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Gasmii, P-Baby here after a longggggg summer of horrible TV and I’m SO EXCITED to be recapping ANTM All Stars. But first… (Oh Julie Chenbot. I’ll miss you until next summer) the minicap!
So, I think we all know by now that this cycle of ANTM is an All-Star cycle. After pondering this for a bit (and by a bit, I mean 2.5 seconds), isn’t it kind of funny that the All-Star cycle consists solely of contestants that are the antithesis of the word All-Star? Which is exactly why all of the loser participants were able to put down the blow for three months and come film this nonsense. None of these ladies are “stars” or else they wouldn’t be on the zillionth cycle of a flailing show where the people who DON’T win are arguably more famous than those who do (looking at you Yaya “I was in Tron:Legacy, I swear!” DaCosta and Analeigh “ANTM won’t stop me from starring in a Ryan Gosling movie, damnit!” Tipton.)
The prizes this cycle are the BEST.PRIZES. EVER and include a $100,000 Cover Girl Contract, an Italian Vogue cover, an Express campaign, and work as an Extra correspondent. The Extra correspondent gig could be a decent win for these hangers-on, so I fully expect total bitch faces and passive aggressive dumpings of Red Bulls in our future.
This cycle also has a bevy of the most FAMOUS. MENTORS. EVER. including the Kardashians, Kristin Cavallari, and Ashlee Simpson among others (Really? Kristin Cavallari must be in her Try Hard phase as she’s appearing on this and Dancing With The Stars. Must be her way of sticking it to Jay Cutler for dumping her. Girlfriend is better off. Dude is FUGLY and no amount of quarterbacking can change that.)
Here’s the line-up:
1. Angelea Preston Cycle 14, who calls herself classy ghetto. If we’re using oxymorons as descriptors, mine would be Jumbo Shrimp.
2. Laura Kirkpatrick Cycle 13 aka The Short Cycle. Oh my God, her accent is stabbing me in the ears.
3. Bianca Golden Cycle 9. Good to see she was able to take time out from getting beat up by Nikki Blonsky in airports to make an appearance.
4. Lisa D’amato Cycle 5. She was on Celebrity Rehab a couple of years ago. Judging by her inability to shut the fuck up and stop twitching, she may want to get thee back to Dr. Drew.
5. Bre Scullark Cycle 5. BITCH, STAY AWAY FROM MY ENERGY DRINKS. I WILL CUT YOU.
6. Brittani Brower Cycle 4. I kind of love this drunk bitch. I feel like she’d hold my hair back if I was puking.
7. Dominique Reighhard Cycle 10. This one had a baby 2 months ago. I’m not going to get all Teen Mom preachy about how to raise children because lord knows I can’t even keep a plant alive but a two month old? She should be home with it, I think.
8. Sheena Sakai Cycle 11. I love a tall Asian because they are such a rare breed. Girlfriend has height, attitude, and being a half-Asian myself, I can’t help but be biased in her favor already.
9. Isis King Cycle 11. Isis was undergoing gender reassignment when we last saw her. Guys, Isis is FIERCE (I know. But I’m too into the ANTM spirit right now. I missed these guys more than I realized.)
10. Kayla Ferrel Cycle 15. God damn it. If I hear her say one word about a fucking sleeping bag, as Kristin Cavallari would say, I’m donezo.
11. Allison Harvard Cycle 12. Is she or is she not a poor man’s Taylor Momsen which is horrible because Taylor Momsen is a devil that makes me hate eyeliner.
12. Camille McDonald Cycle 2. She says she is a little bit of a diva. I buy that if by a “little bit” she means “I’m a stealth bitch.”
13. Shannon Stewart, Cycle 1. Girlfriend needs to find a new job because the whining about not posing in underwear is going to get old as fast as Kayla’s 3rd grade sleeping bag.
14. Alexandria Everett, Cycle 16. I guess maybe she’s not a legit murdering sociopath like I thought she was or else she hasn’t been caught with the dead bodies in her Ford Focus trunk yet.
