ANTM: Almost Done, but Not Quite!

Recaps

By SexyPanda | Friday, May 25, 2012 | 1:32 pm | 37 Comments
Tagged: , , , ,
Posted in: America's Next Top Model, Recaps

Mariah is so boring. When she’s telling the Brits about her Native American culture, it’s not at all interesting. And really, it SHOULD be. When I went to England, I was fascinated by the fact that their country had been around a LONG time before anyone ever came over to Jamestown or Plymouth Rock or whatever. And to the Brits, someone who’s from a culture that’s been HERE all along is probably pretty interesting. But all they do is ask her about moccasins, their language, and dancing. Ugh. Boring.

That’s okay, because Mariah goes home in episode two, remember? It was the Kris Jenner shoot, and she was boring and/or too sexy for the shoot.

Oh, and then remember that time that the Brits were up late and throwing paper balls at everyone who was trying to sleep, and Seymone got PISSED and chased ‘em around the house, shouting? Well, we get an extended clip of that. It’s exhausting to watch, and really, all it is is: Seymone’s grumpy because she’s tired and isn’t a “typical female” that enjoys being a loud asshole. (I guess I’m not a typical female either.) And then it got angry and ugly and people were pushing other people with their chests, etc. No good. Make it stop.

More of Eboni’s very slow rapping. (“It’s eleven hours, it’s gon’ take all day”) Sophie tries a slow rap and it’s awful. And there was the Intoxibella naming ceremony. Yuck. Shut up.

And then it was the Very.com shoot, where the teams had to coordinate the whole thing from top to bottom, and Louise was running around the set, and Kelly told her to watch her energy, and Louise was like, “My energy is fine, thank you.” and then at panel, Kelly said Louise was rude, and Louise said, “No no no, YOU were rude to ME!” and walked off and threatened to kick Kelly’s ass if she were standing outside right now, etc. And Louise went home. Done.

There’s a segment about how sloppy everyone was. Trash all over, never doing dishes, panties on the floor for days. Hair everywhere. Azmarie was the only one who cleaned. And cleaned. And cleaned. And one time, Sophie washed A dish, and everyone cheered. And she played it up for the cameras, “I used the water thing and squirted it on this white thing and I used a sponge to rub it down.” Stupid.

Then there was that British high hats and American low-riders shot, and that girl went home. Who? Candace? Yeah, her. She was pretty boring. Sophie and Ashley make fun of her boringness.

Never before seen footage of Ashley kissing the camera and them having to wipe it off. So funny! (not.)

Visit from Beverly Johnson at the house! Pep talk! No limitations, girls! Then Toronto Fashion week episode! Go-sees, some girls didn’t book any shows. Seymone had a shitty attitude. No one liked it. And then it was the maple syrup shoot! That useless shoot. Ashley, Not Shirley Manson, got sent home. She was cute, but I didn’t miss her.

Then Sandra Bernhardt comes to the house to let the girls know there’s going to be a music video episode! Screams! Someone (that woman with the ODDDDDDD accent) from a British girl band is here to coach the Brits, while a Pussycat Doll no one’s heard of before is here to coach the Americans.

This was my favorite episode of this whole show. It was AWESOME. Some girls sucked so very badly, like Azmarie and “Hi, I’m Kyle!”. We get some extended footage of all this nonsense, but it’s really nothing notable. Just more of the awesomeness. BUT, this episode also covered the “tooch training”, remember? Azmarie refused to put on the training butt, so she didn’t get to learn all the tooch poses. The other girls did, though, and they even had a tooch battle at the studio. Again, more of the same. But fun. This was a good episode.

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About

Time for an update! I used to be a tall, athletic editor who lived on the East coast. Oh, I still am, only now I've gained back all the weight I lost, which changes my life-tone quite a bit. Now that I'm married, I have a lot less time to watch Bravo and Food network. We usually end up watching Big Bang Theory reruns ("all of my friends, all of my friends, all of my friends") or Wipeout. Or WWE Raw. Wow. How life has changed!  Join me as we chat about my breast friend Patti Stanger and her love minions. Or maybe we'll talk about art during Work of Art. Whatever we're watching, don't be shy--tell me what you think!

