ANTM: I’m Russell James…Bitch

Recaps

By P-Baby Walker | Sunday, February 27, 2011 | 12:00 pm | 41 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: America's Next Top Model, Featured, Recaps

Hi Gasmii!! P-Baby Walker here ready to kick off a brand new season of America’s Next Top Model.  I heard rumblings of a new model season a few weeks ago but as I’ve been entrenched in Oscar movies, Adam Scott’s IMDB resume, and girl scout cookies, I decided to stay away from any spoilers until the season actually started.  I’d first like to acknowledge a few things before we get started.

1.  Has anyone heard from Ann, our Cycle 15 winner?  Sure as her laxative induced shit stinks, I haven’t heard a peep.  Let’s take to the Google machine.  Ann’s supposedly making her appearance on the cover of Beauty in Vogue May 2011 issue.  Let me be the first to say I shan’t be reading that crap.  Here’s a preview:

ann vogue

2.  Adam Scott is adorable.  I insist that anyone who streams Netflix through a Wii or a Super Nintendo watch Party Down.  Immediately.

party down

3.  Seriously, how good are Thin Mints?

thin mints

Whew, glad to get all that off my chest.

This season kicks off similar to other seasons with the first five minutes full of T Bags running her mouth about who knows what.  I’m honestly not paying attention to it except for the fact that Tyra is still dressed like a fucking Newsie, obviously a blessing bestowed upon us from last cycle.  Banks, that movie came out like 18 years ago.  Get the fuck over it.

newsie tyra

All you need to know about the Tyra montage is that she references Ashton Kutcher, Shalom Harlow (what up House of Style?  Miss you guys.) , wears a trucker hat, and shows off her acting chops by mocking all the simpleton model stereotypes that try out for her show.  I get what she’s going for but it doesn’t work because 1.  Tyra herself is a caricature and a simpleton and 2.  Should she really be mocking the idiots that keep her show on the air cycle after cycle?  With no Mallrat model wannabes, there IS no Top Model.  Think about it, Banks.

smize

Unlike other seasons, however, we are not going to be treated to the typical montage of  panel shit where each girl traipses in the room in a bikini revealing really meaningful dolphin tramp stamps, c-section scars, and clavicles while Nigel tugs at his tummystick.  Instead, Banks and Co. start selecting the top 14 upon immediate arrival to the airline runway.  I think I speak for many when I say thank the sweet baby Jesus, the casting week is dead.

Tyra seriously keeps going on and on about how modeling is all about rejection and informs us that even to this day she still has to deal with people telling her no.  I can only imagine how those conversations go.

Tyra: “Do you think Beyonce actually likes me?”

tyra beyonce

Tyra: “Did I really deserve to win this Emmy?”

tyra emmy

Tyra: “This looks good right?”

tyra fishnet

Tyra: “Will I ever look like this again?”

tyra sports illustrated

Tyra tells us that if we want to have any sort of success in life we need to have tough skin.  Well at least I’ve got that box checked thanks to an on and off tanning addiction starting with junior prom circa late 90′s.  Besides tough skin, it probably doesn’t hurt to be a fucking glamazon that weighs 85 pounds.  Those boxes shall remain unchecked for the time being.

So in her best Ashton Kutcher impression, Tyra “punks” her chosen 14 and makes them think they are going home while a group of unsuspecting cast offs believe they have been selected for the show.  It’s kind of convoluted and evil so I’m not going to get very detailed about it.  Regardless, no matter how many trucker hats and Twitters posts and Demi Moore titty-grabs you add to the pot, nothing about this whole scam is charming in an early 2000′s Kutcher kind of way.  The evil dark heart inside of me actually feels kind of bad for the idiots that are going home but we never hear from them again so hopefully they were talked down from the ledge by production.

fooled you

So after the big reveal, the girls all have their requisite crying melt downs and run around the house which is pretty much par for the course.  So far none of them have stood out for me except one.  Sara.  Girlfriend has a rat tail.  Like an actual rat tail of late 80′s fame.  Remember in elementary school when there would always be that one kid sitting in front of you that had a rat tail and you just wanted to either play with it or cut it off at the root to stop that shit from ever growing again?  And then sometimes, said kid in possession of rat tail would go to the beach for a weekend and come back with beads on the end of it and it drove you fucking nuts because it was so ugly and NOT 1986? No?  Just me then?

rat tail

Sara is going to be this cycle’s “quirky” one but unlike last cycle’s Ann who actually cleaned up nicely, Sara is not cute.  Like not even drunk cute.

