Apprentice: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Crazyville

Hello Gasmii!  Last week the two teams both screwed up royally by providing Trump hotels with the suckiest suckfest of advertising campaigns and the women lost.  I personally found it hilarious because Star thought her cheeseball ad campaign was a klassy slam-dunk.  LaToya and Nene are brought into the boardroom, LaToya because Star didn’t want her around anymore and Nene to help support the cause.  And…LaToya was out.

In the suite, everyone is talking about the drama on the women’s team.  Marlee says Star is “laser sharp” and Nene can lose her temper in a second.  And we’re going to see that in about 5 minutes.

Setting the tone for the rest of the episode.

Nene is pissed and says she’s going to figure out how to f#ck Star up.  I was really hoping that would be the case but Nene seems to let her anger and need for vengeance get ahead of her most of the episode.  But then I see Dionne in the opening credits and realize things could be much, much worse.

On to the task!  Trump says the most important part of looking good is HAIR.  Which, really, why make it that easy for all of us?  He introduces us to Farouk Shami, head of Farouk Systems which owns BioSilk and Chi haircare lines.  This guy is hilarious he is so excited about the task.

He says their job is to produce a hair show using his products.  They will provide 2 hairstylists and 4 models, the teams just have to come up with the concepts.  Judging is based on brand messaging, showcasing the products and tools and overall presentation.  Just don’t let Star near that last one!  Trump says $20K will go to the winning charity and Farouk throws in another $20K.  This guy is so energetic and funny, I’d love to see him get his own show.

Project managers!  It’s down to Lil Jon and Meatloaf and they ro-sham-bo it.  Sucks to be you Lil John, white people ALWAYS choose paper for some reason.  Nene says, “Star wants me to be the project manager,” and Trump wants to know if that’s her choice.  Star says it’s strategic but she gets it.  And here we go…

How men solve their problems.

How women do.

Trump throws fuel on the ratings fire and asks if Star had good intentions or bad intentions and Nene’s like duh, BAD.  She looks at Star and says, “It’s going DOWN.”  Tone down the aggression, Jose.

Star tries to act all innocent – this is why The View hates you, bitch – trying to say that everyone has won money for their charity and she thought this would be a good opportunity for Nene.  Yeah, right.  Nene challenges her on that because she knows it’s bullshit and she starts getting up in Star’s face.  Star reminds her it’s not the Real Housewives of Donald Trump so she should chill, and although Star acts cool and moves to the other side of the group, her arms are crossed so clearly she’s very defensive.  And scared.  Bitch, I would be too, Nene is YOOOGE.

What is awesome is they have this fight in front of Trump who is used to women fighting over doing things for him, the men are freaked and Farouk is like, yeah, this show ain’t as klassy as I thought it would be.

Here’s where Nene makes one of her biggest mistakes of the episode, she brings the other women into it, saying all they do is follow her blindly… “Here is your puppet,” she says, pointing to Hope.  Uh, you know you have to work together on this task, right?  It’s one thing to piss off one woman on your team, but all of them?  Enjoy the trip home!

Nene says she wants to move over to Star’s side and she does in a very angry, aggressive way.  Oh MY ASS she was a victim of domestic violence…one guy gets in her business and she’d freakin’ KILL him.  She continues to bully Star and although I love it from a vengeance perspective (Star does look nervous but come on, she has to know security has tranquilizers ready), it makes Nene look weak overall because it’s not coming from a place of true facts or a calm demeanor that would carry some credibility, it’s coming from the street.  And speaking of…

“You talked a good game now bring your STREET GAME,” Nene says to Star.  “Now where’s Barbara Walters?”  HA!  Yeah, Barbara hates Star but I bet she has more of a street game than either of these women.  Trump loves this but does look pretty constipated.  He calls the men a boring group of people now and they all crack up.  Farouk looks less than impressed and I’m pretty sure Eric wet himself just a leeetle bit.

Star interviews with confidence (since Nene isn’t there) that, “There is a difference between the way an educated black woman handles stress and the way an uneducated one handles stress.”  Wow.  Did she really need to include “black” in that?  I mean, uneducated white women are just as bossy, loud and poor managers of their emotions.  Am I the only one who watches Cops?

