-
TV Social
Login
Recent Comments
- SororSalsa: Just watched the Top 20 show…I think they picked a good group. All of my faves are in!...
- pageantkidgrownup: It’s 10 something pm. My oldest two kids are playing Black Widow...
- AliceinPopLand: This site is blocked at my work. I’m so depressed right now. I cant follow my fav recaps at work...
- had enough: @Happy day — As you eloquently put it “Goodness, am...
- Flipit: Added a login section! Trying to get the stupid hosting service to get companies to unblock! Don’t...
- TurtleGirl93: *gasp* Wait, whaaaaaat? Someone tell me where I can read about the demise of...
- ius2bmargo: Yikes! I better get reading, gotta a lot of catching up to do! And @classydrunk , lets go have a cocktail...
- Derek Hazelton: FYI, posting on the new site as dqh257. See you on the other side!
- Jazzy: @Clair – hahahahahaha!!!! Great one!!!
- brebay: Cora – You do know your hubby’s screwing Cambrie, right?
Hot Shows
-
Fresh Tweets!
Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
1:39 pm
25 Comments
Tagged: alexandria, allison, ashlee shitson, bianca, dominique, jay, Kayla, lisa is old like zima, makeovers, nigel is bald again, sheena, tyra
Hi Gasmii! P-Baby here trying to keep my eyeballs from rolling out of my head at the Ashlee Simpson-ness of this episode. Anyway, I’ve had kind of a long week so let’s get right to it, shall we?
Driving home after the first elimination, it seems as though none of the girls actually knew what prizes they were competing for until attending the first elimination panel. Like, none of them asked? Before agreeing to the show? No one’s agency demanded to know what the outcome would be, should their client win? I pose this question: What if the prize at the end was nothing besides the glory and exposure of being on a crappy show no one is watching due to The X-Factor/Modern Family/the 90 other things that air on Wednesday nights? I’d like to say these girls wouldn’t be that stupid but they insist on proving me wrong time and time again.
On top of being stupid, all these entitled knuckleheads think that they deserve to win the All Star cycle, including Never Nude who’s got to be pushing 35. Look Never Nude. It’s not going to happen. You could probably get a sweet gig starring in Pajama Jean commercials but your constantly clothed ship has sailed. Just once, I’d like someone to sit there and say, “Yeah, I kind of blew it during the first cycle. Everyone here is competing pretty hard so I’m going to have to be even better in order to be awarded the prize.” I think I’d fall off my couch if such humble words ever escaped their lips.
The girls all gossip around the house blah blah blah and it should be noted that this, more or less, was my husband’s face upon seeing the oil spill that is Alexandria’s face in her confessionals.
Banks Olsen shows up from the Daily Planet with a newsflash:
The Banks has convinced some guy to come in and assign each girl a “one word brand” based off a persona as decided by fans or something overly complicated and unnecessary for a show like this. Why do these girls get labeled every episode and it’s always a slight variant on whatever it was the episode prior? Call them anemic and underfed and be done. The models all listen intently to Martin because if the Kardashians can still be a thing, than anyone can make it. Does anyone remember what was airing on E! before the Kardashians gave everyone blow jobs at that channel?
So here’s the breakdown of brands as assigned by Martin.
Lisa: Daring. Look, people. Peeing in a diaper is not daring. It’s fucking gross and a desperate cry for attention, unless of course she is an infant or an old person. Actually, with that face she’s rocking, she could legit get away with peeing in a diaper now cuz girlfriend is pushing 75.
Sheena: Unexpected. What does that even mean? Unexpected because she’s a tall Asian, the rarest breed on the planet?
Kayla: Free, even though she guesses gay. Martin tells Kayla that being gay is so five years ago.
HOLY SHIT WHAT’S HAPPENING ON MY TV?!?!
Shannon: Trustworthy. The only thing I trust this broad to do is be a cocktease.
Martin kind of glosses over Dominique (Survivor) and Allison (Unique), so we’ll gloss over them too.
Angelea: Persistence. I don’t know what persistence has to do with the fact that Martin just told her the general public sees her as a brand representative for cheap shoes. That’s all sorts of awesome and bitchy. Score 1 for Martin.
