Around the World in 80 Plates – Gamba Roja!

Recaps

By Foggywood | Tuesday, May 29, 2012 | 10:55 pm | 7 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Around the World in 80 Plates, Recaps


Something smells fishy… The jokes write themselves, folks!

  


Song starts at 1:20…

Wow, I just used a reference to a Sondheim song for my recap of a cooking show on Bravo. Doesn’t get much gayer than that, kids.

Sorry for the delay, you guys, but I made it before show day!  Hope you guys had a great loooong weekend.  

The teams board the bus for their journey to Barcelona. Jenna obviouses that she wants to be on the team with the best chefs. Thanks Jenna! You have cracked the reality competish code – give her a year’s worth of sponsored crap!

Nookie tells us he actually used to live in Barcelona, working as a professional gambler. Hmm, Nookie just became a bit more interesting, si? Obviously the fact that he knows his way around town is a plus, but the fact that he was a professional gambler 4 nights a week could be a red flag. And you know how a bull in Spain feels about red flags! (No, that didn’t make much sense – work with me, people!)


I wonder if Nookie knows Snookie?  

Nicole (S.F. represent, y’all!) interviews that the last she was in Barcelona was with her ex-wife and she’s feeling a bit trepidatious. They broke up after 4 years due to Nicole’s career and ambition. Wow, didn’t pick Nicole as quite that much of a go-getter, but there you have it.

Chev/Kev/Gollum pipes in with a story about waking up next to a hermaphrodite in Barcelona. But s/he was a she the night before. I’m not sure if dumbass C/K/G knows what a hermaphrodite is. Sure enough, his story was just an attempt to say something cool, but it was not only not cool – it was borderline offensive. He’s gotta be doing this on purpose, yes? Or as Britta would say:


“C’mon, I’m being Punk’d, right?”

Shots of the bus arriving in Barcelona. That town is so Gaudi, right? Again, the jokes write themselves, people! Actually, if the jokes wrote themselves they might actually be funny! Ba-dum-bum…


Muy Gaudi – ah, Barcelona humor!

So! The teams arrive at the first clue to secure the “exceptional ingredient” – which previously was a potato and then a tasting lesson. Let’s hope the bar is raised this go-around. The first 5 people to reach the teleferrico de montjuic (which is a tram) that will take them to the clock tower, will form a team and be given an advantage of time over the others. The boys (with the exception of the Nooks) take off running, with the ladies following (with the addition of the Nooks). Jenna’s pants are falling off. HAHAHAHAHA! It’s the little things, you guys, the little things…


Presented without comment

Sure enough – Chaz, Gary, Nick, John, and the Goll get the first tram to the tower, giving the Red team a ten minute lead on the Black team – Jenna, Nicole, Avery, Liz, Nookie, and Jenna’s discarded pants. At this point Liz (c’mon people, you remember LIZ, right?) describes the Black team as Charlie’s Angels. Sigh. The jokes may write themselves, people, but I don’t always have to report them.


Who’s Farrah?

Curtis meets the Red team at the clock tower, which is by the shore. Maybe Cat has to spend the days with her kids or? maybe they switch off challenges to lead or? maybe she’s too hungover to get out of bed or? I don’t know! Give me your ideas on why Cat no esta aqui…

Chaz realizes he hasn’t said anything horrible this episode and screams “Boys rule! Girls drool!” Somebody has a good memory of 1st grade! And speaking of, why is the front of his shorts soaking wet?

Jordi Limon is a “local seafood chef” joining Curtis in boring attire, yet interesting hair. The challenge is sort, prep, and pack 3 different types of fish – monkfish, merzula, and ink from the squid. The different fish earn different amounts of Euros to win the E.I. (exceptional ingredient) and then used to buy their ingredient-ses (hi Teresa Guidice, the NY times bestseller!).


Strangely, this is a good look on Jenna

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Foggywood
About

Jonathan Mallen grew up in San Francisco, went to college at Santa Clara, and has spent the bulk of his youth living and dying in LA.  Don't worry, mostly living.  He has worked as an actor, teacher, limo driver, waiter, personal assistant, office assistant,  script reader, retail associate, etc etc AND etc...  Very glamorous, he knows.  He is very happy to add blogger to his illustrious resume.

7 Comments

  1. 1
    LAC LAC
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Great recap!! Yeah, the jokes write themselves…or appear on reality cooking shows. BADA BING!!

    Ok, I will stop….

