On this week’s ANTM, we get all the usual makeover goodness (and hideousness), plus a bonus performance!
Nigel’s reluctant understudy
We open with the usual post-panel chit-chat. Brittany’s peeved because she wants to be perceived has high fashion, but the judges see her as very average and commercial. Analeigh’s feeling stressed because she’s let down the judges.
When the girls arrive back at the house, what to their wondering eyes should appear? A tiaraed Tyra, of course! Tyra thinks this is an appropriate time to have a princess party with the girls, so she gives them some tiaras and party accessories suited for my six-year old cousin’s birthday party.
Okay kids, tuck in because Tyra’s about to drop some knowledge on us mere mortals. This week’s lecture is about that time Tyra gave her career a makeover. You see, when Tyra started out modeling she was a skinny minnie, but then sure enough she got that famous booty and boobies that she can’t ever stop talking about.
Apparently once upon a time when Tyra was living in Italy, her agent told her that almost no designer would work with her until she dropped in 15 pounds. But headstrong Tyra didn’t listen to those naysayers! No, she ordered a pizza and decided to drop high fashion and pursue more “girl-next-door” gigs.
Because this is surely what pops into your head when you hear “girl-next-door”
In a transition that we all saw coming from a million miles away, Tyra talks about how her career makeover is like another kind of makeover… the makeovers that the girls will be getting! Tyra begins to tell Analeigh what kind of makeover she’ll be getting when all of a sudden, my TV suddenly flips to PBS.
Looks like Masterpiece Theatre’s budget got cut
Seriously. Did someone slip something into my hot and sour soup tonight? My words are not going to do this justice, so I really hope you guys got the clip. Mizz Jay/Wicked Stepmother brings Tyra an apple that she devours in an absolutely disgusting manner. Tyra, for all the advice your mother gave you about modeling, didn’t she ever teach you to chew with your mouth closed? T faints from the poison apple and Mr. Jay/Prince Charming comes to revive her with a kiss. A kiss that’s a little too uncomfortably long for my liking. But alas, sexual orientation gets in the way because Mr. Jay’s kiss is not strong enough to fully revive our fair maiden. She’s too woozy to tell the girls about their makeovers and I’m too woozy to continue to recap this ridiculousness.
At the salon, all the mirrors are covered and it looks as if Tyra’s going to continue in last cycle’s footsteps and not tell the girls what makeovers they’ll be getting.
Marjorie goes from blonde to brown. Hoolia says thumbs up.
Joslyn gets a long long weave. Eh, I’m indifferent.
Sam gets her hair lopped off and goes blonder. Waterworks because she’s losing her long hair, but it ends up looking really, really good. I approve.
Hannah gets the Dominique soccer mom cut. HA! HA! Oh man, it does not look good, but I still wholeheartedly approve for humor’s sake.
Clark goes dark brown and looks like she gets some extensions, too. She claims she’s still a blonde at heart. I don’t love this makeover, but I don’t hate it either.
Lauren Cheese gets… absolutely nothing! Queen Tyra supposedly made her more platinum, but the difference in color and cut is so minimal that she looks absolutely no different. So strange! And sort of a letdown…
Sheena lightens up with some blonde face-framing highlights and slightly shorter hair. I do not think this is going to help tone down the hooch. My vote: downgrade.
The stylists start to play with Analeigh’s hair and I’m ready to pounce if they destroy any of its loveliness. Thank goodness they leave the length and they change the color to a dirty blonde. I’m not particularly wowed by the color change. At least the flowy curls are still intact.
Elina’s terrified for the “drastic” change that Mizz Jay promises. To get Elina away from looking too Angelina Jolie, she decides to give her LOTS (and I mean lots) of red curly hair. Oh, the horror. Elina starts to cry and Mr. Jay comes over for a little pep talk about how Elina needs to let go of her control issues because that can only bring good things into her life. Yeah, whatever Jay. She’s crying because her hair looks horrendous. In fact, this is pretty close to the style that they yanked from Fatima last year, just a little less orange. I do not think I’m gonna be able to get used to this one. Major, major downgrade.
McKey gets a black short ‘do that makes her look a lot older. It really emphasizes her strong facial features. Slight improvement, but I think this girl will go far no matter what style she’s rocking. This look is going to allow her to master the beautiful androgynous look, too.
Not surprisingly, Tyra attempts to glam-up and girlify Isis by giving her a long, long weave. This softens her face, a definite improvement.
Brittany gets a long, wavy weave that I really, really like. Post-makeover, Brit and Mizz Jay have a pow wow about Brit’s new look. Mizz Jay tells Brit that she’s very pretty and that he can imagine her being a football player’s trophy wife. HA. Brittany pouts and cries a river over the fact that everyone always tells her how she’s “such a pretty girl.” She then mimes blowing her brains out. No, seriously, she does. No sarcastic recapper liberties taken there. I bet she’s also one of those girls that whines that all she eats is cheeseburgers but she still can’t manage to gain a single pound. Boo hoo, Brit. We’re through.
It’s that time of the cycle again for Wal-Mart/Cover-Girl product placement. In a blatant display of nepotism, the annoying bow-tied CG minion has been replaced with Crissy Barker, wife of hunky dreamboat Nigel. There’s some freaking adorable family photos of the two of them and their bambino. I do not like this. I do not like this at all. It is much harder to be captain and president of Team Nigel when I’m reminded of his skinny supermodel wife. Boooo.
The girls get the usual 5 minutes to create a look and then will have to shoot a 30 second commercial spot with no script. This is a fantastic twist for humor purposes mostly because so many girls have historically had trouble when they’re being force-fed lines from cue cards.
