ANTM MiniCap

Hi Gasmii!  Before we get started, I must make a confession.  I always talk about how the models on ANTM never amount to anything.  Color me surprised when I was catching up on episodes of Blue Bloods and saw Ann from Cycle 3 on a guest role!  Apparently she goes by Annalaina Marks which is a play on her real name of Ann Elaine Markley.   She’s also been on Gossip Girl and in a couple romcoms.  So, there you go.  It’s something, right?  But if this bitch ever wins an Oscar, I’m jumping off my balcony.

Last night on ANTM, there are only four strumpets left to deal with.  These recaps keep getting shorter and shorter with each elimination because I can only recap the idiots talking about themselves for so long.  Everyone’s pumped that they’ve made it this far and take turns talking into the camera about how they deserve to be there over the others.  After listening to all four talk to the camera, I really don’t like any of them.  Hannah’s probably the nicest so I’ll throw a little good karma her way.  Except she just had a total burn, intentional or not, to BritBrit, telling her she never thought she’d meet someone from a trailer park, ie: there are no trailer parks in Hannah’s world.  There’s one like a half mile from where I live.  It looks quite cozy at night.

Miss Jay arrives and takes the girls to a sit down with Franca Sozzani so Franca can look through their books and talk at them in broken English.  Franca must be ashamed of herself because she’s STILL on this show and would never hire any of these girls in real life.  I do poorly with heavy accents so I’m glad I’m not there pretending to pay attention like these girls are when I really just want to play with the street monkeys and shop for stuff.  Even now, with subtitles, I have no idea what this frigid bitch is saying.

After the meeting with Franca ends, Miss Jay brings out another lady who I instantly love for being able to balance a tray full of tea stuff on her head.  She’s here to teach the girls the balancing trick with Brittani and Hannah failing miserably.  Alexandria’s huge noggin does well and Molly’s decent too.  Miss Jay informs the girls that they better get their balancing act together as they’ll be performing in front of a bunch of Moroccans tonight.

At the venue, the girls are going to be dancing with a bunch of professional dancers as well and on top of tea, they’ll have some fire atop their domes.  Sweet.  First their hands are set on fire like a million episodes ago and now their stringy extensions will get burned off.  The professional dancers are far more interesting to watch.  Defying expectations, no one dies.

The photo shoot for the models is at a huge outdoor market but who cares about that.  Daniella Issa Helayel aka Issa London clothes are used for the photo shoot.  Yes, the Issa that owes Kate Middleton her first born.  That one can be the spare.

The girls get haired and makeuped and dressed and I really like this shoot mainly because I love markets and everything is much more exotic and interesting looking than past shoots.  The outdoor market reminds me of how awful a movie Sex and the City 2 was and how I still can’t stop myself from watching it whenever it comes on HBO.  Brittani is dealing with some sort of faux illness from eating goat brains but I call bullshit on that since bitch didn’t even actually eat it.  Whatevs.  Nothing else interesting happens.  I hate this show and how boring it is and how I’m still compelled to watch it cycle after cycle.  F U Tyra.  Check back in a few days for the full recap to see if Brittani turns into a goat and to see who’s headed out of Morocco and back to obscurity.