The typical first episode nonsense occurs including bedroom selection, squealing, jumping around, and overall typical idiotic, hungry behavior. Jay shows up pretty as ever to tell the girls they will be having a photo shoot in the backyard and it’s occurred to me that Jay is probably pissed that Scott Disick wont stop stealing shit from his closet.
Gasmii, most of this episode was introducing the girls again and then the final judging panel so we’ll use the full recap for what went down. Nicki Minaj’s ass graced us with its neon presence as the guest judge and OMFG, Nigel has HAIR. WTF? Check back in a couple days for the full recap. This cycle looks like it’s going to be a shit show of fun!!
21 Comments
I can’t believe I missed this! I got all entranced by Survivor and Big Brother, and neglected to record ANTM.
Isis will have an easier time now that he/she isn’t distracted by all that pesky tucking and taping. (Remember the swimming suit shoot? And the one in the water?)
And, yes….TPTB are using a very loose definition of All Star.
Team Laura K.
So pissed at the first eliminated…..Damn some of these chicks look OLD(I am older than all of them), sheesh has Lisa been chain smoking, drugging and boozing all this time
I was so excited to see Allison. She has been my fave for ever. I love her big bug eyes! LOL at poor man’s Taylor Momsen.
@Moli! totally agree. She was sooo memorable! I call Shenanigans! But I did think Lisa didn’t look half bad comparatively! I guess it has been 8 years for some of these chicks! But still! Are they going to do makeovers this ‘cycle’? Also, i imagine they are throwing in the singing and correspondent challenges because they have to know there’s no way these girls could qualify as “next top model” based on age and such.
RunLola… I do love Allison’s look. I wish she’d step up her personality. Confidence would be so attractive on her!
I would have loved to see Melrose on this season.
Is there somewhere I can watch this online. My dvr has been set to record AMTM for weeks waiting for the premiere, but was just catching reruns. Last night I cancelled this recording because I wasn’t aware I WAS the premiere and it conflicted with survivor. Why can’t they move survivor back to thursdays where I don’t have anything recording?
Ugh Bianca. I just don’t like her. From the moment she started spewing inane venom. So high off her own ass.
I did like Bre better with the longer hair.
Shannon’s bottom debacle was RIDICULOUS. Almost as ridiculous as that stupid British accent Nikki Minaj throws out for whatever completely insane reason. Shannon didn’t want to wear the lace boyshorts that obviously covered more of her body just because she considered them underwear. And then even cried over it…. *loads gun*
Camille looks nice but I would like her hair better with a bang bc her forehead protrudes out.
I agree, this lot of girls was not an overall collection of fan favorites.
I’m rooting for Allison aka Creepy Chan!!!
Kitt-katt, I know, right!!! Survivor was known as a thurs show . . . next week they go up against x-factor, then, there’s like nothing on the rest of the week (save PR) They usually encore the show on Sundays, but you’ll have to check if it’s the case this time.
I don’t know the girls from the older cycles, the religious one was just another example of why jobs should not encompass your private religious status . . . . Nobody cares that much, hun . . . no one! Get over yourself!!!
I’m team Kayla, Allison (the personification of an anime cartoon-happy to see she got the memo and is dressing appropriately) and Laura K. I like Isis, but honey . . . eat a burger, and french fries and shake, rinse and repeat, coz girl, you are starving that new body to death! I saw her exploitation, I mean, interview on the Tyra show about the surgery . . . learned some things that will haunt me the rest of my life.
and here’s a thought: Is America upset that ANTM is featuring someone born in the wrong body!? What’s the deal with Chaz on DWTS and all that noise people are making!? Is it a male female thing? Is it a popularity thing? Is ANTM an adult show, and not wholesome family fun!? I ask, I ask, coz I don’t know. I do think they are both incredibly strong and brave for doing what they’ve done. I truly hope they are happy, and I do hope they can help others who feel born in the wrong body too.
