Something smells fishy… The jokes write themselves, folks!
Song starts at 1:20…
Wow, I just used a reference to a Sondheim song for my recap of a cooking show on Bravo. Doesn’t get much gayer than that, kids.
Sorry for the delay, you guys, but I made it before show day! Hope you guys had a great loooong weekend.
The teams board the bus for their journey to Barcelona. Jenna obviouses that she wants to be on the team with the best chefs. Thanks Jenna! You have cracked the reality competish code – give her a year’s worth of sponsored crap!
Nookie tells us he actually used to live in Barcelona, working as a professional gambler. Hmm, Nookie just became a bit more interesting, si? Obviously the fact that he knows his way around town is a plus, but the fact that he was a professional gambler 4 nights a week could be a red flag. And you know how a bull in Spain feels about red flags! (No, that didn’t make much sense – work with me, people!)
I wonder if Nookie knows Snookie?
Nicole (S.F. represent, y’all!) interviews that the last she was in Barcelona was with her ex-wife and she’s feeling a bit trepidatious. They broke up after 4 years due to Nicole’s career and ambition. Wow, didn’t pick Nicole as quite that much of a go-getter, but there you have it.
Chev/Kev/Gollum pipes in with a story about waking up next to a hermaphrodite in Barcelona. But s/he was a she the night before. I’m not sure if dumbass C/K/G knows what a hermaphrodite is. Sure enough, his story was just an attempt to say something cool, but it was not only not cool – it was borderline offensive. He’s gotta be doing this on purpose, yes? Or as Britta would say:
“C’mon, I’m being Punk’d, right?”
Shots of the bus arriving in Barcelona. That town is so Gaudi, right? Again, the jokes write themselves, people! Actually, if the jokes wrote themselves they might actually be funny! Ba-dum-bum…
Muy Gaudi – ah, Barcelona humor!
So! The teams arrive at the first clue to secure the “exceptional ingredient” – which previously was a potato and then a tasting lesson. Let’s hope the bar is raised this go-around. The first 5 people to reach the teleferrico de montjuic (which is a tram) that will take them to the clock tower, will form a team and be given an advantage of time over the others. The boys (with the exception of the Nooks) take off running, with the ladies following (with the addition of the Nooks). Jenna’s pants are falling off. HAHAHAHAHA! It’s the little things, you guys, the little things…
Presented without comment
Sure enough – Chaz, Gary, Nick, John, and the Goll get the first tram to the tower, giving the Red team a ten minute lead on the Black team – Jenna, Nicole, Avery, Liz, Nookie, and Jenna’s discarded pants. At this point Liz (c’mon people, you remember LIZ, right?) describes the Black team as Charlie’s Angels. Sigh. The jokes may write themselves, people, but I don’t always have to report them.
Curtis meets the Red team at the clock tower, which is by the shore. Maybe Cat has to spend the days with her kids or? maybe they switch off challenges to lead or? maybe she’s too hungover to get out of bed or? I don’t know! Give me your ideas on why Cat no esta aqui…
Chaz realizes he hasn’t said anything horrible this episode and screams “Boys rule! Girls drool!” Somebody has a good memory of 1st grade! And speaking of, why is the front of his shorts soaking wet?
Jordi Limon is a “local seafood chef” joining Curtis in boring attire, yet interesting hair. The challenge is sort, prep, and pack 3 different types of fish – monkfish, merzula, and ink from the squid. The different fish earn different amounts of Euros to win the E.I. (exceptional ingredient) and then used to buy their ingredient-ses (hi Teresa Guidice, the NY times bestseller!).
Strangely, this is a good look on Jenna