Auditiongasm Finals 2012: Long Island Medium: Fighter One

Long Island Medium: Skeptics and Koi Fish Dipped in Jell-O
By: Fighter One

OK, so “Long Island Medium.” Seriously, how many of these shows based on regional stereotypes are we going to have to endure before we all join hands across America in protest? North Jersey/New York City is the biggest offender. TV execs take note – the quota has been filled!

Also, as with all things regarding the supernatural, no one is going to agree on whether it’s real or not. So, let’s get that debate out of the way right away. Some people believe in the supernatural. Some people don’t. There, that’s taken care of. 

We meet Theresa Caputo (the Long Island medium herself) and her daughter Victoria at the eye doctor’s office because Victoria needs new glasses. She’s apparently going through a “geek chic” phase…or, you know, is a hipster.  Suddenly, Theresa is nervous and she can feel the room getting hotter. She mentions that it’s no surprise to her family that she is a medium. I would certainly hope so. I mean, the entire family is allowing themselves to be on a show called “Long Island Medium.” If they haven’t figured that out based on this fact alone then they may all need new glasses to appear smarter.

Theresa asks the woman at the desk in the office, Judy, if her father recently passed away. Judy tells Theresa that yes, he had recently died. Her mother is in the office as well and Judy goes to get her. The mother mentions that she too feels her husband around her from time to time. Theresa says the deceased husband wants to talk about his ring. Apparently, their grandson, Kevin, got married with this ring. Theresa asks if the wedding was on the water. It took place in New Port, Rhode Island on the water. Theresa assures the woman that her husband was, in fact, at the wedding in spirit. She is in awe and tells the camera that Theresa’s reading is very comforting.

Not a bad reading. A few seemingly easy guesses (i.e. the man being unconscious when he died), but a few specifics. If Theresa really is as good as this show makes us think she is, maybe she can channel the spirit of The Learning Channel. Honestly, when is the last time anyone learned something on this channel?

Next, a woman named Emma is having a private reading with Theresa in her home. She is hoping that her daughter’s father (her ex-husband, Jason) will come through. She’s been to mediums many times before. Is “mediums” really the plural of “medium” in this context? Would more than one be “media”? There is no reason given as to why Emma has gone to several media (I’m sticking with that one because it makes me giggle). Were the others horribly inaccurate? Is she still trying to get more information from her ex-husband? I think it’s a bit too late to try to get any unpaid child support, Emma. Theresa asks Emma who lives down south. Jason’s family lives there. Theresa brings up his tattoos and mentions that he called Emma “my Em.” 

Emma gives us a little background here. She and Jason met through a mutual friend when they were both young and silly. Their marriage wasn’t perfect and Jason had a hard time dealing with life. There were extremes – both good and bad and that led to the end of the marriage. Even after the two separated, Jason was still a good father to his daughter. At his memorial service, the daughter played and sang a song that she and Jason had recorded the summer before he died. Theresa tells Emma that Jason takes responsibility for everything and his passing (he committed suicide last February). Emma is now remarried and her new husband has helped raise her daughter. Theresa lets Emma know that Jason says it’s OK for their daughter to allow her stepfather to be her dad. This is big for Emma as her new husband has wanted to adopt their daughter. 

Theresa then tells the camera that even after we die, our souls continue to learn lessons and that Jason learned that his life had meaning. What?! We don’t even get to relax after we die? When I think of heaven (or whatever afterlife there may be), I don’t think of education. Can we at least have a little time to relax after spending all these years going through life?