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Other than that, I don’t really have anything else to ask for. Just give me Esther and my guns and I’ll be fine and dandy.
Oh and don’t leave me a note saying “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid” like you did last year. NOT FUNNY. NOT COOL.
Dear Mister Claus,
Notice how I called you MR.? That’s because I’m so much more respectful than all of those english girls. Shame on them. I should get all of their presents. Except their clothing. I cover up MY boobs unlike those slores. Anywho, I have been a super fantastic good girl. I wear my little devil horn cap all the time. So even if I robbed a store, as long as I wear that hat I’m protected. It’s a win-win situation! GO ME.
You know who hasn’t been good? Jolin. Since he’s been a bad boy, can you leave him under my tree? Shirtless. With a big bow wrapped around his you-know-what. Oh, I musent think such impure thoughts.
On to the good stuff. I need some new ankle length skirts and a head bonnet. Preferably a bright color so I can attract Jolin. Kind of like a mating call. THE WILD CALL OF THE BONNET. Great plan, huh Santa? I really am wonderful.
So, I’m off to take a cold shower and confess my impurities to the Bishop.
May Peace Be With You,
IT’S ME JOHN. I’M JUST SO SO SO SO SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU SO I’M WRITING THIS IN ALL CAPS TO SHOW YOU MY EXCITEMENT. CAN YOU FEEL IT, SANTA? CAN YOU?!?!?!?!??!!?
I NEED SOME NEW RIBBIONS FOR MY SCOOTER SO I CAN BE SWAGGIN AND GET A HOT BABE. SWERVE. ALSO CAN YOU SORTA KINDA KILL LEVI SO I CAN BE HEAD HONCHO? THANKS A TON! IF NOT, THAT’S OKAY, I’M SURE LEVI IS STILL PROUD OF ME. JOLIN IS MY BFF FOR LYFE, THEREFORE I NEED SOMETHING FOR HIM TOO. MAYBE A TRUCK. I ALSO WANT A MERCEDES AND A CADILLAC FOR MYSELF. I’M NOT A LITTLE PUNK ANYMORE. MAKE SURE JO AND LEVI DON’T TOUCH MY SISTER. MAKE SURE TO MAKE HER DO MY LAUNDRY FOR ME.
Dear (mumble mumble mumble)
All I want for Christmas is to enunciate my words and get a new haircut.
I know these were short but without a new episode, I have nothing to make fun of! So I hope this tides you over until next week!
Also, this wednesday, I’ll be leaving on vacation for a few days and I won’t have access to Discovery Channel. This coming recap will be a bit late!
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