The rest come in rapid succession: Bre (Girlfriend), Camille (Proud), Isis (Inspiration), and Laura (Loveable).
Alexandria is worried about what the fans voted for her brand after the display of the totally mature DUDE in the crowd from the first episode who cussed her out and called her a bitch. She is relieved to find out she’s been assigned “tough.” Lastly, Martin assigns Bianca the brand “candid” and she takes that to mean she has free reign to not hold back anymore. She’s been holding back?
Bianca takes this brand to mean that she can unleash her hosebeast self upon the house. She gets her panties in a wad over suspected gossiping committed by Dominique and Camille. By the way, those two said nothing gossipy in the slightest, which Bianca leaves out when Bre asks her what was actually said. So basically Bianca probably did deserve to get up by Nikki Blonsky because girlfriend is a bitch.
Makeover time!!! Miss J is being really cutesy and calling them Ty-Overs which I staunchly refuse to do. Ashlee Simpson is here apparently to oversee the makeovers as well but…really? Have you SEEN her hair lately?
Fairly little of interest occurs during the makeovers save for a Bre meltdown. Bre? Your hair actually looks better. So stop threatening to quit because I KNOW you don’t have much else going on back home. Also, it’s a smarter idea to quit BEFORE your hair is chopped off. You know, so keep that in mind. But you aren’t quitting? OK, so now we just know what a whiny baby you are, but we knew that years ago when sweet, succulent Red Bull was wasted down the drain instead of guzzled into my sleep deprived mouthhole.
But it’s not all bad for Bre. 1. She looks great 2. She kind of redeems herself in my opinion by sucking it up and actually making sense in her confessionals about why she decided to stay. I must be getting soft in my exhausted state of delirium.
Oh, I forgot this little nugget. Lisa is getting married in two months and wants to keep her hair long. LISA IS GETTING MARRIED. Gross. Yuck. I feel obligated to google search in order to find out who this masochist is.
I can’t find the lucky man. These are the only douches that pop up when I google Lisa D’Amato husband.
Alexandria has what I can only describe as a chemically imbalanced reaction to her makeover. She’s sobbing because of happiness because of a hair cut.
Seriously, this chick has to be on meds right? She’s so manic it’s frightening.
In the midst of makeovers, Jay and Miss J show up with a fine selection of chili hot dogs. I’m surprised they don’t catch on fire for carrying such a heinous item in their world. I, for one, would eat the hell out of a chili dog this instant even though my farts already smell like eggs trapped within the confines of an Astro Van in Texas in August. What’s one more mixture of grease and beans?
Turns out the hot dogs were provided by Pink’s and today the girls will be modeling their new makeovers along with a hot dog creation of their own, all the while posing like their “brand.” Why is everything so goddamn convoluted on this show now? Why can’t it be, hey we’re going to have you model these really pretty earrings while a scorpion walks around on your head, cool? Ok, and SMIZE! (PS. If it was MY hotdog to make, it would be fried, dipped in buffalo sauce, sprinkled with cheese with sliced dill pickles on top.)
Same as makeovers, nothing exciting happens at the shoot either. Sheena decides to add rose petals to her hot dog as the unexpected twist. I’m throwing my hotdog in Sheena’s face the minute I bite down on a flower petal. I barely like lettuce. I don’t want to eat a boutonniere when all I want is ground, processed meat.
What’s more busted than Lisa’s face? Lisa’s face choking on a hot dog.
It seems like absolutely nothing has happened and we are already at the judging panel. Is it just me? I can talk about how much I dislike Ashlee Simpson some more but …instead I’d rather post a picture of the artist formerly known as Bald Nigel.
Ashlee is the guest judge on panel today and this was my husband’s face, more or less, when Tyra goes on to say Ashlee is a multi-platinum selling artist, an actress, Broadway star, and fashion designer:
So here’s what the panel had to say about…
1. Dominique. Tyra says Dominique looks like she won an Oscar and wanted to get the hell out of there so she could eat her hot dog. First of all, no one from this show is winning Oscars during my lifetime. Secondly, I distinctly remember Hilary Swank pulling a move such as this involving a SECOND Oscar and Astro Burger so if I had to pick between Hilary Swank and Banks as a mentor on how to be famous, it’s Swank all the way.
