Around the World in 80 Plates – Marrakech – Anyone Bring the Tandoori Powder?

The Black team arrives first. Avery, John, and the Nooks. The White team (hold up, there be a White team up in this bitch now? Hell no… Pay raise Flipit!)

Annnnd the Red team brings up the rear. Yes, these ladies are not only ladies, they are dead last. Sorrrrrrrrrry! The teams run thru the market place, Nookie looks for a back alley craps game, and I reminisce about the first time I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark. God, that monkey was a little bastard…

According to someone, there are babies driving mopeds, camels wearing spit guards, and snakes sporting jockstraps. Or something… Oh God, is this still a cooking show? The White team is lost. Of course they are, it’s a team full of boys. Boys never stop and ask for directions, right Larry the Cable Guy? HAHAHAHAHA! Oh Larry, you are so funny! You deserve another movie. (As I die inside just a liiitle bit more).

This man makes A LOT of money, you guys.  More than you.  Fuck, I couldn’t even afford that tattoo…sigh. 

Wait, they DO ask for directions! Screw you, Larry! I will now only take advice from the ladies of The View, Dr. Drew, and Dr. Who. Oh – and Ru (DUH!).

John tells us they will just run thru yelling Ben Boubker (the actual spelling according to the sign – nice fact checking Bravo) and anticipate a response. Good plan John. And the Black team does arrive at the Boubs first. (hee – I said Boubs).

Challenge! Find the 9 spices used in making Ras El Hanout, a local spice blend. The Black team is in the lead but get hung up on cinnamon and coriander. Don’t we all, Black team? The Red team arrives. And then the White team arrives. Let’s hope Chaz’s West Indian nose helps them catch up. Annnnd…the nose knows! They get the first thumbs up!

Of course, right when they are trying to pay, Nook Snook creeps in to throw his cardamon on the pile. Gary pulls out his fat-phobic diva ‘tude and calls Knockers a fat-ass. Oh girl. Discrimination is a two street. As is Castro, Christopher, and Santa Monica Blvd. So check it. Biggies are people too. Even Nooks. Oh yes I did!

The two orbs above Chaz’s West Indian nose read the clue. Go to the roof top tea salon at the El Waha restaurant. Wait a minute, isn’t there a El Waha restaurant in Mazatlan? I think I have a picture of me dancing on a table during my Senior year high school trip. Or was that Cabo? Anyhoo…

The Black team is fast on their tail. Avery invokes the ole standard “it ain’t over, until it’s over.” Really, Avery? You might want to keep that one in your back pocket for a while. Next she’s going to tell us that she’s not here to make friends. Oh, and btw you’re aren’t even losing.

Smarty boombalarty Nookie pulls out his Amazing Race guidebook and hires a local to show them the way to El Waha. Nice one, Schnockers.

Wait a sec, you guys, Marrakech looks very much like Tijuana, right? Seriously, I think a partied on that rooftop in TJ! The teams arrive all at once, more or less. They have to fill up all the teacups in the proper manner.

Therefore all the ladies must now don burkas! J/K! They don’t wear burkas until episode 8 when they parachute into Kuwait. The teams learn the traditional Moroccan tea pouring style.

Nicole complains about the floating tea leaves. C’mon Nicole, I know that you know Asian teapots. The leaves are ALWAYS floating.

Gary uses his hidden frat skills to do the good pour, but the Black team wins! No doubt because of Snicker’s cheerleading skillz. So – E.I. goes to the Black team (Sookie, Avery, and John) – PLUS $15,000! Which is really only $5,000 each but STILL! Not bad for pouring tea!

The next day they will take over Palais Soleman? Soledad? SoleMan? I don’t speak no Moroccan and shit. Whateva. The two lowest performers on the non-winning teams will be up for…ELIMINATION! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ha. That was my devilish laugh. Did it translate in text?