Recap: Americas Next Top Model: Meet Our Top 13!!!

America's Next Top Model

By Pachita | Wednesday, September 26, 2007 | 1:01 am | 13 Comments

***Note From the Editor: Krank Mills had a last second “real life” commitment to attend to, so the ANTM recaps will be taken over by one of your favorites….the lovely, the fantastically brilliant, the sublime and stick thin….PACHITA!!!

It’s baaaaaaaack! America’s Next Top Model is back with cycle 9 and I am one excited chalupa. I LOVE this show. If there is one thing I don’t mind watching all day long (because have you SEEN the ridiculous marathons they’ve been having?) it’s ANTM. This show makes me realize; it’s not what you look like that makes you standout, its what you look like with loads of makeup, a weave, and professional lighting!

Anyways, as it was just decided today that I would take on Cycle 9, I wanted to post a quick look at our top 13 so we could gab about the girls before the fun starts tonight! That said, I’m going to dive right in and hope for the best.

Tyra-Gains-Weight

Bigger was better, baby!

Ambreal: Not necessarily the most striking girl picked, but is very sure of herself when it comes to walking. She says she’s got the best walk out there and knows it’s good because she does it all the time. Newsflash girly, everyone walks. All the time. I’ve been walking for 22 years, could I be Americas Next Top Model?

The giant squares at the bottom of this pattern are very brave indeed.

Heather: Not only has Asperger’s syndrome rendered her socially-awkward, but she has a hunchback from slouching through life. My Poppy would hang his head in shame. Underdog? To say the least.

You got a letter from Notre Dame. They miss ya.

Chantal: A Trishelle look-alike with bottle-blond hair. She has a strong knowledge of designers (probably from fawning over Vogue instead of ever studying) which won the judges over. She claims she has something no one else does. She doesn’t know what it is, but its there. Something the French call a certain “I-don’t-know-what”. Nice job, maybe you should have spent more time studying after all. And does anyone else think her head is too small for her body?

Or his her body too big for her head? Or is it just those damned squares? When did these come into fashion? Make them stop.

Ebony: Roll out the red carpet, Gasmii, because the princess has arrived. Miss Thang walked into the competition like she had already won and immediately started throwing out some major ‘tude. At dinner on the first night she asked “alright, who’s got an eating disorder?” Trying hard to make friends, I see. We find out later that her mother was a crack-addict and she was raised by her grandmother, who passed away recently. Yes, that is sad, but not a good reason for cattiness and an over inflated ego.

Only a crack head would let their daughter leave the house in those leggings.

Bianca: I like this girl a lot. Not only does she have a gorgeous face, but a seemingly great personality to match. I CANNOT wait for makeovers so they can burn her $25 half purple-half black weave though.

Get me a pair of clippers before I shave that weave off.

Janet: Looks an awful lot like Sarah from Cycle 8, but not as much of a know-it-all (thank goodness). She makes a living as a bikini-waxer and gives Tyra a simulated wax on the judges table. 1) Ouch. 2) No thank you. But I will give her some Pach-points for quirkiness.

Thank God she doesn’t make her living giving colonics. That would have been uncomfortable.

Jenah: Already one of my least favorites because she spells her name with an “h” at the end. Why? WHY? She is the one of the few girls in the top 13 with the natural “high-fashion” look. Too bad this is not paired with class. She bragged to the judges that she “knows stuff” because she reads books and plays beer pong. Jenna (I refuse to spell it with that insipid -ah), if reading books and playing beer pong make you smart and knowledgeable, consider me the next Alfred Nobel.

I know lots of stuff too. Burp.

Kimberly: Not much to say about this one. She’s cute and quiet which, following ANTM tradition, means she won’t last very long.

You’re thighs are amazing. Bye!

Lisa: One of my favorites. She is an exotic dancer (but she doesn’t get naked!), she’s beautiful, she kicked ass at the quickie beach shoot, and she seems really nice. Can she keep it up all season?

The Flashdance hair hints at endurance.

Mila: This seasons “…her?” For me at least. She is strange, not very cute and, well… strange. She is creepy-cheery and apparently doesn’t remember the last time she cried. Mila, that is a serious offense to womankind. I cried over the weekend when my boyfriend turned off the coffee pot before I had had my third cup (I don’t do microwaved coffee, it tastes funny). Then yesterday I read a cute story in the newspaper and cried again. Okay, I may cry a bit more than the average person, but at least I’m not a ROBOT, MILA.