2. Bianca. Ashlee wants to have Bianca’s baby and Andre says she has talent. Great. More ego-swelling, just what we need.
3. Shannon. Boring but fine.
4. Camille. Ahslee thinks it looks like a camera photo with her friends. Camille is definitely going to cut that bitch.
5. Laura. I find it hard to believe this is Laura’s best shot. It’s disgusting. I love hot dogs but I don’t LOVE hot dogs.
6. Isis. It’s a mixed bag for Isis’s picture but they like her self-made dress so she’ll be around at least a little longer.
7. Kayla. Kayla was confused with how to pose with a hot dog while demonstrating her “free” brand, and the panel says she should have done a fly away bird pose. Poor Kayla.
8. Allison. They tell Allison to be careful about being too cute. I wish I’d get that warning once in awhile. Usually my mom is just telling me to stop stomping around like a clydesdale and stand up straight.
9. Alexandria. The judges say that Alexandria looks more sweet than tough but they still rave about the picture.
10. Sheena. Sheena is described as not exciting, not unexpected, and not interesting. I’m pretty sure she’s done for.
11. Angelea. Andre says Angelea could be Nikki Taylor, Melania Trump, a young Sophia Loren. Umm, no.
12. Lisa. They say Lisa’s picture is daring, crazy, out there. It’s also absolutely disgusting.
13. Bre. I’m not sure how this represents girlfriend but Bre this time around is a lot calmer. She’s still bummed about her hair though.
Before we get to the winner and the eliminated, this happened:
So…Lisa wins best photo. I’ve never been a fan of people chewing with their mouths open so I don’t get it. Bianca gets called next. The bottom two comes down to Kayla and Sheena with Sheena getting the heave ho. Goodbye my beautiful lanky Asian princess. It was nice while it lasted. Thanks for reading, see you guys next week!!
TV Social
-
25 Comments
Isis’s pose was vulgar and Lisa’s photo was repulsive.
This all-stars season is quickly turning into a dud. Ho-hum. This is modeling we’re talking about. Models stop being fresh at age 18. And most of these gals seem to be pushing 30.
That said, Bianca looked great. So did Angelea (who I couldn’t stand before).
I think Lisa’s was a great picture, EXCEPT for the open mouth. Laura’s was great & so was Alison’s. I would’ve sent home Kayla, because I’m tired already of hearing about her lesbian-ness. SO WHAT? It’s nothing new anymore, so shut it.
I agree with cattyfan that Isis’s picture was vulgar. Yes, we know you don’t have a “weener” anymore, but like Kayla, SO WHAT? No need to point it out.
Isis’s photo was not right, it looked like she was showing what was no longer there and to prove it she was now eating it.
Also, why are some of the girl’s faces so puffy yet their bodies are skinny?
Hot dogs? Really? Those are so phallic, next are they going to make them pose with melons?
I agree with itchy about Angelea…I didn’t like her before, but I think she’s doing very well this time.
I’m sad that Nigel lost his hair. It was kind of hot, and I think it made him look younger too.
Alexandria’s haircut made her face look fat and accentuates the oil fields residing on her cheeks. I can’t stand her, but I don’t want her to go home because she’s too entertaining. With that “I’m so sad because no one understands me” face of hers.
And I don’t know if it’s the baby hormones or what, but Dominique is so much prettier this time around. She looks so much softer, and I think she’s the prettiest girl there with Creepy Chan running a close second. Angelea looks better too.
Bianca is a thundercunt and even though she’s heart-stoppingly beautiful, I hope that bitch goes down soon.
Sheena coming back at all was a throwaway, because she wasn’t a model the first time and she’s still not. That should have been Nik’s spot.
I was disappointed in Isis because I freaking love her, but that pose was not the business.
Laura remains too freaking cute for words. That little pose she struck when they asked her if Wanda Sue made her dress had me rollinggg. Loveable is actually a perfect word for her.
Shannon needs to go home next…she is ANNOYING. -___-
Isis’s picture was horrid. Totally wretched pose. I actually thought she might go home, but she wasnt even in the bottom two. Whatever judges. And Alexandria’s hair is awful. It makes her look so dopey, especially with her goofy smile over said haircut.
