Around the World in 80 Plates Recap: Like a Rat to Cheese

Last week Gary went home. Boo. We liked Gary. Unfortunately the actual weak link of the team (starts with a L and rhymes with LIZ!) had immunity, so it was Ciao to our funny, happy guy.

We begin in Florence where the teams find their newest clue. The teams shall remain the same. Neither Jenna nor Liz are to happy about this considering they both made their disdain for the other pretty darn clear.

They are off to Modena, just north of Bologna. We see a huge sign showing a big ole hunk of cheese with “Parmigiano” written underneath. Wasn’t there an earthquake a month or so ago that destroyed all the cheese in Modena? I guess our group of weary chefs had already made it out by then. Damn.

Let’s all have a moment of silence for all this beautiful cheese

Jenna now takes the opportunity of having Liz trapped in a car to tell her the following things:

1) She doesn’t trust her own instincts.
2) When she does trust her instincts they are wrong.
3) She basically sucks
4) She hates her bedazzled army jacket (I may have imagined that one).

YA-A-A-A-A-Y Red Team!

Liz makes a feeble attempt to defend herself, but is steamrolled just the same. I bet Jenna’s husband is enjoying her trip around the world immensely.

They arrive at the Parmigiano-Reggiano Creamery where each team must locate 3 wheels of cheese with green marks in dicating they haven’t aged properly. The winners claim $10,000 and the Exceptional Ingredient. Maybe this time it will be a lesson on how to make tinfoil swans.

Jenna begins her usual barking of orders and John finds the first wheel! And the second! The Black team is doggin’ it just a bit. C’mon Nookie – you can do it, put your back into it! And he finds the first for the Black team – just as the Red team finds their third. Sorry Black team – there will be no small victories for you!

Notice who’s doing all the work

They now have to take their wheels to Tamburini Salumeria in Bologna. Well alrighty then. The Red team departs with the Black team soon on their tail. Jenna now insists all is good with Liz – they are both adults! You don’t say?

They arrive and Jenna begins asking the locals who seem to sense her subtle charm and loveliness and then turn running in the opposite direction. Yeah, Jenna’s not getting anywhere. The Black team on the other find a helpful guide immediately.

Nick has the line of the night when he tells Nookie the cheese “is slippery and awkward. Like your sex life.” HAHAHAHAHA! And Nick scores against Nook!

Huh, I guess they only have to bring in one of the wheels. Thank goodness, I think Liz would have lost consciousness under the weight. And the Black team arrives at the Tamburini Salumeria first. It’s a miracle.

Now they must purchase 12 specialty ingredients and deliver them to Ristorante Pappagallo, a local joint where I bet they will be cooking later. Olive oil, head cheese, prosciutto, salami, and all the usual suspects must be gathered from a few different shops.

Surprise! In the course of this task, Jenna feels the need to call out John on pushing her too hard. Oh really Miss Pot? Mr. Kettle says if they lose, she’s outta here.

Miss Pot will not be ordered around – that’s her job!

The Red team heads to Pappagallo but lo and behold they forgot the Parmagiano Reggiaro – how ironic! Nicole crossed it off the list, but it was never bought. Let me guess, if they lose Nicole is outta here. Oh, she has immunity! Do we think Nicole is crafty enough to have pulled this on purpose? In any case, the Red team arrive at Pappagallo first and are off to find Cat and Curtis.

John compares Jenna’s running ability to a Christmas fruitcake. Random John, yet somehow appropriate.

I can definitely see the resemblance

The Black team re-arrives at Pappagallo, but it is too late. The Red team find the C + C Food Factory first. Nookie no happy saying “when Jenna wins, everyone loses.” Hee.

Gonna Make You Eat

They have to each cook 3 dishes at 2 separate restaurants blah, blah, blah. This time the guest is Paul Bartolatta. Jenna is impressed. Nicole reminds us each region in Italy has a different style of cooking so they must prepare to the specifics of their location. They must do an antipasti, primi, and segundi. The primi must be a tortellini. John is excited for the tortellini.