    Happy for the outcome – Kevin Cheven was muy annoying and mas muy delusional. However, there is not much to like on either team. Jeanna needs to have a 16 ton weight fall down on her. All the hyperventilating about a change in a dessert. Jaysus, does this never happen at a restaurant? And her face when Liz got accolades instead of the doom she predicted was priceless. I thought she has pooped a buick. Nookie… ugh…just when I started to warm up to him, he makes me go on the hate train. First, the “rabbi” comment and then the “there’s no crying in the kitchen” analysis of Liz. You idiots are stressing her out with your doom and gloom crap. And given that your client base is a bunch of overpaid, overfed athletes whose team motto of late has been “meh”, I will take your assessment with a grain of salt.

    Chaz – I need you to stop talking. That and the dramatic temper tantrums are canceling out any eye candy factor for me.

    Still got a girl crush on Avery.

    I was relieved to see Cat. I do not understand why she is MIA during most of the show. For making her pose in that dress, the least Bravo could do is let her be the lead for an episode or two.

    Loved that restaurant. It looked so chic. I am a fan of Jose Andreas. He has a couple of great restaurants here in the DC area and his enthusiasm for food is contagious.

    And that picture of Jenna and Nookie? No explanation needed, just some brain bleach. ;)

  2. 2
    icegirl
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 11:36 pm

    Ok sorry to correct you but Catalonian isn’t an adjective. The correct adjective is Catalan, as in a Catalan accent and a Catalan delicacy. Being of Catalan heritage and fluent in Catalan, this episode bothered me. The Catalan language and culture is not very well known and this episode didn’t portray it accurately and it is just giving people misconceptions. Jose Andres doesn’t have a Catalan accent either, he isn’t from Catalonia and cannot be considered a Catalan chef. If they wanted a Catalan chef they should have had someone like Ferran Adrià. What bothered me is that everything was Spanish. The diners didn’t even bother to speak Catalan when they were critiquing the recipes. If this episode wanted to educate people about Barcelona and the Catalan people then they shouldn’t have spoken so much Spanish.

    I really am starting to like Nookie but for the love of all that is holy Jenna needs to go!

  3. 3
    Foggywood Foggywood
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    @icegirl – thank you for correcting me on all of my Catalan fuck-ups. Next time you recap an entire season of a cooking show that travels to different countries every week without messing up here and there, let me know. Asshole.
    I get it dude. You’re Catalan. Get over it.

  4. 4
    ra
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 3:07 am

    @Foggywood,
    Chill out, I was just telling you the proper term. By the way I was not ranting about you. I was ranting about the shitty producers of this show portraying Barcelona and Catalan culture so incorrectly. You didn’t have to call me an asshole, douchebag.
    Your so welcome for my correction :D

  5. 5
    ra
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 3:07 am

    You’re* so welcome

  6. 6
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted June 1, 2012 at 3:30 am

    Maybe Cheven really is a rabbi, because he sure taught me that you never know what you’ve got till it’s gone. All this time, I thought I hated him but when he went home, I was genuinely sad. Like…who will I look at with a strange and bittersweet mixture of pity, amusement, disgust and irritation? Who will make me laugh with his delusions of grandeur? I was legitimately upset over here…getting ready to pour out a little sangria for my fallen homie. But then I realized that Chaz and Jenna are still there and they are more than up for the challenge. To use Cheven’s own words, they were just waiting for him to drop the reigns so they could reach over his shoulder and pick them right up. So instead of pouring my drink out, I lifted my glass, toasted to the health of the producers who cast these assholes for my entertainment, and gulped that shit down. Depression (and waste) averted.

    From Day 1, it was clear that Cat Cora was not really about to be in this show. I don’t know why she’s there…maybe for gender equality purposes, but it’s clear that she sure isn’t there to do stuff. Food Network knows what their viewers reallyyy want. *hungrily devours Curtis with my eyes*
    But I don’t feel bad for her at all…I wish I could collect a juicy check for barely showing up to work and only doing so to eat some hopefully delicious foods and wear fabulous cocktail dresses. That shit sounds like a dream come true.

    Also (and this is just a little constructive criticism, so please don’t beat me up like ra) I would like to formally put in a request for pictures of and comments about the food. It is a food show, so I think it would be nice to kind of put a little bit of focus on that.
    The end.
    So please don’t beat me up.

  7. 7
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted June 1, 2012 at 4:40 am

    Icey! Haven’t heard from you in a while! Missed you. Mmmmmwwwwwwwaaaaaa.

    And I really did enjoy and appreciate your rant. *grin*

    It is awful when producers are so sloppy in presenting a culture. I know that this isn’t National Geographic, but they can at least do some research. We have been doing a bit o’ ranting over at My Big Fat… Because the producers are making money by showing a spurious depiction of a culture that is actually harmful and perpetuates prejudice. Got my modifiers all skewed, but you get the idea.

    I didn’t take your explanation to be disrespectful to the recapper in any way.

    Out of curiosity and off topic… Sorta… Isn’t the fabulous Charo Catalan?

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