Then, while they are waiting to set up the next shot, Nene continues to go after Star and to be honest, I’m guessing security was around just in case.  Nene tells Star not to play her like that and the more she screams and curses the worse she looks and I’m sort of bummed.  I wish she had saved that energy to come up with a kick-ass idea for the hair show and won on being really good.  “I don’t do threats,” Star says.

Star wants Nene to explain herself and it does sound like she’s going off like some lunatic.  Star says women talk to each other rationally and Nene gets in her face and asks when did she start caring about friendship?  The day she left The View and realized she didn’t have any.  “Tell me what you are accusing me of,” Star says as Nene answers, “Shut the f#ck up.”  Oh, there’s a good answer.  “Park ass bitch!” she says, walking out.

The men are heading to their war room and laughing about the women saying that Nene is so mad, she probably can’t think straight.  In the women’s van, it is silent and ice cold.  Even Marlee is uncomfortable with the silence.

Lil Jon does some research on previous hair shows that were uploaded to YouTube and the men are worried – hair is not really their thing.  They figure the theme, fashion and celebrities are the key to winning…they throw some names around…Reba McIntyre, Julia Roberts and John says Niki Taylor!  She totally agrees to be on their team.  Oh, slam!  Niki says she’s surprised the girls didn’t call her and John tells her Nene almost pulled Star’s head off and used it as a doorstop.  Probably the best doorstop ever because of its skills as a doorstop.

Over in the women’s war room, the silence continues.  Nene says she knows they started off really bumpy and she doesn’t want to yell, she just wants to get through the day.  With women she hates and called out for being bitchy and puppets.  Hey!  There’s your hair show theme!

Hate.

Nene says it’s weird that they had that big argument and now they have to work together – too bad she didn’t think about that before shooting off her fat mouth.  Then she brings up the domestic violence charity and I have to laugh.  Also, Star won’t look at her and Hope is fuming.  This will be a really fun and memorable day.

For some reason, they start the day off by listening to music and Marlee, who I think is trying to lighten up the group, starts dancing and being cute.  Nene says to “shake her beauty” and they decide that is the theme.  A really lame theme but not half as tacky as Star’s ads last week.  They spend a lot of time shaking their hair back and forth but they should be careful because you should never shake a baby and this suite is FULL of them right now.

HATE.

In the men’s suite, they are actually attacking the task and talking to Farouk.  He has really cool red shoes on. He tells them be safe (products are safe for customers and stylists), be beautiful and buy American.  Seriously, give this guy his own show, he is like the epitome of someone who came to this country and became successful because clearly he worked hard and provide products people wanted.  It’s that crazy American dream everyone came to this country for except Native Americans who just took the blankets and got sick.

Rut-roh!  LaToya is here to see Trump!  Who has lots of pictures of HIMSELF in his office.  LaToya says she was shocked to be thrown off the show and that there were really no grounds for it.  If we are talking about that specific task, she’s totally right – Star should have been fired because it was her concept, her design and her presentation from start to finish.  They lost last week because Star sucked it.  If they are talking long-term, LaToya should go, she’s not strong, but I don’t think Hope is either – that was a toss up.  LaToya is gone because Star diverted attention away from the task and to the overall season…brilliant move but it did screw LaToya.

Trump listens to LaToya and says the laryngitis didn’t help, but he wants to know who her main issue is with.  Hmm….Uh, STAR?  She says Star plays the game quite well.  She says she wants to come back to the show and prove her ability.  Trump says in the history of the show he’s never given anyone a second chance.  LaToya says she wants to be on the team with the guys, which – uh, you may want to check with them first.  Trump says he’ll consider it, which means he’s going to totally do it to screw with everyone.  Then he says he likes her pants as she leaves.  Yes, I like sparkly things too, I just don’t marry them as often as you do.