And the Exceptional Ingredient is…time! What? No tinfoil origami swans? But seriously, that is a pretty nice reward, although I still believe they are flagrantly misusing the word “ingredient” – on a cooking show. The Red gets 3 hours, the Black gets 2. The Red team will be at Pappagallo and will dine with the executive chef tonight. They can invite the Black team to join or send them on their way. They opt to invite them. Say what? Jenna says something about keeping their enemies closer, but I can’t say I think it’s the best idea. Nookie agrees with me.

Chef Riccardo Facchini greets them at Pappagallo and Jenna is excited by his boyish handsomeness, particularly his flavor saver. Down Jenna.

Bravo? Food Network? Anyone? This man needs a show!

They discuss their menus. Jenna will ask the chef what is the best filling. Nookie and Avery will team up on tortellini. Nookie tells John he’s just eavesdropping on him so he’ll know what not to do considering he’s lost every time. I wonder what the word for “Burn!” is in Italian?

Controversy erupts when Jenna asks the chef for any special secrets – but asks him only to tell her in Italian. The Black team is pissed. So was the rule that only the Red team could ask questions? I guess so. In any case Jenna tortellini-blocked the Black team.

Oh and FYI Bolognase sauce is only made with pork. The more you know!

The Black team will be serving first because they only have 2 hours prep time. Again Nicole shares a bit of insight about the cooking style saying how it is a bit more refined and has evolved from what is typically thought of Italian cooking. More fine dining, less Buco di Beppo.

Avery and Nookie have a pseudo alliance and are pairing on the tortellini. Nick observes that Nicole is butchering her meat with an emphasis on butchering. Avery’s pasta dough is also not coming together. Uh-oh.

It’s-a no good-a!

Liz in nervous to be in the kitchen with Liz, while Jenna threatens to shove an entire wheel of Parmigiano up John’s ass. Charming. Also, has anyone else notice that when Jenna is ordering others around she always throws in a “honey” or “sweetie” or “baby”? God, that drives me bonkers. Condescending much?

The Black team is down to half hour so they recruit the dishwasher and wait staff to help make their tortellini. Say what you will, Nookie thinks on his feet.

The guests arrive including Riccardo Facchini, Paul Bartolotta, and C + C. They make their customary food jokes with an emphasis on lasagna and tortellini. Oh epicurean humor – you slay me!

HI-larious!

Avery’s contribution is lacking and Nookie is questioning their bond. Of course he is. The antipasti is acceptable with its arugula puree. The tortellini is gummy. The meat dish is also no good – needed to rest more and the sauce is “ugly” – HAHAHA! Nookie wants to get the hell out of Italy.

The guests now head to Pappagallo for the Red team. The antipasti is a no go. The cheese is not melted and the mushrooms were not cooked. Jenna bombards the VIPs and frightens Bartolotta. The tortellini is served and is given the edge over Black team. Liz’s pork isn’t ready until Jenna and John step in to help. So what? Everyone helped each other on the other team! Jeez.

After the service, Jenna compliments Liz on her sauce, but then tells John that her meat was way too salty. She says both these things while drinking red wine out of a martini glass. Classy.

Time for the results. Nick immediately pounces on Jenna, telling them how much he hates the sound of her voice. And then Cat does her best cat impression. Maybe my favorite part of the episode. Cat’s cat!

Red – Nick’s mushroom dish is given the thumbs up. Avery and Nookie’s tortellini is given mixed reviews. Nicole’s beef is given the thumbs down.

Black – Liz’s pork is given best dish of the night. John’s tortellini is given the thumbs up. Jenna’s addition sucked. Jenna also sticks her foot in her mouth by complaining about Liz before hearing how she did.

The Red team wins! John gets his first victory and gets most valuable. Hooray!

The Black team chats. Nick goes off on Nicole which makes sense because she pretty much fucked up. Again is Nicole playing the game harder than it appears? In any case, Avery and Nookie’s pseudo alliance holds and Nick is sent packing. Sorry Nick – although I couldn’t quite figure out if you were cool or a dick.

Was nice not really getting to know you at all!

Next stop Thailand! Somewhere Sai is weeping bitterly into her Pad Thai.

Sorry, girl

Thanks for reading, you guys!  Is this still based on cooking or alliances and shenanigans?  Who are you still rooting for?  How amazing was Cat’s cat?!?