The girls disperse themselves and go find beds and we meet this cycle’s version of Sleeping Bag Kayla in the form of Brittani who lives in a trailer park and is astonished to take up residency in an LA penthouse.  I just read an article in Vanity Fair about this super ritzy trailer park in California called Paradise Cove where Pamela Anderson, Matthew McConaughey, and Minnie Driver all own property and trailers can sell for millions.  Needless to say, this is not Brittani’s trailer park.

brittani

Mikaela is already annoyed by some of the personalities in the house.  I’m annoyed because I can’t figure out who Mikaela looks like.  So far the thought that has crossed my mind is some kind of poor man’s Jennifer Carpenter/Jennifer Esposito eyebrow pencil addict anorexic hybrid.  Yes?

PS.  Jennifer Carpenter plays Dexter’s sister Deb on Dexter and was married to Michael C. Hall until that trollop Julia Stiles snatched him away and Jennifer Esposito is currently starring as Donnie Wahlberg’s detective partner on Blue Bloods.  She was also married to Bradley Cooper for like 35 seconds back in 2007.

jennifers

mikaela

Night time comes and the models get their first ever piece of Tyra Mail.  ”Let’s get the ball rolling.  Shall we?”  One of my favorite parts of every episode is when these chuckleheads stand around and guess what the mail means instead of acting like normal humanoids by guzzling wine and going to bed.  These girls think they’re going to be modeling bowling shoes.  Fuck me.  It’s going to be a long season.

Tyra:  ”Do you want these red gloves?  You can sell them on eBay and donate the proceeds to charity.”

red gloves

The next day the ladies show up at a mansion in Malibu where a pretty young lass and some other strumpet are standing there waiting for them.

erin and jay

Some of the girls know right off the bat that the strumpet is someone named Erin Wasson.  Supposedly she’s some model/jewelry designer/stylist like everyone else in that stupid, stupid city.  I haven’t a fucking clue who this person is.  What I do know is that she reminds me of Alexa Chung and her nostrils flair when she talks.  That show, MTV’s It’s On with Alexa Chung was terrible, just terrible.  Why was it so bad?  She’s kind of fun, right?  Whatever.  Here’s Erin and doppelganger Alexa.

erin alexa

All the girls are losing their shit over Erin as she announces they’ll be walking in a runway show wearing Alexander Wang (heh.) stuff and some of Erin’s jewelry.  Remember last cycle when Ann had to dress up like Alexander Wang who is quite possibly the most non-descript Asian I’ve ever seen in my entire life.  Refresher.

ann-alexander

So this is all very exciting  news until Jay mentions that the runway they’ll be walking on is only 12 inches wide (WHAT?) , in a pool (OMG!) and…they’ll be encased in a giant plastic ball.  I said this last cycle and I’ll say it again.  These bitches can’t walk normally down the street in their Air Force Ones.  Why right out of the chute are we making it virtually impossible to succeed?

Oh, PS.  Jaclyn is dead to me.  Reason?  She thinks she’s going to get stuck in the bubble for the rest of her life.

jaclyn bubble

Today’s photographer will be snapping the ladies backstage while they are getting prepped for the show.   His name is Russell James.

russell

My immediate thought was that he looked an awful lot like a non-juiced Fabio.  Then my obscure pop-culture referenced little mind decided upon a more suitable look a like.

rod belding

God, Rod Belding was such a dick.  Not only did he leave Zack,  Slater, and the rest of the gang hanging right before their class trip but I’d wager he tried to stick it in Kelly while he was visiting Bayside.

