Auditiongasm Finals 2012: Long Island Medium Fighter Four

The radio people bring in some skeptics, and by skeptics I mean people who work in the building and happened to be walking by when the production crew was setting up. Now, if one of the skeptics introduces himself as Samuel, and Tre asks if he’s called Sam, does that mean she is communicating with the dearly departed?

Cut to a commercial for “Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids” — the “chiffon hits the fan” — yesssss! My cousin (the same one I serenaded Gia-style) is engaged and trying to get us on “Say Yes to the Dress.” It might work, because all of the people who would be going are dramatic, loud, and unstable. Except for me of course.

When we return to Long Island after the break, eight skeptics have joined Tre at the radio show. She really looks like she is shitting her pants. Don’t worry Tre, TLC told them to believe whatever you say.

Tre plays 20 Questions with the skeptics until she narrows it down to a dead sister. She breathes a huge sigh of relief when one woman says that yes, she still does have some of her sister’s belongings. Another question with an answer that doesn’t seem all that unlikely, but that is supposed to make us believe in Tre’s sixth sense. Tre explains the dead sister watches over the woman’s child, and even busts out some crocodile tears for added effect. The segment concludes with the woman saying she doesn’t know if she’s still a skeptic — LOL but you will never be employed by TLC again.

We are now at a place called Lone Wolf Tattoo, which looks like a really nice place if you are a hepatitis microbe. Larry is here to get the oddly-inspired koi tattoo. There are skull accoutrements all over the shop, and Tre is starting to feel some bad energy. As I’m trying to think about something clever to say about how a dollar-store skull candle could scare a woman with psychic abilities, the camera zooms in on a Ouija board. OH HELL NO, THOSE THINGS ARE TERRIFYING.

Tre tells us Ouija boards are real, and there is a lot of unprotected channeling going on in that shop. Can someone with a Ouija board check if they come with a warning that they do not protect against unprotected channeling? If you put latex over the board, are you participating in safe channeling?

Tre says she needs to get some sage to help with the energy in here. I’ve heard that sage is supposed to drive out bad spirits or something, but I would think it takes a lot more than some leaves to scare, like, a demon away. If anything they probably appreciate having something nice to smell. One of the tattoo artists says it smells like a gyro, so maybe Tre accidentally burned her to-go order instead.

Even after the sage/gyro ritual, Tre still feels nervous and on edge. Maybe because this place is unsanitary and you can catch hepatitis just by looking at the walls. If you’re that anxious, why don’t you just leave? 

Before she makes her exit, Tre asks if anyone in the shop has lost their dad. Again, a question you could ask a room full of people, and probably get at least one “yes” answer. As it turns out, Random Tattoo Parlor Patron 1 (RTPP1) HAS lost her dad. Tre asks if she had a dream about him. As luck would have it, RTPP1 HAS had dreams about him! Every time she gets a vague question answered the way she was hoping for, Tre looks like she’s gotten the shock of her life. If you are such a great medium, why are you always so surprised when you get something right?! 

 Tre explains that the dad was in the dream to validate the daughter’s feelings or some such. By the way, Tre has used the word “validate” at least 619 times in this episode, so she must be using the same Word-A-Day calendar as my old friend Danielle Staub (proverbial proverbial proverbial proverbial proverbial proverbial proverbial proverbial proverbial proverbial matriarch matriarch matriarch matriarch matriarch matriarch matriarch)!!! Apparently spirits validate A LOT of information, but I’m not sure what they can do about parking at the mall.