The men are going through themes and Meat is bringing up Marie Antoinette (a woman whose head is cut off to advertise for hair care?), ancient Rome, enchanted fairy/forest…a construction worker.  Nope, no Village People.  Meat says dancing across America and then Lil Jon says what about getting people from all across America – country cowgirl, Mardi Gras girl, etc.  Then Meat needs to pinch a loaf and excuses himself and they come up with “Feeling Good in America.” Meat flushes while the men celebrate.  Really, editors?

Meat, that loaf coming out okay or should we call a medic?

Nene wants to tie things up so she suggests street dancers.  You know, I’m just not seeing her come up with the big plan – what is supposed to happen when, how to promote the products and delegate out tasks.  I was really hoping she’d pull this one out but with each scene I’m becoming less confident that she’ll be able to do this – especially with all the hate being directed her way.  Star even admits that the “evil Star” really wanted Nene to fall on her fat ass face, but she really wants to win the overall task, so how could she deny the team her “skillset.”

Marlee asks what they should be doing and Nene says they should probably be part of the show and get their hair done.  Hope is still fuming.  Also, she says she’s tired about being the model and she doesn’t walk the runway.  Yes, she’s usually draped over cars and other inanimate objects.  She calls Nene vicious and evil.  Wow.

In case you forgot, hate.

The women head over to the place where the show is going to happen and Nene tells the models whatever they can do to help her win the task would be great.  Uh, how about more direction than just “be great”?  The stylists are pretty much running the show, offering advice and telling them some things they could do.  Nene says she wants one stylist up on stage and one lower to the audience and tells Star to do that, interviewing later that Star better get it done or else she’ll be hauled into the boardroom.

Star says she’s putting every product on a – say it with me – PowerPoint presentation so that when it’s time to talk about that product she’s ready to push the button.  Star says despite all the venom, Nene still had to rely on her to get things done because she “simply wasn’t skilled enough to do it on her own.”  Man, I hate that she’s right!

The men are setting up their stage and Meat decides to work with the lights and John is the stage manager.  Meat says it’s a gift to work with lights and when I took some drama classes in college and had to do lighting, that was the hardest thing.  It’s like being a damn orchestra conductor, so he’s right – it takes some talent!

Lil Jon takes the models shopping to pick things out and this was probably the stupidest waste of time ever.  Call the store, find the personal shopping person, tell her what you are looking for, what the event is and the sizes you’ll need and have that shit pulled when you get there so you can motor this through quickly.  I mean really.

Hope and Marlee are headed over to Lord & Taylor to buy things for the models and themselves, which makes no sense to buy things for people who aren’t even there to try them on.  Also, I thought it was very telling that Nene sent Hope and Marlee and not Star – probably because she needed Star to help with the project!

Marlee and Hope are phellating bananas while talking about how they thought Nene was going to pull Star’s wig off.  Hahahahahahaha, that is awesome.  I love wig-pulling.  Marlee interviews that after the fight Nene put all of that anger away in a drawer but that drawer could be opened at any time.  Yep.

While at the store, Hope gets distracted by sparkly things herself and seems to be off shopping.  Focus!  Marlee has to track her down and is not happy about it.

The men head over to the salon to see their models and work with the stylists.  Lil Jon kicked back with some wine and is letting the stylists do their own thing.  The women showed up and are working in the same area as the men.  Odd.  “It’s like a party with no damn music,” Lil Jon says.

Somebody here who still likes me/I haven’t had to time to offend yet.

Star sips her coffee/cup-o-soup while working on the graphics (shocking).  Nene interviews that if she gets fired it won’t be before she lets Trump know how evil, dirty and no-good Star is.  “You evil, fat lady.  You might have lost the weight on the outside but your brain is still fat.  And something’s going on on the inside.”  She has a fat brain?  That’s…lame.

Eric shows up and Nene explains her theme to him.  He says he thinks the women have an advantage over the men.  He asks about Star and Nene says she’s the technical person and will be behind the scenes, saying “that’s where she belongs.”

Eric checks in with Star who says she’s “stuck behind the computer…again,” which I need to call bullshit on since she seems to like it there.  Especially if there is caviar next to it.  Star says she was asked to do it and “quite frankly, no member of my team CAN do it.”  Uh, I bet Marlee could you arrogant bitch.