The girls all go backstage for hair and make up and Russell starts snapping away as the girls get ready and it seems a little Pervy Uncle to me but I guess that’s what he’s paid for.  We’ll see the pictures later but here’s some backstage shots.

alexandria backstagemonique backstage

nicole backstage

We finally stop dicking around backstage and the ladies get suited up in their bubbles.  I kind of get the image they are going for here but 1.  It’s too early in the cycle for this.  2. It’s stupid. and 3.  It makes me want to dance magic dance with David Bowie.

bowie bubble

As suspected, the bubble walking is a little rough and more than a few of the ladies have balance issues.  Gasmii, meet Ondrei.

Pro: She’s adorable

ondrei

Con: Her name is Ondrei.  (It’s pronounced Andre dummies.)

Pro:  Her debut on ANTM is going well thus far.

ondrei bubbleCon:  Now it’s not.

ondrei fell

And she eats it on the runway.  No worries though because the bubble pads her fall and also makes it damn near impossible for this sad little lady to claw herself out of the water.

More bad news.  Dominique falls too.  I’m all about people falling but the bubble with tiny runway in the water all seems so unnecessary that it takes the joy out of a legitimate fall, like when I slipped on ice outside my car this morning.  Brittani does the best out of the bunch and it’s kind of hard to see what the girls look like with the plastic in front of them in the screen shots so we’re just going to move along.

Oh, at the end of the runway stuff, the Js and Erin talk to the models.  I’m only mentioning this so I can use a group shot from the chat.

group shot

Kasia is the one on the far left.  She’s considered the “plus sized” one of the group.  No, really.  Plus sized.  As in bigger than normal sized.  The only thing bigger than normal sized on this girl is the Jesus jewelry she’s got slung from her gullet.

The ladies all return back to the house after their first exhilarating day and are greeted by the announcement that one lady will be going home tonight at panel.  Everyone’s nervous and for some reason the fact that Alexandria is working with Jaclyn to make her not be an idiot rubs some of the girls the wrong way.  Who honestly has time to care about that kind of stuff?  Piss off ladies.  Why is no one drinking wine yet?

Backstage time!  Tyra actually looks cute (God. Just take me out back and shoot me.) at tonight’s panel, going for casual in a t-shirt bearing Andre Leon Tally’s face, loose hair and black pants.

tyra andre shirt

Andre has also changed up his look, swapping out the sparkling Snuggie for something a bit more debonair.

andre panel

Nigel and Erin will be the other judges tonight and while I still think Nigel is attractive, he just spoiled himself for me last cycle.  Plus, my new crushes as of late have been skinny guys with big heads that slightly resemble insects, ala Andrew Garfield and the lovely aforementioned Adam Scott.

Let’s get right down to the photos and judges’ comments because it seems like we are already in for a kind of boring season.  BTW, the prize I think is the same as last season.  My DVR keeps skipping and I’ll have ample opportunity to figure it out so I’m not losing sleep.  I’ll wager it’s some Cover Girl stuff and IMG at least.

1.  Alexandria.  The judges like her.  I don’t.  Are lips supposed to blend into your face?

alexandria final

2.  Dayla (pronounced Dahlia? Parents do realize names are legal entities that will most likely torture their children for decades to come, right?  If the P-Baby’s are ever unfortunate enough to spawn our own, Boy: Jack or James  Girl: Charlotte or Vivian.  There, how hard is that?)  The judges like her too but she’s not going to win.  Girlfriend looks nothing like her picture in person.

dayla final

3.  Nicole.  The judges think she looks old in her picture.  I think she looks like every other blond haired blue eyed chippie I went to high school with.  We had a lot of German blood in the water.

nicole final


4.  Sara aka Rat Tail Rhonda.  The judges think she looks like a 19 year old boy wearing make up, yet mean it as a compliment.  Just like I mean it as a compliment when I tell Tyra I think she looks like a 46 year old man wearing make up and falsies.

sara final

5.  Ondrei.  Tyra likes it.  Nigel doesn’t.  That’s literally all they say.  Girlfriend wasn’t even on screen long enough to get a frontal of her.  Two guesses as to who is not a front runner this season.

ondrei final

6. Angelia.  Let me just say this.  Her name needs to be either Angela or Angelina.

angelia final

7.  Hannah.  Andre compares her to a young Jennifer Aniston, which for me means pre-Brad post second season of Friends, before everyone decided she was miserable even though she clearly is doing just fine.  She’s got like a billion dollars, an Emmy, really cute dogs, great legs, and can probably marry Jake Gyllenhaal tomorrow and be his permanent beard.  Girlfriend’s got it going on.

