ANTM: Hong Kong Dollars!

Recaps

By SexyPanda | Saturday, May 19, 2012 | 3:08 pm | 19 Comments
Tagged: , , ,
Posted in: America's Next Top Model, Recaps

Hola, ‘Gasmii! That’s almost all the Spanish I know right now, despite having started Rosetta Stone. I mean, I can tell you that the sky is blue and that the cat is sleeping, but that doesn’t really work in the context of America’s Next Top Model: British Invasion, does it? Unless I say “el modelo es molesto.” C’est vrai, non?

Many, many thanks to Luscious for covering last week. I read the recap on my phone from my hotel bed early one morning, laughing quietly at all the crazy photos and trying not to gasp audibly when I saw that Alisha quit. WTF? She was my girl! She needed to win! At least Eboni is gone, too. Anyway, it was nice to be on vacation, but I’m sad I missed the most exciting episode of the season. Confession: I haven’t actually watched it yet. I only got back the other day and have been mad, mad busy ever since.

By the way, the Grand Canyon and surrounding cool shit was pretty awesome. If you’ve been there, you know. If you haven’t been there, you really owe it to yourself to see it before you die. It is literally awesome. I also had a great time on the trip because, ya know, my boyfriend proposed. And I said yes! Hooray for me!

 

Yep, I really need a manicure. Which I did  the day I got home–funny, there are no nail salons in back-country Arizona.

Okay, enough preparatory work. Let’s recap this bitch.

So, we’re left with Laura as the lone American left in the competition. Sophie and Annaliese are the last two Brits. I knew Laura and Sophie would make it to the end, but I admit surprise that Annaliese is still there. But they keep playing up her “not a high fashion model” storyline so much, I wonder if she’s the dark horse to win it? I don’t think so, but I like speculating. Plus, my girl Alisha is gone, so who cares anymore? oh, the ennui.

They’re still in Asia, apparently. Like, Hong Kong. And they’re all mentally replaying the panel from the last night. (Or THAT night.) Poor Alisha, that meltdown. And Eboni’s like, “Oh well” but rubbing her arm in comfort. That’s actually sweet. Sophie’s like, “Alisha, girl, you should have just hung in there two more seconds…you could have seen me win the whole thing.” (What do you think?)

Why the hell did they just subtitle Laura? “I’m the last American” needed to be subtitled? Do they run focus groups to make sure everyone can hear everyone okay? How strange. Anyway, Annaliese muses how she’s the underdog, Sophie muses about how hard she’s worked, and Laura’s just cocky with bright white hair.

Oh, so Laura was winning photo last week, too. Well, good for her. The girl really does pull through in photos, as strange as she looks in real life. Have I mentioned before that I’m tired of hearing her sob story?

Tyra Mail! “Get up and go for it”. So it’s an alarm clock challenge! “Who can wake up the prettiest and on time?” Okay, probably not.

oh, it’s go-sees. Laura curses. She doesn’t do well on go-sees. Probably because she’s strange in person! Here’s where personality goes a long way, as it does for Annaliese and Sophie. (And I’m reminded of that exchange in Pulp Fiction. “But pigs have personality.” “That’s gotta be one charming motherfucking pig.”) Plus, her  walk sucks.

“Oh, darn it to heck!”

The next AM, the girls are heading out to these go-sees. They step onto the ferry to take them to the other side, and there’s that hag Kelly. Wow, that olive-green and black look just does NOTHING for her. But seing that greasy black hair reminds me that I wanted to do a little hair-dye action on myself tonight. (Red, not black!) Thanks, Kelly!

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About

Time for an update! I used to be a tall, athletic editor who lived on the East coast. Oh, I still am, only now I've gained back all the weight I lost, which changes my life-tone quite a bit. Now that I'm married, I have a lot less time to watch Bravo and Food network. We usually end up watching Big Bang Theory reruns ("all of my friends, all of my friends, all of my friends") or Wipeout. Or WWE Raw. Wow. How life has changed!  Join me as we chat about my breast friend Patti Stanger and her love minions. Or maybe we'll talk about art during Work of Art. Whatever we're watching, don't be shy--tell me what you think!

19 Comments

  1. 1
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted May 19, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Congratulations!

    I was sad to see Annaliese go, but I wasn’t surprised. I don’t really like anyone left. I do like Sophie better than Laura, so I guess Sophie for FTW.

  2. 2
    LadyStardust
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 12:37 am

    As stupid as it seems to have a British person win AMERICA’S Next Top Model, I can’t stand Laura so I hope Sophie wins. Laura’s so whiny…she’s too hardcore to be “pretty” all of a sudden?

    And I have to agree with SexyPanda about Kelly. Girl looks ROUGH. She reminds of the semi-goth girl with questionable hygiene that sits in the back corner of the classroom in high school. How on earth do these people become such high rollers in the fashion industry? I didn’t get Andre Leon Talley either with his stupid choir robe he used to wear. How is that fashion?? He wore the same damn thing every day!

  3. 3
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 6:04 am

    First of all, SexyP, WHOA MOMMA! Quite the rock, my dear. Yay you.

    Now on to reading.

  4. 4
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 6:19 am

    How awesome for you SexyPanda! Congrats!

  5. 5
    zbird
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Congratulations, Panda! Have fun with the wedding, and have even more fun being married :) You’re man sounds awesome, especially the self-laugh part. Too cute!

  6. 6
    zbird
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 8:38 am

    That’s *your* not you’re. Ugh.