Eric says he was surprised to see Nene and Star in the same room – he thought she would have sent Star on a wild goose chase in Staten Island (lots of geese there).  He says it’s clear that Nene hates Star but also needs her.

Ivanka shows up and asks how the men are handling working so close (physically) to the women, but they say it’s really too loud to hear anything.  Ivanka says they all look so calm and they say they have a great theme and great stylists, and they felt very good.  She says the men have this routine down and know their stuff, however they are potentially overconfident.

With this reflection I’m twice as chilled out.

Ivanka heads over to see the women and tells Nene she’s so much calmer than in the morning.  Nene says she was tired of letting it fester and not letting people know what was really going on.  Also, she reiterates that the boardroom is going to be en fuego if they lose.  Which makes me think she sort of wants to lose so she can go to the boardroom and scream more.

Guess who’s in the HOUSE?  Niki Taylor!  She’s adorable and hugs all the guys.  She says hello to the women and Nene and Star shit themselves silly.  The men are all laughing and Nene interviews she doesn’t find it “cool.”  I think it’s genius and Star calls her “persona non grata.”  Nene immediately calls Hope and tells her not to say a damn thing to her about the task because it might sabotage their win.  No, I think that’s more on your shoulders.

I’d call you a backstabbing traitor but I have to save my energy for the boardroom.

Hope interviews she doesn’t know how the men got Niki to come work for their team and she’s confused.  Uh, they did this crazy thing called CALLING HER AND ASKING.  Marlee says she considers Niki a friend and that’s a betrayal.  How?  She probably would have worked for you guys if someone thought to call a FAMOUS MODEL FOR A HAIR SHOW.  People, why must you make me yell?

Show day!  The models are getting made up and they are ready to go.  Niki asks for some Texas hair and I love it.  She also brought three top models with her to help the men win their task.

On the women’s side, apparently they all decided to have a champagne brunch because of instead of getting to the site at 8am when the stylists and models showed up, they arrive late and Nene gets an earful from one of the stylists.  Nene interviews she hates when people get stressed and he should, “Shut the f#ck up.” Then she says, “Can’t a bitch be late one time?”  You choose THIS time to be late?  Dumbass.  You deserve to lose just for that.  And now I’m rooting for Star and it feels dirty!

But then I realize they are only 30 minutes late which is considered early in New York, and now I’m back on Nene’s side.  Shut the f#ck up hysterical stylist!

Also, this is why PETA hates your guts.

Star interviews, “I used my resources and I secured the dancers for the show.”  Yes, I’m sure you had “resources” in that you called some agency and asked for street dancers, handed over Trump’s credit card number and via the contract you had with them, they showed up.  Calm down on your mad skillz, bitch.  I can pick up a phone too.

OMG, what happened to Hope’s head?  Are those black poodles on it?  Oh, no, they just teased her hair to make her look like bride of Frankenstein. Now I really want to use their products.  The dancers practice and the look good but Hope says they were really disorganized and Nene was pulling it together as they went along.  The show has a lot of energy which is good.

Marlee says Nene was very good practicing onstage but then she went offstage, took a backseat to the event and the energy level dropped dramatically.  She pretty much let the stylists run the show.

Then one of the stylist tells Star to pay attention and to turn lights up when the model stands up or it will ruin the show and Nene thinks it’s awesome they are yelling at Star.  You know, you really need to temper your schadenfreude (oh, I said it) until you win and Star is kicked off.  Until that happens, try to be a little quieter or you will look like an ass.

Are you over 18?

The men don’t really do a rehearsal and Meat is really worried.  Lil Jon is getting too confident is acting like an ass and after 10 minutes they are done.  Ivanka may be right – the overconfidence may kill them.  Still, their theme is solid and they have Niki…fingers crossed they win, they actually worked hard and deserve it.

And?  Adorable!

Showtime!  The women are up first and start the show up with the dancers – high energy and Star interviews that this never would have worked without her because she’s the second coming of Christ Almighty.  Man, she’s insufferable.  No wonder Johnnie Cochrane died, it was the only way to get away from her.