Oh right, Hannah.  Hannah’s very cute but talks slow and it annoys me.

hannah final

8.  Kasia.  Kasis is plus sized which is complete bullshit.  Kasia is not so much plus sized as she is just in need of a few good months of diet and exercise.  Seriously, I’m not perfect and I work myself out pretty hard on a weekly basis.  Kasia is not big but she is out of shape. Gotta hand it to the girl though.  She’s like the lazy man’s model.

kasia final

9.  Monique.  Monique is really pretty and the girl that prompted Tyra’s Shalom Harlow reference.  The judges think Monique might be too sexy.  That’s because she dresses like a hooker.

monique final

10.  Mikaela.  Andre thinks she can be a new star.  I think she needs to seriously consider adding something besides blood to her diet.

mikaela final

11.  Dominique.  Dominique has an attitude.  Unlike Chris from last season who seemed kind of in on the joke, Dominique seems rather vile.  The jury’s out on this one.

dominique final

12. Jaclyn.  Oh, this one.  Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have one of those voices that makes me sound permanently like a five year old and then I realize that people like me would hate my existence.

jaclyn final

13.  Molly.  Tyra and Andre make fun of the belly shirt she is wearing.  I don’t know why these two think, after all the abominable things I’ve seen them in over the years, that it’s OK to make fun of what the girls wear.  The judges love her picture but warn her not to let the positive things go to her head.  I’m sure she won’t since you just slaughtered her favorite Forever 21 shirt on national TV.

megan final

14.  Brittani.  The judges like Brittani and she walked the runway the best during the bubble bullshit.  Poor thing has a snaggle tooth so hopefully Banks will take care of that one here in the near future.

brittani final

After all is said and done, Molly wins best photo and the bottom two are Dominique and Angelia are in the bottom two.  Angelia gets sent packing and while I sort of feel bad for her, I’m relieved more than anything because her name is annoying and I don’t have to type it anymore.  God bless small miracles.

Well Gasmii, how did you like the premiere?  Who are your favorite models so far?  Will Tyra cut the rat tail?  See you all next week!



P-Baby Walker is a Pez-collecting, Archie Comic reading, Elvis loving, self-appointed movie sensei.  Lack of sunlight, fresh air and a bloodstream composed of Diet Pepsi causes her moods to air on the side of salty, resulting in endless disgruntled opinions for the world to enjoy.  Due to overall lack of motivation to do anything else, P-Baby has recently started writing more of her musings on pop culture at Mrs. Catalano Presents...  When she's not in the midst of her ongoing epic battle between love and hate for Nicolas Cage, she spends an abnormal amount of time watching B movies on Netflix.  She hopes to meet John Waters one day and thank him for his contributions to the film industry.

41 Comments

  1. 1
    LadyStardust
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    I haven’t even finished the first page yet, but I wanted to also share my love of Adam Scott (and Party Down…I also love Martin Starr) and Girl Scout cookies.

    Glad you’re back…love your ANTM recaps!

  2. 2
    emilyhartly
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    Well said about naming practices. This needs to be a bigger issue. If I was a school teacher there would be serious issues, for me. One day I’d snap at the dumb spelling, probably question their parents intelligence and/or education…lawsuit! You said it perfectly, what’s so complicated? Good luck w/ Jaac or Viiveighayn!

    I don’t watch this show but I will read your recaps. Adam Scott, Girl Scout cookies – I am in!!!

