Auditiongasm: Sin City Rules: Fighter Four

**Welcome to our end of year Auditiongasm!! We need to enter 2013 with a hilarious new writer and as usual, our staffing is up to you!! Find all of the entries and the voting booth here. 

RECAP: Sin City Rules, Episode 2

WELCOME TO THE IKEA JUNGLE

Hey Gasmii! When Flipit commanded from his throne, high atop Snark Mountain, that I recap the second episode of Sin City Rules, I was a little intimidated. I had not yet seen the first episode, and I wondered if it was one of those things you have to follow from the beginning, like Lost? So I caught up with SG’s first-episode recap. I’m still not sure I understand all the intricacies of this show, but I do have a sneaking suspicion that by the end of the episode, I’m going to have a little less faith in the human race.

Previously: They made fun of one another for bad plastic surgery and all decided they disliked each other because it seems each of them has slept with a married man at some point. You know, pot, kettle, pot, kettle, pot.

We begin with Jennifer and Amy going to coffee together. Jennifer is “intrigued by Amy because of her mom background and wants to see what makes her tick.” Which sounds simultaneously stalker-creepy and like she wants to systematically destroy her. She’s gonna Misery her! When Amy’s coffee arrives at the table, Jennifer can’t believe how BIG it is. Jennifer explains to Amy (and us viewers) that she was dating her husband for three weeks when he just suggested one night that they get married. So they did, and they’ve been together twelve years now. They’ve got kids and she’s a Professional Poker Player, so she feels a lot of pressure.

Our own personal Kathy Bates wants to know about Amy’s background, so Amy tells us a bit about her mob-boss dad. She does that I’m-not-bragging-because-we’re-talking-about-death-but-I-really-am-bragging type of thing that people do when they know people who are connected. She’s seen things, guys. Like things you see in movies. And she cries. Nice job, Kathy Bates. Amy’s dad botched a trial worse than she botched her plastic surgery, and he wound up dead.

At Lana’s house, she and her assistant (maybe?) are booking spa appointments and talking about jewelers, when Sugar Shane Mosley, a world famous boxer and “really good friend,” shows up. He’s really there to see the monkeys. WAIT. The monkeys? Isn’t this illegal? Don’t people get their faces ripped off, or end up in trouble because their pet is a meme at IKEA? Oh my gosh, Sugar Shane has a monkey too! Lana is distressed that the visiting monkey isn’t dressed, and makes him put on an ugly orange onesie. 

Lana starts asking Sugar Shane really weird questions about whether his monkey has a trust fund yet or not. He appropriately gives her a look that says “bitches be crazy.”