Kick her in the knee. That should do it.

Saleisha: Another one of my faves. Tyra announces that Saleisha attended her T-Zone camp, and tells her she’ll be harder on her than the rest (or an automatic favorite, whichever). Apparently T-Zone gave her strength and confidence that she had never known before. Aww! Chances are, the judges will hate some of her pictures and reduce her to an insecure mess.

Don’t bring the teacher an apple, sugar. Eat one.

Sarah: Pretty in pictures, but the judges can’t decide what to classify her as. She’s too small to be a plus-sized model and too big to be a regular model, so they dub her a “real-sized model.” I think this is supposed to sound refreshing, but its just not. I hate to say it, but I bet she’ll last for a while because Tyra doesn’t want anyone to think she discriminates against the bigger gals. She just doesn’t have the body to model (and it’s not because of her size, last seasons plus size models were bigger, but didn’t look flabby…).

This girl’s almost plus sized?? I am in some serious trouble.

Victoria: Yale graduate whose friends entered her “as a joke” and when she made it she figured, why not? That’s just great. How many episodes do you think we’ll get before she’s having the “you don’t want this, why are you here?” talk with someone? I will give her this though: she is very unique looking in that she has the longest face I have ever seen. Seriously, she’s like a cuter, less deformed version of that thing from Mask.

They shoot horses, don’t they?

And that is all of them. Who do you guys think will make it till the end? I always have a hard time picking the winners at the beginning, mainly because they all make so much progress. The season previews promise lots o’ drama and, as always, some fabulous pictures. I’m really just hoping for another flesh-eating virus because really, no show is complete without one.

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13 Comments

1

shollia

Posted September 26, 2007 at 2:02 am

I liked Lisa as well.
I also really liked Heather. I think at certain angles, she’s absolutely gorgeous. Victoria as well, she may have a long face, but just look at her photo, she photographs very well and is stunning.
I really don’t have a fav yet, maybe Heather. I usually don’t target the underdogs as a fav, but there’s just something about her that’s so endearing.
2

nyonma

Posted September 26, 2007 at 6:21 am

I don’t have a favorite yet either, I haven’t had a favorite for the past seasons… Cyle 2/3/4 had the preetist girls: April, Mercedes, that Persian girl, Eva and Yaya and Naima. But now the gilrs have been getting boring. I would love to see more Asian women represented!
3

nyonma

Posted September 26, 2007 at 6:30 am

I don’t have a favorite yet either, I haven’t had a favorite for the past seasons… Cyle 2/3/4 had the preetist girls: April, Mercedes, that Persian girl, Eva and Yaya and Naima. But now the gilrs have been getting boring. I would love to see more Asian women represented!
4

Krizzatch

Posted September 26, 2007 at 6:48 am

Pachitah (the extra H could apply to your name too) I’m glad your recapping this one.

Honestly, there used to always be the one girl who’s just stunningly beautiful in each cycle. Sadly, I’m not blown away by anyone here. I think Mila looks a little like Tori Amos – and Chantal’s head is wayyy to small for her body. Ebony looks like she needs to wax her upper lip. During her confessionals, it’s wildly apparent. I’m going to say Lisa is my favorite only because she’s built like a giraffe (all tall and gangly like me) usually I end up petting my ego by rooting for someone who is built the most like me.

“They shoot horses, don’t they?” Bwaaahahahahaaa…
5

Two fives and a ten

Posted September 26, 2007 at 9:45 am

I’m on Team Lisa. Who doesn’t love a faux stripper? She’s just like Heather from Rock Of Love, she’s a “dancer.” Yeah…I’m sure you went to dance school for those moves too, huh?

Seriously though, she was crying after the first pick of the final 13…got to love.

And I will absolutely loves some Ebony this season–ENOUGH TO HATE HER! Sorry…major biotch there. I love Ms. J’s response to her picture: “The Original Mean Girl” hell yeah Ms. J….at least he’ll be able to put her in her place. Let’s all say a prayer that she’s not another Jade…cause, that girl was SO obnoxious she made me want to vomit.