Nene comes out as the host and keeps the energy up.  She introduces the theme and the stylists and totally disappears.  The stylist says to be safe, be real and buy American.  They stylists run the whole show and bring Marlee up to the stage and she works it.  Then…Hope walks out looking really odd and stiff and she holds up products and it is so inconsistent with the hair and look of the rest of the show, I’m not sure who thought that was a good idea.

My dogs act the same way when they’re groomed.

Nene interviews that Hope looked like Big Bird and totally stupid and she’s right – it’s awful.  We hear wah-wah music and Nene comes back out to say the products are safe and made in the US.  Once again she says if they go to the boardroom she will take Hope and Star and the fight is “going down.”  Yeah, you’ve mentioned that.

Although I think we all know, Trump would be all over this.

The men are up next and the stage has a huge American flag behind it.  Lil Jon acts a little too over-the-top and it’s very awkward at first.  He brings out the stylists and models and they spray and cut hair but it’s really dead.  Meat says there are “holes big enough to drive trucks through” and he blames the lack of rehearsal.

At least the men aren’t fighting, so JACKPOT.

They bring out Niki and talk about the products they used on her to get her look.  Farouk looks thrilled.  Then Lil Jon takes it to California and brings out a woman with products in hands – they mention the product, what it does, how it’s safe and how it’s made in the US.  Every time.  The end things with the Mardi Gras parade and they toss beads and make a huge finale with hair being cut all over the place and it looks like Edward Scissorhands onstage.  Meat doesn’t know if they won but the lights looked good.

And he is the new Gary, I knew it!

Boardroom!  Now I am sort of over the fact that Trump/NBC is dragging out these boardrooms for 40 minutes (seriously, my TV shows 1:18 for the task itself).  All this does is drag out the accusations and give Trump a bigger platform for spouting things that are either off the wall or just totally boneheaded (Star’s weightloss fits into both categories).

Trump asks Nene how her team was and she makes the “smell-the-fart” face.  She says she felt very alone on her first day of the task and that everyone wasn’t working at their full potential.  Ivanka asks if she’s surprised at this given her total bitch-ass meltdown scream fest and basic bitch-slapping of her entire team.  Only she says it in Wharton MBA-speak.

Nene says she was surprised which, come on.  Ivanka says it’s hard to be a flame-thrower and expect people to follow you.  Nene says her problem is with Star.  Then you should have kept it that way instead of dragging Marlee and “puppet” Hope into the fray.  There’s where you lost your team.

Still hating.

Trump says the throwdown seemed to come out of nowhere and Nene says it wasn’t.  She says she doesn’t like disloyal or backstabbing people and Star is both.  Marlee looks surprised at those comments.  Star says it’s not true and that’s why she was able to move forward on doing the task.

Nene starts going crazy and bitching and moaning about Star and how horrible she is, then she brings up how Hope is the puppet under Star’s spell and Trump starts to agree that Hope really has been under the radar.  Hope admits she doesn’t like confrontation and let’s be honest, the one time she did win it was because Star had her hand up Hope’s ass and told her how to do things.  “You don’t have that same fight,” Trump says.  Rut-roh.

He asks Star who he’d rather have on the team, Hope or Nene, and surprisingly she says it depends on the task.  Star says she’s sorry Nene despises her and Nene is like, “I despise you?  When did that start?”  Nene, really?  Do you forget things so quickly?  How can you speak to Star so disrespectfully and then say you don’t despise her?  Same with LaToya – calling her Casper then getting upset when she doesn’t want to call you.  Get a grip.  And a therapist.  Or a tape recorder.

Nene brings up bullshit about friendship and she continues to yell and Star keeps her cool and this is getting old.  Ivanka points out that Star’s answer shows that she thinks Hope is a weaker player but with Nene it’s a temperamental issue.  At least someone is paying attention!

OMG NENE SHUT UP!  The men are like, damn, can we go out for beer until this over?  I kinda feel that way too.  So Trump moves to Marlee.

Who matched her lipstick to her dress are you kidding me?