I agree with everyone. Isis’s photo was vulgar & I was really shocked she didn’t get called out for it. I guess since Tyra paid for the surgery they are going to keep her around for awhile. But Isis? Hon? We don’t need to SEE the new lady bits. If you want to be a lady, ACT like one. We aren’t (all) whores.
I was SOOOO glad Kayla got called out for her constant Lesbian diatribes!!! Good grief!! Be a PERSON!!!! Have some talent & personality. Who you sleep with shouldn’t define you. What can you contribute to SOCIETY? We don’t live in your bedroom. While “free” was a lame buzzword, she COULD have done something with it if she had talent.
Lisa’s picture was gross with all the food in her mouth. I thought the judges would have said as much, but oh well. They have an agenda & it’s called ratings. You don’t kick off the crazy on week 2 when NOTHING is happening on your show.
I think the producers put Bianca up to the freaking. She was probably TOLD she was being talked about so she went up there. Again, NOTHING is happening even with all those loose cannons in one house. Bianca kept looking around at someone off camera when she was eavesdropping. She couldn’t tell Bre what was said because she didn’t hear anything.
Last thing, WHY are girls always surprised that they are in a competition?! When Dominique (or someone) said something along the lines of needing to work because the other girls were competing I was like “isn’t that what you came to do?! You’ve been on this show before!”
Okay, Iied. One more thing. Tyra calling Bre out for her somber “I can’t give you fresh-faced 19, but I can give you old smoker 45″ speech was hilarious! What was that?
@thatswhatshesaid, I forgot about it but yooooooo that speech. The end part when she was doing that laughing thing with her teeth had me DYING. She was like Joan Crawford gone wrong.
Bianca definitely is a supercunt – I wanted to slap her through the TV when she made that comment about weaves and extensions to Isis. “Weaves are ghetto and I’m not ghetto.” Um… yes… you are. The girl is stunningly gorgeous but nastiness oozes from her pores like sweat.
PS – I did not get Sex and the City from Lisa’s picture AT ALL.
@chaosbutterfly: LOL!!! That thing with her teeth had me rolling as well!! LOL!!!
Thanks for the great recap P-Baby.
Worst make-over episode ever ! Seriously… Ashley f-ing Simpson !
Nigel is back being creepy (that “I’m so sexy” wink at the end, ewwwww !).
And that brand professional Martin… urgh ! Martin the viewers of this show have given you a word that symbolizes your brand and this word is “useless”. Now get off my TV you stupid twat !
And then the stupid hotdog photoshoot… or as I call it “When product placement goes wrong”.
Only on this show can a picture of Lisa with her mouth open and full of half-chewed food can be considered fashionable.
And to think that this picture will be on Pink’s website… Great publicity campaign indeed Tyra ! Barf !
And of course Laura’s tribute to “two girls one cup” was considered sexy and lustable… Barf times infinity !
But I won’t nag too much on Laura because she was adorable throughout the episode. From her critique of Kayla’s photoshoot (How comme you make a hotdog look gay and lesbian and free ?) to her little quip at panel, she was indeed lovable.
And honey I have a few ideas for the gay and lesbian and free hotdog but they are all absolutely disgusting.
And LOL at Isis’ pose. I mean, her brand should have been named “yo shorty” because she was totally channeling 50 cent in that picture.
Bianca is a supercunt… which is nothing new. After all, she made fun of a girl with apserger syndrome during her first season, you cannot go lower than that.
I wish there would have been a double or even triple elimination because Shannon, Kayla and Alexandria need to go away.
Kayla, who thinks she is representing the full LGBT community on her own ! Bitch please, you are the L at best and Isis owns the T.
Seriously this girl has no personality trait aside from trailer trash lesbian. (If the “I slept every night on the floor in a sleeping bag until I was fourteen” story make a comeback, I will start throwing things at my TV). *End rant*
Well, I think you’ve covered everything all! I’m not sure vulgar is the word I’d use for Isis’ pic, it looked more “Dude” . . . and I’m not sure if that was what she was going for, but it was nasty either way.
