really fit that she would go first. in her skit, her entourage has stolen her makeup, and she needs it to get ready to go out. Lisa is really intense, and she really got into it, slapping the guys around and almost fighting with them. Her problem was that she was not aware of the camera or any of her angles, and the photographer let her know it.
Bre was the second to go, and all of her fears about the Wild Boyz came true. In her scenario, she was just getting out of the shower and her entourage was stealing all of her underwear. Now even though it wasn’t actually her panties that had that they were wearing, Bre was screaming like they were here. When it came to antagonization, the Wild Boyz did a particularly good job with Bre. With most of the other girls, the guys were in the background, not really interacting. With Bre, they were throwing panties in her face. It might have been part of the shoot, but they were really smacking her in the face with it. Bre got upset, but it was natural emotion and the photographer really liked it.
Next up was Nicole. In her role, she gets home and her boyfriend is cheating with another girl, and what better way to make the entire thing natural than to use Kim as the woman. I though Nicole looked really good in her hair and makeup, pulling off a nice faux Jenny McCarthy, but she couldn’t stop laughing and didn’t seem to get into the role at all. With Jayla, the Wild Boyz were supposed to take care of her dog, but were instead feeding it her dinner or something. I think they should have been creative and had Steve-O eating some Alpo. Jayla’s challenge, since she was working with an animal, was that she had to look like she was screaming, but couldn’t make a sound. The photographer was having a hard time because Jayla only had one real pose, and it wasn’t working.
Nik was next, and she also had a screaming shot. The Wild Boyz had taken her dresses and she was in the foreground while they were in the background jumping in the air. The guys didn’t really do anything to annoy her, but Steve-O decided it would be great to do his jumping without the benefit of boxers, so there was a whole lot of penis flopping around in the background while she didn’t know it. Finally, there was Kim. She was screaming by the side of the pool. I guess she was supposed to be upset that they were splashing her.
Since we are getting down to crunch time, I am not going to pick favorites, but will include all of the pictures each week, and here they are (click on a picture for a larger image):
Overall, I have to commend the Wild Boyz on their behavior. Dare I say that they were professionals throughout most of the shoot? They were obviously there because they could be over the top, but I didn’t feel like they ever tried to become the center of attention during the shoots. In between sessions, they were definitely authentic, and they really seemed to enjoy working with the girls. At one point Steve-O said that he tried to convert Kim from being a lesbian, but the person that he was absolutely smitten over was Nicole. He flirted with her, asking her if she was moving to Los Angeles, and telling her that she always had a place to crash if she needed to. By crash, he meant have wild sex with me, the maid, and my potted fichus, but the gesture was still there.
As soon as somebody was getting some attention, Lisa had to do something. For some reason, there was an adult diaper around somewhere, and Lisa thought that it would be a good idea to try it on. So she’s here, walking around in her Depends, and while it looks like some people are giggling, it’s not quite enough to get people to stop talking about Nicole. Hey, I know! Why don’t you see if they work Lisa? Pee in your adult diaper in front of everybody! And that’s exactly what she did. The cameras didn’t show anything really. Just as she was bending her knees and about to let go, we cut to pictures of the girls looking disgusted at what happened. We never got to see any of the aftermath either, so we couldn’t see how absorbent that diaper really was. Although this got everybody talking about her, none of it was flattering. If she thought she had no friend before, pissing herself just because people aren’t paying attention to you isn’t the way to do it. Then again, she could have shat in somebody’s bed, and I’m not going to rule out that possibility the way things are going.
But before you judge Lisa, please stop and remember what Eva said. “You have to take advantage of your window of opportunity.” Bre said earlier that she was going to live every day like it was her last. Lisa herself said that she wasn’t sure when the fairytale would end. This was just another networking opportunity. Now, I know what you are saying, who on earth is looking for a top model who pisses themself in a diaper? This is the United States folks, and there are plenty of people willing to pay people to do that, but we don’t even have to go that far. There are legitimate uses:
Click on the old lady to play…
Lisa’s doing what she wants to do folks, and you can’t stop her. Not with the secure comfort of her adult undergarment.
For the other girls, Lisa’s antics are a little bit hard to comprehend. Bre hopes that Lisa finds her own Dr. Melfi if she wins the money, although I am sure that all of them are hoping that LisaÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s antics would get her thrown out come judging time.
At panel, the girls saw three plates, and the judges would ask them to do an interaction with each one. The first item was a tube of toothpaste, and the girls were asked to do poses of as if they were going to be in an ad. The second was a pair of sunglasses, and the girls were supposed to pose like they were being asked to do a high fashion editorial. The third item, a bar of chocolate, asked the girls to give a pitch, and that is where we got our best responses. Nicole couldn’t really think of anything to say, so instead of trying to come up with words, she sang a song about ANTM chocolate and did a little dance. It was kind of dumb, but much better than Nik, who could really only say “It’s chocolaty” over and over again. It might have been a true to life description, but if the only thing that makes it stand out is that it tastes like chocolate, you probably need to come up with something more original. How about “ANTM Chocolate! It’s no worse than a Tarshi Bar!“
But of all the people who were talking about chocolate, Bre had to be the best. Have I talked about Bre’s voice yet? God, it’s so very seductive. It’s got that Demi Moore after a few cigarettes sound to it, and it drives me crazy. It’s the kind of voice you want to hear somebody talking dirty, but since ANTM is family programming, hearing her talk about chocolate is just as good. The way Bre describes the chocolate makes you want to take it do dinner, watch a movie, and then bring it back to your place for a cup of coffee. You take its wrapper off, and because it’s a first date you just cuddle. OK, maybe you try and get things started by nibbling on its shoulder, but they aren’t interested and pretend they are asleep. Sure things may be awkward when you wake up in the morning and wonder why the sheets are all sticky, but shit, what did you expect when you were spooning a chocolate bar all night? The best part of Bre’s little act with the chocolate was that it was just an act. After her time was up, she said “I hate chocolate” and stormed off. Apparently, she was faking it the whole time, but I still would love to hear her talk dirty or about chocolate at any time.