  3. 3
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    I’d always assumed that as soon as you decide to be a model or a news reader or a hip hopper the first thing you did fuck up the spelling of your name. Or choose a different name that the spelling of could be more easily and uniquely fucked up. I doubt the parents are to blame more than about 30% of the time. (Or slightly more if the kid in question is from certain socio-economic strata).

    And, it’s not like I’ve ever understood a single damn thing about the whole modeling dodge, where “walking” is a job skill, outrageously gay men decide which straight women define beauty, Tyra Banks remains uninstitutionalized, but… how did we get to the point where really, honestly FUG girls get to be models? I mean, if they’re so heavily covered in makeup and glitter, and the lighting is perfect, and the camera catches them from ONE CAREFULLY CHOSEN angle, then they look UNIQUE. Not “pretty”, mind you, but sort the of weird appearance that makes you do a double-take, like if you saw spilled intestines lying on the highway after a bad car crash. I just don’t get it.

    Or is the high fashion world you see on reality TV largely for fake entertainment purposes only? The models in the normally accessbile retail clothing catalogs that fill our mailboxes every day are normal-pretty….

  4. 4
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    Mikaela looks a lot like Adrienne Curry (the Cycle 1 winner). But of course no one will mention that on the show since Adrienne is DEAD to Tyra. DEAD!

  5. 5
    Xouille Xouille
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    So dead that Elyse Sewell has replaced her in every montage of past antm winners.

    Is it me or now that Tyrant has the Vogue nod, she has gone from crazy Tyra to mean tyra ? First episode and already the return of the runway from hell ?
    Although I admit that I enjoyed watching Dominique fall on her ass a few times.

    *splat*
    *Tries to stand up and ends up rolling in the stupid bubble*
    * Makes stupid poses as if she fell on purpose*
    * Look at me, I’m a butterfly ! *
    * Falls on her ass a million more times *
    And the best part is that the people in the public laughed at her the whole time.

    So far I don’t have a favorite. I’ll wait for the makeovers episode.

  6. 6
    ohralphie
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Great recap P-Baby!
    I have no favorites yet, but you totally nailed my ‘non-favs’.
    I have never got the ugly/pretty concept that Tyra tries so hard to sell each season. I think that is just her way of stacking the cast with girls who may be thinner then Tyra but certainly are not prettier then her. As for the plus sized model — please. In real life (and yes, I know logic has no place in reality tv) there will never be a place for a plus sized super model. Fashion hates fat people, Andre Leon not withstanding. To hear Kessshisaaugh go on about how she will be the next ‘special’ model is insulting to the mentally challenged. And I say this as a person who just got done eating all you can eat pancakes at IHOP. My ability to do this makes me neither special nor a potential top model. Know THAT. Keesiah!

  7. 7
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    I just got my Thin Mints. Mmmmmmmmmmm. Outstanding.

    Thank you for recapping this. My VCR tape died a horrible death just before panel.

    Lastly, I hate last season’s “winner,” Ann. i stopped watching because of her. I will say that since Whitney won, the subsequent winners have been whichever of the final 8 contestants is the thinnest. And, just pointing out again, in Ann’s photos, her expression may as well have been Xeroxed.

  8. 8
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    Oh…and thank you for the Labyrinth reference and photo. That ballrooom scene with Bowie was a recurring teenage fantasy of mine…