The mostly successful? Hannah (although her garbled accent sounds a bit Southern to me), Samantha, and Lauren Cheese. The girls who bomb? Analeigh, Brit, Elina, and Marjorie who takes the cake by exclaiming “Thank God for Walgreens!” In the end, Hannah manages to win this one. In her acceptance speech, she thanks the state of Alaska and its many Wal-Mart locations or she giggles about how now she’ll be online so she can google herself.
The night before the photo shoot (something to have to do with suits… whatever could it be?), Brit sits in bed and waxes poetic about how much she loves her mama. Elina swoops in for the buzzkill, claiming that she’s never loved her mother.
It’s a hard knock life
Apparently, showing emotions and wearing your heart on your sleeve is a no-no in Elina’s household. Brittany argues that if Elina’s mother puts a roof over her head and pays for her food, then Elina should love her. Elina maintains that this alone does not constitute love. Brittany confessionals that Elina is an evil bitch because of this.
Gahhhh Brittany. I’m going to need a makeover after this episode because you are making me pull all of my hair out. First off, the mother-daughter relationship is probably the most complex one found in nature. While I love my mama, she and I have always had our ups and downs, particularly when I was a rather shiteous teenager. Which I think is absolutely, completely normal and that our relationship functions just fine even though we don’t need to be in touch with each other every hour or even every day. Ergo, I’ve ALWAYS gotten peeved by people that are all, “My mom and I are BFFs for life and I tell her everything and she’s my closest friend in the whole world so something must be inherently wrong with you if you’re not able to confide in her about every deepest darkest desire. No, seriously, what’s wrong with you?” So, basically, BRITTANY.
So back to Elina, who I can imagine is feeling similarly frustrated. Elina wisely explains that Brittany would have to know the situation better to understand. Brittany ignorantly exclaims that Elina sounds like she’s just using her mother. Elina takes the high road and wisely bows out of this one by leaving the room while Brittany sits in her wake, shaking her head and muttering “psycho.”
The fierce bus (or whatever the kids are calling it these days) rolls up to a beachside Malibu mansion. Jay tells the girl that they’ll be following in Tyra’s footsteps by doing a swimsuit shoot. He also mixes it up by telling them that it’s time to take off the training wheels and try doing a shoot without his art direction. No more safety Jay blankie for these girls!
Analeigh’s shoot comes off stiff and the designer advises her that she needs to study up on her moves. Then, in the second funniest moment of this episode (nothing can top dinner theatre!), Hannah can’t seem to take a single shot without giving crazy schizo eyes. This is coming totally out of nowhere, but I’m intrigued!
Proof that there’s truth to the old adage “Eyes are the window to the soul”
Jay and Isis convene to discuss how nervous she is because it is a swimsuit shoot. Apparently the photographer and designer are not privy to Isis’ transgender situation. The photographer isn’t convince that Isis has what it takes to be a model physically although he can’t put his finger on what it is about her…
At panel, Susan Holmes, the model/swimsuit designer is guest judging this week.
Sheena’s up first.
Nigel’s surprised because Sheena’s real life personality is so fiery, but her photographs come of as very serene. Tyra gives out kudos for the excellent eye-smiles.
Paulina describes Analeigh’s arms as scary tree branches. Susan reiterates that Analeigh needs to be doing more research.
Paulina cautions that Clark needs to be more aware of her mouth because it’s not full and voluptuous. Mizz Jay prescribes some time spent posing in the mirror for homework.
Nigel thinks the photo exudes a European sexiness. Tyra’s tired of how Hannnah gets stuck in her poses.
The photo reminds Mizz Jay of CariDee. Tyra raves about the variety of Cheese’s film – she can go from soft and pretty to pouty and sexy.
Tyra thinks Brit’s not present in the shot and isn’t being posey enough. This is one of the first times I can remember where the criticism is about being too natural.
Mizz Jay loves the extension of the body. Susan praises McKey for being the only one to think outside of the box. Raves all around.
Nigel draws attention to Isis’s weak eye. Tyra thinks the film was too sleepy. Paulina disagrees and likes the pose and the look of the bikini.
Tyra feels that the shot is very high fashion. Mizz Jay would have preferred a shot with a little more swimsuit.
Paulina raves about the slight frown because it makes Sam look like she’s thinking. Tyra praises Sam’s ability to turn it on for the cameras.
Nigel says stunning. Paulina advises against tattoos in modeling. Bit too late for that, P-Dubs. Tyra thinks the tattoo looks good and says that she wouldn’t retouch it. She then goes so far as to call Elina’s makeover “racially ambiguous” because every little girl can see herself in the picture. I think that’s got more to do with Elina’s face than the red hair, but whatever.
Mizz Jay says that Joslyn’s one step away from posing like the girls in the hood – check out his imitation above. Tyra praises the power in Joslyn’s body because she can pose with motion.
Which girl will sink while the rest swim? Tyra calls: Elina, Lauren Cheese, Sam, McKey, Sheena, Joslyn, Marjorie, Clark, Isis, and Hannah. Analeigh and Brittany come up short this week. Brittany is such a pretty girl but can’t communicate that in her photos. Analeigh should be ahead of the pack with her ice skating training so the judges expect more from her. Huh? What? Why does that make someone a good model? At any rate, Analeigh gets at least another week to prove herself while Brittany gets sent home.
So what do we think? Whose makeovers did you love and whose did you hate? Did anyone care if Brittany stuck around? Was she out of line with her comments to Elina? Any new favorites? Kind of a lackluster week, in my opinion. I guess the drama of makeovers took up a lot of airtime. My apologies for the tardiness of this recap, real life got in the way. Please don’t throw hair extensions at me!