I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. I turned on my TV this past Wednesday all excited to see Esther- The-Fester go on a date with Levi, but alas, I was wrong.
Instead there was a THREE HOUR EPISODE. Really, Discovery? And basically the entire thing was all of the episodes shown before compiled into 3 hours. I didn’t really understand it. So, instead of recapping something we’ve already seen and recapped before, I wanted to write what I thought would be the Mafia’s letters to Santa!
Dear Lebanon Santa,
Hey it’s me Levi! (Obviously) I run a nifty little group called The-My-Little-Pony-Lovers-Club, but we want to be seen as manly so we call it the Amish Mafia. I’m the head honcho of the group so naturally, I should get all the presents and I’ll distribute them out to everyone else, comprende?
First off, I would like a complete collection of all of the My Little Pony DVD’s. Oh and a DVD player. Cause you know, I’m Amish and all that jazz. HAHA. L O L. Could you also provide me with some electricity so I can use the DVD player? HAHA JUST PULLIN’ YOUR BEARD, SANTA! Get it?!?! Sighhhhhhh, no wonder Esther loves me.
I’m sure you know about Esther, right? She is the Cheese to my Macaroni. The Slurpee to my 7-Eleven. The Kim Kardashian to my Kanye. You get the picture. I love her so so so so much. So, I need you to send me some little Santa magic so I can date her. I also need a new hat. Can’t have my premature balding head getting sunburned. Gotta look good for tha ladiesssss (Esther)
So, I’m running out of thing to ask you for. Our business (wink wink) is going well. I could use some rims for my Caddy. And Esther. She is just so beautimous that I can hardly stand it. OOOOO, just thought of something else. I need some new sunglasses. When I be ridin’ dirty around Lancaster, I’ll need something to shield my eyes from being so fly. That way I can’t see my HATER$. Johnny Boy needs to go too. But leave me Esther. Got that? Get rid of John, give me Esther. BA-DA-BING BA-DA-BOOM. We Amish burn our trash.
I’ve Been A Very Good Boy – Levi
Dear AK-47 Claus,
Jo here. I don’t really want much for Christmas. Except some guns. Like, a lot of them. And could you get John off my back? I’m tired of haulin’ him around in my nice truck. It’s nice, isn’t it? I know it is. When you put my glock’s and 45′s under the tree, I want them with a big bow wrapped around them. Yeah Yeah. I’m mennonite so I can have guns. So in reality, I should be the head honcho of this Mafia. Hey, I have more guns then Levi.