@Juddfan, the same concerns were raised, I believe, on Isis’ original ANTM season. This also had to do with her still having a penis, but living with a bunch of females. I don’t think the other girls were aware of her transition until Isis brought it to their attention. So, since the girls already know about her at this point, I doubt that would be much of a storyline (although I have to wonder what Season 1 Robyn would have to say about a transgendered ANTM contestant, considering she couldn’t handle being naked or around atheistic Elyse).
@P-Baby Walker, wasn’t Yaya also in “The Kids Are All Right.” I saw that movie on Redbox the other week and thought she played the sperm donor’s/daddy’s girlfriend. I guess she considers herself more of an actress these days, after her year or so on All My Children, commercials, and bit parts in other movies.
But, we still have Eva Marcille hamming it up on Hair Battle Spectacular and The Fabolous Toccara trying to find a man on The Ultimate Merger. I think the true fan favorites have careers that have far branched out from modeling and are actually doing other entertainment ventures, while the true models from this show (Anya, Season 10, Fatima, Season 10) are actually working and no longer need to slum it for our entertainment.
Loved the mini cap but I was disappointed that Melrose and Jade weren’t there, I mean how can you have an All Stars Cycle aka Bitch Cycle without those two.
Jade declined to be on the show. I’m not completely sure about Melrose.
Oh and P.S. i totallllly agree. WTF is with Nigel’s hair?!!!!!!!!!! Make.it.stop.
@kittkatt, try youtube and search the name ANTMALLSTARS1. That’s where I’ve been able to find this episode.
@ Derek Hazelton, you are absolutely right, that was Yaya in The Kids Are All Right. I’m actually glad I didn’t realize it was her until after the movie, as I was able to stay unbiased and kind of liked her performance.
love,
P-Baby
Nigel grew his hair for his daughter to show her that he had hair. And there’s a behind-the-scenes video of him shaving it off, so it won’t be around for long.
Here’s a link for places to watch the ep – http://fastpasstv.ms/tv/americas-next-top-model/season-17/episode-1/
@P-Baby, you should hereby refer to Isis as GuySis.
“If we’re using oxymorons as descriptors, mine would be Jumbo Shrimp.”
Lol, I’m the Smart Dummy. Called it! I said the same thing about it being called “all stars” when in reality the success stories from this show would not be caught dead on an ANTM set. She should have stuck with “fan favorites.”
About Isis/Chaz… I think that the fashion industry has always been more open to the LGBT community than the American public at large. Remember that these are the same people that voted for head-tiltin-country-cacklin-one-trick-pony-whats-his-face to win American Idol. I can’t believe (well, yes I can) that they are making a fuss about Chaz being on the show. And using kids as an excuse? To keep your children in the dark will just make them confused and/or bigoted when they get older, but that’s just my humble opinion.
For some reason I read “ANTMALLSTARS1″ as “Ant Mall Stars 1″…leaving me wondering what kind of stores would be in an ant mall.
@derek, I do remember the original hub-bub, but I still don’t think it ever got as big a story as Trya and co wanted . . . to me, the bigger story now is, does she have an eating disorder!? And no, please, P-baby, not Guysis . . . I’m of the firm opinion that ‘sh’e and ‘her’ are the correct pronouns, so sadly Derek, I think Guysis goes against that–but I too love to try and think of names for people. Am i being sensitive . . . I can have it looked at!
@JustPeachy . . . OMG, I so agree! My nieces and nephews that knew I was gay their whole lives are so cool and open and well adjusted. The others . . . it varies, but I have a homophobic niece who was wrinkling her nose in shock at me when she found out I was gay at 11 or so . . . to me, it’s just dead wrong to raise kids in ignorance . . . tolerance is an important part of what we should all be . . . I think her parents did her a huge dis-service!!! As always, I am happy to be slammed and disagreed with ; )
@cattyfan: I, too read it as “Ant Mall Stars,” which is ten times more appropriate than the show name. Any of these broads would be huge at an ant mall….which must be wonderous places we never get to see on tv. I’ll hit the Orange Julius and tiptoe around looking for Isaac Mizrahi.
Mmmmmmmmmmm….Orange Julius.
LOL
I stopped watching ANTM the season when Twiggy showed up bc I got bored, but I LOVED Brittani!