  7. 7
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Cograts, Ms. Panda…soon to be Mrs. Panda!

    I absolutely fell inlove with Annaliese during this episode. She was really shining, and I’m sad she got the boot.

    I think Annaliese got a bum deal. Her gorgeous mahogany skin looked oddly contrasting with that pale pink sleeveless dress. They should have had her in a gown with long, tight sleeves and a deeper color. the pale pink looked pretty on the uber pale girls with the white-blonde hair, but dammit it’s just not right (IMHO) that Annaliese got saddled with the same color even though it was not complimentary. Grrr.

    Sophie was just a touch cocky for my taste this episode, but she’s okay. Laura is just out there but takes great photos. Sigh. I guess I’ll be okay with whomever wins.

  8. 8
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 11:11 am

    I’m assuming that next week will be the requisite recap/unseen footage episode and the finale will be on the 30th. Usually the last episode consists of the top 3 girls, with one getting kicked off in the middle, followed by the fashion show and crowning of the “winner.”

    Sophie better win. I can’t stand Laura. I’m ever so sick of her playing the “I had to grow up fast because my parents were alcoholics” card. I don’t think she’s pretty, I don’t think she’s commercial, I think her personality is completely boring and grating, she’s not relatable and comes across as fake (remember that anti-bullying PSA? God, she sucks).

    Annaliese did indeed get the raw deal. Having one Brit and one Yankee in the top 2 was probably the plan from the very beginning. And she booked three of her go-sees while lame Laura only booked two, but whatever. Sophie better win, because she deserves it.

  9. 9
    Jo
    Posted May 20, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Congrats! I’m meh about both finalists. Sophie was a mean girl in BNTM but has hidden bitcherella quite well this season. Shame Annelise had to go.

  10. 10
    Another World
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 6:13 am

    Congratulations SP! Beautiful ring! And the kitties look thrilled with their gifts.

    I can’t stand Laura. Sophie for the win.

    Thanks for the recap!

  11. 11
    BelowSeaLevel BelowSeaLevel
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Congratulations! Your ring is beautiful.

  12. 12
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 8:42 am

    BSL, you and the others had much classier comments about the ring. Ah well. I’ll take lessons *giggle*

    Most of us were on Team Annaliese, and did anybody like Laura? From the start? Grrrrr.

    Didn’t see BNTM, so didn’t see Sophie’s being mean. Hope she wins.

  13. 13
    Luscious Luscious
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Yay, Sexy Panda! Congratulations to you & soon to be Mr. Panda!
    Annaliese was robbed!

  14. 14
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 21, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    I hope we’ll see more of Annaliese. We probably will, actually, since the losers always seem to do better than the winners. When was the last time you saw McKey in anything? And yet Analeigh has had a couple high-profile roles in “The Green Hornet” and “Crazy, Stupid, Love.” I always thought that Analeigh should have won, but she seems to have done better by not winning . . . which is usually the case. So even though I want Sophie to win over the should-have-been-sent-home-7-episodes-ago Laura, maybe Laura should win so that Sophie will have more opportunities.

    Nah, that would just piss me off.

  15. 15
    S-Natch S-Natch
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 4:32 am

    Congrats, Panda!!! So excited for you! :)

  16. 16
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 4:45 am

    Hypno, ever think of joining the Survivor crew? With strategic thinking like that you should go far.

    But I would be really bummed, too, if Laura were to win. Ugh.

  17. 17
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    Also, Teyona. I mean, Teyona? Really? I forget that she was an ANTM winner all the time. Allison’s gotten a lot more recognition and work than Teyona. So, yeah. Runners-up usually fare better than winners, especially since the winners have, for the most part, considerably underperformed compared to those who do not win (Whitney, anyone? Girl was in the bottom two FOUR g.d. times). And freaking Katarzyna has done TONS of crap, way more than Whitney. God, I take this way too seriously . . .

    I apologize. I have a weird and fascinating relationship with this show that borders on obsessiveness and daily checking of Amazon.com to see if they’ve added more cycles to their on demand section. (So far I haven’t broken down and bought that all-star crap. I’m proud of myself.)

  18. 18
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted May 22, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    Congrats SexyPanda!!
    @snowshoecat, we can be low class together because I was thinking the same thing about the rock LOL.

    It’s sad to see Annelise go, but she’ll be okay. Even if modeling doesn’t pan out the way she wants it to, she’ll have a great career as a television personality. Maybe she’ll even be able to host stuff in the U.S. now that she’s a recognizable face here. She should call up MTV and see if they need VJs or correspondents.

    If there’s any justice in the world, Sophie will win. Her photos haven’t been as strong as Laura’s, but Sophie is much more versatile, she presents herself better, and she will be the first ANTM winner to actually do something in the modeling world because she has proven that she will be able to book modeling jobs.
    It’s interesting to hear that she’s a bitch though. Seeing as how she was so ugly and gawky as a kid, I wouldn’t expect that from her.

  19. 19
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted May 28, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    You know – if you had to judge a company by it’s owner, how the hell would Kelly Cutrone get any business? She has not one iota of fashion sense. Between her ratty hair and the military tent clothes, she looks like a homeless person!

    Doesn’t Laura realize she’s a shoe-in? Will they let a Brit win AMERICA’S Next Top Model?

    And can somebody PLEASE tell me why the hell a model would want a recording contract? Do they award a modeling contract on American Idol?

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