  9. 9
    loopygorilla
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    YAY we are back for another season and i hope we get more crazy bat shit stuff because this is not a legitimate modelling show… dont care what people say… we watch it for the crazy bat shit stuff.
    Firstly those girls who thought they went through! omg poor girls they were happy and got 10 seconds of fame.
    that is worst than the girls who thought they didnt go through and ended up as the final 14. because you are like jumping for joy that you are in and then after the cameras stop rolling, some production assistant comes in and says… “Ahh i dont know how to tell you think”
    it would be like finding out santa doesnt exist? WWWWHHAAA???
    Anyway so far, no favourites, they are all sooo mallrat looking and their forever21 clothes make them look sooo hooker-ish at panel.
    And Jaclyn, that voice makes me want to drown her.
    Also for the first 5 minutes, it was ALL tyra LOL
    and the runway show was just stupid, the bubble, the water and the confetti, how are buyers supposed to see the clothes with all that distraction? ANSWER: its not a legit show … ME: Right sorry i forgot teeeheee
    Having said that, dominique falling on her ass was hilarious! and the way she tries to “carry-on” was more hilarious… it was like the girls on the Price is Right waving their hand around a toaster prize like it was made by virgin elves from the garden of eden.
    seriously, my guess is first 5 minutes people laughed when she couldnt get up again but after 15minutes they all like.. can we get the next girl in please. BECAUSE YOU ALL know it would have been hard to get out of that water whilst in a bubble, you almost have to push ure weight on it (hard for ano chicks) because if you “walk” on the bubble, u would just continue spinning on water and you wont go forward, and that bubble was not thick either, those chicks hitting their heads on that runway would have hurt.
    Anyway this name stuff in hollywood is really shitting me, im glad you brought it up.. besides the incorrect spelling, you have dumb names which i think are made up. i.e Leighton Meister, Blake Lively, Chace Crawford, Chord Overstreet… WHAT THE F**K
    i think ill change my name to Toaster Aloevera.
    seriously, what ever happened to normal names.
    anyway this season has started off rather lacklustre, so i hope they turn it up a notch.. but i dont know what they will have to do, to turn it up, because basically after 16 cycles, you really have to pull a rabbit out of a hat to surprise us… cuz we are soo used to the crazy tyra, that it seems normal.
    Tyra needs to graduate from the crazy to insane, like charlee sheen insane.

  10. 10
    loopygorilla
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    Oh ohhh i almost forgot, what did happen to Ann.. that girl annoyed the hell out of me.
    she has joined the long list of past ANTMers who have done afew things here and there.
    you guys should youtube ANTM “you will see me again” its soo funny lol

  11. 11
    loopygorilla
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    btw P-baby, i know you love nigel and all..but are you at disturbed at his fascination with cat’s anuses?

  12. 12
    L-Money L-Money
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    I think Mikaela also kinda looks like Sarah Silverman

  13. 13
    tv-addict
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    ‘a pretty young lass and some other strumpet’? LMAO!! i think Erin Wasson’s cool.. in a Ke$ha kinda way.

    Mikaela = Jamie Bochert + Arizona Muse + Mariacarla Boscono which means she might win :(

  14. 14
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    I still say I’m gonna change my name to katteephan…or maybe kattee5phan, and the “5″ is silent.

  15. 15
    Loiseauchante
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    Adam Scott reference plus Labyrinth. I think I love you. <3

  16. 16
    kenzie
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    Why has no one mentioned Dominque deserved to go home!! she’s vile and her “freckles” seem like Acne to me!! wrong girl got sent home! guess this will just be another bias season for TYRA

  17. 17
    (J)ustPeachy
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    I missed you P-Baby! This season isn’t looking very promising, but it’s worth it to read your recaps. The Labyrinth reference was great, even though I’m going to be singing Dance Magic all night. Thank you, thank you! I saw my babay… crying hard as babes could cry…

  18. 18
    HandyManda
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 8:41 pm

    You had me at Girl Scout cookies…

    I watched this episode with my dad (long story, lol) and even he was hollering for Dominique to get eliminated. I kind of liked the picture of the girl that got sent packing. It wasn’t any worse than anyone elses.

    I guess I’m getting jaded after 342 cycles of this show. Tyra can pick any picture she wants, and if she wants you go to home she’ll pick a picture of you cross-eyed and picking your nose to make sure it happens. Oh well…I’ll still watch.

  19. 19
    carol
    Posted February 27, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    Have only gotten to the photo of the thin mints. I love thin mints but they have become way to expensive over the years and you only get them a short while. Well, Safeway has in-house/safeway brand cookies. They are square cookies, I forget what exactly they are called, but they are chocolate mint and they taste exactly like Thin Mints.

  20. 20
    loopygorilla
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 2:14 am

    LOL kattee5phan

  21. 21
    itchy
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 4:53 am

    Catty$an?