“Sometimes Nene scares me,” Marlee signs and Nene gets right up in her face and yells, “When did that start?”  Marlee signs yesterday morning she got scared and Trump is like really Star should be scared and genius Star (that law degree is paying off) says she wasn’t sure if a “verbal attack would turn into a physical one,” and I’m with her on this.  Again, I find this funny considering Nene’s domestic violence charity.

Ivanka points out how Nene walked across the room to be near Star and how that’s an act of dominance.  Nene says she wanted to show Star she is tired of the backstabbing and the other crap that is going on behind everyone’s backs.  Marlee and Hope roll their eyes more times than I did through my teen years and that is saying something.

And if I smacked them on the back they’d look like this!

Marlee says she respects Nene, they are friends, she is funny and she’s not violent but she is verbally abusive sometimes.  Trump says he’s known Star for a long time and that’s the first time he’s seen her scared.  She says she wasn’t scared (pants on fire!) but she was worried she could not maintain the dignity she needed to for a business situation.

Nene says she’s confusing dignity with being backstabbing and Star says she’s not.  Then Nene pulls out the quintessential tween smart-ass commentary and says, “Then why is your reputation the way it is?”  Trump is like, oh, burn, what does that mean?  And NBC cut in with how Obama is going to make an important announcement.  Ah crap.  Why couldn’t this wait until 11pm when the news comes on?

Trump doesn’t really push this and instead moves over to the men.  Lil Jon says he thinks they won because they had a good theme, they had great models and got the audience involved with the show and the energy was high.

They cut over to Niki Taylor and John says it was his idea to bring her back.  He said why not bring the most beautiful woman they know back.  Ivanka brings up how calm everyone was, especially Lil Jon with his wine-drinking.  The men say they all have a good relationship and Trump asks who the weakest player was and Lil Jon says no one.

He’s the man!

“If you lose, who are you going to bring back?” Trump asks and Lil Jon says, “We’re not going to lose.”  Man, that is confidence and loyalty.

Let’s get to what Farouk thought.  He loved Lil Jon as an emcee and the energy the team brought to the show.  He also thought they nailed it on branding and messaging.  He loved the American city theme and the whole idea of being a patriot.  On the negative side, he felt that they didn’t articulate the safety side of the products.

On the women’s side, Farouk thought they did emphasize the safety portion of things, the stylists were well-informed (was that really the women’s team’s doing, though?) and they loved Marlee as a model.  However, he thought Nene was a weak host, they didn’t emphasize brand, they didn’t see any real theme or direction, Hope looked awkward in the show (duh) and that the stylist ran the show more than the team did.

So clearly the men won, doyee.  And besides the $40K to Lil Jon’s charity, the men also win LaToya!

Bitch is back!

Nene smiles, Star closes her eyes like the doctor just told her that nasty rash has come back and she’ll need another round of antibiotics before it goes away.

God I need to itch.

LaToya sits next to Meat and Trump explains that she made a strong case on coming back.  He says he was surprised at her tenacity so he’s bringing her back on the men’s team.  I’m sure the men are not pleased.  Trump says they lost Jose and this is a great way to get back a strong player.

Trump asks LaToya what she thinks between Nene and Star.  She says Nene is her friend, she will tell you the way it is and Star is very backstabbing and manipulative.  She says Hope is fine but she follows Star.  “That is exactly what Nene was saying,” he says.  So…was this coincidence or did LaToya decide to call Nene!?!?!?  Oh, Casper!

Ivanka says to Hope that she’s not saying anything and Trump says she NEVER says anything. Hope says something incomprehensible about not saying anything until someone says something she agrees with at the moment.  Say-what-now-huh?  What the hell does that even mean?  I don’t get that.

Ivanka solidifies her place as my favorite Trump when she says, “How about you saying something and having others agree with it?”  Silence.  And kind of a dumb look from Hope.  Close your mouth.

The men are dismissed and leave with LaToya.  Trump reminds the women they need to stay because someone is getting fired.  I sort of felt at this point Trump was teeing up Hope to go because once again, he knows Nene and Star make for good ratings and with Gary gone, where else is he going to look?  Ratings whore.