37 Comments

  1. 1
    AmyOops
    Posted May 25, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    I must thank you, Ms. Panda, as I didn’t think we’d get a recap of the dreaded RECAP show…but we did. Yay!

    Oh, and since so far I seem to be the only commenter I’ll throw out my opinion: I do generally like Sophie better for the win, sorta, because I think there is something to what they were all saying about her being too much of a “bad girl” for Cover Girl, et al.

    However, have you (or anyone) noticed how horrific Sophie’s complexion is? I hate to nit pick, especially because I still break out on occasion in my late 30s, but she’s, um, a model. I’m not. Maybe it doesn’t matter that much because of makeup (even though you can tell through the makeup on film)? I’m curious.

  2. 2
    AmyOops
    Posted May 25, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Dammit I meant to throw a “Laura” in somewhere in the “bad girl” paragraph. Oops.

  3. 3
    NatPatBen
    Posted May 25, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    That “Hey, girl, hey” line is stuck in my head, too. At my 30th bday party last month, I kept randomly (and subconsciously) going “Hey, girl, hey. I’m Seymone.” and my 14 year old neighbor would finish “and I ain’t no clone.” Good times…

  4. 4
    SexyPanda
    Posted May 25, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    You’re welcome! I’m glad one (1) person read it! HA! I figured I’d err on the side of caution. But boy, that was the most useless recap I’ve ever written.

    And my mind already filled in “laura” for ya.

    And yes, I HAVE noticed her skin. I’ve always figured it didn’t matter, because of makeup and photoshop. Eh.

  5. 5
    SexyPanda
    Posted May 25, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    My best friend, just two hours ago, said, “hey, ya know what I’ve had stuck in my head? ‘Hi, I’m Kyle.’” The really amazing thing? She’s never watched the show! I played the video for her on my phone one day, because it’s ridiculous and awesome, and she now sings it to herself! Wow.

  6. 6
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 26, 2012 at 6:43 am

    That was a great recap recap, Sexy1. You hit all the High(?)lights– soooooo funny! DisMISS.

    What are you’capping next?

  7. 7
    SexyPanda
    Posted May 26, 2012 at 10:13 am

    oh, you’re too kind. My next recap will be a show that’s more my speed (I admit, this show didn’t bring out my best), probably something ridiculous on Bravo. I’m the regular recapper for Millionaire Matchmaker (which may or may not be coming back) and Work of Art (hopefully coming back!). Otherwise, I think I need to take a break to A) study Spanish (not kidding!) and B) plan this wedding. Hoping to do it by the end of the year, so I gotta get crackin’!

    Get yourself ready for the finale! Blonde vs. blonde! Sexy vs. sweet! Who will take! It! All!??

  8. 8
    AmyOops
    Posted May 26, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Ooh if you recap Millionaire Matchmaker I will start watching it again! Somehow that show slipped off my radar. Is the art-whatever show good? I missed out on that one then heard later it might’ve been a really cool show.

  9. 9
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 26, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Oh yeah. The wedding!!! I hope you live somewhere that allows you to actually use Spanish ’cause it’s hard to maintain otherwise. Esso si. Que es. That’s about all I have retained, but hey, if I find a way to use it, I totally do. Donde est el bano is much more useful, except in most of the midwest.

    I love Work of Art, and look forward to that one coming back. Isn’t it about time? Amy, the art show is terrific!!!!! As are the recaps, of course.

    Have fun. we’ll be waiting.

  10. 10
    SexyPanda
    Posted May 26, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    Hey, I know what that bathroom sentence meant! See, I’ve retained SOMETHING! I’m doing Rosetta Stone, which is great, I just haven’t picked it up in a while. I think I could find opportunities to practice–a lot of my coworkers are studying too, so we can practice on each other.

    The art show is great–definitely recommend. The show’s fun, and we also have a great group here that gathers to talk all about it in the comments. It’s a good time.