I didn’t think the shoot was that bad, I thought Laura, allison, Angelea and Gross Lisa did a pretty good and creative job. bianca’s was great, but just typical. i can see why they cut Ms. Unexpected . . . that was some tired hoochy momma shit, and I believe, the whole problem with her before. I can’t believe they can’t find an asian girl with some legs in this race . . .
The retouching has been top notch, coz making Lisa and Dom look so pretty takes some talent! They tote’s look drag, angelea too, as previously discussed, but that pic of her is fab and the new hair cut is really working for her.
I don’t hate Kayla as much as some of you, but it’s from good will last time around. The sleeping bag never bothered me . . . oh well . . . Thanks P-baby!!!
I just went to Pink’s website to see the picture http://www.pinkshollywood.com/ and it’s disgusting! Definitely doesn’t make me wanna go eat a hot dog or anything! Ewwww
I will say gay rights is a HUGE FUCKING ISSUE right now, and not 5 YEARS AGO–I really take offense at that. . . . Gay’s are public enemy number one to bash, and still a political undesirable to rally the troops against. I do realize there are good things happening too, but this country has sooooooo far to gooooo . . . not just for gays and transgendered people, but we do seem to be the ones people can openly hate and threaten and damn to hell, so again . . . I do not take offense at Kayla being a proud lesbian, or her being offended when she’s told it’s 5 years ago.
I say the next group the pollitico’s should rally the troops against are the haters who think they know everything and feel justified doing all kinds of things, including violence and killing, just because you do not share their religious beliefs. I just don’t get how hating with such passion is “godlike” or “holy” in any way . . . and yes, I’ve been snared at, and damned to hell and all that stuff at gay pride etc. I have thankfully been spared any beatings, but I have a friend whose been attacked repeatedly throughout the years.
Anyhoo, sorry for the soap box . . . It’s just that every frickin’ day it’s these asshole, selfish prigs towing the conservative line and all over my computer screen and TV. I hate the direction this country is headed. I can’t believe “rich” people are claiming they don’t want a class war–FUCK YOU BITCHES!!!!! You don’t want a class war because we out number you a hundred fold. I don’t know why people with so, so, so much fucking money can’t see the wisdom of helping everyone out a little, when they wont even notice, nor do they even pay a fair amount of taxes coz it’s all in investments, and therefore only a capital gains tax at a lower rate.
And . . . how can we forget how far in the hole Bush left this country . . . are we really blaming Obama for how sucky this economy is!?
Feel free to ignore this or argue–love a good debate–but it felt really good to get that off my chest. Phwew!
Truer words, my friend, never spoken…er, typed.
Oh, and most of the pictures grossed me out, especially the ones with food all in their mouths–really? Just ew. I’m glad to have bald Nigel back, I for one think he’s cuter that way.
I totally agree that the concepts of these photoshoots have gotten waaaay unneccessarily convoluted to the point of redic. “Pose like your voted persona, that doesn’t even mean anything a human would be able to express physically…..with a hot dog your conceptualized”. Whaaaaaaaa?
Just saw this article: http://www.usmagazine.com/moviestvmusic/news/kelly-cutrone-to-replace-andre-leon-talley-on-americas-next-top-model-2011289
I wonder if Anna Wintour laid down the law and told Andre Leon Talley that he had to choose – real fashion or Tyra fashion.
I had heard Kelly was going to be on the show, but thought she would be a guest judge. I winder if she will be tough & mean like Janice Dickenson or like she was on The Hills, or will she roll over like she did on her own show, Kell on Earth?
lol i agree how everything was convuluted i was like why the hell do they need that!! dumb dumb dumb idea!! hopefully thats done with but im not enjoying this season, all these bitches and hardly no drama. give me something to be entertained by.
Excellent work PBaby but are you on hiatus?! Where are the next recaps? I hunger for your genius!
I’m back, friends! I was traveling the past couple weeks. I don’t even know what has been happening on the show or who got eliminated. My DVR is so full. But don’t worry, I’ll back and will be a recapping fool in no time.
Juddfan-
Agree completely with your political comments. If only people would wake up and stop voting against their own best interests. The only way things get better for the majority of us is if we work together. The tax breaks for the rich are obviously not “trickling down” to the rest of us. Okay back to frivolity.