MiniCap: ANTM

Last night on ANTM, we start off right where last episode left off with Bianca and Haggis Face still fighting.  First of all, Haggis Face should not even be able to speak so long as she insists on wearing her hair like she’s an extra in the I Love Lucy episode where Lucy stomps grapes in Italy or whatever.  Secondly, seriously?  Enough with the mean girl non-fight.  If we, the viewers, are going to be exposed to fighting, can it at least be about something less obvious than Bianca being a bitch?  That’s like fighting about Ryan Gosling being hot.

Tyramail: If you care about anything, you won’t drop the ball.  No guesses but Bre and Lisa are getting ample screen time early on so it’s probably going to come down to those two.  At the challenge, Nigel greets the girls on a beach surrounded by Julie Henderson, a fiercely real model AKA an Eating Model and “socialite” Brittny Gastineau who is tight with the Kardashians and used to be on a show with her mom called The Gastineau Girls that I totally watched.  Haven’t we come to a consensus yet that “socialite” can no longer be used as an occupation description?

The challenge is a charity flag football game with participation from the previously eliminated models as well as four players from the NFL whose names escape me but they were kind of cute in a jock itch, meat head way.  In between competing in the game, the girls will be challenged with posing and whoever gets the best photo will win a campaign on a Banks website called TypeF.com and some vending machine jewelry from that Gastineau trick’s jewelry line.  The winning team will win $5000 to be split between two charities picked by the NFL players.  Thanks in advance for your sizable donation of $2500.  To put things in perspective, that’s like 1.5 Jeopardy clues.

Kayla wins the challenge and shows up for her photo shoot for TypeF.com.  At the shoot, Andre decided to take a quick break out of the rice fields to style Kayla for her shoot.  I can honestly say I will never, ever go to TypeF.come for anything, not even out of morbid curiosity.

Another Tyra mail comes in but I was too distracted by looking at Google Images of rice fields that I missed what it said.  No big deal as they are quickly off to their shoot to meet Jay who announces the photoshoot theme will be Bitchfight in a Bar.  Finally an easy theme where most of these ladies are probably experienced.  I never instigated a Bitchfight but I was in the middle of one when a bar crawl turned nasty, beers were dumped on heads and all I wanted to do was finish my karaoke to Sweet Child O’Mine which I REALLY didn’t think was too much to ask.

Anyway, Coco Rocha is here today as well to pose alongside the models to show just exactly what amateurs they are, despite being on an “All Star” season.  The girls are paired up and basically fight over Coco in the picture.  I don’t know much about this Coco chickie except she is totally rocking some Addicted to Love makeup today.  (Amended to include a quick Wikipedia which says she’s spoken out about eating disorders in the modeling industry and she Irish dances.)

The pairs in the bitchfights are Shannon and Bianca, Allison and Kayla, Angelea and Laura, Alexandria and Bre, and Lisa and Dominique.  During the shoot, Angelea has a break down and starts crying which is par for the course (not Angelea crying…just crying in general.) Not much else happens at the shoot but I  just want to put it out there that I SO WOULD with the photographer today, Douglas Friedman.

Coco Rocha is the guest judge on panel and the pictures are almost laughable at how much better this girl photographs than our All Stars.  But I digress.  Check back in a couple days for the full recap to see who was the most owned by Coco.