  22. 22
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 6:26 am

    I don’t have any comments on the show thus far. I’ll wait until the pack is thinned a little and I actually remember which one is which. Thanks for suffering through in order to provide us with entertainment, P-baby!

    But I do have a comment about names. I was born in the mid 60s. Back then, women were knocked out when they had babies. My mother and father disagreed on what I was to be named if I was a girl (which I am). My father wanted Cynthia and my mother wanted a different name which is uncommon but normal. After I was born, my mother wanted to name me her choice before my father could name me his choice. Unfortunately, the sedation hadn’t completely worn off and she couldn’t remember how to spell it so she sounded it out. It is still fairly normal except she put two Es instead of an I. Fast forward about 20 years where I am working/studying in the arts. EVERYONE thought I had changed the spelling of my name to be artsy. And some were total assholes to me about it too. I seem to recall that I actually produced my birth certificate to shut someone up about it.

  23. 23
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 7:56 am

    Could be worse, Snooty Bootches. My grandparents let my Dad name his newborn little sister. He named her Cinderella…and they let him. She goes by Cindy for short, but formal occasions…well….you can imagine. And I suspect it wasn’t much fun for my Aunts (her two sisters,) either. LOL

  24. 24
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 8:08 am

    For the record: There’s a reason I dropped the “y” in vallegirl. I’m just not telling.

    And Snootchy, I had the same thing happen with my name, except my father actually called the records room to verify how my name was spelled and had them correct it. You can see the erasure underneath.

  25. 25
    Jessi
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 10:00 am

    I’m shocked no one on panel mentioned how Dominique’s freckles in the black and white photo seriously look like acne scars. Poor thing. Also am glad I don’t have to look at the spelling of Angelia anymore. Maybe it’s just b/c I’ve been rereading Harry Potter 2, but I keep seeing Ford Anglia when I see her name written.
    Thank you for the Labyrinth shot! Oh, David Bowie. How yummy you are!

  26. 26
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 10:27 am

    Valle: I know someone who has the name misspelled on her birth certificate. Her name is Tanya but the cert says Tayna. I don’t know if the parents did it or if it was a typo at the hospital.

  27. 27
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 10:34 am

    Oh, our mistake was my mom being so out of it that she spelled the name phonetically, just like yours. But my friend Jil didn’t find out about her unique spelling until she was 12. Even her parents never looked at the birth certificate until then and they were all like “I’ll be damned. We forgot that second “l”.”

  28. 28
    itchy
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Snootchee Bootches?

  29. 29
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 11:16 am

    Itchy, doll, you can just call me Snootch. As long as you call me! :p

  30. 30
    itchy
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Next time I’m in England, I’ll be the guy standing on the Tower Bridge hollering your name.

  31. 31
    leboe
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    P-baby I’ve always known we were meant to be besties!! I LOVE thin mints and just bought Labyrinth on DVD 2 months ago!! I forced my 13 and 10 year old daughters to watch it with me and during my favorite part (drug induced dance scene with Bowie) all they did was scream and cover their eyes due to Bowie’s tight pant induced bulge…they were very disturbed…whats happened to today’s youth??? …sigh…anytime you are visiting Canada, look me up. I’ll have a box of thin mints waiting. (oh who am I kidding the t.mints last about 5 minutes here)

    Was I the only one who wanted to hang Andre Leon by his feet and sweep the floor?? Seriously, what was the dealyo with that HAT!!??

  32. 32
    juddfan
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    Yay, a new cycle . . .

    Agreed with all, not much of note cast wise–although I def nailed bottom two, and likely to leave. That girl had no “model” features to speak of . . . her nose was fleshy and flat and the rest of her face was rather pan-ish–and I am totally only talking about models here, I actually love the regular faces of normal people, just saw train fodder in that one. Dom is maybe supposed to be the “bitchy, sassy” one, but again, I ain’t seeing much model there.

    Bunch of blondes, and they are generic, tho one had thin lips and hair and won best pic, and the jennifer aniston one was adorable to me (once again, more actress than model, but cute!)