Love horse face…she went to Yale and wanted us to give her a cookie. You don’t need a cookie–YOU WENT TO YALE! And I am definitely feeling the “Some of the judges behind me think you photograph very well and have the makings of a real model. Some of the other judges feel that you just don’t have the passion that some of these other girls who only take so-so pictures do. So who do we choose?” talk is coming. Oh Tyra….I love thee.
6

twnpeeks

Posted September 26, 2007 at 10:28 am

I too am on Team Lisa. Love the “I will survive” story behind this girl.
Thank you so much for the “Head too small for body” comment!..I have always contended that my lil ol 3lb head was way too small for my 200lb frame and u have just confirmed for me! Thanks!
Also and lastly, i have just one question. Without sounding absolutely clueless and stupid….what exactly is beerpong? and do you have to be thin to do it?….
Thanks!
Good job (albeit short) and can’t wait for your next review!
Twnny.
7

pachita

Posted September 26, 2007 at 10:57 am

It was a short one, but only to get something posted before tonight in case someone missed the first episode. No worries, the subsequent episodes will have much much more to discuss!

Shollia: You’re right, there is something endearing about Heather. And the girl can photograph!

Nyonma: Agreed on the Asian representation. Wasn’t there an Asian woman last season who got cut early on?

Twnpeeks: Beer pong is a game with 2 teams of 2 on either side of a long table. Each side has 6 cups (your standard red “this isn’t alcohol!” cup) filled halfway with beer. The teams take turns throwing a ping pong ball across the table, trying to get it in any of the cups, which the recieving end then has to drink. Its a pretty good time
There are a million different additional rules, but that’s pretty much the gist of it. And NO, there are absolutely no body requirements.

Looking forward to the rest of the season, thanks for reading!

xoxo Pach
8

juddfan

Posted September 26, 2007 at 4:12 pm

Oh, bless you Pachita (h?)!!! I can tell already that love is in the air. Couldn’t agree more with all your assessments. I do think +size is super pretty in pictures, and she’s the girl that pulled the thing out of her nose . . . ew . . . but I love that she’s dorky.

I used to think I could predict this show, but not anymore . . . AJ you biotch–you ruined it with your attitude, !!!!! That stick figure Jaslene winning last time was just a shock!

I would love to see Lisa, Heather and Saleisha (can we nick name her–I’m such a bad speller!) in top three! Really like Janet (what a spank!), and I’m waiting on Bianca . . . for whatever reason she didn’t hit me the first show.

Can I add, I was really surprised they didn’t pick the girl who didn’t think she had any flaws, and I wish they had picked the Boston girl too, at least it’s not ovah fuh hah and she’ll keep knockin on daahs.

Oh and Milla, loved the “her!!!” I had the exact same reaction–she’s got a puffy head and close together eyes, but Tyra will break her . . . just wait . . . and Chantel, I know you’ve got something too, a small head like Pachita says!!! so there!!!
9

BlahBlah

Posted September 26, 2007 at 8:47 pm

I love Lisa’s look and personality so far. (Yes, I’m biased because we look like we could be cousins.)

Janet’s beautiful and has a kick-ass body (slim but curvy).

Ebony needs to get a spine.

Why the Hell Are They Here?:
Ambreal, Kimberly, Victoria, Chantal, JenAH, Mila, and Heather (can’t wait to see how all of her social awkwardness will translate in panel).

My prediction as winner: Lisa, Bianca, or Sarah

Finally, when is Naomi Campbell gonna be a judge on this show?! Meow!
10

blahblah

Posted September 26, 2007 at 9:50 pm

Lisa looks like Rochelle Aytes.
11

nyrlieht

Posted September 28, 2007 at 8:05 pm

I think the prettiest girls are Saleisha, Lisa, Ebony, and Bianca (after the purple bangs, I swear). I also think that Heather and Lisa look quite nice looking but would never win. I think this is the first season where basically all the girls are pretty. Normally they’re all average at best, with the exception of one or two. This time I think they are all pretty attractive, with the exception of just a couple (ahem Kimberly and Mila).
12

juddfan

Posted October 1, 2007 at 12:37 pm

Pachita, Help! Where’s the new recap!?! You’re fans are dying in anticipation . . .
13

brennifer

Posted October 3, 2007 at 6:35 pm

I’m new and I’m late! I just recently started watching ANTM, last season actually. I really enjoyed the re-runs over the summer though.

I personally am not one to pick people apart, unless of course it’s myself, but dont we all at one time or another?

I thought Mila was scary looking… disturbed… fake….she seemed….. I can’t put my finger on it, but I wasn’t sad to see her go.

My personal favorites are Lisa, Victoria and Heather.

I look forward to reading more re-caps and everyone’s comments! Thanks for having me!

~jenn

Recap: Americas Next Top Model: Meet Our Top 13!!!

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