  11. 11
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 26, 2012 at 8:17 pm

    “(Since it’s a recap episode, I’m temped to just cut and paste one paragraph from each of my previous recaps . . .)” Hahahahaha!

    No one else I know (in real life) watches ANTM, so my “Hey, girl, hey — I’m Seymone. And I ain’t no clone,” and “Hi, I’m Kyle — I smile for miles” are only in my head. God, the Kyle moment in the video is the best “musical” moment I’ve seen in ANTM since Cycle 2 when the girls were extra’s in Tyra’s “music” “video” right before her “single” “dropped.” Oh, that was such a delicious train wreck. But I gotta say, it’s Kyle’s face and (lack of?) expression that make it so enjoyable. Sometimes picturing that is what gets me through the day . . .

    Also, congrats on the engagement, SexyPanda! And I think you’ve done a spectacular job with these recaps. Gotta say, this has been a pretty good season, drama-wise (and competition-wise, at least on the British side), so you may have lucked out as some of the recent seasons have sucked moist ass. I’ll miss your recaps, but I know how difficult it can be to squeeze in a recap every week along with your non-recapp-y life.

  12. 12
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 26, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Someone please tell me how to get “Hi, I’m Kyle — I smile for miles” as my ringtone.

  13. 13
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 27, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Also, I’ve been watching Cycle 4 of Britain’s Next Top Model (the one with Catherine) and the absolute worst things about it are the photo shoots and the judging panel. Gerry DeVeaux, the equivalent of Jay Manuel, is a pretentious dick who has no idea what he’s doing and says things like, “Okay, so you’re pissed because your husband neglects you, so I want to see that. Go.” The panel, which includes some ex-Icelandic model who is supposed to be the Janice, gives criticism like this: “It’s bad.” “It’s a bad photo.” “It’s a good photo, thanks.” They don’t give the girls anything to work with, so the majority of the photos suck. I’m surprised (and glad) that Catherine made it as far as she did, given the lack of constructive criticism she got during this cycle. Also their photo shoot budget looks like it was about $100.

    I’m gonna try to power through it so I can get to Cycle 5. Gerry the douche wasn’t a judge that cycle (thank god) and it’s got Sophie, Annaliese, and Ashley, so hopefully it’ll be a better season.

  14. 14
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 27, 2012 at 9:54 am

    (I meant that I’m surprised that Catherine made it as far as she did during this ANTM cycle.)

  15. 15
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted May 27, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    I watched some of the Oxygen marathon this weekend, and I really liked Annaleise, but I kept wondering why Rachel True was playing the part of a British contestant on this cycle’s ANTM.

    In the true form of ANTM, Sophie deserves to win, won’t, and will be a more successful working model than Laura. Kind of like Anya, Chantal, that Russian girl….. all of the runners-up seem to have better careers than the beneficiary of the clearly delineated storyline the producers have for the season. So, I guess there’s that, to keep us warm at night.

  16. 16
    AmyOops
    Posted May 27, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    @SSC and SP: I will watch it! Now I can’t wait to see what it’s all about.

    @Hypnotoad: Ooh ooh, how are you watching the British version? YouTube or a cable channel or somewhere I’m too ditzy to have thought of looking?

    @Derek: I stumbled upon that marathon, as well, and guess what episode it was? Hi, I’m Kyle! LOL. I DVRed it so I can watch the insanity whenever the mood strikes (like maybe right now…).

  17. 17
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 27, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    AmyOops — I’m watching them on YouTube — I think all the cycles are on there. Be forewarned: It is so not as much fun as ANTM. But it’ll do. Since Annaliese, Sophie, and Ashley are all in cycle 5, and the obnoxious, worthless, pretentious douchebag Gerry DeVeaux isn’t in that cycle, I’m hoping it’s better. I have a Roku and through the magic of a free program called Plex, I am watching the YouTube videos on my TV. We truly live in a wonderful age.