    I’ll give you guys annoying on Jaclyn’s voice, but I actually found her rather hilarious . .. . is it me!?

    Andre telling that girl to retire her Peacock feather forever, while he’s wearing a feather on his hat, dude . . . you can’t have a mirror, right!?

    As for names, I rather like unusual names, but I’m from a blue collar town with a bunch of white kids named from the bible, so I could throw a rock from my house and likely hit 3 Mary’s, twelve John’s, ten Michael’s and a handful of Bill’s and Ann’s while I was at it. I’ll take a Kendall, or Colton, or Sklar or Dustin any day over plain names that border on cliche for me. Just my opinion, not looking to argue the point. I can also see where the bizzare can be too much, like Apple (ugh!) or Chord. As for spelling . . . well, if it’s too confusing, I just wont pronounce it, and if I attempt it, I’ll mumble and wave the hand. I am so rude!

    My real name is “weird” and people always mispronounce, and misspell it, but I just assume it comes with the territory.

  33. 33
    tv
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    they’re not fooling anyone with the “creative” runway shows…that bubble was chosen specifically to humiliate the girls. true story, i was in a mall in cancun a year ago that has a man made river going through it (http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/01/a0/36/f5/la-isla-shopping-center.jpg) and spent over an hour watching people pay $15 to get in the exact same bubble, have someone push them onto the water, and try to remain upright. every single person fell on their face repeatedly, and it was hilarious.

  34. 34
    loopygorilla
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    the bubble was just ridiculous, a fashion show is supposed to showcase the clothes.
    *And this is me in my years of experience watching Project Runway and pretending to be Nina Garcia*
    Okayy…but how are you supposed to look at the construction quality of the clothes, how it hugs the body, whether its flattering or not, what details are on it that stands out or looks ugly etc etc..
    If the girl is in a bubble, with Confetti, walking and trying not to fall.
    Basically, its not about the fashion, its about making us laugh and it did. as soon as the first girl went down, i was cackling like the witch from snow white.
    its like watching a hamster on a wheel, except hungry chicks in a bubble on water, LOL

  35. 35
    Thatswhatshesaid
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    @Hypnotoad: I also thought Mikaela reminded me of Adrienne Curry!

  36. 36
    Thatswhatshesaid
    Posted February 28, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    Word @Juddfan. I thought the exact same thing about Andre criticizing that girl’s flower while sitting there with his own feather duster on his hat! Crazy!!

  37. 37
    itchy
    Posted March 1, 2011 at 12:33 am

    I’m just glad that Andre ditched those stupid mumus. I’m guessing he did so several seconds after watching the first episode of last season. Finally, after all those years of looking like a perfect idiot, he understood what he looked like.

    It has stopped him, apparently, from continuing to make idiotic fashion decisions. But it does underscore how pervers the whole fashion industry is.

  38. 38
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted March 1, 2011 at 4:07 am

    I agree, LoopyNina. I was paying attention to their walks which is sort of what Miss Jay is there for, right? The only one who could even walk in a similar fashion to a regular runway was the girl who did the best (whasshernameeyelidgirl). It was a throwaway challenge so that they could fail and be laughed at. Am I watching ANTM or You’re Cut Off?!

  39. 39
    juddfan
    Posted March 1, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    Me thinks the cray-cray opening runways are an attempt to get on The Soup and go viral with footage of a grrrl flopping around like a guppy. It’s probably a throw-a-way judgement wise.

    Oh, and those clothes . .. . why did it look like a remake of “Logan’s Run” about to start shooting . . . is it me!? ARe those shapeless, jersey smocks what’s in?

  40. 40
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted March 2, 2011 at 8:18 am

    The bubble thing made me think of “The Prisoner” and I was hoping that this batch of batshits would be sent to The Village, given numbers, never to be heard from again.

  41. 41
    Kiqu
    Posted June 12, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    Her name is spelled “Dalya.” Still not spelled “dahlia,” but at least it’s phonetic.

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