After their performances, the girls are critiqued on their pictures and their performance with the products. Jayla was up first and she didn’t do well. It was bad enough that they said she was scared of the chocolate, but what was worse was that they looked at her picture and said her body and mouth looked like a blow up doll. Being the helpful blogger that I am, I did some research on which love doll Jayla resembled. I would have to say the Stephanie Swift Wicked Vibrating Love Doll is pretty close.
As disturbing as an image of the blow up doll is, the descriptions are like, Whoa! Try this on for size: “Slip into StephanieÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s tight, stretchy Vibrating SENSO Vagina and anus. Supple Life-Like breasts with rock hard nipples. Life-Like toes. Stephanie has a gorgeous hand-painted face with long flowing hair and beautiful brown eyes. Hold up 250 pounds.” What is more disturbing, that somebody has patented a fake vagina and called it SENSO, or that there is somebody out there desperately in need of a sex doll with lifelike toes?
The judges thought that Nik had no real connection with her products, and seeing how shy/unprepared she was in front of the manager, and how uncomfortable she looks pitching the products, and how she said in the secret challenge her weakness was talking in front of a camera, they could all count against her. But those pictures, they were amazing. Tyra made sure to let her know that she had many good frames. Looks like the Steve-O balls flapping behind her were good luck.
I really didn’t like that many of the pictures this week, but I would say that Kim’s was second after Nik. Maybe it’s simply a matter of confidence to get her performing well. While I wouldn’t say that she looks like a model if I saw her walking on the street, she has been doing well in some of her latest pictures, and the little frilly pink thing they picked for her really worked. She was happy with their praise, but was it just me or did she look disappointed when they said it worked out for her because she finally got to be one of the boys. I think as she is getting farther, she is trying to lose that label a little bit, even while she tries to say her look would diversify any shoot or spread.
Lisa was next, and the judges made not mention whatsoever of her peeing fiasco. Instead, they focused on her performance with the products in front of the panel, and they absolutely loved it. I thought they had showered her with praise before when Tyra said one of her pictures put a tear in her eye, but they nearly matched it this week. They loved how natural she was with the products, but one thing stood out in particular. For the high fashion photo shoot, they were given a pair of glasses. Most of the girls were doing high fashion poses, but Lisa got the idea to run a jump. While it wasn’t successful, and the glasses fell, they liked the originality in what she did, and Tyra said it reminded her of a shoot she once did, and when you remind Tyra of herself, that is always a good sign. The rest of the girls were livid that Lisa continued to get praise, but not everything was perfect. In particular, the singled out her picture. Her face was horrendous and she was barely looking at the camera.
After last week’s performance, Bre seemed to have better attitude. The judges loved how she did her chocolate commercial without pausing and Nigel mentioned that he closed his eyes and, well, maybe he was wanting a little brown sugar at the moment. One thing they didn’t like about it is that Bre sounded fake, like she was trying to be proper, and she admitted that was the case. Twiggy was the first working class model, so she related her story of how she came up when all of the other girls were so much more posh than her. I can see it now, poor Twiggy, growing up with only one stable and one pony, and her dad was so poor her dad could not always afford new clothes for the fox hunt and sometimes her mom had to buy generic earl grey and day old biscuits when her friend came over to play rummy. Oh those were tough times.
Finally, we have Nicole. The judges weren’t particularly impressed with anything she did. If it was just a close-up, she might have won, but that wasn’t the case. The photographer of the shoot, who was a guest judge said that if she couldn’t take herself seriously, she would be nothing more than a catalog model.
After talking amongst themselves, the judges decided that Bre had the best performance of the week. I am happy to see her back on top. The judges said that she was trying to be perfect, but if you try and make people happy all the time, you end up like Lisa. Well, maybe she won’t be pissing in a diaper, but you know. Bre is well-liked by all of the girls, so I think it shouldn’t be hard for her to be more outgoing in front of the judges. Kim and Nik were next thanks to those awesome pictures they had, and Lisa rounded out the top four. Her age sort of showed through her picture this time, but her enthusiasm before the judges helped her stay out of the bottom two.
That leaves Nicole and Jayla, two beautiful girls, but only one could go on right? Instead of saying that one girl had what the other wanted, Tyra said that these girls suffered the same problem. They are very beautiful, but they depend too much on that beauty and don’t work hard. At this point, I was having a tough time figuring out who was going home. Jayla had an awful picture, but the judges had warned Nicole previously about being seen as immature, so either one could have left. In the end, Tyra surprised us all by eliminating both of them! Everybody was stunned. We have been used to multiple firings on the Apprentice and Survivor did a double elimination, but ANTM? They did this last season once, so I guess there’s no reason it can’t happen again. Jayla and Nicole didn’t know what to say, and the other girls were crying.
And then, just like that, Tyra said she was just kidding! This was a non-elimination week, and everybody would be going to London! The producers tried to make it festive with Union Jack confetti and some Buckingham guards in the background bopping along, but everybody was so devastated, they didn’t know what to do. After a while, it sunk in that nobody was going home, and everybody got excited for their trip. Jayla and Nicole are going to be scarred for life, but man, I have to give props to Tyra for doing all of that so well.
What did you think of the episode? Was there somebody who deserved to go home?