    All the ANTM cycles used to be on YouTube (which was ever so awesome), but I couldn’t find any of them last time I checked. Just clips. Boo. But you can buy cycles 11 (I hate Elina), 12 (I hate Sandra), 15-18 on Amazon on demand . . .

  18. 18
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted May 27, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    @Hypnotoad, I agree with you about Elina, but how can you not love Sandra’s level of delusion and her shit-stirring ways?

  19. 19
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 27, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Sandra is a god-ESS.

  20. 20
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted May 27, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    Dammit why can’t I recall Sandra? Need more deets! Elina is burned forever in my brain. Can’t remember if I liked her, though, LOL.

    @Derek: Thanks for the info!

  21. 21
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 28, 2012 at 8:34 am

    AmyO, You aren’t alone in not recalling sandra,god-ESS or not. Hmmmmm.

    And you will love not only Work of Art, but SP’s recaps. But THAT goes without saying.

    Dagnabbit! Now I’m eager for that series to beginagain. Sorry for not wanting you to get some needed downtime, SP.

  22. 22
    SexyPanda
    Posted May 28, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Ha! No worries, I’m excited for it to come back, too!

  23. 23
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted May 28, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    I finally watched the music video on Youtube and “hey girl hey, I’m Seymone, I ain’t no clone…” is absolutely ridiculous and funny at the same time. I needed that laugh today to cope with the heat wave here. In Seymone’s defense, the line about her pot ledom being US home grown was actually kind of cute.

  24. 24
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 28, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    AmyOops and Snowshoecat — Sandra was in Cycle 12 and was the girl from Maryland by way of Africa. She still had an accent and always said she was a “god-ESS” and that she would win the competition. She and Angelea got into a huge fight during the first episode (this was the cycle that passed on Angelea, she’d return in Cycle 14) and was pretty much a conceited uppity beyotch to everyone else in the house. God, I love to hate her. I love how the conceited girls are always sent home early. Except in this season, it seems. I really, really abhor Laura. I just don’t think she has a great personality and I don’t think she can model in any way, shape, or form. Also, it bothered me a little that she got “smashed” like she “planned” after whining about her alcoholic parents every f***ing minute this entire cycle. I don’t mind “bitches” if they have the photos and performances to back it up (Melrose, perhaps Renee — who is my all-time favorite ANTM model/contestant), but I don’t think Laura’s a great model and she definitely doesn’t have a memorable personality. The only reason she made it to the final two is that Tyra and Bankable Productions and The Powers That Be want an American vs. Brit showdown. The American girls have been pretty lackluster this cycle, if you ask me (in both performance and personality).

    I’m so annoyed that I always start to type “season” and then end up deleting it and typing “cycle” instead. “Cycle” is whack, Tyra. Just call it a damn season.

  25. 25
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 28, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Well, THIS is interesting:

    http://www.buddytv.com/articles/americas-next-top-model/the-new-americas-next-top-mode-45843.aspx

  26. 26
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted May 29, 2012 at 7:20 am

    @Hypnotoad, after reading that article, it is becoming clear to me that this will be the final ANTM cycle/season. Regarding Renee, don’t you think it’s funny that the girl who usually gets the bitch edit also gets the “old” edit as an excuse to boot her out of the competition, once they’ve milked all of the drama she can produce even when she clearly takes the best pictures?

  27. 27
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 29, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Voting beforehand is pointless. We’ll know who won and I already know that one girl withdrew from the competition thanks to the latest voting. I’ll still watch the next season (I’m so ready to bash the new judges and the new creative director — without Nigel and Jay Manuel, I’m full prepared to hate.)

  28. 28
    AmyOops
    Posted May 29, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    @SSC: Sigh. Can’t wait, either!

    @Hypnotoad: I recall not being too fond of Renee during her cycle – yes I wrote “season” accidentally first LOL – (although I loved and still love her voice), but in the 7,362,751 reruns I’ve seen I really like her!

    Now I’m off to see what that link is and cry if it’s gonna be the last cycle (even though I’ll miss the Js and Nigel terribly this cycle).

