Auditiongasm Finals 2012: My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding Fighter Three

Once the streetwalkin’ is over, Sondra shows Priscilla her second outfit – a fringed halter top and booty shorts.  Everything is covered in crystals, including the boots with heart cut-outs on the sides.  Pat Baby really likes the boots and wants to try them on.  I personally would have gone with the Lucite stripper heels but do what you want, Priscilla.  While Priscilla is changing into this outfit, Pat Baby interviews that this outfit is a little more risqué than the dress, but highly tasteful.  Sorry to burst your bubble Pat Baby, but tastefully risqué is an oxymoron.  Kind of like you being a regular moron.

Because this episode has been lighthearted up to now, the narrator lets us know that Pat Baby and Priscilla have come home to tragedy.  Pat Baby’s sister has died – she was allegedly murdered.  I’m no homicide detective, but how are you allegedly murdered?  I would think that either you were or you weren’t.  Also – how long were they freaking gone?  They have cell phones – nobody bothered to call and let them know?  I also love how the narrator is talking about them like they are a pack of wild gorillas in an IMAX documentary.  After smoking a cigarette, drinking a beer, and kissing his sister’s grave stone, Pat Baby decides that he is going to honor his sister with this Halloween party.  How about we start small and just pick up your cigarette butts off of her grave?

Next, a terrible injustice is brought to our attention.  Apparently, gypsies have a hard time booking venues for parties.  Each year, countless gypsies are deprived of parties because of this horrible prejudice.  You may ask yourself why these amazing people would be turned down by venue owners.  Could it be the fact that they don’t believe in RSVP’s?  Could it be the drinking and destruction?  Or could it be that people are freaked out by 14 year olds being paraded around like hookers to find a man.  We may never know why, but we can only hope that one day, every gypsy will be able to have a Big Fat Gypsy Party wherever their hearts desire.

Just in case Priscilla wasn’t entertainment enough, we get to meet some of her friends.  I’m kind of shocked she is allowed to have friends, but good for her.  Ashley and Amber are gypsies that believe in education.  Silly girls.  They want to finish school so they can have steady part-time jobs.  Way to dream big, girls.  Amber likes to work and keeps the fact that she is a gypsy on the down low.  Amber’s co-worker Catherine is surprised, like all of us, to find out that gypsy girls are mostly virgins.  

Priscilla has another friend named Ashley, but this one is a ginger.  She is having a house party, but there will be non-gypsy girls there – that are called gorjas (I am totally guessing on the spelling).  Basically gorjas are complete tramps.  Gypsy boys will sleep with gorjas, but will marry gypsy girls because they are pure.  Priscilla is getting ready for the party, which means three hours of makeup application.  Two pounds of eye makeup later, she explains that the eyes are like the nipples of the face.  Like any good stripper, her face nipples are covered in fake jewels.  Too bad she couldn’t fit a couple tassels on her eyelids.

The house party is in full swing and we finally get to meet some of these gypsy boys.  My expectations were pretty high considering she has done everything but bedazzle her crotch.  I’m pretty let down because these little douche bags look like they idolize Pauly D from Jersey Shore.

Pat Baby and LouAnn decide to crash the party and LouAnn is horrified at how the gorjas are acting and that you can see the one girl’s hoo-ha.  Ah, hypocrisy at its finest.  The narrator lets us know that the party is taking an adult turn so Pat Baby and LouAnn take Priscilla home.

It’s finally the day of the Halloween Party!  We get to meet Brunette Ashley and Amber’s mothers – Sabrina and Sugar.  They are helping their daughters get ready for the party.  By their costumes, I’m guessing they are going as High Price Call Girls.  They are hoping to outshine Priscilla at her own party.  Good luck, because that will happen over Pat Baby’s dead body.  Priscilla is busy getting her hair and makeup done.  Is this seriously for a Halloween party?  I’m scared to see what the preparation for a Big Fat Gypsy wedding would actually be like.