Auditiongasm 2012: Long Island Medium Fighter Two

The DJ wants do so something a little bit different… and it’s probably NEVER happened to her before… Theresa asks if he is going to dip her in Jello or something.  Yeah, right… like Larry has never done that to you before.  

No, no Mr. DJ wants to bring in …. SOME SKEPTICS.  Theresa is appalled.  She just thought she was here to answer some questions, she didn’t think she would be reading somebody!!  Refer to paragraph 3… she’s a psychic/medium, she didn’t see this coming?  Come on… all of America and parts of Canada saw this coming.  

So, the skeptics pile in, all 8 of them.  And they all look like they work at the Radio Station.  

Uh oh… Theresa is licking and biting those chops again.

The DJ asked one lady why she is a skeptic and she explains that every psychic has told her “Wildly untrue things about my life.”  Well, here’s a little truth: Lady, you need a mirror.  You are a hot mess.  Get to Clinton and Stacy STAT. 

Theresa asks the firing squad “Did somebody lose a sister?”  Of course, Miss Hot Mess has and recently.  “Do you have any of her clothing”  

Hot Mess begrudgingly eeeks out “Some pieces.”  

Theresa is like “I don’t care if its a sock- you have some of her clothes!”  she continues “And you have the watch?”

Hot Mess says “I was cleaning something out and I held it the other day…I don’t even know if it’s working.”  Come on lady, throw Oda Mae a bone here… 

Theresa says “When SPIRIT acknowledges certain things it is validation that they are present at a specific moment.  Did she pass from something with her head?”  

S.O.H.M. (Sister of Hot Mess) died from brain cancer.  

“Was there just a baby born in the family?”  Guess what?  Hot Mess recently had a son.  

“She said that she held the soul of your son before he was born.”  Whoa.  If I was human, that would have given me the chills.   Everyone in the room is choked up- even the DJ.  

The DJ asks Hot Mess if she is still a skeptic?  Hot Mess replies “I don’t know.”  

Theresa nailed EVERYTHING!  What more does this broad need?  Patrick Swayze and a pottery wheel???

The action moves to Lone Wolf Tattoo.  They have a sign in the window with this profound statement “Loved by some.  Hated by others.”   Who is your advertising manager? The Kardashians?

Theresa enters and asks Beavis if her husband is there getting a tattoo.   Beavis directs her to Room #1. 

Sure enough, Larry Buttafucco is mid-Koi when Theresa pops her jacked-up wig into the room.  As Theresa looks around she sees all kinds of creepy stuff: skulls, crucifixes with skulls on them, shrunken heads, Pee Wee Herman Dolls… here we go again… the satellite device in Theresa’s poof is picking up SPIRIT.  “The energy is definitely off kilter in here.”   She’s looking around and says “OHHHHH!  Yous have a Ouija board!!!”

Theresa says that she doesn’t like Ouija boards because they allow for “Unprotected Channeling.”  And God know WHAT kind of nasty stuff you can catch from unprotected channeling.  Pamela  Anderson got Hepatitis from Tommy Lee’s “unprotected channeling” Allegedly.  

“You know what I have to do?!?!  I have to Sage this place!!  That’s what I have to do.”   So Theresa gets her sage bundle out of her “Become a Psychic in 30 Days or Less Kit” and starts sage-ing away.   She says “those guys looked at me like I had five heads!  I’m sure they have some characters walking through this place but they are looking at me like I have five heads cause I got a sage stick.” 

Honey, they want to smoke your sage stick.   Beavis and Butthead behind the counter are like- Huh huh, it smells like a Gyro. huh huh.  

She says “Yous got a lot of souls in here.  A lot of SPIRIT.”  

Ok, now we are sage’d and Theresa has opened the path for all of he good spirits to come through.  Theresa wants to know how much longer it’s going to take because she’s getting nervous.