  29. 29
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 29, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    Derek — I never noticed that! But you’re so right. Did they tell Sandra that she was photographing old? Or Elina? I know that they said that about Renee, Melrose and Celia (although Celia wasn’t really the bitch of her cycle at all — Sandra took that crown — but she gave some BADASS panel drama!). Also, did they say that about Jade? Because that girl was a beyotch and totally gave some olds in her photos.

    AmyOops — I really liked her during her season. I mean cycle! AUGH! Sure, she wasn’t the nicest girl, but she came around, and I really thought she was genuine about wanting to win and I loved her Cover Girl commercial (in that cycle they had to improvise their own script). There’s something very Cameron Diaz-esque about her, but she’s much prettier than Ms. Diaz, if you ask me. That’s pretty much why she’s my all-time fave.

    OH — and Britain’s Next Top Model Cycle 4 (NOT season 4!) starts getting pretty darn fan-dabby-dozy around episode 5: Better challenges, MUCH better photos and creative direction (I think the people involved knew that sucky Gerry DeVeaux wasn’t doing a g.d. thing and banned him from the photo shoots), and tons more drama! And I’m really, really loving Catherine and wish she would have won BNTM. (But then she wouldn’t have been Queen Cath-reeeen, so maybe it’s better that she didn’t win.)

  30. 30
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    Just got done with Cycle 12 (again) and I’d forgotten about one of my fave ANTM quotes ever, from Aminat:

    “I want this more than a fat kid wants cake.”

  31. 31
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 29, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    Ohmigod, SexyPanda — I am totes filling your inbox with notices. Many apologies.

    BUT. It’s technically my birthday and (to paraphrase Rachel Green from Friends) I’ve had some liquor and I’ve had some more beers. And I just want to say that, dude — those BNTM girls do NOT like each other. It’s pretty awesome.

    Carry on. Sophie all the way, because I’m jelly that she’s so posh.

  32. 32
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 29, 2012 at 11:40 pm

    (the British girls in Cycle 4 of BNTM, I meant.)

  33. 33
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 4:24 am

    @Hypnotoad, I don’t think they said the “old” comment about Elina, but what I do seem to recall is that Tyra and Co would use the euphemism, “hard.” I’ve never understood what that meant, or how that translates into pictures, but I always took it to mean that she photographed either older or kind of masculine.

    Speaking of Aminat, I loved her and would have loved to see her come back for the All-Stars season because she really did have a strong, likable personality could have won, considering who wound up being in the Final 3. Do you know if she is a successful working model?

  34. 34
    PopePhilly SweetRoisinDubh
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    @Derek – Aminat is doing pretty well. Obviously, she’s not a big name super model, but she’s been getting some work. Here is a link to some info on her: http://antm411.com/aminat-ayinde/

    Personally, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Zulu Rose shot.

  35. 35
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    The link. Yeah. The next cycle…me thinks it’s over. You guys are right. I don’t see how they’re gonna come back from this. The ONLY positive comment about the new cycle is actually a negative – the girls’ stupid “plea” videos/whatchamadiggers seem to indicate that some of the girls are spoiled, annoying, simpering college brats. Could make for some interesting TV. Could also make for a cycle in which I HATE EVERYONE AND HOPE THEY ALL LOSE.

    Ah, the old days. We’ll always have the reruns with our favorites, like Hypnotoad’s Renee, Derek’s Aminat and my Allison (and Heather and Brittany (Hatch) and Elina and Ann and a shitload of other girls I’ve forgotten LOL).

  36. 36
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    I really wish the DVD of cycle 1 had sold well and/or the licensing rights weren’t tied up so they could either put the other cycles on DVDs or show them on Netflix/Hulu/Amazon on demand.

  37. 37
    AmyOops
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Oh, damn. I didn’t even realize they WEREN’T available. Well, that just plain sucks! So we’re stuck hoping they replay the seasons we want to watch (and that our DVRs don’t decide THEY DON’T LIKE WHAT WE RECORDED so they ERASE it without our consent!). I still haven’t found Whitney’s cycle. I’d like to watch that again.

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