Let’s get to it.  Nene says they lost because the team was dead weight on day one.  She says she was over it that morning.  She tells about the situation in the morning before filming where the women were getting ready in the dressing room and Star suggested that Nene be project manager and she said Hope was reading her phone and looked up at her and she says she knew it was a set up and Star’s smirk confirms it.  Trump smirks back.  God, they should make babies together they are both such asses.

You women never cease to amaze me.

Nene says she doesn’t think she should be fired for losing and when Trump asks who should be fired, she says, “Hope….or Star.”  She says Hope is just weak and she’s right.  Plus, if you fired LaToya for being the weakest the same should go for Hope.  “She’s just going to be an intern,” she says.

Hope brings up the fact that she and Nene lead differently and she finds it interesting that her charity is domestic violence and yet when they started the task Nene was mentally and verbally violent to the women on her team.  BURN.  And true.

Who does Star want on her team going forward?  Marlee first and foremost.  Star says she’d choose Hope because she thinks in the long run the team needs to pull together.  She calls Nene the pink elephant.  However, she says Nene is one of the hardest workers if she is calm and focused.

He moves to Marlee and she says she thought Nene should be fired specific to the task.  But Ivanka says that wasn’t the question, who do you want on the team going forward…Marlee says she’d rather have Nene than Hope.  I didn’t see this coming and I bet Hope didn’t either.

Mmm-hm.

Nene says Marlee is safe and can go back to the suite, leaving Hope and Star.  Hope, we hardly knew ye.  The women go to the lobby and Nene gets in Star’s face and says she thinks it’s funny Star is saying Nene is violent and maybe if she keeps saying it she can convince Hope.  Heh.  Nene then refuses to speak to Hope.

Trump says this isn’t an easy decision and Ivanka interjects that Nene was a weak project manager but Hope didn’t rise to the occasion either – and never seems to.  Since Trump has already been on Hope’s case and Nene will offer better ratings, I don’t think it was that hard for him at all.

Chi, BioSilk or just lots-o-cash?

Star holds her own and says she did what she needed to do to get the task done.  Ivanka says that was true, that she did do a lot for the task despite the beat-down she got earlier.  Hope says she doesn’t think Star is manipulative, then says she felt on the first task Star was bossy until she realized that’s the way she was all the time.  Which, what?  And Nene says, “So that’s okay then?”  No shit.

Hope says she’d fire Nene because she was the project manager and because of the piss-poor way she acted in front of a client, which, good one!  She also says Nene wasn’t a very good host and that is something she would have done differently.

Nene says to fire Hope because she’s a weak player and Star is going to walk all over her anyway.  Hope brings up how Nene ripped on LaToya and said she’s living off her brother’s money and called her Casper.  Trump snorts and asks if that is true.

Star tries to play on this but Trump says, you know, LaToya says she loves Nene but she doesn’t love you.  Then he asks Hope what she thinks about all of that – she brings up how mean Nene was to LaToya and yet LaToya still prefers Nene over Star.  Hope says she doesn’t know what to think about it.  Maybe she’s reached her thought quotient for the day.

And she looks awfully…deflated, doesn’t she?

Star says Hope would cause less stress on the team but if Nene could chill she’s a stronger player.  Then Trump stars the circling the drain of Hope by telling her she’s got a great career ahead of her but she’s just not strong enough against these two beyotches.  “Hope, you’re fired!”  She’s gracious about the loss and is probably glad to get going, Nene and Star are pretty nasty.

Why did dad get rid of the last sweet piece of ass on the show?

Nene says she wants to have a conversation “witchu” to Star and Star refuses to do it on camera.  Probably because she’s going to lose her “dignity” and doesn’t want any record of it.

Gold zipper on a black dress?  She should have been fired just for that.

Next week?  I saw the previews this week and apparently Trump fires three people…I’m guessing it won’t be Marlee or John.  Nene goes to the other team?  Meat can’t stop crying?

And OMG it’s f#cking THREE HOURS LONG? I love this show but why does NBC HATE ME?