Auditiongasm Finals 2012: My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding Fighter One

It’s almost show time! Pat Baby cleans out the liquor store and walks two carts full of beer and booze to his 14 year olds party. For other 14 year olds. The makeup artist starts bedazzling Queen P’s nipples, er, eyes and she has a really beautiful face. I do not want to check back in in three years to see her at 50 though. Meth is hell of a drug. Baby Pat gets decked out like Captain Jack Sparrow and the likeness is there. Imagine that, a character based on Keith Richards is easily portrayed by a meth head nomad. Even the autistic brother gets a moustache, we don’t really find out why, hopefully to be Hitler. That or with all the party prep, no one has wiped his face in weeks.

Party time! Out comes Pricilla and apparently she won the fashion contest? All the guests do seem to be transfixed as she awkwardly twirled and lurches around the dance floor with her father and sometimes by herself. The boys come out and dance one at a time with her as she awkwardly uses one hand to both hike up and clutch her heart bustier. Apparently a Halloween party is more taxing on 90lbs (must be an exaggeration!) of  crystals than strutting the Freedom Trail. She eventually changes into the outfit inspired by a disco ball throwing up on the 70s and her mother warns the boys not to look at the hearts on her asscheeks. That’s just solid parenting there.

Pricilla laments at first that she has not found a match but then picks DJ Pauly D, er, Jimmy to be the Gpsy King to her Queen. He has apparently demonstrated all the traits of a good mate. He was respectful, barely conscious and close by when she remembered this was about a husband. They both interview after what must have been a lot more narcotics that he smells good and looks good. Yup, pretty much the evaluative criteria for a husband I expect from a 14 year old. Mazel! He says she is pretty and I think TLC had to turn the cameras off so they could make sweet love in the back of a Camero. 

So that’s it! Humanity weeps! Tell me what you thought and if you would be willing to send just $1 a day to save these people from themselves. Just kidding, that money would go straight to more ceramic angels!  The brutes, the brutes!

Oh and vote for me! 

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