We would love to thank everybody for playing the TVgasm One Year Anniversary Contests. We’ve all had a lot of fun this year and we thought this would be a great way to thank all of our readers. It’s been a great start, and we we’re working hard to make things better. You may find yourself bored out of your mind at work or with lots of extra time at home during the summer, but TVgasm well help you get through it just like we always have. Did I have a point here? Oh yes, that birthday thing.
It’s Happy Birthday to us, but the readers get the gifts. I didn’t know what to call our giveaway, so the generic one-year anniversary contest kind of stuck. I guess I could have called it just “The Gasms 2005″, but what kind of statue do you get for winning a gasm. Oh, that’s right, this one. After all of your submissions, we took a vote, and came up with the winners. Take a look at your Gasm winners for 2005 after the jump. (PS I’ll be contacting all of you winners within the next week.)
Miss TVgasm 2005
This was one of the hardest categories. We had a lot of submissions, but narrowed it down to a few people that have been readers longer than almost everybody else. So thanks Genevieve for being with us as long as we can remember, and always a strong advocate for TVgasm. Genevieve writes:
I've being reading the site forever, have it linked on my LiveJournal, post constantly & laugh with every new entry.
If I were to win the Ms.TVgasm title I would wear or use whatever item I got from your store with pride & not disgrace the site (unless you asked me to).
And if I had 2 wishes, I would wish for world peace & that TVgasm become a successful magazine & perhaps a VH-1 show.
Mr. TVgasm 2005
We only had a few submissions for this one, but the choice was fairly easy. You know how we love celebrities here at TVgasm, so when a celebrity said that he wanted to be Mr. TVgasm, we just couldn’t say no. Congratulations are in store for J. Dangle, of Reno, NV who writes:
I Feel I would be the best Mr.TVgasm allowable by law. I will maintain order in the great city of Gasmland, and serve and protect its fine citizens. As a former Reno, NV Sheriff I have come across all types of whack jobs in the line of duty, so not much can shock me, except for Midget Vampires… Brrrr I get the chills just thinking about those lil’ ankle biters. Anyway vote for me as your new Mr.TVgasm because of my dashing fashion sense and rockin mustache grooming techniques. I promise a full year of Margaritta parties and mix tapes, and if you’re good you might just get a little “stick time”.
TVgasm Couple 2005
This was another category with great entries. There was, however, one submission that was head and shoulders above the rest for their commitment to their love of each other, of TVgasm and their contributions to the Marc Summers retirement fund. They are TVgasm readers B-rock and Husband:
How can you turn down Double Dare participants? The best game show ever to air on TV. Plus, my husband is wearing women's Kathy ireland pants from KMart - he need some sort of prize for that.
I believe that I should be Miss TVGasm because I want to be Janice Dickinson. She's my superrolemodel and only you, TVGasm, realize the brilliance that she is. Au Revoir BITCHES!!!
My husband (Scott) should be Mr. TVGasm because he sits with me and watches ANTM.
Most Outstanding TVgasm
This category had the most participants and was also hard to judge In the end Punkrox won with her life-changing moment:
My first and coincidentally my best “gasm” happened at work while reading “About A Boy” A recap of 24. Although I watch most of the shows that are bantered about on this site (I know, it’s pathetic but at least I admit it – that goes for YOU reading my stupid story right now) I particularly like to read TVgasm’s recap of 24 because
1. I didn’t realize until the 4th season that it was a comedy.
2. I enjoy everyone’s silly theories and
3. There are usually about 8 or 9 things that go over my head on any given episode and I like to read up so that I sound smarter at the water cooler.
So I’m at my desk innocently reading “About A Boy” (really not so innocently because enjoying things like surfing the net and smiling at my place of employment is frowned upon) and the next thing I know I can no longer read my screen because my body is quivering uncontrollably in laughter and I had somehow spewed overly creamed coffee all over my monitor (a la Linda Blair.) I had also brown-soaked the pile of neatly stacked papers on my adjacent aging and humorless coworkers desk. I call him “Slappy.” Slappy because he wears these sandal shoe thingies that suction and then unsuction to his feet which makes horse cantering sounds whenever he walks to the copier – which is about 400 times a day. So Slappy was seething and stained and shot a laser beam of red-hot hate at me through his monocle (okay they’re just regular old man glasses but I can totally see him with a monocle cause he’s always eating peanuts) and stared and stared and took off his monocle to clean off my splatter all the while never breaking his burning gaze.
Being unsuccessful in stifling my gulps, snorts, tremors and watering eyes I went outside and convulsed in public for a good 5 minutes until the buildings rent-a-cop who was “securing the perimeter” asked me to move along. Eventually I returned to my station and was surprised to see that my monitor was squeaky clean. Mysteriously, my desk showed no signs of the mishap and Slappy’s desk donned new pristinely white piles of neatly stacked paper. There was a strong scent of nail polish remover or something of the like in the air. I looked down to see a half a dozen dirty wet-naps in my waste basket. (It’s important to note that Slappy goes to KFC for lunch on a daily basis.) Slappy was working hard at staring at his computer and working harder to not look at me but I couldn’t help but notice that he had grown a few extra furrows in his brow. Containing the periodical jovial outbursts throughout the day was a challenge for me, to say the least, because sitting on the tipsiest tip of Slappy’s white collar was one lone drop of soaked in and dried up Starbuck which only reminded me of the gasm blurb I read that stared this fiasco.
What could I have possibly read that fueled me to spit on the meanest guy in the office???? (inject snotty tone, hands on hips and neck swivel,) Thanks in advance b-side!
Anyway, somewhere around here Marwan's cellphone rang, and I couldn't help noticing his extremely cheery, effeminate ringtone. Is he like a HYPERLINK "http://www.jamster.com/" Jamster fanatic? Does he have a cellphone wallpaper that's like Sprewell rims spinning ("Bling Bling Rims", if you will)? I half expected Habib to turn to a henchman and say "You like this ringtone? It's Omarion's latest single. I believe it's called 'O'. It's quite catchy. Anyway, I got to take this. Terrorist stuff."
All’s well that ends well though. The following week I got a promotion and an office and can read TVgasm all day long. Slappy must have given me a good review… (just to get me the hell away from him, I’m sure.)
Seriously, b-side. Thank you for helping me to succeed. You don’t just write a damn good recap, you change lives.
Create a TVgasm Banner
The winner goes to HicksPub for his excellent and well thought out TVgasm/guide banner:
Also receiving votes was TVgasm reader AM for her take on American Idol and The Apprentice banners:
You should see all of these banners in the rotation soon.
Who Are Those Masked Men?
Much has been made about our secret identities, but it seems that TVgasm reader Jess is haunted by the uncertainty more than others. And using Rosie’s head on madeyoulaugh – pure genius.
So that’s it everybody. Thanks again for everybody’s submissions and thanks for reading TVgasm.